Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...?

[Nimyra]

question for those of you who are not legally married/ in a civil union with your partner (same sex or otherwise) -- have you or are you planning on having your OH adopt your child (or if your OH carried/will carry your child, did you/will you go through an adoption process) in order to protect your OH/your parental rights?

I don't know how things work in Great Britain and other places, but in the U.S. other partner adoptions are not uncommon.

If you've made a decision one way or another, what influenced your decision?

 

[lindseyry]

Em - were in Texas, which is NOT the best place to live when you're in a same sex household. We do plan to do second parent adoption, when $ allows for it - because wed be dealing with three, including the new baby. Alot of it depends on the relationship too. We had a split up several years ago, before ds 4 was conceived. I could have been shut out cold because I was not the bio. However, we both strongly believe the kids are the important ones. We got along great and had no issues sharing the kiddos. We eventually, obviously reconciled.

As far as baby bean not resembling dp because of genetics. The donor for our 4 year old looks NOTHING like dp. He's tall, heavy build, black, course curly hair with hazel eyes. She is very short and small framed, with blond hair and blue eye. However, most people are completely shocked that she didn't carry him. Ds 4 and Ds 10 look soo much alike - however there is not genetic connection between the two.

I dont have a problem getting pregnant - I have a problem staying pregnant. But, I already feel different this cycle - and I havent even Od yet. Our donor this go round is fantastic - he came by this afternoon just to make sure we didnt want an early shot of "baby gravy". I told him no thanks, save it up for tomorrow! Timing is good, cm looks good, my gut tells me the supplements Im taking are good. Plus, I believe in positive thinking. This bean is gonna stick!

 

[RubyRainbows]

The party went great -- thanks for thinking of us, girls!! I have a very small family & we're not very close. Luckily, aside from my immediate family (parents & brother), some of my co-workers, friends, & some little ones from my son's day care came!! I will definitely post a pic tomorrow!

As for the 2WW, OH is a very calm, quiet, intraverted person in general. She rarely shows much emotion. But i can tell she is anxious to find out. She was looking up some symptoms online last night -- hope they are good signs. She has felt some cramping down there, alot of wetness, & is going #2 alot! Lol. Not even sure if that last one is a pregnancy sign or not?

I am so glad there is this specific thread as well. It is great to share specific thoughts/concerns/questions about donors & insemination.

Em -- personally i wouldn't tell people. If they say, "Oh the baby got your hubby's blue eyes" for example... i would just say, "We love her eyes!" Or something. I wouldn't consider that lying... i just don't think people need to know personal intimate information. Even in my situation, i don't feel OH & i need to explain how we conceive (when that wonderful day comes). Of course certain people will know -- but i could care less what other nosey people think! Ha! I'm planning to just say, "We wanted another baby so we explored alternative options..." And we plan to just leave it at that. But if i was in a situation like yours, with a man, i wouldn't say anything at all.

Lizzie -- you go girl!! Maybe one of your donors wants to fly to Pennsylvania to share some baby juice with us?! Ha!

 

[RubyRainbows]

Oh, and yes -- down the road OH & i will definitely look into adopting each other's biological children....

If we ever seperated i would never deny her the right to see my son -- she loves him so much & he is as close to her as he is to me (we have been together since he was 4 months old). But someday i would love to have an official adoption & a committment ceremony to unify our family...

 

[LunaBean]

I agree with Tammy, Em, Id just say something like that too! I was including you in my last comment too, along with us same sex donor users, as opposed to M/F couples doing at home insemination with the husbands sperm. I meant all of us using donors will have those questions aimed at us! Everyone using AI in general. I think most people will take it as given that the baby is ur OH's cus he's male, but when both of us are out with the baby, one will always be presumed as the 'friend' of the babys mummy! (I dont mean that in a cheeky way, or that it's any different from us, just that less questions might be asked since you're a male/female couple!) Has you OH talked about how he'll feel if that happens? It'll be hard I think, not just for him, but for non-bio mums too, I even get upset when people say the baby girl I look after looks like me, or say 'Are you being good for your mummy?' if we're in the park etc! I have to tell them she isn't mine, then get the 'Oh do you not have any kids?' but sometimes I just say thanks and walk on, it's alot easier sometimes!

People these days are so nosy anyway, if they say anything about the baby looking more like you than you OH just say 'She'll have his brains!' lol

 

[RubyRainbows]

Hhmm -- Lizzie -- trying to post 3 pics from Jayden's birthday party -- lol -- Not sure i know how!!

 

[RubyRainbows]

Oh good -- it worked! The first one, i'm next to Jayden (wearing green). The second one, my OH is holding Jayden (wearing yellow). And the third one, Jayden is enjoying the ball pit!

 

[RubyRainbows]

Erin -- How are you feeling? Did you tell your OH yet? When do you plan to tell friends/family?

Lindsey -- How did everything go today?? Hope baby making is in progress!!

 

[Nimyra]

Tammy -- lovely pics! You are all so good looking!

Lizzie, yeah, I hear you. Honestly, the comments about genetics bother me a lot more than they bother John. Actually most things bother me more than they bother John.

I made a fuss several months ago about disclosure and he agreed to let me explain things to most of our immediate family members (not quite everyone, since he didn't want to go into it with his Dad or brothers, but a big improvement). I felt particularly strongly about explaining things to his kids (my step kids) and by association their mom (his ex). I know it isn't most people's business and I think I'm over the worst of the compulsion to disclose, but it was important to me that I didn't feel like I was lying by omission to people who have significant roles in our lives. Anyway, as the time gets closer I do feel more and more comfortable with our choices and our level of openness with others.

 

[Nimyra]

and Erin, I'm assuming no news is good news!!!!

 

[kezza78]

Hi all,

First of all, thanks everyone for the welocomes!!

Where to beging since last post..... Have been using the CBFM and finally started getting 'high fertility' yesterday. Donor was meant to be coming over yesterday morning but phoned to say could we make it evening instead, said yes no problem ( our donor works away alot in the week so have to get hold of him when we can also his partner gave birth to his second son on Monday so we totally understand if he has to rearrange). However evening comes and we recieve another phone call saying he can't make it tonight after all, but will be back Wednesday evening and will def pop over then....this is brilliant as i'm due to O on Thursday and he's also coming over Friday so fx'd the timings will be perfect!!!!

Tammy - the photos are lovely, and Jayden is gorgeous.

Hope everyone else is well.

 

[RubyRainbows]

Em, thanks so much for the compliments! It's certainly a very personal decision for you & your DH as to who you plan to disclose to & why. I'm glad you are having a more comfortable time coming to those decisions & that DH is on the same page with you. You are definitely nearing the finish line now!! Your little one will be here in no time!!!!!

Kezza -- we have never used the CBFM -- Do they first say "high fertility" & then switch to saying "ovulating"? (What is considered a + with those??) The guy @ the sperm bank we used stressed repeatedly to wait after getting our +OPK. He said people often get anxious & insem too early after getting the + and recommended waiting 12 - 24 hours after getting the +. Maybe your donors delay will be a blessing & timing will be perfect for you!! Good luck & thanks for the compliment!

 

[topazicatzbet]

if its your first month using the cbfm they you will get lots of highs before ov.
i use a known donor and usually AI days 12,13 and 14 with ov on day 14.



hoping you girls can help as you ll understand why its so important to get it right.

im not sure when to call cd 1 this cycle. i normally get AF in the afternoon and call that cd1 and it works well with my cycle, but this cycle AF started about 7pm but was only when i wiped, didnt get heavier until after midnight.

when would you call cd1. if i get it wrong i could AI on the fri and not ov til sun, i know id still be in with a chance but would like to time it as well as i can.

hope that make sence.

 

[LunaBean]

I dont know about the cbfm, I use OPKs instead, I find it easier to read pink lines!

Tammy - I luv ur pix! Jayden is getting so big!!!

 

[kezza78]

Tammy - The Clearblue Fertilty monitor tells you when you've got low, high and peak fertilty (peak is when you Ovulate). I'll also do the Clearblue digital ovulation test aswell when i get peak just to be make sure!! It's my first time using so i'm all new to it too....my friend used it and it worked first time for her.

 

[Nimyra]

topaz,

If you started bleeding at 7pm I'd personally call the next day (full day of period) CD1.

 

[topazicatzbet]

i was thinking that too. would probable cover me best as well incase i ov on day 15.

 

[RainbowMum]

topaz,

If you started bleeding at 7pm I'd personally call the next day (full day of period) CD1.

That's what I do too when I notice bleeding at 7/8pm

 

[EpdTTC]

MommyTammy-Jayden really is a doll. You make beautiful babies. You and your OH kinda remind me of me and my OH. I'm very girly and she is not girly at all. It's very cool that OH is willing to carry the baby. My OH would never want to do that...partly because she is very boyish but well, now it's too late for that, she is 13 years older than me (she's 48). BTW, the #2 thing is kind of a symptom for me too. That and excessive thirst and tiredness.

Topaz-I agree with the others about CD 1 being the following day. I would also stress not just going by cycle day though to predict ovulation. I'd consider doing OPKs as back up so you know exactly when your LH surge begins. When I know I am within a couple days of Ov, I do OPKS in the morning and evening so I know pretty closely when surge began. If you only do them at night, you could get a positive the next morning but not know it until the next evening and vice versa if you only do them in the morning. I like the Clearblue OPKs with the smiley face. That is what I use.

Kezza-As for timing, I did the first insemination about an hour after my first OPK and then I did the second one the following day about 15 hours later. I think I ov'd about 4 hours after the second insemination, which would have been about 19 hours after my first positive OPK.

I did the first one myself and my partner did the one the following day. I wonder which one did the trick??? We'll never know so I think I'll just go with getting to say that my partner got me pregnant.

Em-I have given your question a lot of thought. I have mixed feelings about it....We'll have to chat about it the next time we talk.

Lastly, good news girls! Today my hcg was 228 and my progesterone was 34! The hcg nearly quadrupled in three days so that's looking good. Progesterone is good too. I'm actually feeling hopeful that this could be my sticky bean! I'm SOOO sleepy and I've never felt this way before. I think it is from the progesterone. I go for repeat labs on Wednesday. I started on Lovenox injections today for the Thrombophilia. Fingers crossed. I will take all of the good vibes, sticky dust, prayers, thoughts, etc that you gals can spare.

I'll keep you posted!
Erin

 

[RubyRainbows]

Thanks Lizzie & Erin!

Erin -- that is such fantastic news! I am sending you loads of positive vibes & prayers! I def think you got preggo the second time you inseminated -- lol -- just wanna give your OH credit! Well done! I'm shocked too that my OH agreed to TTC our next baby -- i never in a million years thought she would agree to it! We were joking tonight that she will look like a pregnant man, lol... bc sometimes people mistake her for a boy! When we 1st bought our house -- the old woman across the street thought she was my son!!!

Topaz -- i agree with the other girls -- i would count the next full AF day as CD1