Denied proper access to my daughter by her mother

[purpledahlia]

Sorry, OP, you say she lets you see your daughter in her home, So unfortunately it wont go to court then, Shes not denying you access in that case. Its just not what you want but its still access! court wont get involved till she says NO you cannot see her at all.

 

[anthonyD]

its unsupervised access that I want. I see my daughter for maybe 1 or 2 hours at her mothers house at a weekend. But she regularly cancels my visits saying she is busy. She is preventing me building a solid,regular relationship with my daughter. She is 2 in october. I pay £100 a month into her mothers account as I have done since she was 2 months old (I was refused total access for the first 2 months, I didnt even know when she had gone into labour) During our childs early life, me and my ex have tried to make it work a couple of times, I even went on holiday last year with my ex and daughter. It never works. She still drags up the past, I cheated on her 6 months after we had met. I deeply regret it,have apologised a million times,and as I say,weve been back together since then. The last straw came last october when I was only allowed to see my daughter for an hour on her first birthday. They then flew off to turkey for a fortnight. While over there i got texts saying she had met a fella over there, she was moving to turkey. As much as I knew this was not true,its the constant threats. Xmas just gone, I turned up at 8am with presents, she wouldnt let me in. Shouting out her window ”your nothing,your just a sperm donor”. I get your a sh*t dad, your just a mither, your not fit to be a dad, f*ckoff back where your from (i moved away from my family and friends to rent a house near my daughter) I have recently set up a savings account, for my daughters future. Im going to put in what I can afford each month and watch it grow.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Obviously there are two sides to every story, but from this I can't see why you wouldn't be allowed unsupervised access. My baby's father gets it and he actually can't be trusted (which, unfortunately, I don't have proof of).
According to my solicitor, you can make an application to court if there is a dispute, which there is. It seems like she is being very childish. Yes, you do need to build up trust with her, however there needs to be some compromise on her part too.
Hope you get it sorted.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Sorry, I am not a single mummy like the rest of you lovely ladies but had to pop in and wish the OP luck-- my OH was in this situation and got absolutely nothing despite wanting to. His son is autistic and MOB used this against him to the courts saying it wouldn't be in their son's best interests for OH to have access as he didn't know OH well enough and it would traumatize their son. If she had let OH see him to start with more than once every couple of months they would have had a relationship to build on, which really pisses me off, it's her fault they didn't have a steady relationship as father and son to start with. He went to court to ask for set days and was denied... go figure.

Anyway, OP, best of luck. I know courts usually side with the mother but you and my OH and a lot of guys out there get bad names because of the tossers who don't give a flying f*** about their babies and won't pay a cent for them. It makes me sad to see how screwed up the system here in Australia is because of these lazy good for nothings who call themselves fathers. As a result of their shit behaviour, good fathers who want to be involved and pay child support and would do anything for fair access get it stuck up them because of those other wankers not taking any responsibility

Sorry again this story touched such a raw nerve after what I watched my OH go through with his MOB. I will respectfully back out again now and to you all in here going it alone, I don't know how you do it, you are all such strong individuals and wonderful mummies

 

[anthonyD]

Quick update: Not seen my daughter for 2 weeks now. I was off all weekend just gone so I was ringing/texting to see if I could see her. She ignored me until I got a text back yesterday saying 'stop ringing me, i dont want you in my house ever again, so my solicitor is writing to you about how you can see her without me being there,so you can see her when thats sorted'. I just said alright,ill wait for the letter. So im guessing that she means a contact centre,which is a step in the right direction I guess. Hope this letter hurrys up,miss my little girl so much!

 

[chels24uk]

maybe you should also go to a solicitor just incase there isnt really a letter on the way? Some mothers will say anything to get FOB out their lifes. Makes me so angry for fathers like yourself Good luck xx

 

[anthonyD]

yeah I have a solicitor Chels,just waiting for this letter now

 

[carolyn_s]

and if she suggests supervised contact in a contact centre will you accept? What if there is no letter... what does your solicitor say about it all? x

 

[anthonyD]

im just going to see if this letter arrives this week. If its what im thinking, a supported contact centre, i will accept it. Atleast I can have some time with my daughter then a few months after attendihg that,it can only lool good for me,cant it?

 

[purpledahlia]

Yeh if u attend every week and arent late etc it will look good!

 

[anthonyD]

im just going to see if this letter arrives this week. If its what im thinking, a supported contact centre, i will accept it. Atleast I can have some time with my daughter then a few months after attendihg that,it can only lool good for me,cant it?

 

[karmah]

Yes, show up for all scheduled meetings and everything. In Canada we have guidelines to child support (geared to income), I strongly suggest you pay according to guidelines if there are any set. It would demonstrate to the judge you are quite serious about being involved in your child's life. Be consistent, on time and respectful.

I wish my children's father's were like you. Dedicated and want to be involved on a regular basis, not on a whim. Good luck and all the best.

 

[pinkflamingo]

Certainly accept any access that is offered to you as things like this will only help your case if you seek legal help.
We have a situation with the mother of my step-son (who is 13!) and she is just constantly unreasonable. She is just bitter towards my husband and I being together (even though it is 5 years later now, so get over it!), but doesn't stop to think about what damage is being done to her son when she is just wanting to be awkward to us. She tells her son that his dad doesn't love him and that he is an awful father etc etc.

Personally I despise women like this and think that they are not fit to be mothers. A child has a right to a relationship with both parents (unless there is a genuine reason not to e.g. violence etc) and it is wrong for any parent to try and blemish that relationship through their own bitterness and insecurities. My stepson told us that his mum was in tears stressing about his wedding the other day. She told him that she is so worried about having to spend the day with his dad and I, and it is really getting her down. He is 13 years old! I don't think we will need to worry about him getting married ever, I'm sure she has done enough to scare him off it for life!

Good on you for not giving up. Good luck. x

 

[purpledahlia]

Certainly accept any access that is offered to you as things like this will only help your case if you seek legal help.
We have a situation with the mother of my step-son (who is 13!) and she is just constantly unreasonable. She is just bitter towards my husband and I being together (even though it is 5 years later now, so get over it!), but doesn't stop to think about what damage is being done to her son when she is just wanting to be awkward to us. She tells her son that his dad doesn't love him and that he is an awful father etc etc.

Personally I despise women like this and think that they are not fit to be mothers. A child has a right to a relationship with both parents (unless there is a genuine reason not to e.g. violence etc) and it is wrong for any parent to try and blemish that relationship through their own bitterness and insecurities. My stepson told us that his mum was in tears stressing about his wedding the other day. She told him that she is so worried about having to spend the day with his dad and I, and it is really getting her down. He is 13 years old! I don't think we will need to worry about him getting married ever, I'm sure she has done enough to scare him off it for life!

Good on you for not giving up. Good luck. x

What i bolded is truly awful, I do NOT agree with bad mouthing any parent to their kids, whatever the circumstances, thats not something any child (even a grown up one) ever should have to listen too

 

[pinkflamingo]

She is a very nasty piece of work I am afraid. There are a million and one other awful things that she has said to him, but she thinks it is all ok as she 'is just being honest with him'! She lives on another planet i am afraid. These sorts of women just do not care about what damage is done to the children, it's just all about their selfish desire to seek revenge on the father.

 

[CLH_X3]

When you get the letter saying to have visits at the contact centre take it.

My OH was in your exact position a couple years ago, He could of wrote your exact post. Split up with his ex before the child was born, refused access outside her house, on her terms. Constant abuse as she found out he has gotten with myself and very bitter about it as we met a very soon after they split up. The lot.

Short version is he when the baby was 6 months old he had enough an went to his solicitor, letters backwards and fowards for a while, he had to continue to go to her house to see the lil girl as his solicitor said this would look good, she refused to let him have her by himself, even for an hour in the park next to her house!
Court said they HAD to try medication before taking the next step and going to court, My OH went, she didnt show.

Went to court once. she used every trick under the book, his daughter doesnt know him enough, I dont want HER (me) there, court said they had to make progress so supervised visits by the mother was made at my OH mother house every week for 6 hours, done that for 5 weeks but on the 5th week my OH Mum accidently said my name when she was meant to say her grandughter name (Pure accident, shes a right mixer with names)!

The mum went mental, took the lil girl started shouting, saying she was going to lie in court some more and then she went to hit my OH, as she went to hit him he just grabbed her wrists and pushed her away so she couldnt touch him. (She did not have the baby in her hands at this point as she was put saftly in the car)

When they had to go back to court the week after she tried saying he had physcally assulting her, my OH took along a witness who said she was lieing and what actually happened.

My OH was then granted unsupervised visits as the mother couldnt say anything bad as she already looked bad for lieing about assult,

he got his daughter for 6 hours on a sunday and then the following week pick up 6pm, drop back 12.30pm the next day.

The main reason all along though for her not wanting my OH to have his daughter is beacuse I was going to be there. She doesnt want her daughter around me, She hates my guts and still does to this day.

But at the end of the day the court didnt take that into consideration as im not a threat to the child, he got granted the time he wanted.

Once granted contact though, his ex did use the 'Shes ill' ALOT, at least ever other week until he told her if it continued he will take her back to court. she stopped then and now its just once a month

Me and My OH are having a baby now, and we havent told her, dreading her responce as she will just flip, were not going to tell her at all though til i give birth, I dont want the stress of her constant texting abuse!

Good luck!

 

[anthonyD]

Its so hard, and things are taking so long. I havenet seen my child for a month now. Its gutting because the last time I saw her she was just starting to walk, so ive missed her first real steps. Whenever I text to ask how she is I get a reply hours later simply saying 'shes fine!'. She wont elaborate. She told me im not seeing her until the contact centre is sorted. The centre told me the waiting list is minnimum 2 months! So I text my ex basically begging to see my girl, she agreed I could in 2 weeks at the weekend 'because she cares'. She knocks me sick how she can do this and get away with it.

 

[billy2mm]

Its so hard, and things are taking so long. I havenet seen my child for a month now. Its gutting because the last time I saw her she was just starting to walk, so ive missed her first real steps. Whenever I text to ask how she is I get a reply hours later simply saying 'shes fine!'. She wont elaborate. She told me im not seeing her until the contact centre is sorted. The centre told me the waiting list is minnimum 2 months! So I text my ex basically begging to see my girl, she agreed I could in 2 weeks at the weekend 'because she cares'. She knocks me sick how she can do this and get away with it.

its so not fair. i would try and chase it up from your end as much as possible thats the most you can do i think.

 

[CLH_X3]

Some ex are just plain horrible and bitter, I hope you see your lil girl real soon

 

[LadyRoy]

Definitely go and see your daughter at the contact center. It is not very nice having to go especially when you have done nothing wrong but the contact centre will work in your favour and tell the court/cafcass how well you are getting on with her.

I would say at the court that you want a 3 month limit at the contact centre then supervised access with someone else like your parents for example, again put a time limit on it and make sure you say that you are not admitting any fault but you will do anything to have a good relationship with your daughter.

My OH has been going through this with his ex to see both of his girls and although it is very stressful for the adults the girls are just grateful to have their daddy in their lives.

He has nightly telephone contact to say goodnight and fortnightly contact, unsupervised, at the moment as we live 200 miles away from them.

Keep your chin up and well done you for wanting to stay in your daughter's life even though it is so tough - so many men don't