Did you get spanked and do you plan to spank your child?

[RJsMum]

I was spanked as a child. I suppose as I got older some of the things could have been classed as abuse...smacked with the bristle end of a brush and it broke the skin...slapped across the face...and the best was when my dad and I got into it when I was in HS, he went to pull me by the hair to smack me (found out I was having sex at 17) and ended up pulling a patch of hair out and giving me a bald spot. In turn I called the police on him and he was arrested, although I eventually dropped the charges.

ETA - I don't think of either of my parents as abusers, I now just think of them as parents at the end of their ropes who were frustrated that they couldn't control my behaviour. Their methods eventially got a bit out of control in my eyes, but I think deep down they felt they had no other choice.

Looking back I will never forget the absolute fear I felt being chased around a table or sofa, trying to avoid the punishment. The fear was centered around being hit and the pain I knew I would feel. It never made me regret misbehaving, but only that I got caught.

I don't plan on spanking our son. This isn't because of how it went for me as a kid, but how I feel about what is achieved through spanking. To me it may not make my child violent, but I don't like the message I feel it sends. Plus, I personally feel it's easier and less time consuming to a parent to spank rather than use alternative methods, like redirection, time out, or loss of priviledges...all depending on what is age-appropriate at the time. I want my child to be disciplined and learn through cognitive understanding so he will have the tools to make the decision to not repeat the behaviour or know what is right and wrong.

I do respect other parents should have the right to discipline/punish in the way they see fit, so long as it isn't borderline abuse, but spanking is not something I will have in my toolkit.

 

[LankyDoodle]

My grandad used to beat me (he and my gran lived with us between age 5-7 and then 13-18 when I moved out). If I so much as had my music slightly louder than he wanted it to be, he'd shout up to me and if he felt I hadn't done what he asked (and believe me, I always did as I knew what was coming otherwise), he'd run up the stairs and I'd run to my door to try and keep it shut but he used to push his way in and then he'd punch me round the head or in the stomach or use a slipper/belt to do it. My brother got even worse and one time I remember my grandad grabbing him by each ear and dragging him from his bedroom downstairs and out to the garden by his ears and on his stomach all the time while he was screaming for him to stop. All he'd done wrong was brought a friend by the house on the way home off the bus, to get some stuff! My grandad died nearly 7 years ago and it devastated me - he was like my dad - but I was terrified of him and he is part of the reason I left home so early.

My mum rarely ever hit us, but she would occasionally slap me if I was out of line, and when I was 10 I was threatened with a knife when she was going through a particularly tough patch.

I NEVER EVER want my daughter to feel that a) we are brutes; b) she has to tread a very thin line or risk being hit... we all have to deviate slightly from the line in order to take risks and to learn; c) that violence is the answer and that 2 wrongs make a right. She will be brought up sternly, but not by ruled by an iron fist like I was. That means I don't even want to slap her lightly, ever. I'd rather use other methods. I've worked with kids for over 10 years, some of them the most challenging there are in society. I've never felt my anger reach a point where I'd want to resort to any physical act (except for restraint techniques as per company policy). While many may say that's because of professional boundaries - professional boundaries don't always play on your mind; we are human and we react as we would in any situation, professional or not. My upbringing had such a deep and profound affect on me and I never want my LO to have to feel any injustice at having been physically violated.

 

[polo_princess]

 

[AppleBlossom]

 

[fifie123]

I was hit by my mother when I was you her and punched in the head by my dad so hard I got knocked out so no I will never lay a finger on my children

 

[vaniilla]

Remember, to those of you who said you or someone you know was beaten as a child and it still affects them, we're talking about the odd smack here. Not a daily ritual of beatings with slippers and the like. Whole different story and I don't think anyone on here would dream of doing that to their LO. I have smacked Grace on occassion and she isn't deathly afraid of me

I agree with you but when you have negative memories of something then it stirs up emotion even though its not comparable, for people that have been through it even the mention of it brings all sorts of images to mind, all children are different too and its something that needs to be played by ear, some are really sensitive and even shouting scares, some I'm pretty sure would push even the most patient to the edge, I don't think you should feel bad, you know your own child better than anyone and I'm sure you wouldn't do it if you thought it was having a negative impact

 

[Drazic<3]

I was spanked and then later on I was out and out beaten by my Dad. So no, I will never smack my daughter. It is ineffective (IMHO) and it teaches children that violence is acceptable. There will never be violence in my home.

 

[lanaross]

The only way I would ever slap my daughter is if I lose control over myself and that would only show how weak I am, it wouldn't teach her anything, wouldn't make her regret about something she did, wouldn't make her respect me more; it would just show her that I am weak as a mom and don't have enough intelligence, enough love, enough patience to make it clear. I don't want to be that kind of mom.

As they say, there are no bad students, only bad teachers.

PS Mom never slapped me, my dad slapped me once when he lost patience and I still remember it. My grandma was the tough one and we really didn't get along when I was a teenager and even much later.

 

[leelee]

I was hit by my mother when I was you her and punched in the head by my dad so hard I got knocked out so no I will never lay a finger on my children

 

[Natasha2605]

I was never hit as a child, my parent's form of dicipline was to be grounded, have things taken away etc.

No way will I hit Summer, nor will anyone else. I just think there are other effective methods and smacking is not high on my list! xx

 

[dani_tinks]

I wasn't beaten everyday, only when I was ''naughty'' but I don't think I deserved what I got. It still haunts me today. I couldn't bare to hurt or scare my son like my dad did me.
A tap on the hand is one thing, but slapping with a slipper, belt, soap in mouth is just cruel
to all the other girlies in here who were hit and still remember it, it's not a nice memory of childhood. x

 

[Hayley90]

Yes we were smacked, and no i wont do it. Simples

 

[hippobaby]

I was by both parents and no I won't be smacking or tapping

 

[mommyof3co]

I was spanked one time by my dad, only time ever, and I was 4yrs old and still remember it and it was awful and has always stuck with me.

We don't spank our kids, I believe there are other ways that work better for us.

 

[redpoppy]

I was hit by my mother when I was you her and punched in the head by my dad so hard I got knocked out so no I will never lay a finger on my children

I think it's actually a lot more difficult and very brave for people who were hit or abused as kids to not hit their children. I understand why they don't want to and why they never would but I do wonder what resources they have. I feel you learn to parent from your parents to a great degree even if it's in what you WON'T do but then I always wonder on how much more difficult it is to learn what you WILL do when you haven't had that example set. I am very impressed with parents who manage to do it.

 

[moomoo]

I can rememer being smacked and swung by my hair as a child. Massive loss of control on my parents behalf. All because I had an untidy room!! I was 10 ffs!! Oh also had the belt and slipper growing up!!

We will be doing none of that with our LOs. I don't want them to grow up with a lack of respect for us.

 

[LankyDoodle]

I was hit by my mother when I was you her and punched in the head by my dad so hard I got knocked out so no I will never lay a finger on my children

I think it's actually a lot more difficult and very brave for people who were hit or abused as kids to not hit their children. I understand why they don't want to and why they never would but I do wonder what resources they have. I feel you learn to parent from your parents to a great degree even if it's in what you WON'T do but then I always wonder on how much more difficult it is to learn what you WILL do when you haven't had that example set. I am very impressed with parents who manage to do it.

I was very lucky (in a very convoluted way) in that I had a breakdown due to things that happened in my childhood and an episode of intense stress that made me less capable of coping with the load - not just the beatings - and ended up having a lot of CBT and CAT which has made me the person I am now, which is very different to the person I was 4 or 5 years ago. I also always swore that I'd 'break the cycle' with my own children - my grandad beat my mum and uncle and my mum left home at 16. My mum is a very shouty person and can go off the rails easily. I want to be different and I think a will to be different is sometimes about 90% of the battle...

I did learn a lot from my gran because she is very mild-mannered and was afraid of my grandad. I want to be a bit like her as a parent.

 

[aob1013]

I was smacked often amongst other things. We will definately not be using physical punishment on Leni.

 

[redpoppy]

It will be interesting how many of us will change as we get crazy, wilful, stubborn tantrums on our hands in a year or two.

I'm pretty certain I won't as I wasn't so I imagine I'll be doing what my mum did. I just have to perfect that tone. *goes off to practice in the mirror*

 

[cherryglitter]

Ask me in about 2 or 3 years