Dealing with Anger/triggers help

[faithjoylove1]

I'm starting to feel alone about my feelings of anger and resentment towards my pregnant friends. One friend I have is trying to reach out to me but it's gotten to the point that it makes me upset. She is very far along in her pregnancy and wants to be there for me and keeps trying to talk about my miscarriage or hang out but I keep saying no thank you. I feel she has no way of offering empathy because she is having a normal and healthy pregnancy. I feel bad for feeling angry but of all people, I do not want her help and let alone do I I feel ready to share in her joy. I care for all my friends but I'm still in grief and pain. I cannot be happy for someone when I'm hurt and broken. Has anyone else had a similar struggle and if so could you share your struggle of feeling anger and resentment or jealousy and how you were able to finally heal and recover? I have never been an angry or jealous person but most pregnant women trigger me into reminders of trauma and bleeding in the emergency room. I think the hardest part is feeling so vulnerable and so alone. Most women will never open up and those who have not miscarried have such a hard time offering any comfort whatsoever. They say all the wrong things in all honesty. I just wish my friend could understand that her butting into my personal life is not helping me; it's hurting me, I just want to be able to be tactful and still let her know it's not that I don't care, I'm just not myself yet. Seeing her pregnant is wonderful for her but not for me. Any similar situations would help me feel more normal. Thanks ladies in advance I'm hoping this too will pass.

 

[abitnervous]

Hi, I feel some of the same things. I feel so jealous of everyone who’s pregnant, and so angry that it’s not me.

I do think it helps to remember that some of those pregnant people had long difficult journeys to get where they are now. A lot of my friends have miscarried too, then gone on to have children.

It’s been 6 months since my miscarriage, and it does get a little easier, but I don’t think it will ever go away until I get pregnant again, if I do.

I also think it’s ok to tell your friend that you find it hard being around her at the moment and why, and that you may not see much of her til you feel better.

You are definately not alone. I tell lots of people what happened to me, and am amazed by how many reply with similar stories. This helps me feel less left out. I wish people spoke about miscarriage more often.

I hope you get your happy ending soon xxx

 

[faithjoylove1]

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. I've also been told by my therapist that once I am pregnant again (or if I ever am who knows) and it's is normal I might be able to do some healing. It has been hard I think because I have had already 2 complications. One was hard enough earlier in the year and a second really rare complication happened recently. Just when I was starting to feel better, I got hit again with grief and devastation. I do think I need to talk to her and I have in subtle ways; i think not everyone understands how grief works and how we sometimes need space and some isolation. At the same time I don't want to tell a pregnant person about something so sad and personal because that too might not be good for her. I really do appreciate you sharing with me that I'm not alone in this. Really if I could talk to a whole group of women who felt like me I'd feel so much better. I do wish we could talk about these things more without feeling so lonely or even guilty. I do hope and pray for your happy ending too; truely! Thank you!

 

[cupolatte]

Hi faithjoylove, You are definitely not alone in your feelings. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all such perfect people that we felt all the "nice and proper" feelings for each other all the time. We are not though. We are human. I will confess my meanest self to you now. When I was grieving there was one particular person who decided to "help" me. She wasn't even a friend, just an acquaintance. She thought I needed to get out and go to all of the ladies events at church. When she would pull into my driveway, I would sneak out my back door and go for a long walk. I was angry at her because she had never had anything to grieve over and thought she could tell me what would make me better. I'm afraid that anger is a part of grief, so is resentment of people who still have what you lost. You can't force yourself to feel differently. All you can do is to go through it. With God's help, you will come out alright in time. Don't feel guilty about your feelings. I will pray that God will comfort and strengthen you the same way He did to me. I am fine now. You will be too. Give it time and know that I am praying for you.

 

[faithjoylove1]

Thank you for sharing with me truly I have accepted my anger is completely normal and it's ok to take this time to heal and grieve. Thank you for your prayers; my faith really has helped me the most in this time. I've got to trust God more with His plan. Thank you!