Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...?

[topazicatzbet]

i do all my insems during the day cos my donor works nights, i use instead cups so i can get right up.

 

[LunaBean]

My donor was here at 10am yesterday, I usually always do it in the morning, dont think it matters!!

 

[day_dreamer]

Aah I hadn't thought of that! I'm so stoooopid sometimes!! I think I always just presumed everyone works 9-5 haha!!

Am sending out a few replies later tonight so hopefully one of this lot will be genuine and available and will meet our criteria. I've come across several people who are willing to just be a donor, but unfortunately we are wanting our donor to be known and play a (very small) part in the lives of our children...and this seems to be a lot harder to find!

 

[Nimyra]

Hi Day_Dreamer, Just my opinion, but donors might be more comfortable with being contacted when the child is grown (18+) than playing some regular role when the child is young. Playing a regular role can also open a donor up to legal issues because the child has rights with respect to the biological father. Although you can sign a contract saying you won't sue for child support, your child still has rights to do so. That is why the donor I used didn't want to be identified until my daughter is 18. My suggestion is that if you want your donor involved while your child is under 18 you check out the site co-parentmatch.com, or use a donor you know and are friends with in real life.

I know you didn't ask for advice, so I hope it doesn't offend. Best of luck finding what you want!

 

[topazicatzbet]

i got really lucky with my donor as he is happy to have what ever contact i want, i know others have very little contact with him but i like callum to have a dad and we see him regularly (obviously since im ttc again)

 

[Nimyra]

thanks for chiming in, Topazicatzbet. Its nice to hear what different arrangements people are able to work out!

 

[snagglepat]

When we set things up with our donor we agreed that there would be no regular contact but he would be willing to meet any child conceived during childhood if they had any questions or wanted to meet him. We also agreed to email contact a few times a year. However, he also happens to live near where my parents did until very recently and once our daughter was born we decided we wanted a photo of him with her just in case (morbidly) anything should happen to him. That way she would have a record of having met him at least once. That meeting led to another and we've now agreed to meet for lunch once a year near his home town. This is a level of commitment he feels comfortable with and for us will ensure that he is a sufficiently normal part of our children's lives that there will never be a need for difficult questions or explanations as they grow. However he plays no further role in our family. He is just a donor who we have contact with.

I don't know if this is something that might work for you, but our donor is only a donor to us and to the others he donates to, however we have that little bit more contact than many have with their donors. It might be something that you could consider/propose that you may find your potential donors would be comfortable with. After all, getting lunch bought for them once a year, especially if you're willing to travel to them to meet is not a big commitment.

Good luck!

Gina. x

 

[topazicatzbet]

i should say that he has no parental responsibility, i didnt want that. but he buys him gifts and we refer to him as daddy, but its easy for me being single.

 

[day_dreamer]

Snagglepat - that's a very interesting situation you have, and one I'd be interested in discussing with my OH.

Our reasoning behind wanting our donor to be known is that we don't want there to be a potentially traumatic big thing when they reach 18. Being a very small part of their lives (and definitely not a parent of any kind) means we can explain to the child/ren this is the man who gave us the most wonderful gift...and he will be a constant if irregular figure in their lives so they never have to wonder who he was, where they came from etc. He won't be on the birth certificate and won't have any rights, we'll make sure we have a contract for that.

 

[lyvian]

I haven't been on hear for awhile, my OH is sicky. So I been caring for her.
1st of all CONGRATS Lea!!! Also mommies, we are on our 2wk wait!! right there with you. I'm just a little nerves with her sick and all (flu). She also asked me if it was normal to still have that sticky mucus coming if she were pregnant, so of course I told her I would ask my experts. SO here I am LOL.

 

[LunaBean]

Well I did get a positive OPK yesterday and ovulated this morning (quite painfully!), after panicing lol Just hope there'sone or 2 still hanging around in there!!!

https://i54.tinypic.com/1yrdy1.jpg

 

[mommies1and2]

Daydreamer: We decided to use a known donor, he and his wife are both good friends of ours. They live in the same town as us currently but will be moving a few states away next summer. We do not plan on referring to him as Daddy, just as a friend of ours that wanted to help us have a baby. We all agree that he has no parental rights or responsibilities and signed a contract tomake that clear. But because we've been friends for years we know we'll see eachother pretty often even once they move...we didn't want this to be a secretive kind of thing at all. Our mutual friends all know that he is our donor and this has all worked out well for us so far! One of my first jobs was working at a place that matches up biological parents with children that were given up for adoption...there are positive and negative things to this no matter which way you do it. We truly feel that this scenario offers the best of both worlds...it's open and honest, our boundries are clearly defined, and there are no secrets... good luck finding what works best for you and your family!

Lyvian: I am 4 DPO and my temps are higher than they've ever been...I'm hoping they will stay up there! Good luck to you guys!

 

[day_dreamer]

Daydreamer: We decided to use a known donor, he and his wife are both good friends of ours. They live in the same town as us currently but will be moving a few states away next summer. We do not plan on referring to him as Daddy, just as a friend of ours that wanted to help us have a baby. We all agree that he has no parental rights or responsibilities and signed a contract tomake that clear. But because we've been friends for years we know we'll see eachother pretty often even once they move...we didn't want this to be a secretive kind of thing at all. Our mutual friends all know that he is our donor and this has all worked out well for us so far! One of my first jobs was working at a place that matches up biological parents with children that were given up for adoption...there are positive and negative things to this no matter which way you do it. We truly feel that this scenario offers the best of both worlds...it's open and honest, our boundries are clearly defined, and there are no secrets... good luck finding what works best for you and your family!

That's lovely to hear your story - thanks for sharing!

I have to say that that was our original plan - to use a mutual friend. He only lived 40 minutes away and was as excited as we were about helping us out and playing the "uncle" role. But sadly we had to move away from the area due to redundancy, and now we live over 3 hours away so it's really not a practical option any more - for donations or future visits. It's such a shame, as we had our heart set on him. But now we're pushing onwards with finding someone else who meets our criteria. If we haven't found someone in a couple of months who is willing to be known and to have (sporadic) contact with the child/ren, then I guess we'll have to re-evaulate our priorities.

Good luck everyone - lots of 2wws at the moment!

 

[lyvian]

Mommies,
I try to not look at the calendar but it's kinda hard . Everytime It comes to mind, I say a prayer. My OH is doing better than me (even though she is sick with the flu). She is relaxed and that helps me when I'm around her, but when I'm at work it's another story .
I wish all of us good new and a BFP!!! Thanks girl, writing here keeps me from going nuts

 

[Nimyra]

I started a parenting journal... anyone want to stalk me?
My Journal

 

[topazicatzbet]

i will, will have a good read tonight.

well i ovulate through the night, god it really hurt this month i couldnt sleep. good to go back to a normal cycle though.

 

[lyvian]

I will be checking it out. Everyone have a great day

 

[mommies1and2]

Sooo excited...I am 5 DPO and started with mild cramps and a little spotting this afternoon...I am choosing to believe this is another good sign and that I am actually pregnant.

It's so funny, usually I am the sensible one and my OH is the one who is emotional but this time she is trying to keep my feet on the ground... She is cautiously excited and I am over the moon...I don't care if its practical or not!

Since this is our first go round I am really just guessing thats what's happening. Can anyone share what implantation bleeding was like for you, if you've had it?

 

[Tegans Mama]

Hey ladies. Well, we will by trying again this month, I had a MC the day before yesterday Went to the docs who said there is no reason why not to...

This is the first place I've said anything about it. We told our family yesterday, and have to find a way of 'announcing' it on FB since we foolishly took for granted that everything would be ok...

Anyway, sorry to put a downer on this lovely thread! Hope everyone is doing ok! xx

 

[topazicatzbet]

sorry to hear that, good on you for getting back on the horse straight away.