Denied proper access to my daughter by her mother

[anthonyD]

Hello Ladies

Thought i'd come back with an update, its been a while.
We are going to court.

Well I have heard nothing whatsoever back from the Contact Centre, seems pointless that place now anyway. As me and my ex came to somesort of an agreement where my daughter could spend some time with me for a few hours at the weekend (sat or sun, not both)
Things were going ok, until about 3 weeks ago. It was a lovely day outside, my garden isnt really safe for a toddler so I decided to take my little girl for a run about on the local park. My ex kicked off royal about this afterwards saying I did not ask her permission blah blah. getting grief for taking my daughter to the park! have you ever heard such nonsense? She apologised 2 days later for how she reacted.

Last week when she dropped my daughter off, she flew off the handle because she said 'I was being funny with her' I wasnt attall, I was simply too busy with my daughter to shout 'goodbye'. Anyway, I was threatened with the police if I didnt hand my daughter back to her, I replied 'phone the police, im her dad' "yeah but you have no parental rights and will over my dead body" She said, alomst gloatingly. Anyway, she sent her mum round 20 minutes later to take my daughter, Ive now not sen her properly for over a fortnight.

That was the last straw for me. I went back to my solicitor, told her the situation is now at breaking point. I want to go to court. mediation will not work. I am applying for PR and a contact order. I'd like to know peoples opinions on this please. My chances etc?

Thanks again!

 

[pinkflamingo]

Hi,
I am really sorry that you are going through this.

I just wanted to comment on applying for PR and the experience which my DH had when he did the same. His ex wouldn't even sign the PR documents when they were together which says it all really! When they split there was no chance of her doing it without legal intervention. She told the courts that she didn't think he should have it, and they asked her to write down the reasons for them to read. She wrote pages and pages which just basically slagged him off, and reasons such as that he didn't have a picture of his son as his mobile phone wallpaper, and any parent that cared enough for their child would have!!
We were asked to write in support of why he should and were able to comment on things such as regular contact, payments, him having a bedroom at ours etc etc. They laughed her out of court and judgement went in favour of hubby straight away. It was just a control thing on her part and that is the only reason she refused. The courts don't care about bitterness and being awkward, they only care about what is best for the child.

You just need to prove that you have done and continue to do all that you can to see your daughter and be a part of her life. You have been denied access and so this shouldn't go against you when you can say that any opportunity that you have been given to see her, you have taken. Keep a note of all the things similar to what you have written above (you took daughter to park to avoid her playing in an unsafe garden) as this demonstrates that you are putting her needs first.

i don't think the courts will go against any father unless there is a reason such as violence or an unsafe environment for the child.

Good luck x

 

[anthonyD]

Thanks for the reply, im pretty confident, I just dont want it dragging on for ages. Im missing her like mad now and my ex doesnt even know about court yet so imagine her response when she gets the letter!

The way I look at it is, im a stable law-abiding Father, full time job, no history of drugs/drink etc. I have 2 spare bedrooms, one of which I will turn into my daughters room as soon as im confident of gettin night stays. I moved away from my family and friends to be near my daughter. I pay for her every month straight into my ex's account.

Me and my daughter have a solid bond, she knows exactly who I am, she doesnt cry for her mother when shes with me, shes very happy with me. I just dont see any reason why I could be denied a good amount of time and PR for my daughter.

Well the only reason is my ex, she will say no to everything I know, she even came up with a lie that I have a drink problem! ha
Im at the stage now where I dont care what it costs, im doing this all at the end of the day for my little girls benefit.

 

[jessrabbit]

best of luck, I really hope you get it sorted, I wish my FOB cared like you do x

 

[anthonyD]

Thanks

 

[MummyJade]

Good luck.... you sound like a great dad xx

 

[Seraphim]

I really hope you reach a solution soon.

You're doing well, keep going x

 

[shorman]

firstly, Do you pay for her? that would be a good start.

secondly, do as she wishes. If she tells you to dress up as Mr blobby, jump through burning hoops and learn chinese....DO IT! Dont start pointless arguments and if she offers any sort of contact (supervised or otherwise) TAKE IT,beggers cant be chooser. Build up contact with your daughter and help the mother - after all the ball is in her court and being a single mother she could probably use the help and support!!!

If there is no other option and she actually REFUSES you contact then by all means go through court....but be VERY sure of yourself.

yes because that is fair isn't it it's his child as well they are both equal into making a child why should he have to go through hell to see his own daughter? What just because she is a woman she has the right to do this? Also I don't see why your asking if he pays for his daughter just because he is a man doesn't mean all men don't pay for there children .
The law is really stupid when it comes to equal parenting and is very much in favour of the mother which is really silly as some dads are better parents in general to the mothers. and my mum is a magerstrate and and see's mothers who think the can just do whatever they like and the poor dads can go to hell basically is a really silly system, take the woman to court and get a good solicitor by law she has to let you see your daughter and she is not aloud to make you seeying your daughter so limited, and if you go to court they will sort this out and if she still refuses then there is a hefty fine. Sorry for ranting you sound like a great dad and you don't deserve what your ex is doing to you


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[anthonyD]

Thanks for that Shorman. Its just a waiting game now, each evening I get in from work im praying for a court date letter, nothing yet! Im going to get Halifax to send me all of my bank statements as proof that im paying money towards my daughter. I am also saving each text sent and received between me and my ex as proof that I am asking to see my daughter every week and shes ignoring me or turning me down. Other than that, i have no reason to feel nervous, im not the bad guy, even though im being made to feel like it! Pleeeaaassee mr postman hurry up!

 

[anthonyD]

I have received a response from my ex's solicitor after we informed her of my intentions to go to court.

Basically says : If your client is intent on issuing court proceedings, please serve our client personally. However, having discussed the matter with our client she is willing to reconsider her position to the issues regarding contact and as such would hope that your client would reconsider his position.
Our client would suggest that both of our clients discuss the matter between themselves and come to a mutually agreeable arrangement"

This is total rubbish! My ex knew about the Court since 22nd July bus has refused all contact aswell as my texts/calls since!

My solicitor wrote back basically:
We confirm that the reason our client wishes to issue court proceedings is because despite your clients assurance that she will reconsider her position she is refusing to answer our clients calls or discuss contact matters.
if your client is prepared to pur forward proposals for contact then we will speak with our client further regarding the court proceedings. However our client is understandably anxious that your client may state that she is in agreement with some contact taking place and then will not allow the contact to happen as has been her stance so far"

Looks like she is just trying to fob me off with this letter hoping I dont take it to court. My ex will say one thing then do another. Also it doesnt mention the PR I am requesting.
Looks like its still going to court

 

[MummyJade]

God she sounds like my ex... he hasnt bothered in over 3 months, ignores me/my solicitor letters... then lies to his solicitor!

i hope you get it sorted soon.. you sound like an amazing dad who wants to be part of his daughters life....
you will get there in the end x

 

[sie35]

same hear pal but i have 4 sons one disabled i was in the same possition her house her rules if you do what she says when she says its the hardest thing in the world belive me i buryed my daughter when she was just a baby what your ex social services and the courts can do to you is worse its mercyless horrific but there worth fighting for my case is still going on 2 years later a year of that i couldent see my boys at all apart from contact centeres once every 4 months! but now they stay with me 3 days a week and i should be getting shared resadency in september its better if the mum puts the child first but a lot wont just remember when your daughter grows up its the mother who has the akward questions resentment and ruind relationship you will be a hero in her eyes for going through it good luck and never give up

 

[sie35]

Hello Ladies

Thought i'd come back with an update, its been a while.
We are going to court.

Well I have heard nothing whatsoever back from the Contact Centre, seems pointless that place now anyway. As me and my ex came to somesort of an agreement where my daughter could spend some time with me for a few hours at the weekend (sat or sun, not both)
Things were going ok, until about 3 weeks ago. It was a lovely day outside, my garden isnt really safe for a toddler so I decided to take my little girl for a run about on the local park. My ex kicked off royal about this afterwards saying I did not ask her permission blah blah. getting grief for taking my daughter to the park! have you ever heard such nonsense? She apologised 2 days later for how she reacted.

Last week when she dropped my daughter off, she flew off the handle because she said 'I was being funny with her' I wasnt attall, I was simply too busy with my daughter to shout 'goodbye'. Anyway, I was threatened with the police if I didnt hand my daughter back to her, I replied 'phone the police, im her dad' "yeah but you have no parental rights and will over my dead body" She said, alomst gloatingly. Anyway, she sent her mum round 20 minutes later to take my daughter, Ive now not sen her properly for over a fortnight.

That was the last straw for me. I went back to my solicitor, told her the situation is now at breaking point. I want to go to court. mediation will not work. I am applying for PR and a contact order. I'd like to know peoples opinions on this please. My chances etc?

Thanks again!

i wouldent bother with a contact order there worthless and theres no conciqences if she ignores it you need a overnight resadency order its a lot easyer to get than resadency or shared resadency even if she useses the usual tricks and false aligations 6 months tops

 

[sie35]

Thanks for the reply, im pretty confident, I just dont want it dragging on for ages. Im missing her like mad now and my ex doesnt even know about court yet so imagine her response when she gets the letter!

The way I look at it is, im a stable law-abiding Father, full time job, no history of drugs/drink etc. I have 2 spare bedrooms, one of which I will turn into my daughters room as soon as im confident of gettin night stays. I moved away from my family and friends to be near my daughter. I pay for her every month straight into my ex's account.

Me and my daughter have a solid bond, she knows exactly who I am, she doesnt cry for her mother when shes with me, shes very happy with me. I just dont see any reason why I could be denied a good amount of time and PR for my daughter.

Well the only reason is my ex, she will say no to everything I know, she even came up with a lie that I have a drink problem! ha
Im at the stage now where I dont care what it costs, im doing this all at the end of the day for my little girls benefit.

first directional meeting ask for a hair strand test to be done on yourself or they will take it very seriously and stop you seeing her outside of a contact centre without any evidence to support her claims they have to if you can afford it do one yourself before the court day youll get the overnight resadency and pr same day if thats the only aligation

 

[sie35]

thanks for the replies. I have considered mediation but she really is so stubborn, I know she would not attend. She is very confident that I would lose at court, that I would not get any unsupervised access. This cant be right can it?. I really need some reassurance.

supervised acsess is only wile acusations are being made wile court procidings are ongoing its only ever used as a final resolution for people with seriouse drug or alcahol problems you will get a overnight resadency order very easyaly in court terms just make shure if you dont get it on the first hearing ask for a contested hearing streight away or she can drag it out for years if she lies at a contested hearing she can end up in jail

 

[anthonyD]

Hi guys, Finally received a court date today of 13th October. It was a letter from CAFCASS. In the letter it says they will be ringing me in the next couple of weeks for a discussion re my childs welfare etc. Anybody here know what kind of questions they will be asking me? Just id prefer to prepare as I wouldnt like to come across as nervous on the phone and say something wrong

 

[kirst1805]

no idea I'm afraid.. didn't want to read and run. Good luck though. I'm sure it'll be fine.

xx

 

[Ju_bubbs]

cases like this are so sad! There are so many single mums, like me.. who would do anything to have LO's dad care, and be around for their children!!

In my experience, no court will refuse a mother or father PR and reasonable amount of access without VERY good reason! unfortunately if she breaks the terms of access tho, the only thing you can do is go back to court all over again!

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you in the end.

 

[Ju_bubbs]

Hi guys, Finally received a court date today of 13th October. It was a letter from CAFCASS. In the letter it says they will be ringing me in the next couple of weeks for a discussion re my childs welfare etc. Anybody here know what kind of questions they will be asking me? Just id prefer to prepare as I wouldnt like to come across as nervous on the phone and say something wrong

When my and my ex were in court a few years back (he was going for full residency) CAFCASS had to do a home visit with both of us with the children and basically just watch how the children reacted to each of our care.. they are trained to spot things that are 'odd' abuse, fear and things like that, then they write up a report to give to the court. They kind of act as a solicitor on behalf of the children! While they were at my house, we just had a cup of tea and a chat in general!

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

i amnt a man in ur situation but i have been the bitter mother and regretted my decision greatly to keep her father away..they now have a father daughter relationship which i am very glad of but this woman will feel the doubts and guilt very soon..it took me 18 months as that is when the hard part begins..she will need the help ! and if its there she should take it as its very tough being a single parent..its ashame it has taken for u to take her to court as she doesnt stand a chance as if u are the genuine guy u make out to be she does not have a leg to stand on as courts will favour yourself as all children should have both parents unless under certain circumstances its best the child does not know there father for safety reasons etc. u will get there in the end and she will be greatful one day just hang on in there and it will all be worth it in the end! god she should really be greatful as there is so many guys out there who would jump at the chance of a free pass from parenting!
x