x-amy-x
Mammy
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2008
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Hi girls,
Firstly, i'd like to take a moment to say thank you to each and every one of you for your lovely messages. I've not had time to read them all yet but I will. Thank you to Zara for being the amazing friend she always has been (and my cleaning fairy) and to Wobbs for her support and for travelling so far to see my gorgeous girl.
Our pregnancy with Darcie was a surprise but a very very good one. After losing Evie in June last year she was a new life for our shattered family to look forward to. And mend some hearts she did.
I bled pretty much from start to finish in Darcie's pregnancy. So nothing really went without problem. Despite this, we were so so excited to meet her. She looked perfect on her scans and at 19 + 4 we found out she was a girl. I nearly fell off the bed!
I was so sure it was a boy. For some reason i'd convinced myself I saw a willy on the 12 week scan... I was wrong. I was made up that she was a girl, a sister for my big girl.
I was admitted to hospital on 15th May after visiting the Maternity Day Unit two days in a row but on the second visit testing positive for amniotic fluid. They did a scan on me there and then and it was found the fluid around Darcie was normal so I was only leaking. I was relieved as I felt a little hope that it wasn't all over just yet. Little did I know this would be me in hospital til her birth. Her last scan.
I spent the rest of the time in hospital with one particularly bad episode of bleeding which resulted in a speculum which showed my cervix opening and them putting a cannula in my hand and rushing me down to delivery. I was a bit shocked to say the least. Because all they had to do was ask me how I felt and I could have told them she wasn't coming this night!
So the days past and eventuallly the inevitable happened. My waters broke while I was on the loo. I was gutted cause I knew from Evie's birth that this was probably it. Me, being stubborn, wandered calmly down to the nurses office and told them what had happened. My midwife looked at me like I was insane for not pressing the call button and ordered me back to bed to await the registrar. All the while my waters leaking down my leg
Registrar came, my cervix was still long and apparently closed. My consultant told me I'd have to just sit tight and hope for the best as many people carry a baby with no amniotic fluid. I knew this wouldn't be me.
A couple of days later I woke up at 4am feeling really quite poorly, I had a temp but felt cold and my heart was racing. I was getting contractions one every half hour but they were there. The day went in a bit of a daze for me cause I felt really quite poorly. Hubby came up and seen me most of the day along with Zara. That night I started to bleed and the midwife on the night shift wanted me moved to delivery as a precaution. Delivery suite didn't want me as I was not in active labour and was coping just fine. I wasn't bothered either way as I felt really bad. At this point we learned there was no cots available in Neonatal.
At about 1am on 27th May I was transferred to the delivery suite. They tried to put in a cannula which failed twice. They took my blood. Hubby stayed with me that night as I was feeling really sorry for myself cause I was poorly and I looked like a human pin cushion. Just as well I did or he probably would have missed the birth of his baby girl.
I got some pethidine to help mask the pain enough to allow me to sleep. We both slept til about 7am waking up in the night only for the loo. I got up, had a shower and the contractions quickly started to pick up in intensity. They went to about 2-3 mins apart but I was managing OK as as long as I wasn't sat on me bum! Delivery midwife said that registrar would be round to check my cervix and discuss transferring me to another hospital if I was progressing enough. She described my contractions as 'fleeting' and I could have cried as I was managing less and less with the pain. She was reluctant to give me pethidine but eventually did. She said the registrar was busy and would be round when she could. I told her I was feeling pressure in my bum and maybe she should get someone else to do it just in case.
The registrar came a couple of minutes later as I had said I was feeling pressure. My cervix was 1-2 cms with no length. I had a bit of G&A while they did the internal. They were happy I would be there for quite a while yet and left me with my G&A. There was meconium when the checked and I didn't know this until i asked Ian to get me some tissue to wipe down below. When I seen it, I sobbed my heart out. Knowing that all this was only making my poor girl more poorly.
A matter of minutes later everything just kicked off. I'm sure Hubby rang Zara somewhere in between that but I couldn't be sure as I was somewhere on another planet! I know that he was just ringing Charls and I got one almighty contraction and I felt a 'pop'. I knew this was some part of my baby coming out of my cervix. I told Hubby to press the buzzer. He pressed the fecking slow call button. It's only when he seen the fear in my eye's he realised I meant the emergency button. They all came running and it was all very panicked as I wasn't in the proper delivery room, more a room for bedding down for the night. No consultant, no Peadiatrics, no Re-sus unit. This all, somehow, emerged in a matter of minutes. Three contractions and lots of swear words later my gorgeous girl was born. Through it all I was a little amused that the consultant hadn't had time to scrub up and she had got blood all over her clothes as Darcie and my placenta were delivered all at once.
Active labour as noted in my notes : 14 minutes
With no 3rd stage.
She was so small I didn't think she'd make it onto the ventilator. But the team fought for her and she fought pretty hard too. They quickly wheeled the incubator to my bedside so I could get a quick glance and then whisked her off to the POD.
Daddy took a pic of her in her bag keeping her warm
https://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs276.snc3/27980_400180123393_532428393_4096513_3126638_n.jpg
She weighed 1lb 5oz and her head circumference was 23cms. We later found out she was 33cms long.
I can't really go into detail on the three days she spent on earth. It's all very raw and painful for me. She was a very poorly little girl. She died as a result of severe prematurity and infection caused by early rupture of membranes. I can't help but think what if. What if she'd have been delivered when my waters broke. But what if's don't help anything, nothing does. Nothing will bring her back we just have to try and remember her for the gorgeous fighter she was.
Thank you so much to everyone who has supported us over these very hard times. For us, its not over. It never will be but with everyones love and help we'll be ok.
I love you Darcie... hope you are having fun with your big sister
xxx
Firstly, i'd like to take a moment to say thank you to each and every one of you for your lovely messages. I've not had time to read them all yet but I will. Thank you to Zara for being the amazing friend she always has been (and my cleaning fairy) and to Wobbs for her support and for travelling so far to see my gorgeous girl.
Our pregnancy with Darcie was a surprise but a very very good one. After losing Evie in June last year she was a new life for our shattered family to look forward to. And mend some hearts she did.
I bled pretty much from start to finish in Darcie's pregnancy. So nothing really went without problem. Despite this, we were so so excited to meet her. She looked perfect on her scans and at 19 + 4 we found out she was a girl. I nearly fell off the bed!
I was so sure it was a boy. For some reason i'd convinced myself I saw a willy on the 12 week scan... I was wrong. I was made up that she was a girl, a sister for my big girl.I was admitted to hospital on 15th May after visiting the Maternity Day Unit two days in a row but on the second visit testing positive for amniotic fluid. They did a scan on me there and then and it was found the fluid around Darcie was normal so I was only leaking. I was relieved as I felt a little hope that it wasn't all over just yet. Little did I know this would be me in hospital til her birth. Her last scan.
I spent the rest of the time in hospital with one particularly bad episode of bleeding which resulted in a speculum which showed my cervix opening and them putting a cannula in my hand and rushing me down to delivery. I was a bit shocked to say the least. Because all they had to do was ask me how I felt and I could have told them she wasn't coming this night!
So the days past and eventuallly the inevitable happened. My waters broke while I was on the loo. I was gutted cause I knew from Evie's birth that this was probably it. Me, being stubborn, wandered calmly down to the nurses office and told them what had happened. My midwife looked at me like I was insane for not pressing the call button and ordered me back to bed to await the registrar. All the while my waters leaking down my leg
Registrar came, my cervix was still long and apparently closed. My consultant told me I'd have to just sit tight and hope for the best as many people carry a baby with no amniotic fluid. I knew this wouldn't be me.A couple of days later I woke up at 4am feeling really quite poorly, I had a temp but felt cold and my heart was racing. I was getting contractions one every half hour but they were there. The day went in a bit of a daze for me cause I felt really quite poorly. Hubby came up and seen me most of the day along with Zara. That night I started to bleed and the midwife on the night shift wanted me moved to delivery as a precaution. Delivery suite didn't want me as I was not in active labour and was coping just fine. I wasn't bothered either way as I felt really bad. At this point we learned there was no cots available in Neonatal.
At about 1am on 27th May I was transferred to the delivery suite. They tried to put in a cannula which failed twice. They took my blood. Hubby stayed with me that night as I was feeling really sorry for myself cause I was poorly and I looked like a human pin cushion. Just as well I did or he probably would have missed the birth of his baby girl.
I got some pethidine to help mask the pain enough to allow me to sleep. We both slept til about 7am waking up in the night only for the loo. I got up, had a shower and the contractions quickly started to pick up in intensity. They went to about 2-3 mins apart but I was managing OK as as long as I wasn't sat on me bum! Delivery midwife said that registrar would be round to check my cervix and discuss transferring me to another hospital if I was progressing enough. She described my contractions as 'fleeting' and I could have cried as I was managing less and less with the pain. She was reluctant to give me pethidine but eventually did. She said the registrar was busy and would be round when she could. I told her I was feeling pressure in my bum and maybe she should get someone else to do it just in case.
The registrar came a couple of minutes later as I had said I was feeling pressure. My cervix was 1-2 cms with no length. I had a bit of G&A while they did the internal. They were happy I would be there for quite a while yet and left me with my G&A. There was meconium when the checked and I didn't know this until i asked Ian to get me some tissue to wipe down below. When I seen it, I sobbed my heart out. Knowing that all this was only making my poor girl more poorly.
A matter of minutes later everything just kicked off. I'm sure Hubby rang Zara somewhere in between that but I couldn't be sure as I was somewhere on another planet! I know that he was just ringing Charls and I got one almighty contraction and I felt a 'pop'. I knew this was some part of my baby coming out of my cervix. I told Hubby to press the buzzer. He pressed the fecking slow call button. It's only when he seen the fear in my eye's he realised I meant the emergency button. They all came running and it was all very panicked as I wasn't in the proper delivery room, more a room for bedding down for the night. No consultant, no Peadiatrics, no Re-sus unit. This all, somehow, emerged in a matter of minutes. Three contractions and lots of swear words later my gorgeous girl was born. Through it all I was a little amused that the consultant hadn't had time to scrub up and she had got blood all over her clothes as Darcie and my placenta were delivered all at once.
Active labour as noted in my notes : 14 minutes
With no 3rd stage.
She was so small I didn't think she'd make it onto the ventilator. But the team fought for her and she fought pretty hard too. They quickly wheeled the incubator to my bedside so I could get a quick glance and then whisked her off to the POD.
Daddy took a pic of her in her bag keeping her warm
https://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs276.snc3/27980_400180123393_532428393_4096513_3126638_n.jpg
She weighed 1lb 5oz and her head circumference was 23cms. We later found out she was 33cms long.
I can't really go into detail on the three days she spent on earth. It's all very raw and painful for me. She was a very poorly little girl. She died as a result of severe prematurity and infection caused by early rupture of membranes. I can't help but think what if. What if she'd have been delivered when my waters broke. But what if's don't help anything, nothing does. Nothing will bring her back we just have to try and remember her for the gorgeous fighter she was.
Thank you so much to everyone who has supported us over these very hard times. For us, its not over. It never will be but with everyones love and help we'll be ok.
I love you Darcie... hope you are having fun with your big sister
xxx
So sorry your announcement doesn't have a happier ending. Your daughter is as beautiful as her sisters x
