Dear world, MY PREGNANCY IS NOT ABOUT YOU

[BadMamaJAMA]

I've had kind of a crummy day, so this wouldn't normally bother me as much...

But why must everyone make everything pregnancy-related somehow about them?!!?

As some of you know, I've dealt with this frustration before when posting bump pictures (at my friends' request) to FB. The usual response from certain folks (sometimes repeatedly) goes along the lines of: "I'm bigger than that, and I'm not even pregnant!" So now, they're putting me in the position to a) apologize for being small(ish), and b) tell them how not fat they are.

And then, today, I had to deal with a bunch of hubbub over this:

https://i.imgur.com/zIdGZvL.jpg

What in the world could be so controversial about this picture?! I posted it because it made me feel better about the pathetic state in which I find myself... my doctor wants me to work from home, I can't really exercise... I can't tie my shoes, for goodness sake!

But, reading the comments, I was instantly pissed off. A bunch of dudes were saying things like "You make humans... with equal contribution of a man." Because having an orgasm and waiting 9 months is an equal contribution to growing and carrying an entire human.

And then, some girl started complaining that the emulation of Rosie the Riveter is inappropriate because "this is the exact opposite of what she stood for." So now being pregnant stands in opposition to feminism, as if pregnant women can't work or be independent?

And then.. the kicker. My best friend (who lost a son at 23 weeks) decided to play "devil's advocate" by saying the image isn't empowering to people who can't have children.

FWIW, I get her pain, I do. Losing a child is the worst pain in the world. And certainly it's not easy to be reminded of that loss in the form of all your pregnant friends.

HOWEVER, am I not allowed to derive empowerment from an image of a strong, pregnant lady? Am I not allowed to acknowledge that the ability to carry a child is awesome? I already know I'm not allowed to complain around her... but now it's like I'm not allowed to be happy about my pregnancy either.

I need a T-shirt that reads: MY PREGNANCY IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

 

[Brieanna]

I got a funny shirt last pregnancy that said "I grow people, what's your superpower?" and I absolutely loved it, but after I got it I thought about it and I didn't like wearing it out because I was afraid of exactly some of the things you mentioned.

I know that I had several losses so I would understand why some people would think it was insensitive. But when I saw someone else wearing a shirt that was similar the other day I honestly didn't think anything but "It's funny!", but that would not have always been the case.

I guess it isn't too similar an experience since I stopped wearing it, and no one actually said something, but I bet it did make some people sad that they couldn't "make a person", lol.

Honestly it's not like the shirt (or your picture) was meant to offend and anyone that has had a loss would probably feel bad about whatever they see a pregnant women wearing just because after loss it seems like everyone in the world can get/carry a pregnancy except you. I know I went through several months of bursting into tears when I saw/heard/read about people being pregnant and it didn't matter what they were wearing or what picture was posted.

I think that some people on facebook tend to be overly dramatic and would comment on ANYTHING people say. Anything people say on facebook can be taken the wrong way or by being insensitive by someone, which is actually one of the reasons I don't really like facebook and only use it to stay in contact with friends/family who live far away or I don't get to see too often. It causes too much drama, lol!

As for your best friend, maybe explain to her how you feel and that you posted it as an empowerment thing, and that (obviously) you weren't trying to be insensitive?

You should be proud of your pregnancy and not feel "guilty" about it. I wouldn't let the other posts bother you. If it really bothers you then maybe unfriend them or make your posts visible only to certain people? Otherwise, if they don't want to read it then they can scroll down! I don't like drama and I see stuff people post all the time that bothers me but I just ignore it, unless it is something fundamentally wrong, but that's just me. I have seen arguments between friends posts go on for hours about some of the stupidest things! And ANYTHING a pregnant women posts about her pregnancy will (even if only secretly) bother people who have miscarried, can't get pregnant, etc. so that is a no-win, imo. It's your pregnancy and your facebook and you should be able to post what you want.

 

[HBGirl]

Peeople really need to get over themselves.

 

[minties]

Fuck lem. Seriously. You be DAMN PROUD of growing that baby and beautiful bump.

 

[the why bird]

How annoying.

For the record, the 'Rosie the Riveter' image was based on a real woman called Geraldine Hoff/Doyle who had six children during her life time. So I very much doubt an empowered pregnant woman goes against everything she stood for.

 

[wtbmummy]

I feel your pain hun, I have a friend who was trying to get pregnant before us (we concived first time unprotected and were very lucky) and well my friend is STILL trying. My DH is actually best friends with her husband and works in a two man team with him (14hour days 5days a week)

Well when I first fell pregnant we made sure we told them first. I carried on talking to my friend but of course was very sensitive and never mentioned the pregnancy unless she asked. I purposely avoided writting statuses on fb as to not upset her, then she started making nasty statuses aimed at me n my husband about how you appreiate things more in life if you work for it. This made me very angry as I have had an extreamly hard life and she has been handed everything on a plate. But i ignored these comments.

Now though I think f*%$ you. If you cant be happy for me thats your issue I would have been happy for her even if I was hurting. So. If I want to post a picture of my bump or even moan about lack of sleep I bloody well do!!! I was broody for a very very long time before we decided to try and went through lots of tears seeing others pregnant, but I was still happy for them and congratulated each one!!!

Stuff other people, I bought a top that says "Im pregnant, whats your excuse?" And half my family are fat and they know it!!! But they know its just a funny tshirt n dont get on their high horse about it!!!

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

Thank you ladies!

Definitely feeling better today. Pregnancy is obviously a very personal thing... and it's so unfair because it gets to be personal for everyone except for the person who happens to be pregnant. Here we are, with the evidence under our sweater, and people feel like they can walk up to us and ask us anything.

But then if we volunteer information like "My back hurts" or "I got pregnant on the first try" or "I didn't gain any weight for 25 weeks" we're getting too personal for everyone else and their issues that the world doesn't know about just by looking at them.

But it's almost over, LOL.

 

[Storm1jet2]

Pffft if I looked as good as you is post that photo everywhere and let the moaners yap. Chin up girl you look amazing... Stuff their comments!

 

[Jes.shortcake]

Those people really need to quit getting so butt hurt lol

Me and 2 friends were all due around the same time but I had mine at 30 weeks. They would complain on Facebook through their third trimester and a part of me did think they should feel so lucky to still be pregnant as my baby was in the NICU. But I didn't make bitchy comments bc this was their pregnancy and what they experience has nothing to do with me. If I reached that far I'd probably complain too lol

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

FYI that's not me in the post. I saw it on some women's rights FB and shared it. I wish I looked like her too.

 

[LoveCakes]

We were ltttc but I just took my pregnant friends off my news feed. Then I could look when I knew I could cope but I didn't begrudge them the joy as I knew in their place it wouldn't stop me.

People like that if you said you were having ham sandwiches for lunch they'd say you should be having cheese. Odd analogy I know but I'm hungry right now.

Don't be ashamed of who you are

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

People like that if you said you were having ham sandwiches for lunch they'd say you should be having cheese. Odd analogy I know but I'm hungry right now.

Hahahaha I love that...

 

[Starry Night]

If you were having ham sandwiches someone would tell you you're not not supposed to have deli. LOL Others would ask if the bread was whole wheat, others "is it gluten free?" and others will start on an anti-Monsanto rant.

After my miscarriages I hid the pregnant friends and family from my newsfeed. They could still contact me and I could view their pages when I was ready and they had no idea I was ignoring their pregnancy updates (some pregnant ladies do feel offended when those suffering from loss or infertility don't ooh and ahh over them like everyone else).

People like to make everything about themselves, it seems. When I was on bed rest with my son people got mad at me for not going to their special get togethers. With this pregnancy, I was on bed rest in the beginning and was really sick and people got mad that I didn't ask them for help or invite them over. I was super sick! I didn't want to throw up in front of people. I have a 'thing' about that. It's not fun. Sorry my health is so offensive to you.

 

[sojourn]

UGH
I'm firmly in the "Fuck 'em" camp.
You really just can't do anything right. Especially with Facebook. I have some annoying "mombie" friends who have critiqued my lack of obsessive posting about pregnancy on Facebook. I posted something about going out to a kind of hipster bar/restaurant place and got a load of shit for it.
"That's not the kind of place mommies need to be!"
"You can kiss that goodbye!"
"Ummm...should you be out prego at a bar?!"

Ummmmm screw all of you? It's a restaurant. I ate food. People can't smoke inside and, last time I checked, other people drinking couldn't hurt my kid. Also, I don't intend to stop going on dates with my husband once I have a baby. That's what weekly grandma nights are for!!!

Everyone's a freaking critic. Screw them!

 

[Starry Night]

You can definitely go on dates after baby. I went out to a movie with DH when DS was 2 weeks old. He was bottle fed so that made the difference but it can happen.

I don't post a lot of stuff about my pregnancy online. I just feel private and protective over it. I may post an update once I find out the gender. But other than that, I don't feel the need. I try to be careful what I post in general. I've had FB fights start over something I thought was very innocent.

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

OMG FB.

I posted about my Lamaze class today (nothing political, just that it had the surprising effect of making DH and me feel more romantically connected). And then suddenly, someone (a dude, no less) drops this bomb: "For pain, get an epidural."

That's not bait for me to start a fight or anything...

I started explaining how my reasons for avoiding medical interventions aren't about bragging rights or anything, and how my prerogatives are more about feeling in control of my own body... and then, I realized that what I was typing would likely offend someone who had an epidural. Even though I was stating MY personal reasons for developing MY OWN birth plan, it was going to rub someone the wrong way. So I deleted it.

 

[fabmomindc]

Personally, I would tell them to go stuff themselves. I've had several miscarriages and while I've been quiet about it, I still get happy when my friends tell me their pregnant.
People can get sensitive over the most trivial things so I wouldn't even worry about it.
I love that picture and I could see myself taking a picture like that.

 

[Waiting4bb]

Facebook is drama land, and people will always say stupid shit. You have every right to post stuff about your pregnancy and if your "friends" don't like it, too bad. They are obviously really immature and think they have to make snide comments. Seriously, you should be enjoying this awesome time in your life and part of that is sharing with friends. Stupid people.

 

[StephtheHiker]

Geez that's an awesome picture I'm really sorry you got flack for it! If people don't want to be happy for you and drag you down, it's their problem! The day after my second mc, I went to my friend's baby's first birthday party. I didn't linger but I wanted to show support for a friend who had been through her own problems. Just because you may or may not have suffered mc or fertility problems doesn't mean you haven't had your own heartbreaking struggles that others may not have experienced.

I think it's a perfectly empowering picture and not "anti feminist". Feminism is about having the freedom to make choices.... And humans if we want!

 

[twokiddos]

I'm on team eff 'em!!! People really do need to get over themselves. Unfortunately, I find FB to be a place where people are even more self-absorbed. How insensitive for them to squash your pregnancy and your feelings. Screw 'em!!!!