Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...?

[kezza78]

Thanks folks,

Just had a test run and it seemed to go ok. Used conceive plus to see if anything spilled but all seemed ok so we will see after tomorrows go.

 

[kezza78]

Question for you Topaz- did you put the preseed in the instead cup with the swimmers or inside?

 

[topazicatzbet]

i personally put the pre seed inside then use a syring to put the swimmers in then insert the cup

 

[Renge]

Anyone ever have a donor say "I agree to the terms in the contract but I won't sign anything; and it would make a situation in court worse"?

This is absolutely ridiculous, IMO; I can't really understand this guys thought process. I don't feel comfortable with not having a contract, but I am getting very frustrated trying to find someone to donate for me who is within a 3~4 hour drive.

 

[EpdTTC]

Good luck Kezza.

I did my winning insemination just like Topaz. Inserted Preseed, then used a syringe, and then put an Instead cup in. When my partner helped with the insems, sometimes she would use a speculum and a catheter on the end of the syringe and shoot the swimmers right onto my cervix. We used Preseed as a lubricant on the speculum as well as a little inserted beforehand. You have to be careful though if you use a speculum because you can lose some of the swimmers upon removal. I used an instead cup after that way too.

Renge-I did not have any trouble with my donor signing a contract and it seems odd to me that a donor would agree to the terms but not sign it. I'd be inclined to shy away from that and if he really wants to help you out, he will decide to sign it. if not, I might keep looking. I would at least have a conversation with him about what exactly he means by "it would make a court situation worse?".

 

[RubyRainbows]

Renge -- his statements sound like red flags... i would be very hesitant to use someone who said that...!

 

[Nimyra]

I used an instead cup some of my inseminations (and a cervical cap with stem others). Don't know which time did the trick. I put preseed inside the cup along with sperm -- don't put too much in though, because I did get a bit of spill when I put too much. Just inserted it carefully and went about my business.

As for the contract signing... I think the donor has an argument. It honestly depends on the laws in your particular state (or country). It is true that the donor signing a contract could be used in court to prove that he was the "father" this could give recipients grounds to sue for child support (US laws). Depending on the state, the contract might hold as valid, or might be considered irrelevant. You should consult an attorney who specializes in these issues to see what would best protect your interests. In my state, it doesn't matter whether I have the contract or not, but both the donor and my husband and I were more comfortable having one. In another situation, I might feel differently.

These are important legal issues to look into BEFORE you conceive, so I'm so glad you brought up the subject.

 

[DaisyDoodles]

In the UK the contracts are only considered to show intent.. ie whether the father was prepared to contribute financially or wanted contact, but are not legally enforcable!

My original donor requested email contact after the birth which we were fine with, but he was insisting on a photo being sent every year until the child turned 40 - which in our opinion was a little extreme as once the child turned 18 it wasn't our place to be sending photo's to the donor, we took legal advice and was told it didn't matter if we signed or not, it wouldn't hold up in court but decided for us we'd be happier to find another donor!

 

[Nimyra]

I would agree that in the US the contracts are not legally binding (in any state) and would also only be used to show intent. Whether a judge would honor that intent depends on the case law in your state (and the personality of the judge!) The bigger question is, does the presence of the contract constitute proof of how the child was conceived, and if so, does having that proof give the donor rights to your child and/or give the parents rights to child support. In some cases it might be better not to have any proof floating around just in case you live in a unfavorable state. This is much more of an issue for single women and same sex partnerships where the other partner will not be seeking second parent adoption (which typically terminates prior "parent" rights) or where you don't have a civil union or legal marriage. This is also more of an issue if you are doing at home insemination than if you are doing inseminations at a clinic (courts understand this more clearly).

I was raised by lawyers and did a lot of research about my state laws because I was concerned about protecting our parental rights. If it wasn't the case that in Maryland the husband is legally the parent of any child conceived, regardless of how it was conceived (even if I went and had sex with the milkman), I probably also would have gotten cold feet about signing anything, but I'm a bit paranoid like that.

 

[DaisyDoodles]

We have the same laws here Em, if you're married on in a civil partenership, then the spouse is automatically the legal parent and goes on the birth certificate.

I wouldn't risk it if there was a chance that the donor could 'walk into' the life of our child... though I have the added security of the fact that the donor only has an email addy and mobile number for us and the same for us with his details, we will meet in a hotel and any correspondence will be kept to email after the birth (assuming we get lucky!)

 

[LunaBean]

We wont be civil partnered by the time the baby is born, we want it to be there, but our donor has said he wants ocassional updates and thats all!

 

[Renge]

I know contracts are not enforceable, but I think it is important to put in writing what is expected of both sides (recipient and donor). The contract I found defines that the child is the recipients, and that no child support will be asked for. It is helpful to have in case a donor turns around and says they want to be involved or have custody - it may not be enforceable but it does carry weight. I also want to know the donors contact info in case something happens and the baby needs a genetic match - it is important to cover all possibilities.

I don't think I would be able to choose a donor if they would not put in writing that they will not pursue custody - it doesn't make sense not to do so in my opinion, since it can't hurt.

 

[cdun1980]

Hi,
I am new here, but I will be TTC #1 at home using frozen donor sperm this month. Looking around I don't see many people who have had luck with the whole frozen sperm thing, but I am hoping for the best.

Just for background, I was in a long-term relationship a few years back and we were TTC for about 7-8 months and nothing happened. But I was not tracking my ovulation back then, and considering my irregular cycles, it's no wonder I didn't get pregnant.

This month I am on CD 37...I had an iffy (almost dark enough) positive OPK on CD 20 (cervix was high with EGCM on CD21), but I kept testing. I had a definite positive OPK on CD 29 and I am hoping that I actually ovulated that time and AF is right around the corner so that I can inseminate this next cycle. I am not charting my temps because for some reason I cannot ever remember to take my temp the first thing when I wake-up!

Now I'm just playing the waiting game so I thought I'd write and say my first to everyone!

 

[topazicatzbet]

welcome and good luck

 

[kezza78]

Hi all,

I'm currently on CD15, should have peaked today but got high on the CBFM and nearly there OPK! I've stopped taking Clomid this month and wondering if this is effecting my cycle. Before i went on to Clomid i ovulated on the CD15 without fail!
I'm stressed at the moment because i know donor can't make it this weekend! We did an insemination on CD12 and will be doing another one tomorrow(CD16) i'm sure I will ovulate tomorrow as i've got pains in my left side and quite a bit on ewcm!

I'm hoping this will be enough!!

 

[Nimyra]

sounds great, Kezza, I'm sure that will be fine!

 

[kezza78]

Thanks Em, i'm just stressing!

 

[doglover888]

Hey cdun1980. Welcome to this thread. I'm new too and kinda in the same situation as you - only I'm 44 and almost out of time. I have had 3 IUI's at gyno's office and 1 at home IVI - all with frozen donor sperm and all but one on clomid. I've had no luck yet. I finally went to a RE today and he said to just sit this month out since I've missed the day that I should have started clomid. Next month he wants me to take 100 mg clomid and inseminate the day after positive OPK. He didn't seem interested in trying a non medicated IUI. I don't understand why if I get a positive on my own, why isn't that good enough?

Sorry didn't mean to go off on a tangent. Good luck to you!

Sandy

 

[RubyRainbows]

Welcome cdun!

Kezza -- fingers crossed this is your month!

Lizzie -- How are you doing??

 

[Nimyra]

Sandy,

Your RE is probably figuring: clomid = more eggs = more targets. Since frozen sperm has less good odds as fresh, REs will often want to pair it with clomid and an IUI to maximize chances of conception.