DH throws me a curve ball and I'm so upset!!

[hellywelly]

those women sound terrible!

imo, since he is your husband and because you are both in this together, i hope that you guys will have a nice chat so that you guys can get back on the same page. he's probably just nervous and because he knows some ppl with kids who don't mind shoving their loud mouths out there, that's just what he's heard recently, so that's what he's thinking right now. Guys really don't think about things and stew on them for long like we do - i would guess that if you present all your reasons and feelings to him in a gentle conversation, he'll probably be swayed back again. Good luck - i hope everything turns out okay - you guys certainly don't want this to come between you.

hi fides, i think thats a bit harsh saying those women sound terrible!

When I have been asked 'am i going to find out the gender' - i have responded no we are waiting till the end, everyone responds 'that is brilliant, i wouldn't like to find out either, it would spoil the surprise etc etc'. Now I am not making it wrong or right finding out the gender, but there are more people out there for not finding out the gender to finding out the gender, i think that these women maybe like me, the wrong side of thirty and a bit of a traditionalist that is all, but it is totally up to the parents whether they wish to find out or not, I think that maybe these women have just put their own experiences out there to the husband, you are right they should both be on the same page going forward x

 

[chichestermum]

id tell him that hes stupid for listening to other people! tell him you think he needs to be strong to be able to take care of you and your baby and if he just rolls over and accepts from other people telling not to find out that your not sure what else he is going to roll over about! id have a right go if it was my OH! id probably ban him from the scan for making me feel crap! but im a very evil partner lol! tell him to get over it! your finding out, if he doesnt wanna know then he can turn a blind eye and not help in picking out the perfect pink or blue coming home outfit! xx

ooo good luck for your scan! hope everything is all well! xxx

 

[Pixie2320]

those women sound terrible!

imo, since he is your husband and because you are both in this together, i hope that you guys will have a nice chat so that you guys can get back on the same page. he's probably just nervous and because he knows some ppl with kids who don't mind shoving their loud mouths out there, that's just what he's heard recently, so that's what he's thinking right now. Guys really don't think about things and stew on them for long like we do - i would guess that if you present all your reasons and feelings to him in a gentle conversation, he'll probably be swayed back again. Good luck - i hope everything turns out okay - you guys certainly don't want this to come between you.

hi fides, i think thats a bit harsh saying those women sound terrible!

When I have been asked 'am i going to find out the gender' - i have responded no we are waiting till the end, everyone responds 'that is brilliant, i wouldn't like to find out either, it would spoil the surprise etc etc'. Now I am not making it wrong or right finding out the gender, but there are more people out there for not finding out the gender to finding out the gender, i think that these women maybe like me, the wrong side of thirty and a bit of a traditionalist that is all, but it is totally up to the parents whether they wish to find out or not, I think that maybe these women have just put their own experiences out there to the husband, you are right they should both be on the same page going forward x

I say they're being terrible because I don't think anyone should push THEIR views and ideas on anyone else.. If you want to wait for a surprise, more power to you! I would never try to convince you otherwise, so I just don't see why they would feel the need to try to convince me to their view It's just rude if you ask me

 

[Tarkwa]

Honestly, some people! I've told a few people (including my auntie!) that we are going to find out the sex and they were shocked, and asked why I wouldn't want a surprise at the birth?!!! I think it will be a surprise when you find out at the scan but it so give you the chance to prepare for little one's arrival. If we (DH is totally behind me on finding out gender as I think he wants to prove to me he is right about it being a boy!) can't be told at 20w scan because babe is hiding again then I think we will go private (as I am a serious control freak and I HAVE to know before babe is born). If we know what we are having in advance there is no rushing around after the birth to buy pink or blue stuff. It's a personal decision and I respect anyone's decision not to find out, although I can't understand it myself, just like they can't understand my decision. My parents and my MIL are chuffed to be finding out in advance, but my poor MIL has to wait for my SIL to give birth (2 weeks before me approx!) to find out about her other grandchild and I think it's making her anxious!!!
It sounds like your DH has been persuaded by these women, so all you need to do is persuade him back to your initial joint decision. Easier said than done now that these women have pressed their views so hard on him, but do-able.
Good luck hun, I hope things work out.
xxx

 

[hellywelly]

those women sound terrible!

imo, since he is your husband and because you are both in this together, i hope that you guys will have a nice chat so that you guys can get back on the same page. he's probably just nervous and because he knows some ppl with kids who don't mind shoving their loud mouths out there, that's just what he's heard recently, so that's what he's thinking right now. Guys really don't think about things and stew on them for long like we do - i would guess that if you present all your reasons and feelings to him in a gentle conversation, he'll probably be swayed back again. Good luck - i hope everything turns out okay - you guys certainly don't want this to come between you.

hi fides, i think thats a bit harsh saying those women sound terrible!

When I have been asked 'am i going to find out the gender' - i have responded no we are waiting till the end, everyone responds 'that is brilliant, i wouldn't like to find out either, it would spoil the surprise etc etc'. Now I am not making it wrong or right finding out the gender, but there are more people out there for not finding out the gender to finding out the gender, i think that these women maybe like me, the wrong side of thirty and a bit of a traditionalist that is all, but it is totally up to the parents whether they wish to find out or not, I think that maybe these women have just put their own experiences out there to the husband, you are right they should both be on the same page going forward x

I say they're being terrible because I don't think anyone should push THEIR views and ideas on anyone else.. If you want to wait for a surprise, more power to you! I would never try to convince you otherwise, so I just don't see why they would feel the need to try to convince me to their view It's just rude if you ask me

I think that whatever anyone decides it is their choice - we wasn't there when these women spoke to the daddy to be - daddy to be could have been told by lots of people not to find out sex before etc. and maybe he now has had time to think - he could be just using this as an excuse to not wanting to find out gender. I wouldn't be convinced by anyone (apart from hubby) in any decision making we had to make - as long as me and hubby are in agreeance then our world rocks! If it doesn't then we compromise. There are plusses and minuses to finding out the sex to everyone concerned it is just a personal choice xx

 

[ciarhwyfar]

I am likely going against the flow here but you did say in the original post that he didn't want to find out the gender and acknowledged how hard it was going to be not to find out. It sounds like people he may have talked to were only confirming his opinion on not finding out the gender.

It is his baby as well as yours so I would say if he isn't being fair, neither are you. The two of you need to actually sit down together and discuss what you consider to be the pros and cons to finding out the gender right now as opposed to waiting and come to a decision as a couple. As things stand at the moment, neither of you are happy and just finding out sounds kind of like doing it to spite him. I hope the two of you can figure out what is best for the both of you.

 

[Mama627]

So just as a disclaimer, I haven't read any responses, just the OP's post.

Is it possible that your husband may change his mind later on and want to know the gender? You could bring an envelope and a piece of paper and have the sonographer write "boy" or "girl" on the paper, then seal it in the envelope. That way if you want to know later on, you can always open the envelope and find out. Maybe you could even strike him a deal, like say you won't find out now, but you'll open the envelope together at a later date and find out. Or maybe you could just look at it alone and not tell him so he still gets to be surprised.