Delighted to be pregnant. How to tell infertile sister in law?

[seany3]

i meant to add i told my sister over the phone x

 

[AmethystDream]

We had a similar situation and thought really hard about how to break the news and then how to make her feel included without making her feel bad. We genuinely went out of our way, asked others in the same situation, and did everything possible to try to not make things worse.

However, I'm probably not a good example. Despite all we did and afterwards people told us how nice we were to think of her so much, she threw it back in our faces. Told us that she had every right to distribute pictures of our new born Son before we had announced his birth and was really nasty when she demanded to stay at our house and we told her that it wasn't a good time. You know with a newborn and nowhere for her to sleep...

We got to the bottom of it in the end when she finally sent an email saying that she thought we had the baby to spite her. No amount of consideration is going to get past a screwed up perspective like that.

Just do all that you can but be aware that you can't change people's reactions, only how you respond to them.

 

[miracle35]

We had a similar situation and thought really hard about how to break the news and then how to make her feel included without making her feel bad. We genuinely went out of our way, asked others in the same situation, and did everything possible to try to not make things worse.

However, I'm probably not a good example. Despite all we did and afterwards people told us how nice we were to think of her so much, she threw it back in our faces. Told us that she had every right to distribute pictures of our new born Son before we had announced his birth and was really nasty when she demanded to stay at our house and we told her that it wasn't a good time. You know with a newborn and nowhere for her to sleep...

We got to the bottom of it in the end when she finally sent am email saying that she thought we had the baby to spite her. No amount of consideration is going to get past a screwed up perspective like that.

Just do all that you can but be aware that you can't change people's reactions, only how you respond to them.

Oh wow, you poor thing. I understand it makes people very upset and distressed when they have trouble conceiving, but that is just irrational hun. That makes me worried about how my situation is going to turn out. Really hope my sister comes around. xx

 

[AmethystDream]

I have to say that I think her reaction was probably very rare and extreme, which is why we never saw it coming, so I wouldn't worry too unduly.

Sorry to say that I think she has burnt her bridges with her Brother and I. Some things you can't take back or make better.

 

[miracle35]

I have to say that I think her reaction was probably very rare and extreme, which is why we never saw it coming, so I wouldn't worry too unduly.

Sorry to say that I think she has burnt her bridges with her Brother and I. Some things you can't take back or make better.

Defo sounds like she went too far and acted way out of line. I keep worrying that if my Sister leaves it too long in getting back to me or doesn't show any interest in her niece once born then I will start to distance myself from her and not be able to turn back. As you say though your situation is quite rare.x

 

[puppycat]

I had this situation with my SIL too. We'd had 3 losses in the last year so we'd had a hard journey ourselves though it wasn't public knowledge, naturally.

SIL had 2 losses, one was a MMC, so when we got pregnant again we kept it to ourselves until the scan then I asked DH to tell her as it's his sister. She said she'd guessed too and we told her face to face.

She is pregnant now too, only 3.5weeks behind us, I don't know how it would've worked out had she not been pregnant or if she was infertile, but we decided to tell her face to face, but then she doesn't do emails or the internet anyway.

I spoke to her last week, now that we're both further on, and explained we'd had losses too so it's not as though we just got pregnant at the drop of a hat either. I think that helped too, knowing we weren't just bang and pregnant.

 

[Sunshine baby]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Unfortunately it's no longer an issue. Went for my 12 week scan today and me and DH were told baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. No heartbeat. Absolutely devastated. We go back tomorrow to discuss options. They want me to have surgical procedure as I will be flying in 2 weeks. I feel in a daze, like its a bad dream. I haven't told our family yet. Just absolutely gutted. My whole year has changed. I was thinking I'd be going on maternity leave in September, that at Xmas we'd have our baby in the midst of our family celebrations. I found out 6 hours ago. I feel tired and know I should sleep but I'm dreading that moment when I wake up and think is a nightmare and then realise no, it's actually my real life.

 

[AC1987]

I'm SO sorry!!

 

[Sunshine12]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Unfortunately it's no longer an issue. Went for my 12 week scan today and me and DH were told baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. No heartbeat. Absolutely devastated. We go back tomorrow to discuss options. They want me to have surgical procedure as I will be flying in 2 weeks. I feel in a daze, like its a bad dream. I haven't told our family yet. Just absolutely gutted. My whole year has changed. I was thinking I'd be going on maternity leave in September, that at Xmas we'd have our baby in the midst of our family celebrations. I found out 6 hours ago. I feel tired and know I should sleep but I'm dreading that moment when I wake up and think is a nightmare and then realise no, it's actually my real life.

Oh no. I am so desperately sorry to hear your news.

 

[babybrums]

So sorry to hear

 

[puppycat]

So sorry hun. That's so sad xx

 

[miracle35]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Unfortunately it's no longer an issue. Went for my 12 week scan today and me and DH were told baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. No heartbeat. Absolutely devastated. We go back tomorrow to discuss options. They want me to have surgical procedure as I will be flying in 2 weeks. I feel in a daze, like its a bad dream. I haven't told our family yet. Just absolutely gutted. My whole year has changed. I was thinking I'd be going on maternity leave in September, that at Xmas we'd have our baby in the midst of our family celebrations. I found out 6 hours ago. I feel tired and know I should sleep but I'm dreading that moment when I wake up and think is a nightmare and then realise no, it's actually my real life.

I am so, so sorry to hear your news. Really I am. Take care of yourself x

 

[Sunnie1984]

I am so so terribly sorry for your loss.

What awful news.

My thoughts are with you and your family and this heartbreaking time.

I hope you are coping as well as you can and are getting good support from your family.

xx

 

[AmethystDream]

Such awful news, so very sorry.

Take time to heal and take care of yourself x

 

[Serenyx]

I am so very sorry to hear this Thinking of you and your DH x

 

[NotNic]

EDIT: Sorry hun I didn't see your update before posting. Really thinking of you at this time. xxx

 

[chrislo4]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news xx

 

[Sunshine baby]

Hi guys, I just wanted to share. Its been a month since I had the ERPC. It took about 2 weeks for my HCG levels to go down to zero. DH and I BD'd once last month and miraculously we are pregnant again. I can't quite believe it- we're still in shock! I really hope this little bean sticks!

 

[urchin]

my gosh chikkie, you're certainly on a rollercoaster!

everythng crossed for you that things go well this time xxx

 

[leahtaba]

Hi guys, I just wanted to share. Its been a month since I had the ERPC. It took about 2 weeks for my HCG levels to go down to zero. DH and I BD'd once last month and miraculously we are pregnant again. I can't quite believe it- we're still in shock! I really hope this little bean sticks!

I just read through this thread and it broke my heart a little bit I really hope things go wonderfully for you with this pregnancy, take care of yourself