Denied proper access to my daughter by her mother

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by anthonyD, Jan 25, 2011.

  1. anthonyD

    anthonyD Member

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    Hello,first post, be nice ;) . Im a 24 year old man, i have a 17 month old daughter with my ex partner. My daughters mother only allows me to see my child on her terms, when she can fit me in for an hour or 2 at her house. I am not allowed to take my daughter out, nor can stay at my house for any period of time. She says she doesnt trust me with her until she is older. My ex still seems to be very bitter about our break up which was before my daughter was born. Anyway,cut a long story short, I am a hard working man with no criminal record, I dont touch drugs, I rarely drink. I am not violent, there is no good reason for what she is doing. Anyway, I decided to go to a solicitor. After the first 4 or 5 letters which she has refused to co-operate with, she has told me to go to court because she wont back down. Im going to meet with my solicitor and tell her I regrettably have to take it to court. My ex refuses to put my name on the birth certificate. I am sick of going to her house for an hour or so a week,playing with my little girl then leaving her. I want proper father daughter time at my house. Or take her to meet the rest of her family. Are any men in my boat? Have you won proper access? Please tell me there are. Thanks
     
  2. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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  3. littlekitten8

    littlekitten8 Mummy of 1

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    As purpledahlia said you sound like a genuine guy. Unfortunately any breakup involving a child will be nasty at some point. However it sounds like she is being a bit harsh. Have you considered mediation? Good luck with it.
     
  4. anthonyD

    anthonyD Member

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    thanks for the replies. I have considered mediation but she really is so stubborn, I know she would not attend. She is very confident that I would lose at court, that I would not get any unsupervised access. This cant be right can it?. I really need some reassurance.
     
  5. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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  6. sophiew

    sophiew Guest

    I know that court is a lengthy process :( I hate it when women do this for no reason. I really hope you can sort it out between the two of you, or through mediation. BEcause court is very very slow :( xx
     
  7. lou_w34

    lou_w34 mummy <3

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    Courts like it if one of the parties involved has tried to suggest mediation, as it is alot better than court. I would suggest it anyway to her, even if she refuses, it makes you seem more reasonable in a courts eyes.

    Anyways, as long as you no you have done nothing wrong, then you will deffinatley get access to your daughter, it may be supervised at first, but if you hold on for long enough it will be built up to unsepervised :) But court can be a very slow process, mediation would really be best if you want it to happen quicker

    Good luck!

    x
     
  8. laura1991

    laura1991 Mummy to Lily

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    My brothers ex girlfriend did this, she refused to take part in mediation and ended up going to. Court, she kept dragging it out appealing at everything and a couple of times failed to turn up to the court case, so it all back fired on her! If you can prove that your a good father paying maintance etc, then you should be fine!
     
  9. BeautifulD

    BeautifulD Mum to 3 and TTC #4

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    Awww hun I really feel for you! In my opinion i cannot stand women that do this, there is one thing that i always made sure of and that is that my girls see their dad on a very regular basis. By the sounds of it hun I think you will be fine. Just keep doing what you are doing and be sure not to give her any amunition.... good luck! :)
     
  10. chels24uk

    chels24uk Well-Known Member

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    aw i wish my ex was more like you! Really annoys me when women stop access for no good reason. Its punishing their child for nothing! Id love nothing more than to cut my ex out 100% after how hes been with us since he left, but i dont because he is still my kids dad and i dont want my children hurt because of me.
    Keep going how you are, you'll get there in the end :)
     
  11. dippy dee

    dippy dee Well-Known Member

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  12. Chocciebutton

    Chocciebutton Well-Known Member

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    I get annoyed when I hear of fathers like you that want to see their children but have difficult ex partners! I have a 15 year old son from a previous marriage and my ex was having an affair and his partner gave him the ultimatum that it was 'her....or his son' he chose her, so my son has never seen his father since he was 1 years old :cry:
    I know this is different circumstances in that I cant get my ex husband to make contact (I am still in contact with my ex in laws they came to my second wedding!)
    I cannot understand fathers that do not want to see there children and when I hear fathers like you wanting to see their children it breaks my heart. I would never stop access unless there was a real risk of danger or such like. I feel the best route is via the solicitors which is what you are doing. Hope you get the answer you are looking for. She cannot stop you seeing her and the court will probably grant you some sort of access I would have thought, certainly no less than you are seeing her now so I wouldnt worry too much.
     
  13. anthonyD

    anthonyD Member

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    Thanks everyone. Its just a waiting game isnt it. Ill let you know if there are any happy updates!
     
  14. hopeandpray

    hopeandpray Well-Known Member

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    I hope that we'll hear good news from you. She is probably calling your bluff and hoping that you will back down because unless there is something important that you haven't mentioned it sounds like there is no reason that you could not see your child regularly
     
  15. Mumof42009

    Mumof42009 Mum Of 4 Preemie's

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    Make sure you keep all proof as well that you've tried to have more contact, texts copy's of your phone bill etc and do try suggest mediation. Good luck
     
  16. KiansMummy

    KiansMummy Guest

    Me and my babies dad, have just been through mediation, and have come to an agreement.IF she will attend maybe worth a tryX?
     
  17. km123

    km123 Member

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    there are a few things you can do to look good in court. one, start a savings account for your baby so they know yo understand that children need to be financially set as well. make it so there is income every week or even every month, even if it is only $20 dollars a week/month. also, suggest mediation. dont give your ex cash unless necessary, pay for things on a card and KEEP receipts. Also, try to e-mail her sometimes about mediation etc. so you can print it out and have proof if necessary.
     
  18. kelzyboo

    kelzyboo Angel mummy and PAL

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    Keep a recored of all conversations you have where she is unreasonable, i agree with maybe starting a trust fund or something just to show them that you can and will provide for her.

    My 5 year old doesn't see her dad and hasn't since she was 5months old, the arrangements we made were not working (ie; he wasn't sticking to them) so i ended his contact on legal advice, a letter was sent requesting he seek advice of his own to make official access arangements and he never bothered! Now there is no chance he will ever be allowed to see her as she is Autistic and it would be detrimental to her wellbeing....he's missed out on such a wonderful child because he couldn't be bothered and didn't care enough to see her on a regular basis!

    What i'm trying to say is that although i ended contact with him as i guess your ex is trying to do, i had reasons (drugs and prison amongst them) and i really feel for people like you who would do anything to see their children, i will always believe that a good father should be involved with his children no matter what the mother's feeling toward him may be, the children should always come first.

    There is a part of me still that wishes he had wanted to see her, i wouldn't have ever stood in the way of that but we don't all get that.

    Your daughter is lucky to have you, hopefully it will all work out for you but don't ever stop fighting for her, she is well worth the fight and if you are a good father which you seem to be, in the end you will get proper access no matter what your ex thinks.

    Good luck x
     
  19. carolyn_s

    carolyn_s Guest

    firstly, Do you pay for her? that would be a good start.

    secondly, do as she wishes. If she tells you to dress up as Mr blobby, jump through burning hoops and learn chinese....DO IT! Dont start pointless arguments and if she offers any sort of contact (supervised or otherwise) TAKE IT,beggers cant be chooser. Build up contact with your daughter and help the mother - after all the ball is in her court and being a single mother she could probably use the help and support!!!

    If there is no other option and she actually REFUSES you contact then by all means go through court....but be VERY sure of yourself.
     
  20. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    Id imagine he does pay for her as 17months is quite old thats a lot of time not contributing and he sounded genuine? if you dont pay it will go against you in court. whens your daughters birthday? as when she turns 2 things might be different as shes older. Also im unsure that opening a savings acc will do much n your favour tbh, courts like to see an activve contribution to the childs upbringing NOW. Do you contribute in other ways? Take nappies, milk clothes etc over when you go?
    There must be a reason she doesnt let you have the toddler on your own unsupervised..... What would she say in court is her reasons then maybe we can get a clearer picture
     

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