Defeated

[Kwicker1117]

So I've never posted here before but I've feeling defeated and could really use some support. I have a wonderful 3 year old little girl and have been trying for number two since she turned 2. I'm a stay at home mom so I feel like the pressure is really on with me being home and not having another yet. My "plan" was to have my second child 3 years after my first and to stay home with them for a few years and then return to work. Now here I am with my daughter 3 and still not pregnant. In the 1.5 years that we've been trying I got pregnant one time and immediately miscarried. All of our test our normal. The RE has some thought that I may have mild endometriois based on a blood test that came back elevated but other than that all numbers for me and DH are great. I do not know one person who already has a child that has had any trouble conceiving the next. My husband doesn't know how to support me bc he has his escape from his day job. But I go on play dates and keep my daughter entertained but am constantly reminded that I'm the only one with a child without a sibling which breaks my heart for her. So I'm just looking for some support, advice or just chit chat. I literally feel like I only receive pity from all my friends that just don't get it. We are in the talks of doing ivf now (have had two failed iui's) which is great but I'm also nervous that it will literally break my heart if/when that doesn't work.

 

[tommyg]

One live birth (your daughter) means IVF has a good chance. After 4 years of trying I went into IVF with a I need closure type attitude. I think I would have always regretted not trying. If it didn't work it was time to clear my cupboards and move on. I am 5 weeks pregnant with a FET, early days but 5 weeks.

 

[Kwicker1117]

One live birth (your daughter) means IVF has a good chance. After 4 years of trying I went into IVF with a I need closure type attitude. I think I would have always regretted not trying. If it didn't work it was time to clear my cupboards and move on. I am 5 weeks pregnant with a FET, early days but 5 weeks.

Wow congratulations! Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[maria47]

hello dear.. i suggest that you relax and most importantly don't feel bad.. i am 26 and i know i have fertility problems and i already feel bad about having to try hard and maybe fail in even having one child.. so you are very lucky for your angel.. Eventually i think you will succeed in having a second beautiful baby!

 

[tommyg]

Maria, do you not think the OP was relaxed 18mths ago before she ran into issues or went through the IUI's?

Telling someone who is struggling to conceive through infertility to relax is the most pointless things ever to say. You'd never advise someone with any other medical issue to "relax".

I'm sure the OP is grateful for her DD it doesn't take away the pain of not being able to complete or add to her family.

I don't know how long you have been trying or your issues but you might find ladies in a similar position in the main LTTTC board.

 

[Kwicker1117]

Thank you both. I did have a very relaxed approached for almost the entire first year. But multiple months of fertility drugs and treatments do create a disappointment and frustration. I am SO thankful for my daughter and realize some people aren't even able to have one. But that's why secondary infertility is so hard. Because from an outsider you would think I should just be grateful for my daughter (which I am) but I also want her to have a sibling to grow up with. That she asks for and wants. I know you were just trying to encourage me though and I do appreciate it. It's just such a different pain that a lot of people don't understand unless they themselves have dealt with secondary infertility.

 

[xkatiex]

im kinda in the same boat! my daughter will be 3 in july and we have been trying for #2 since last jan. i have pcos and its proving much more difficult this time around! grrr...... we are trying a new approach this month just waiting for AF.
its very hard for friends that have not been through this to understand or know anything to say. they can't help it. i thankfully have a close cousin who went through ivf a few times. with my first i relied heavilly on this group actually! its so hard but we are here for ya!

 

[Kwicker1117]

im kinda in the same boat! my daughter will be 3 in july and we have been trying for #2 since last jan. i have pcos and its proving much more difficult this time around! grrr...... we are trying a new approach this month just waiting for AF.
its very hard for friends that have not been through this to understand or know anything to say. they can't help it. i thankfully have a close cousin who went through ivf a few times. with my first i relied heavilly on this group actually! its so hard but we are here for ya!

Thank you! What new approach are you going to try this month? I'm willing to try again

 

[maria47]

Maria, do you not think the OP was relaxed 18mths ago before she ran into issues or went through the IUI's?

Telling someone who is struggling to conceive through infertility to relax is the most pointless things ever to say. You'd never advise someone with any other medical issue to "relax".

I'm sure the OP is grateful for her DD it doesn't take away the pain of not being able to complete or add to her family.

I don't know how long you have been trying or your issues but you might find ladies in a similar position in the main LTTTC board.

there's really no need to get mad.. i meant only good and i tried to say some words of comfort by how i see things.. i am sorry if i sounded weird harsh or anything..

 

[tommyg]

You might have meant only good but you managed to hit a raw, worn very thin over 4 years, nerve.
I hope you won't tell anyone else with a medical issue to "relax". Seriously do you think relaxing will solve your infertility issues?

 

[maria47]

You might have meant only good but you managed to hit a raw, worn very thin over 4 years, nerve.
I hope you won't tell anyone else with a medical issue to "relax". Seriously do you think relaxing will solve your infertility issues?

i am sorry for what i have caused. i probably should not have really written anything. i said the world relax not with a meaning of don;t think about it but try to be positive and hopeful through this big struggle.. i myself have been also diagnosed, and the possibility of never having even one child is making me dread..

 

[tommyg]

🌷No hard feelings. I'm sorry you are facing infertility issues. I recognise you are new to the forum which is a great place with tons of support. I'm guessing you possibly didn't realise when you ventured into secondary infertility that it means people have a child and are struggling for another. However you will find lots of ladies in similar boats to yourself both in assisted conception & the main LTTTC boards. It will help to chat to others who understand what you are going through.

OP how are you doing? Have you asking for any tests by your GP?

 

[PhotoPassion]

I'm not quite as far along with the infertility struggle, but I also struggle when I see mothers with more than one child. I love my little boy more than anything, but the desire for another one is so overwhelming sometimes! It's so hard for me not to obsess over it, but I've been trying really hard to just focus more on the moment. It's definitely a struggle though.

For us, we were NTNP for about 8 months when I became pregnant with #2. We found out at 10 weeks that it was a miscarriage, and then we've had nothing but BFN's for the last 10 months

We didn't have any issues getting pregnant the first time so I'm worried the DNC may have damaged something... who knows.

I've tried all sorts of things over the last year. I've tried vitamin C, Vitamin B-100 Complex, baby aspirin, preseed... I even tried becoming vegan for a whole month

What crazy things have you tried? Hopefully you guys will be able to try IVF soon! I don't know whether we will go down that road or not, but I try to think positively about it like how it will increase the odds of twins and guarantee more ultrasounds.

Hope you're doing well.

 

[xkatiex]

im kinda in the same boat! my daughter will be 3 in july and we have been trying for #2 since last jan. i have pcos and its proving much more difficult this time around! grrr...... we are trying a new approach this month just waiting for AF.
its very hard for friends that have not been through this to understand or know anything to say. they can't help it. i thankfully have a close cousin who went through ivf a few times. with my first i relied heavilly on this group actually! its so hard but we are here for ya!

Thank you! What new approach are you going to try this month? I'm willing to try again

So what we've been doing since nov. is
1500 metformin ER
femera days 3-12 2 pills
ovidrel shot
estradial and provera a couple days after ovidrel both 3x a day

so this month we are adding 150 menopur shot on day 13. ive never had this shot so hopefully it works!!!!

 

[4magpies]

Hey my daughter is 2. We are in similar position as I'm not returning to work till we are done having children. My daughter is IVF and I cannot concieve naturally. We had a fresh IVF in September that failed, and a failed FET last month. I'm starting to worry it'll never happen, at some point we will have to give up and I will have to return to work. Starting to feel very panicked about it. We have appointment for another cycle on Monday. Our daughter was a first cycle success. So I don't know why this keeps happening to us. Just bad luck I guess? But it's incredibly stressful, upsetting and frustrating. Here if you need to chat.

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Hi Ladies!

I'm not really on B&B much anymore but I occasionally check the threads, saw this one and wanted to quickly share my story to try and give you all some hope. After 3 1/2 years of TTC #2 without so much of a glimpse of a BFP, a lot of invasive tests, 2 failed IUIs and a lot of heartache we went for IVF (well ICSI). It was never in our original plans to go that far but we realised we had to try everything at least once to try and have our 2nd baby. We ended up doing a FET and very thankfully I got pregnant on our first try. We hit another heartbreak at my 6 week scan when we found out we were expecting twins (which I had already guessed due to my super high beta levels!!) but one wasn't going to make it. It was incredibly bittersweet as we were so delighted we had one healthy baby which was our main goal when we started this journey but so sad for the one we ended up losing at 7 weeks. Fast forward to now and I have the most beautiful (ok I know Im biased!! ) 1 month old baby girl.

There have been a huge amount of ups and downs the last 4 1/2 years but we finally got there in the end so I wanted to give you all some hope because I know how much it helped me when I was struggling. I really hope everyone here gets their baby that I know you so badly want, and sooner rather than later!

Thinking of you all and sending lots of hugs and positive vibes x

 

[Kwicker1117]

Thank you all so much. Especially for the encouraging success story. I am also here if any of you that are struggling if you ever want to talk. I know how alone his feels (especially right after you start a new cycle) so please feel free to reach our any time. We just had our IVF consult. I don't think we are going to do it until end of June but we do have a plan in place. I'm praying it works!! The doctors seem hopeful but they also seemed hopefully with my previous IUIs.

 

[broodymrs]

Good luck to you Hun. We're also facing secondary infertility. Ds was also a struggle so I shouldn't have expected anything different. My heart is so sad but I'm now thinking we might have to be one and done.

 

[Kwicker1117]

Good luck to you Hun. We're also facing secondary infertility. Ds was also a struggle so I shouldn't have expected anything different. My heart is so sad but I'm now thinking we might have to be one and done.

Don't give up! We signed up to do ivf and planned to just try naturally two month months while we were waiting to start the ivf cycle. We found out the month before we were supposed to start ivf that I got pregnant naturally!! After two iui's, 6 rounds of femara and 1.5 years of trying I'm still shocked it actually happened without assistance. It's still early. I'm only 8 weeks but we have had an ultrasound and saw the heartbeat. Please don't give me and reach out if you ever want to vent. I totally understand and if you feel in your heart you another child is in your plan that keep trying!

 

[broodymrs]

Good luck to you Hun. We're also facing secondary infertility. Ds was also a struggle so I shouldn't have expected anything different. My heart is so sad but I'm now thinking we might have to be one and done.

Don't give up! We signed up to do ivf and planned to just try naturally two month months while we were waiting to start the ivf cycle. We found out the month before we were supposed to start ivf that I got pregnant naturally!! After two iui's, 6 rounds of femara and 1.5 years of trying I'm still shocked it actually happened without assistance. It's still early. I'm only 8 weeks but we have had an ultrasound and saw the heartbeat. Please don't give me and reach out if you ever want to vent. I totally understand and if you feel in your heart you another child is in your plan that keep trying!

Oh wow. That's fantastic for you. Congratulations!