Dealing with DH Pride

[mommyhopeful2]

We have been trying for 14 months now to conceive with no luck. After visiting the OB/GYN she looked at my charts and said that I am ovulating normally, but has put me on Clomid to help.

The current issue seems to lye with DH. I want him to get a sperm count and check to make sure he is good. Just as another thing to check off the list of things that could be wrong.

He refuses to talk to his doctor about it, and says the home tests are too expensive. He is 25 and retired military and I am 99% sure that his pride is the only reason he hasnt talked to his doc yet. He seems to be making sure that there is 100% no way it could be something wrong with me before he will agree to go get checked. But it could take years to prove that I am 100% ok and nothing is wrong, as well as several hundreds of dollars in medical tests.

How can I make him more comfortable or understanding that this would be something really small that could make a huge impact on our stress levels and prove one way or another that maybe its just a timing issue?

 

[Babydust28]

I think because you're going for the tests it is only fair he does the same.
You love each other and assume a baby is something you both want desperately he would get things moving faster and get answers faster, if it turned out he was the problem then your tests can be stopped and they could focus on sorting dh out

Maybe be blunt and ask him the question? Xx

 

[Bekah78]

My Gyn arranged for us both to be tested. Hubby didn't get a choice, they just gave him a sample pot with instructions on timings etc and booked him an appointment for when to bring it in to be tested. Could your ob/gyn not do the same? Would perhaps save him the awkwardness he's feeling about approaching his own dr?

We are in the uk so maybe things done differently here...!?

 

[2ducks]

Hello! At 12 months of ttc with no success it is standard for both partners to get tested. Honestly, if you are getting tested and having your blood drawn and vagina poked around inside than it kind of only seems fair that he gets tested as well. I read that approximately %40 of fertility issues are male related so it is a good idea he gets tested. There is nothing you can do to make him more comfortable. Semen analyses are quite undignified. My partner did it a few days ago, he got the results back the same day and everything came out great. He was really embarrassed to deliver a cup of his semen to a female lab technician but we both feel so much better now knowing that things with him are ok.

Perhaps a less threatening place to start for him is a general physical with blood work and a discussion about a semen analysis with his PCP. You could find some literature on male infertility so he knows it is not that uncommon. If he is not willing to get checked out then you need to have a serious discussion about this whole baby making process and what you are going through and that while you are doing everything you need to do he really isn't. I know that when I am feeling stubborn about something it takes me a few days to come around, perhaps after some time he will think differently. Also, could there be something else going on, does he feel he is not ready to have a baby yet and doesn't want to admit it?

I am so sorry for your troubles! I hope things work out soon for you!

 

[5Miracles]

He was really embarrassed to deliver a cup of his semen to a female lab technician

This was us too. My DH said it was probably the most 'embarrassing' thing he had done ever--and he is not a squeamish guy. I didn't have to nudge him to do it though---I was tested first and when all came back a-ok he was like "well, it's my turn now" though he hated doing it---he wanted to know just as much as I did what was going on? It does turn out he does have issues, and in the end, the relief of knowing what we're facing made it worth while for him as well as me too...I'm sorry your DH is being stubborn, but maybe like Bekah78 said, maybe having your doctor bringing it up might help since maybe your DH doesn't want to ask...?

Best wishes friend!

 

[Aayla]

my guy was forced to. We knew that I had issues (I have PCOS) so when we got to the fertility clinic aspect of all this they immediately wanted him tested just to be sure it was just me they had to deal with. Oh, he was embarrassed. Here they don't do it in house. There is a lab that does it but you have to do the deed at home. and we don't drive. So he had to get up, do it in a cup and immediately go and take the bus as there is a 30-45 min window of time. it came back great. The doc called him Superman. lol

TBH: if it was me and my guy was being stubborn I would probably bring out the crazy a bit. There is no way I would stand for the double standard. He either wants to go all the way with the baby thing or he doesn't. And if he's not willing to do this simple task then what else won't he do later on? And God forbid you have to go further in this and timed sex doesn't work. IUI he has to do the same thing but once a cycle. Same with IVF.

and you want to figure this stuff now while you are younger. I wasn't lucky to meet my guy until I was 30 and we didn't get married until I was in my mid 30's. I'm now 38 and trying for #1. Time is not on my side.

 

[krissie328]

I think it is a bit ridiculous to not get tested. Seriously women have way more invasive testing done during this whole process. My DH didn't even think twice about doing it. It was just part of the process. I wouldn't have let him get away with not doing it.

Like others have mentioned my doctor (gynecologist) ordered it through the lab at the fertility clinic. We were not going through them but apparently they had a partnership. He was given a cup and told to do his thing and get it to the lab within 45 mins.

I really don't think there is anything to be embarrassed about. Realistically he is just like every other patient. The medical professionals aren't there to be judgemental.

 

[mommyhopeful2]

Thank you so much for your advice ladies. With much pushing here, I sat him down again to talk about it, and he agreed to do a home test tomorrow, and has agreed that if that test doesnt work or seems off in any way that he is willing to talk to my ob/gyn.

Again thank you ladies so much for your thoughts and opinions on the matter, really helped me woman up and talk to him.

 

[BelleNuit]

Be careful with those home tests! Most of them just do counts but won't tell you the quality of the sperm, so it can actually mask a lot of problems.

I was curious about those home tests too and got the Swim Count one because it takes motility into account. Waiting to use it after we are out of the fertile window!

 

[lisap2008]

My husband did not want any medical help or testing in the beginning years of our TTC , so after reading the home tests are not very reliable I bought my own microscope.

 

[Harleyquinn]

Honestly, when I spoke to my husband about it I just kind of talked about it like it was a given he was doing it...I was going through a bunch of tests and so he could do one test...I told him if the doctor only looked at my tests he would be trying to put together a puzzle with only half the pieces....although it made DH super uncomfortable he did it bc it was important to me and important to make sure we successfully conceive the children we both want

 

[mommyhopeful2]

Be careful with those home tests! Most of them just do counts but won't tell you the quality of the sperm, so it can actually mask a lot of problems.

I was curious about those home tests too and got the Swim Count one because it takes motility into account. Waiting to use it after we are out of the fertile window!

We got the Swim Count one too and he did it yesterday. His result came back good, but that opened a whole new box of worms.

Now he's depressed because now that he knows hes fine, he's blaming himself somehow for me not being pregnant.... WTF??

 

[BelleNuit]

Be careful with those home tests! Most of them just do counts but won't tell you the quality of the sperm, so it can actually mask a lot of problems.

I was curious about those home tests too and got the Swim Count one because it takes motility into account. Waiting to use it after we are out of the fertile window!

We got the Swim Count one too and he did it yesterday. His result came back good, but that opened a whole new box of worms.

Now he's depressed because now that he knows hes fine, he's blaming himself somehow for me not being pregnant.... WTF??

Men are weird about fertility sometimes! Sorry to hear that he's freaking out even though his results were good! My DH is pretty nervous about taking the test! He won't even look at it lol

 

[mommyhopeful2]

lol I had to read the result for him because he is color blind lol

 

[Inkedlady88]

Hey there,


It must be something with military men and their unwillingness to participate in a test that questions their "manhood".

My DH is also former military (Army), and was extremely apprehensive about getting an SA done. I told him that if I had to endure my constant poking, prodding, and the insanely painful HSG that I had, this was the least he could do... He got off easy (pun intended). My OBGYN ordered an SA for him through the local fertility clinic and he could either go there and do the deed, or do it at home and we just take it there within the time frame. We chose the latter as the thought of being in a strange room made him uncomfortable. My DH had almost double the recommended amount of sperm, but a good amount of them are slow and lazy.

We went to the RE a week ago, and she looked over his results and had said she's seen better, but she's also seen worse.

What I'm getting at is although the home test said your DH had a good count, if the motility isn't there, and not knowing if it's a motility issue, you're still going to be paddling in the same boat you were in before he finally submitted to the home test.

I hope he can finally get the courage to submit to an actual lab test, for your sake and his.

Good luck!

 

[mommyhopeful2]

Thanks, my issue now lies in that after being diagnosed with PTSD and depression, he was put on Prozac. He hasnt been on it for a year now but it is still known to cause damaged sperm, so im trying to get my doc to see if she can order him a test and have his Tri-care cover it.

 

[Inkedlady88]

Thanks, my issue now lies in that after being diagnosed with PTSD and depression, he was put on Prozac. He hasnt been on it for a year now but it is still known to cause damaged sperm, so im trying to get my doc to see if she can order him a test and have his Tri-care cover it.

Gotcha. My guy just got put on Celexa to deal with his anxiety and OCD. I wish you the best of luck!