Decisions, Decisions...

[sun]

I had an all-natural birth with my son in hospital and was very happy with the way everything went, despite how unexpected it all was. My LO was born at 35+6 in another city while I was staying over at someone's house! Regardless of that, I had a great birth

Anyway, this time around I am desperately hoping that I can have as good an experience as last time around. My MW is discussing a homebirth (which my entire family is dead-set against) and I really like the idea of it. On the other hand, the birthing rooms at the hospital are nice - they have showers and tubs, and aren't like the little hospital room with the giant lights and stirrups I ended up delivering in last time (not that we used any of that stuff!). So I am torn really. How did you decide? I like the idea of being at home, but then I can't shake the niggling feeling that if something happened we would be too far from the hospital and I could never forgive myself if something did happen. Even though I know it is unlikely. Also I have a higher chance of going into labour early as I had PPROM last time (premature rupture of membranes).

So what finally made the decision for you??

 

[Nikki_d72]

My situation is very different from yours, as I had a horrid 1st experience and I want to be as relaxed and calm as possible and as far away from medical intervention as possible! I also relish the idea of us all being together, with no hospital stay, instead of being left on my own without my partner and DD. I also think time will go much quicker at home as I'll be able to distract myself easily and carry on with my day as far as I'm able, where in hospital there is not much to focus on other than the labour. I can eat and drink what I like at home, too.

My mebranes ruptured two weeks early last time too, why do you think it will happen again, is that likely? I've never thought to ask, but nobody knew why it happened last time - they tested for GBS as they said it can be the cause but I was negative for it.

Most of the risks are very small and most things that could cause problems would be picked up prior to labour anyhow - it has been shown that homebirth is statistically safer than hospital birth for uncomplicated pregnancies and you have a midwife looking after you the whole time - not one midwife between many women, as it usually is in a hospital setting. How far are you from hospital?

 

[tristansmum]

i was the same as you. i could never forgive myself if something had happened because i wanted a homebirth. i know they will transfer you as soon as they notice a problem but there is still that niggling worry so i opted for a birthing centre attached to the hospital. unfortunately i ended up being induced for medical reasons and so the choice was taken away and i went to labour ward.

 

[sun]

Nikki - Here you have a midwife and they are with you the whole time whether you are in hospital or not. It's still much less common to have a MW and not an OB, but if you get a MW the idea is that the birth will be drug-free. If you want an epidural, you need to be transferred to an OB. I'm not too worried about interventions because the MWs are very anti-intervention unless absolutely necessary. The OBs on the other hand.... With my last the OB on call (which I had to see because LO was early) wanted to induce right away. Very glad I said no as I think it really would have changed my birth.

Apparently I have a 20% chance of my membranes rupturing early again, or so they told me! And it often is earlier with each pregnancy. Not a huge chance though - so we'll see! Also I am about 20min from hospital if no traffic! x

tristansmum - Yes I do have that worry - and it doesn't help that OH's family (some of whom are in the medical field) are very against it. They don't even know I am considering it - they just talk about women having babies at home as "stupid and irresponsible" They would flip out if they knew I was considering it! But if OH is really against it, then I will go to hospital. MIL has lots more power now that we live so much closer to them!

 

[Nikki_d72]

Sun, that's great you get to have your Midwife with you, she sounds like a great advocate for natural birth, it makes all the difference, doesn't it? Sorry I was basing what I said on some other Canadian ladies' posts, but it obviously differs from area to area, as I thought Canada had a much better system than the US, it seems to be the truth in your case.

As for in-laws, is there any way you could get away with not telling them, if you know they will react like this? I so far haven't told my MIL (though it's a bit easier for me as she lives over 3 hrs away) and am definitely not telling my Folks, as I know I'd get a silly fear-driven reaction (which is really easy as they are on the other side of the world!). I just don't see the point if you know you're going to get a negative reaction and they are quite set in their ways, as most folk just don't get it at all, never mind an older generation, with a medical background who clearly have thier veiws already formed. It may be hard if they live close though.

Here's a good link for you DH: https://www.homebirth.net.au/2008/04/this-brilliant-article-was-written-by.html

and here's a good one from Sarah Buckley, I can't recommend her enough - she's an MD who has given birth to all 4 of her children at home, she writes about Natural Birth and everything is backed up by valid research. https://www.mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/ecstatic-birth-the-hormonal-blueprint-of-labor

It's a very personal decision, but there is always a window to spot any problems and 20 mins really isn't far. I think the decision would be easier for you if you'd not had a good experience last time, it sounds like you are strong enough to fight the OB's if you have to - that's pretty important in a hospital setting, I believe. I would expect that if you went early again this time that you would be recommended to go into hospital anyway, so you could always book the HB but change the plan if you have early SROM again. In the end, you need to be where you are most comfortable.

 

[chuck]

As you may remember I had a mostly negative experience in hospital last time but What really swayed it was discovering there is nothing that can be done in a birth centre that'd cannot be done at home.

If I was allowed I would have been in a birth centre but because of the section s birth centre wasnt an option so given there really isn't much difference I stayed at home.


Best decision I ever made.

 

[sun]

Nikki - Thanks for all the info and links!
Our health care system is very different from the US in that ours is universal so you don't pay via insurance or out of pocket like in the US. But there are definitely 2 streams - you can go the traditional route with an OB, or get a midwife as your primary caregiver. They aren't quite like the MWs in the UK though - I think their roles and training are a bit different. Here you go to a MW if you specifically want a "natural" birth - no pain meds, no interventions, a home birth, etc... Interventions require that you transfer to the medical stream - so even though the MW will stay with you, your primary care person is now an OB.

For me the big difference is the 1 on 1 care you get from a MW. I see mine every 4 weeks (then 2, then weekly beforehand) then they come for 6 weeks postpartum to help with issues like baby weight gain, breastfeeding, etc... With an OB, you get no personal care at all and have very little chance of seeing your own doc at your birth. Aftercare? Not a chance! Personally, I don't understand why you would go the OB route at all if you are low-risk!

Hmmm - Did you really want all this info??? Probably not - oops!

chuck - Thanks! I love that you had a home VBAC - how amazing after your first experience! xx My MW and I will be discussing it more as the weeks go on, so we will see!

 

[pea-in-pod]

Hi sun! I'm also in Canada and had a wonderful home birth in march with my first baby. After I watched the business of being born and read Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth I was sold on home birth even though it was my first.
It turned out lucky for me that I was set on home birth because I had a very long labour, and you can be your bottom dollar if I had been in hospital they would have started to recommend interventions! My baby and I were both absolutely fine throughout, and she was alert and calm when she was born, and no problems with her heart rate which is likely partially due to me being very relaxed throughout (thanks to both being at home and my doula and midwife!).
It's always people who work in the medical field who are against the idea of home birth and it makes me so angry! It's ignorance, and hey if everyone had homebirths then OBs and every other medical person in that field wouldn't make any money would they.

As for your in laws, perhaps don't tell them you are planning a home birth, you can just say where you are registered (you typically have to register with a hospital anyway, the make a note you are a home birther). Afterwards you can simply say, oh it was going well so we just had the baby at home. That's basically what I did because I came across a LOT of opposition as well.
Alternatively you can attempt to educate them about the benefits and safety of home birth.

Remember in Europe and many other parts of the world people have their babies at home every day and it's perfectly safe if you have a low risk pregnancy.

Good luck, I hope you make the right choice for YOU and YOUR BABY and not the choice for other people.
Xoxo
Pea

 

[sun]

Thanks pea-in-pod! Another reason my MW is thinking it would be a good idea for me to have a home birth is that my first labour was pretty fast. My water broke and 4h later I started having contractions (after walking around the hospital/bouncing to start labour) and after that my LO was here in less than 5h. So it might actually be quite fast.

I just love the idea of showering and snuggling with my OH, LO and son in bed afterwards
It's actually that image that pulls me toward a home birth more than anything else!

 

[Nikki_d72]

Sun, I'm always interested in how things are done elsewhere, info is all good.

I'm in NZ now and the system seems pretty similar, mostly midwife-led care, except you'd only be transferred to an OB if you are High-risk or for any complications, then you are usually in shared care. I'll probably be advised to see an OB but I know they will scare-monger and I can just refuse to see them again after that. The midwives do your after-care for 6 weeks as well. The last time I was here also and ended up being advised to go to the main hospital due to the early SROM, as if I'd stayed where I was they wouldn't be able to induce after the recommended 48hrs, blah blah. My midwife didn't come with me so I was left with just the hospital midwives (medwives) and was quite shocked when I realised that they went off shift and handed you over to someone else! I was pretty naiive about the whole hospital thing as I'd no intention of going there until the day and ended up really scared - I was supposed to be in a birthing centre with only the midwives that I had seen all along. I wish I'd stayed put and waited for labour to start as I ended up being sectioned for FTP. I didn't know what I now know. I'm looking forward to a home VBAC this time with an excellent midwife who will come with me in the unlikely event I need to transfer, which is pretty good, as it's 3 hrs away. Most people are quite shocked by the distance, but there are loads of ladies homebirthing here and I really don't see the extra >1% chance of rupture being enough to make me go to hospital, so I'm really in the same boat as everyone else that's done it here and the midwives know to transfer early at signs of trouble, she's also experienced enough that she's done breech homebirths and all sorts. There are helicopters for serious cases too. The first midwife I saw was pretty conservative and worked very closely with the hospital and would not support me to VBAC outwith a main hospital, so I did my research and switched to the new one, who is part of the homebirth collective and is much more natural based - the others were quite routine and medically based, even though they were independant.

Anyway, I'm rambling now, but it just goes to show you the differences in care from one group of midwives to another and in comparison to hospital midwives, so getting a supportive one you have faith in is most of the battle, I think.

I think a fast labour would be a great reason to stay home too - there is nothing worse than having to drive away from home when you're in labour, especially if there is a chance of birthing in the car! At home at least you'll have the midwife come to you and you can relax knowing you don't have to decide to leave. Someone wise wrote "The first intervention begins when the woman walks out her own front door", I can't remember who but it is so unnatural, when you think about it! The idea of the afterglow being preserved and us all being together is a strong factor for me, too. I also think the partner's get to be involved a lot more at a homebirth and feel less sidelined than in hospital, but this may not be the case for you, I don't know how your hospitals operate.

Have you looked at Merv's Mum's blog? I think the Cat analogy is a great one and it shows medical birth for how ridiculous it really is for us humans....

Anyway, it's a big decision that only you can make, just don't let the in-laws bully you into something you don't want, I reckon I'd lie to them as well and say you are booked in, don't tell them your exact due-date (or say the scan put you back a couple of weeks to buy you time and stop them asking when you are going in for induction) and just do it, if that's what you want. They will probably say something infuritaing like "you're so lucky nothing went wrong" afterwards, then you can try to educate them but if they are medical folk I doubt you'll get through.

Good luck with whatever you choose!

 

[pea-in-pod]

Hi nikkiD! Just wondering where I can find mervs mums blog that you mentioned??
Thanks!

 

[Nikki_d72]

Sorry, thought I'd linked that: https://www.thebabywife.com/2011/07/merci-michel-and-madge.html