Coping with the loss of my son

[Jksilvers1]

Hello everyone,
I lost my baby at 16w2days. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I woke up on Tuesday February 5 and was a little sick and then all of a sudden my water broke. The hardest thing for me is that my baby boy still had a strong heartbeat but my body was telling me I had to let him go. I wasn't spotting or nothing. I was in a car accident two weeks prior to this happening so my stress level and blood pressure was up but otherwise a good pregnancy. I just feel like its my fault he died. How do you get past the guilt of letting go of your child? Any advise would be helpful. Thanks

 

[davidjoemum]

I'm sorry for your loss darling I really am.i lost my baby long time ago due to trauma (caused by my babys father)at 17+weeks and I had d&e while I was in coma so I can't give you any advice I'm sorry.i know you hurting so much but please don't be to hard on yourself
Xxx

 

[3xscharmer]

I lost my son Zane at 17 weeks due to the cord being wrapped around his neck. I don't know if I've admitted it on here or not, but I thought is was my fault too, I felt him moving around that night and everything seemed fine, but later I had an orgasm (tmi I know) and the next morning he was gone. I remember having so much guilt and then having to tell my husband that I killed our child. He just told me that if that were the case then DD wouldn't be here and no baby would ever be born. I saw the wisdom in his words and it did ease some of the guilt, but I will always wonder if I contributed to his death so I remind myself often that I did not wrap his cord around his neck and if I had known it was wrapped I would have been much more careful. I feel even guiltier that we hadn't announced (6 miscarriages before him) and that no-on even knew I was pregnant, but mostly I feel guilty for not having a service of some sort, we just took him to the funeral home to be cremated and at the time I was okay with that b/c I watched my big strong husband bring our son inside while fighting back tears while I was sobbing my eyes out. I just don't think we were strong enough at the time to endure a proper funeral and that will forever be on my conscience.We also didn't have him baptized, which of course I feel guilt over, but at the time I was so drugged up on pain meds (I had problems getting the placenta out and had to have a d&c to clear everything out as my body was not ready to let go) I don't remember them coming in and asking me if I wanted to see him and didn't know I could ask them to let me hold him one more time. I don't really remember them asking if we wanted to baptize him, I just remember not wanting anyone to come into my hospital room and everytime they did I felt such an intrusion that I just said whatever to get rid of them.
I guess at some point you will realize that this was beyond your control and that you'd give anything to have your baby back, that you loved your child and that you would have NEVER done anything to hurt your son. It's not your fault, but the guilt seems to be a normal part of this process, lots of women here admit to the guilt that they feel. Hope you find the peace that you need. Sending lots of love and comfort your way

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

The grief is just overwhelming and one part of it is blame, that is normal to feel. I felt this also after I lost Ava. It was NOT your fault anything, just like it wasn't my fault. That is a very natural emotion to feel and part of the grieving process.

You never get over this loss, you just try to get through it and try to fight the sadness everyday. It is just something that never goes away, but one day you will come to realize it was NOT your fault any of it.

You have all of us right here to tell you that and to help you through it, always..

XOXO Always here if you ever need a friend, Andrea

 

[Jksilvers1]

Thanks for the support. It's still very raw for me since I lost him on February 6th. I am just trying to take it day by day and minute by minute.

 

[Mellybelle]

Although I know that I didnt cause the deaths of my babies, i'll always carry soo much guilt too. I feel like it was my fault even though logically I know it wasnt.
\

 

[Jksilvers1]

I feel so much anger towards the girl who hit me. If she would have been paying attention maybe my bloodpressure and stress level wouldn't have went up and maybe just maybe I would still have my son. I actually wrote her a letter. It felt good to write it and explain to her that maybe if she wouldn't have been messing with her phone and paying attention to her driving then maybe this stuff wouldn't have even happened. today is just an angry day for me. I am just so mad.

 

[Lottelotte]

I am so so sorry for the loss of your son.

I think day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute is all you can do.

There are always so many what if I had done this, what if I hadn't done that.

Did you give your baby a name?

xx

 

[Jksilvers1]

We had been calling him Baby S! So that is what we kept it as.

 

[essie0828]