DH wants baby named after him.. but i HATE his name!

[GetNmyBelly]

so this is my first baby & also my husbands first.. my husbands name is Gary jr. we recently found out we're expecting a baby boy so my husband (& my FIL) want the babys name to be Gary the third. im sorry but I just don't like the name Gary! I mean sure we could give him a nickname (I thought of calling him Trey) & my husband & I talked 2 my FIL about naming him Gary the third & calling him Trey & he goes "well im still gonna call him Gary." & he also laughed at the name Trey. I know his REAL name would be Gary & we would tell him that when hes old enough to understand but I don't want people calling him different names & confusing him! so that pissed me off! now im thinking of not naming him Gary the third period. I don't want 2 hurt my husbands feelings but me not liking the name on top of his dads comments just makes me want 2 go with a completely different name. so any suggestions on what I should do? I mean should I name him after my husband .. my husband wants the baby named after him so bad & now that my husband & i are doing better than we ever have I feel bad for shooting it down lol.

 

[Tink1o5]

I think you should name him after your husband. It's hard for men to feel like they are apart of the pregnancy and all as it is. It may help your husband already feel like he is bonding with your lo.

You could always call the baby junior, if u like that better. Baby won't get confused by what you call him and what grandpa calls him etc. My 2nd son is named Tai...sometimes we call him Tai, sometimes TJ (because of his middle name ) i just think it's important to make our spouses feel as much apart of the process as we can, and it seems pretty important to you DH

 

[GetNmyBelly]

I think you should name him after your husband. It's hard for men to feel like they are apart of the pregnancy and all as it is. It may help your husband already feel like he is bonding with your lo.

You could always call the baby junior, if u like that better. Baby won't get confused by what you call him and what grandpa calls him etc. My 2nd son is named Tai...sometimes we call him Tai, sometimes TJ (because of his middle name ) i just think it's important to make our spouses feel as much apart of the process as we can, and it seems pretty important to you DH

i think u may be right. it is important 2 my husband & i know he would be really happy if we do end up naming him the third. im gonna keep thinking about it & try 2 decide soon. if i don't end up naming him after my husband i may try 2 find a name with all the same initials as my husband. if it were your baby & your husband had a name u didn't like would u do it for him?

 

[babyvaughan]

I'm not a fan of using juniors. Both our fathers were juniors and my brother in-law is a junior but he didn't keep it going either. We were going to use dh name as middle name but he decided it wasn't nessary and he loved the name we chose together. You can't name your kid twice so make sure Gary is something you can be happy with not just settle. You could use it as a middle name. I'm using my grandfathers middle name as his middle name because I want to carry on a family name but his name is going to Gavin very different than any in either family!

 

[Tink1o5]

Honestly I would name my child after my spouse even if I wasn't very fond of the name. Especially if it means that much to my dh. You just never know what the future may hold. He may never get another son to name after himself...

 

[Buffyx]

I think if you hate his name as much you say, then I don't think your husband should force you to use it. If you don't mind, then go ahead and use it.

 

[Babyvoisey]

I'm gonna go the other way here. The baby is taking his surname (I assume) he should be honoured. If my partner told me to call the baby after him I would say no! I hate his name and I want my child to have its own identity! I carry and grow this child for 9 months. Maybe meet him in the middle and say Gary can be in the middle name. Also what your FIL said is completely disrespectful. I would tell him he wouldn't be allowed round the child to call it a name that's not been given by yourself! Sorry if I have completely disagreed with everyone and your husband but this is my opinion xx

 

[Lionheart03]

I felt the same way you are not alone lol before we found LO was a girl my boyfriend insisted our sons name would be Albert after his grandpa -_- I was so ugh inside but I understood his reasons, so I said we could use it as a middle name. That way we both got what we wanted without hurt feelings. Perhaps that might work for you?

However I disagree with your husband demanding it without compromising, my be tried that and it did not go well hopefully you can make some compromise and be still be happy, you are the one carrying this child! Lol

 

[spicyorange]

Would he settle for it as a middle name, personally I hate the jr thing and much add I like dhs name I won't be calling my son it. I think it's fair to it you're foot down and say you want it to have its own name not share with the family

 

[Sophie2000]

html://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3022709/Garys-heading-extinction-28-babies-700-000-2013.html

Here's an article I saw the other week in a uk newspaper about the name Gary.

 

[Aliop]

I wouldn't use it either personally, but how about using it but giving him a nice middle name and calling him by that?

 

[Berri]

My DH is Gary. The only person who calls him that are his grandparents... I nearly choked on it when I had to say it at our wedding, it sounded so odd to me He goes by a nickname that is no way related to Gary.

It's not a great name IMO but if DH had wanted to use it I probably would have said yes then picked the middle name myself and called baby that. I have so many pet names for my boys anyway I rarely use their "proper" names.

 

[GetNmyBelly]

thanks for responding everybody! just so everyone is clear my husband is in no way demanding that we name him after him lol he simply tells me he would love our son 2 be named after him & his dad. before finding out it was a boy i told him i was picking the first name & he could pick the middle name but we were NOT naming him Gary the third & he was okay with it & he wanted a boy to have his grandfathers middle name which is Thomas. then when we found out it was a boy he started bringing it up more & i started thinking about it. after reading all ur comments & thinking about it.. im not naming him Gary. i also agree with a poster that said my FIL was being disrespectful i think he was 2 & it pisses me off.. he should've just been happy i was thinking of naming him Gary after them! i think i may have considered it a little more if he wouldn't of said what he said. now im gonna be searching for a name until i find one im 100% sure of. thanks ladies & congrats to all of u & ur babies!

 

[AJae]

No advice as such, but here in UK the name 'Gary' made headline news recently.
It is dying out and very soon there will be no Garys left. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/11/gary-not-worried-say-goodbye-garys

 

[xprincessx]

Please do not use the name. You hate it and would forever resent them for making you choose it. It may not seem like a big deal but trust me, it is. My son's middle name is David after my dad as I felt I had to and I absolutely detest it. Even almost 5 years on I wish i'd used just Edward.

 

[emyandpotato]

I think you should name him after your husband. It's hard for men to feel like they are apart of the pregnancy and all as it is. It may help your husband already feel like he is bonding with your lo.

You could always call the baby junior, if u like that better. Baby won't get confused by what you call him and what grandpa calls him etc. My 2nd son is named Tai...sometimes we call him Tai, sometimes TJ (because of his middle name ) i just think it's important to make our spouses feel as much apart of the process as we can, and it seems pretty important to you DH

I don't think a dad bonding with a child is a good enough reason to give a baby a name the mum hates!

OP if I was you I wouldn't even be considering the name Gary, as an unused name or not. Your OH is very lucky you've tried to compromise and he's really pushing his luck. Your FIL is also completely out of line as it's none of his business! I think you should definitely stick to your guns and find a name you both love, whether that means using Gary as a first name and calling your LO something else, using Gary as a middle name, or not using it at all. You're not being unreasonable at all. Your OH has no more right to insist upon a name than you do. And no doubt if you insisted on a name he despised he'd refuse it. It doesn't matter that it's his name, using his name or not using it doesn't make their bond any less special, and presumably LO will also take his surname.

 

[loeylo]

I think you are doing the right thing not taking the name. I presume baby will already have your husbands last name, so his name is already being passed down.

I wanted to name baby Maisie as it was a nickname we had for my gran (her name was May) but my partner hates it so we are looking at other names now. I didn't push it as I know he hates it. Just like he loves Felix for a boy and I hate it!

 

[His Princess]

Personally, I wouldn't even consider it if you hate it that much. I also don't see how the baby's name would have any impact on how well your DH would bond with him. Babies traditionally take their Dad's last name for a reason, I've never really understood the whole concept of 2/3/4 generations having the same first name.

I always loved the name Lewis growing up, which just happens to be my DH's name. However, now that I have a Husband with that name, I haven't even considered it as a name for our Son. I hate the whole 'Junior' thing.

I have considered using my DH's name as a middle name, as well as my Dad's, although we may choose to go with something completely different. My DH did suggest using his Dad's name (Barry) when I suggested using my Dad's name and I vetoed it right away- because I don't like it. My DH really isn't bothered whether we use his name as a middle name, in fact he thinks it's a bit weird. As I said above, both myself and the baby will have DH's surname, so he doesn't think it's necessary to have his first name included too x

 

[k4th]

thanks for responding everybody! just so everyone is clear my husband is in no way demanding that we name him after him lol he simply tells me he would love our son 2 be named after him & his dad. before finding out it was a boy i told him i was picking the first name & he could pick the middle name but we were NOT naming him Gary the third & he was okay with it & he wanted a boy to have his grandfathers middle name which is Thomas. then when we found out it was a boy he started bringing it up more & i started thinking about it. after reading all ur comments & thinking about it.. im not naming him Gary. i also agree with a poster that said my FIL was being disrespectful i think he was 2 & it pisses me off.. he should've just been happy i was thinking of naming him Gary after them! i think i may have considered it a little more if he wouldn't of said what he said. now im gonna be searching for a name until i find one im 100% sure of. thanks ladies & congrats to all of u & ur babies!

I'm glad you've made a decision you're happy with.

Just to add my two cents - I think choosing a name is a really hard job sometimes & one that mum & dad need to agree on. My dh has picked loads of names I hate (& vice versa) and we're going to keep searching until we find one we BOTH love. I don't think either party should settle for something they're not sure on

 

[carebear1981]

My friend was in a similar situation with the name Michael. It was the grandfather's name and the fathers name. So she went ahead and followed the tradition but gave him a middle name she loved. And her and her husband both use the middle name (the father uses his middle name as well). It's was a tradition so she went with it. However, the grandfather uses the middle name and doesn't insist on calling him Michael. If your FIL insists on calling him Gary, it may confuse the poor kid. In that case, I'd have a good conversation with your hubby. If you hate that name and FIL insists on using it, maybe think of something else. Maybe use Gary as the middle name?

My husband wanted to name our first baby after him (but that became an angel). It's not a tradition though and I definitely didn't want two of them in the house. If we find out we're having a boy, I'm definitely putting my foot down and saying no. We both have to agree. I'd regret it if I didn't fight against it.