Desperately need money advise, really don't know wot to do!?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by Jaz_, Jun 6, 2011.

  1. Jaz_

    Jaz_ 1st time mum

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    Ok so me an oh live together he owns house we both pay £500 a month for bills wen I start mat I on 90% for first 6 weeks then straight to stat so less than £500 a month wen it's taxed, he still expects me to pay my £500 a month using my overdraft leavin me to live off my overdraft for my mat leave an he says he can't afford to pay nemore so I have to pay it all? We both earn bout £1300 a month after tax ATM so now it's not a problem but wen I'm on maternity that's all my money gone....

    He says we can't afford for me to take 6 months mat leave iv been told by so many people that if I don't take 6 months il regret it as it's the only time il ave that opportunity to spend with my first child an that I shudnt miss it?

    I feel like I'm alone in the whole financial aspect of bringing up this child I mean he buys things on his c card for baby but he's giving me no help at all while I'm on mat leave I am so disappointed in him, I feel lke he's really let me down an I don't feel supported at all I feel like a single parent already?

    Sorry this goes on a bit I'm just lost don't know wot to go thanks for reading, ne advise is greatly appreciated xxxx
     
  2. xolily

    xolily Well-Known Member

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    umm i wouldn't stand for it, nor would i go back to work early. if he insisted that's how it would be, i'd move out tbh.
     
  3. RaspberryK

    RaspberryK Well-Known Member

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    Have you discussed who pays for babys things? I suppose that's got to come out of your money too? I really don't think he's thought it through to be honest, it's not much of a partnership if that's how it's working out.

    x
     
  4. Emma 21

    Emma 21 Mum of 4 under 5years

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    sorry no advice as we dont have that problem... i wouldnt stnd for it tho
     
  5. cyanidepill

    cyanidepill Well-Known Member

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    I didn't want to read and run, but my thoughts are that if your income is much less when your baby is here, it is important for him to understand this and to help make ends meet and not just rely upon an overdraft.

    I also agree that you need the time to spend with your baby when s/he arrives. It is time that you never get back and i personally think it's important to spend the time you have with him or her when you can.

    Thats likely of no help what so ever, but it's my thoughts anyway.

    *hugs* xx
     
  6. reversal

    reversal a happy family at last

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    :hugs: I'm so sorry your going through this, have you tried talking to him and explaining that its for your baby that you need this time off :hugs:
     
  7. Starglow

    Starglow Well-Known Member

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    Can you both go to citizen advice and see what they suggest. They may be able to point out where you can go to get financial help.

    Your oh sounds very immature. He's going to be a dad and needs to face up to his responsibilities. He shouldn't be putting this pressure on you.
     
  8. rensben

    rensben Well-Known Member

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    and you are having a child with this man? I can't even imagine my husband asking me that. You deserve better hun..
     
  9. Blue12

    Blue12 icsi miracle xo

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    As I see it, the change to finances should affect both people since the baby belongs to both people.

    I would ask him how he would feel if - he had to have the baby - and he had to have reduced pay and if it would be fair if he still had to pay his "half".
     
  10. iamgracie

    iamgracie Well-Known Member

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    Your OH is being unfair, tbh. He should understand in the first place that you'll be on a lesser income once you're on your mat leave. He should know how to sacrifice and help you out, not milk you dry! I totally understand your situation as I'm kinda on the same boat as you regarding financial aspects, however in my case, my OH is willing to make ends meet. He's even conditioning his mind now that I am "unemployed" (not literally, but technically) so he's like the sole breadwinner. He's not forcing me to pay him. Whatever money I have while I'm on ML, I add it up to his and I just do the budgeting. (I'm the one who handles all the bills in the household). At the mo, we're still surviving. I've consumed 1 month of my ML already and LO isn't even here yet :dohh:

    Anyway, if he won't compromise with you, if I were you, I'd leave. :shrug:

    :hugs: for you though! x
     
  11. ellie27

    ellie27 Well-Known Member

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    So you both put in £500 each per month to cover bills etc.

    Fair you carry on paying til your first month or 2 full pay is gone, but after that!!

    That is so unfair and it should not be like this at all. Have you sat down and discussed figures etc and made it clear how you feel?

    Me and OH put in a share based on what we are earning. For example, if we originally put in £500 each when I was working full-time but when I was on maternity we put it to £250 to £750. I am now part-time 3 days a week and we still do something like £350, £650.

    I am wondering, if you are both on around £1300 would you be entitled to any benefits or tax credits or something?

    I would also stick for having the full year off - as you said its the only time in your life when you really can have a year off!! And babies are not babies for long!!:flower:
     
  12. soootired

    soootired Well-Known Member

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    Hi, I dont know your exact situation but is it possible he is coming across a little mean as he is really just panicing about money problems too. Can be daunting as he will be soul in charge of finances. He will prob change when baby arrives although I would also look into it as it will be o late if he doesnt.
    as for work I know people who are desparate to get back to work/normallity as soon as possible and others who hate the idea. you wont know which you are till the time comes!
     
  13. londonangel

    londonangel Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the other posters. Your OH is being incredibly unfair. And suggesting that you rely on your overdraft is completely ridiculous. It's his baby too. I think once a baby comes along and you're only going to receive statutory pay, he's going to have to accept that he will have to pay a greater proportion of things - he should think of it in terms of the money you save on childcare by being at home with your baby. And of course you should stay at home with your baby for the first six months if you want to. It is good for you and good for the baby. If my husband told me I had to pay half of everything still when my pay has now been halved, I wouldn't be able to. Also, as the house is in his name, you're effectively helping to pay off his mortgage so he's getting capital investment from you and what are you getting? Nada! I definitely wouldn't stand for it I'm afraid.
     
  14. starlight1

    starlight1 Well-Known Member

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    tell him how you feel when your a couple you should be as one whats your is his and his is yours he cant expect you to be giving the same when you are on maternity pay. tell him that you feel like a single parent when he is been like that. and sya how would it be the other way around. xxxx
     
  15. Lauki

    Lauki Mummy and newly pregnant!

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    You really have to sit him down and talk about this seriously. It takes TWO people to make a baby and both should be financially responsible! If your financial situation changes, he'll have to adjust won't he? Someone is going to have to pay for nappies/clothes etcetera. You can't always just live off your overdraft, that would be such a silly thing to do.

    Like Ellie27 said, my husband and me pay into the bills/house relative to what we earn. When I worked fulltime I paid a lot more than when I went back to 20 hours a week and now I'm not working at all I'm not paying anything. I'm saving all my Maternity Allowance to pay for baby essentials and he just pays the mortgage/bills/food.

    He should realize that you have to be a team and take care of this baby together. You really don't want to go back to work soon, you want to spend time with your baby and enjoy it!!

    Anyway, have a good conversation with your man, because he has to think your future through a bit more than he has now!
     
  16. leahsbabybump

    leahsbabybump Mummy to 3

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    Oh dear sorry your having to go through this does he not think he is being a little irrational :-/ my OH has layed the law down in our house that i cant go back to work till our youngest is in full time education (i actualy wanted to go back in jan 12) even though we will severly struggle he has said he will pay for everything it will only leave us with about £20 per week but he says i can have that to clothe the kids and he will go without :-/
    I mean i dont know the situation with his income how much he gets etc etc but if he is going to genuinly struggle to support his family then he can claim child tax credits this is what my OH is doing to subsididehis wage it isnt a great deal but almost pays for a weeks shopping. Dont forget you will get child benefit aswell when baby arrives everyone in the UK is entitled to this working or not I know its only £20 per week but that will pay for nappies milk/baby food etc so if you could get full benefits all his has to pay for really is rent and council tax etc :-/
    goodluck on getting it all sorted hun as it would be lovely for you to be able to stay at home with your new born and watch him/her develop etc xx
     
  17. leahsbabybump

    leahsbabybump Mummy to 3

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    and as a pp said living of your overdraft is a little irresponsible and a little silly you will be getting charged interest for this every month so eventually the overdraft will run out and then what. I see this regular as i wiork as a finacial solutions advisor people think that its OK to live out of overdraft but what they dont realise is that if you havent got the same amount as your overdraft coming in each month (i.e. your overdraft amount is £1000 and your incom is £500) then the overdraft will run out as like i say you do get charged for using your overdraft etc so it will run out after a few months :-/
    Has your OH not considered knocking the cc cards on the head as this is going to lower your monthly outgoings aswell as no doubt the interest on those will be superficial and taking a good chunk of money :-/ i know you say he uses them to buy baby stuff but would it not be better to go for cheaper baby item you could pay cash for (most of mine are second hand and are just as lovely as the new ones) and then thats one less bill you have to pay each month freeing up som cash :-/
    sorry if i sound like im preeching or having a go im not lol its a bit second nature to me with my job lol xx
     
  18. CLH_X3

    CLH_X3 Love my two babies!

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    Me and my OH both atm put in £530 into our joint account to cover all bills/food and rent every month..

    When I start Mat leave I get company pay for the first 3 months so full wages! I will also for 2 of those months put in half still, the third month i get to keep all my wages and my OH is going to be putting in all of £1000 to pay + cover bills..
    My SMP that I will be getting will cover all things for the baby and I WILL help out for example Il pay some of the bills so i will probs be putting in 100 a month to helping out paying things like home insurance, internet, water bill and every 3 months il probs pay the gas/electric bill which is about £200

    Il help as much as i can but my OH has accepted and understands that he needs to cover everything and support me...
    The only thing he has said is that he expects the house to be tidy, which i agree with and tea cooked for him after hes finished being at work all day... I dont think thats wrong of him to ask when hes at work all day and im at home (granted im looking after our child but im still at home, not hard to put something in the oven ready to serve when he gets through the door)..

    When I go back to work part time he knows that il only be puttin in something like 300 to his 700 aswell...

    Your OH is being abit stupid saying for you to live in your overdraft!!!! what kind of support is that.. and tbh thats not what an overdraft is for!!
    I would have a proper word with him and explain that your not going to do that and its stupid to even ask you to live in your draft
     
  19. leahsbabybump

    leahsbabybump Mummy to 3

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    just a rough idea as to what we do i get £125pw MA and i give him £90 per fortnight and he claims the tax credits seen as he the one that works and the child benefit so he pays for absolutly everything he doesnt ask for another penny and there is food on the table bills rent etc etc are paid the rest of my MA is for me to do what i want with it really. When my MA finishes in january we will re look over our finances and see what is best to do he says im not alloud to go back to work but we shall see lol
     
  20. Lauki

    Lauki Mummy and newly pregnant!

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    My OH is exactly the same! He says he's absolutely fine with working all day and paying all the bills and will keep doing it happily as long as I take care of the house and take care of him. So I won't get upset if he leaves his glass in the living room at night instead of taking it to the kitchen, I'll tidy up and make sure he can relax when he's home. Then when I go back to work we share again!

    I really hope you can make your OH realise he's got to change something. Living off your overdraft is really irresponsible and shouldn't be necessary if he's got enough money to cover bills/necessities.
     

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