Did you get spanked and do you plan to spank your child?

[stephx]

No i wouldnt x

 

[AppleBlossom]

lol bexy! harsh! x

Haha, joke obviously

 

[princessellie]

lol bexy! harsh! x

Haha, joke obviously

poor little gracey

 

[leelee]

I definitely would plan not to smack. The reason I think I will stick to this is because I used to work with a young child in residential (aged 12 but mental age of 3). He was a ratio of 3:1 with staff and was incredibly violent. When we were out and about he could/would spit in our faces, kick us, try to bite, try to urinate on us and rub excrement and snot on us. I never lost my cool so I hope I can be the same with a potentially unruly toddler.

 

[leelee]

Like I said in the toddler section, yes I do smack LO if I feel it is necessary. People have told me that I'm a bad mother for doing it, compare it to child abuse (which is ridiculous, a small smack on the hand once in a blue moon is in NO WAY comparable to the ways on which you hear of children being abused in the news and it makes me angry that anyone could say they are even remotely in the same category!) I'm not a bad mother at all. I always said I would never smack her. I was smacked occasionally as a child. It didn't do me any harm but I didn't like it. But as she got older and began to understand what she was doing was naughty and no amount of time out/naughty step, telling off etc worked my very last resort is to smack her. Not hard, just enough so she knows I mean business. For example when I have told her to stay by me and not run off and she screams and kicks and then runs out into the middle of the road. I have smacked her hand when she's done that. When I tell her off, she tells me to be quiet or just laughs.

As a parent I know when it is necessary to smack her. I'm not throwing her against walls and I only smack her if all else has failed and as a last resort. But I will do it if I think it needs to be done. And you can all jump on me if you want (this is baby club after all so I expect it lol) but a lot of you will be first time mums with small babies who say you would never dream of smacking your child. I just want to let you know that I used to say the exact same and I guarantee that when your LO gets to 2-3 years old you will at least consider it even if you don't follow it through.

I don't think what you are doing is child abuse, nor do I think you are a bad mother.

I just know from personal experience that when my Mum smacked us she had completely lost control.

Thanks I know that too lol. And is easy to lose your nut when your child is climbing all over the place, shouting and screaming at you and saying "No!" every time you tell them not to do something. The amount of times I've just wanted to throw her out of the window...

 

[NuKe]

i was spanked, i deserved it, and although i cried at the time, it never stopped me misbehaving! i wont ever be spanking poppy.

 

[AppleBlossom]

I definitely would plan not to smack. The reason I think I will stick to this is because I used to work with a young child in residential (aged 12 but mental age of 3). He was a ratio of 3:1 with staff and was incredibly violent. When we were out and about he could/would spit in our faces, kick us, try to bite, try to urinate on us and rub excrement and snot on us. I never lost my cool so I hope I can be the same with a potentially unruly toddler.

Blimey, you must have the patience of a saint lol I suppose as he was a 'client' in a way, you were not allowed to smack him. But if you've managed to train yourself like that then perhaps you can carry it over to home life

 

[I_AM_LIVID]

Interestingly, my OH, who is all for spanking (or smacking as you call it over there) doesn't believe in hitting a child's hand. He says children have very delicate hands and one can do serious damage to the nerves by hitting the hand, even if just a tap (I'm not saying it is true, I'm saying this is what OH believes). He says an open-hand spanking on the bum is what he'll do if necessary. That's what my dad did to me as well. And the spanking was a last resort. When we did something wrong, he would call us into the bathroom, sit on the toilet pot and have us stand in front of him. He would than lecture us about our wrong doings, explain why what we did was wrong, make us promise not to do it again and then promise to spank us the next time we did. The next time we repeated the same thing, he would call us into the bathroom again, and he would say something like: "Didn't I tell you that doing so and so is wrong? You promised me you wouldn’t do it again. And I promised to spank you next time you did. Remember that? Well, you broke your promise to me, but I will keep my promise". And then he would spank us. After my second spanking I got smart though, I could still be naughty but made it a point not to repeat the same offenses to avoid a spanking from daddy

 

[leelee]

I definitely would plan not to smack. The reason I think I will stick to this is because I used to work with a young child in residential (aged 12 but mental age of 3). He was a ratio of 3:1 with staff and was incredibly violent. When we were out and about he could/would spit in our faces, kick us, try to bite, try to urinate on us and rub excrement and snot on us. I never lost my cool so I hope I can be the same with a potentially unruly toddler.

Blimey, you must have the patience of a saint lol I suppose as he was a 'client' in a way, you were not allowed to smack him. But if you've managed to train yourself like that then perhaps you can carry it over to home life

I hope I can. It is quite difficult to have someone physically abuse you and at the same time try to get yourself and them to a safe place so no-one gets hurt, including members of the public. I did it for 3 years too so I am hoping that I can put what I learnt to good use when dealing with my LO.

 

[Dragonfly]

Wont be spanking my child, no lesson in it apart from teaching violence. My parents never smacked me, once my mum did when I was a teen, beat the shit out of me and pulled my hair out. It was a build up of hate she lets out every now and again towards me. Last time was a few years ago I got a dinner thrown at me for entering the room she was in. nice woman.

 

[venusrockstar]

I got spankings as a child, but not very many.

No, I will not be spanking my child as I don't feel violence teaches them anything.

 

[AppleBlossom]

My mum slapped me full on across the face once. I deserved it like. I didn't do what I did again

 

[redpoppy]

I never had a finger laid on me. My dad wasn't really around so it was just my mum. She could tell you off with a lot of passion though and if all else failed after warnings we'd be put in the bathroom to calm down. Only happened maybe a half dozen times or so.

I'm hoping and relying heavily on the genetic thing that I can raise my kids like my mum raised us. OH was hit and doesn't see anything wrong with it but 1. I've told him he's not allowed to raise a hand to any of my children and 2. I think I'm the one with the temper so I can't imagine he'd ever feel pushed to do so. I know that many people discipline their kids well using smacking but I don't know what it's like and I haven no idea what message it sends out so I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. I think if I had ever been hit as a kid, with my personality, I would have probably ended up acting far worse than I did. I was stubborn and reactionary and my mum learned quite quickly that reverse psychology was the thing to do. And sadly my husband has learned the same thing. I'm a total sucker for it.

 

[Mrs Liamxxs]

my mum and dad to smack me, my sister and my brother, but not very often, my dad had a '3 strikes and your out' approach to it though, first time you was asked, second time you was told, 3rd you got a slap round the backside, i use this approach with my 2 eldest (who are 2 and 5) and i also use the 'counting to 5' method aswell, with tyhe 3 strikes, i only get to the second point and when the counting to 5, i hardley ever get to 5, they know that when mummy gets to 3 or 4 then she isnt playing games, although my 5 yr old son does seem to try to push it that lkttle further now xx

 

[louandivy]

I will definitely not be spanking Ivy. I realise its much worse but my grandma was an alcoholic and hit my mum regularly, if you go near my mums face she still automatically flinches and steps away, and she is 50 now

 

[leelee]

I will definitely not be spanking Ivy. I realise its much worse but my grandma was an alcoholic and hit my mum regularly, if you go near my mums face she still automatically flinches and steps away, and she is 50 now

That's terrible. Your poor Mum

 

[sweetlullaby]

Ask me again when he's a toddler and going through the terrible two's and I might reply differently!

Atm no I don't smack LO mainly because I think he's too young and will be more upset and hurt rather than understanding why mummy tapped his hand/smacked his bum or something and I don't want to get into that habit of smacking before giving an explanation that my dad had a lot sometimes we got no explanation and there was nothing worse than getting smacked but not knowing why. Atm we're doing quite well with "ahh ahh no sweetie that's dangerous bring it over and give it to mummy" (works well when they've got a really firm grip on a battery they've managed to get a hold of with that iron tight fist that says mummy I ain't letting go ) or moving him away from whatever he's got near and saying no with an explanation of why he's been moved etc.

I read the thread in the toddler section last night and a couple of things stuck in my head that every LO is different and understands differently etc and different types of punishments work for different LO's.

I would never smack him hard though for a few reasons - I was given the slipper across the back of the legs/bum the belt a good hard slap on the leg's bum etc and definately not nice yes I know I deserved to be punished but not in that way. Also my mum is a social worker so god know's what she'd do If she caught me giving LO a good smack

 

[charlotte-xo]

I will definitely not be spanking Ivy. I realise its much worse but my grandma was an alcoholic and hit my mum regularly, if you go near my mums face she still automatically flinches and steps away, and she is 50 now

thats awful

 

[redpoppy]

I will definitely not be spanking Ivy. I realise its much worse but my grandma was an alcoholic and hit my mum regularly, if you go near my mums face she still automatically flinches and steps away, and she is 50 now

 

[lily123]

My dad used to beat me and my brothers, until my oldest brother hit him back one day, then he stopped
My mum used to threaten it, but never do it E.G, "If you don't stop that kids, i'm gonna send you to red hot bottom land!" - she never did but we were terrified enough so we behaved

I'll probaby be using that technique for my LO when she's older. Also, "I'm not angry, just disappointed" - thats a good one
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