Did you get spanked and do you plan to spank your child?

[3 girlies]

no way, i find the naughty porch (the step didnt work) for time out is pretty good, although the shoe cupboard takes a beating from Reese at times lol, i want to teach them to think about what they have done wrong & appoligise after, not feel pain & fear me (even if its only briefly). I got smacked & it didnt make me respect my parents, quite the opposite infact.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Ahh I give in with this thread. If smacking my child every so often makes me some kind of violent monster who is teaching her nothing but aggression and disrespect then so be it. I'm sure you'll all have perfectly behaved children that will automatically take to the naughty step and you will never have to shout at them or, god forbid, smack them.

To all those that were beaten (not smacked, two totally different things) as children with slippers, belts etc and abused in any way I am genuinely sorry for you

 

[I_AM_LIVID]

There are some seriously scary stories on here Sending you guys

My mum didn't ground us, have a time-out or anything. In fact, most of the time she let us do as we pleased because she was a firm believer in live and learn. When we did something wrong she would tell us how we had disappointed her and I remember how that made me feel worse. I would even go as far as to say during the times that my mum gave me a stamp of disapproval, I would have opted for a spanking because you get hit and it's over and done with. The silent treatment was a killer and had the potential to deprive me of my beauty sleep because it would constantly run through my mind how my mum was disappointed in me. And now that I’m older, I truly appreciate her method of parenting. It however does not take away from the fantastic job my dad did raising us either. Those occasional spankings were very necessary.

 

[louandivy]

There are some seriously scary stories on here Sending you guys

My mum didn't ground us, have a time-out or anything. In fact, most of the time she let us do as we pleased because she was a firm believer in live and learn. When we did something wrong she would tell us how we had disappointed her and I remember how that made me feel worse. I would even go as far as to say during the times that my mum gave me a stamp of disapproval, I would have opted for a spanking because you get hit and it's over and done with. The silent treatment was a killer and had the potential to deprive me of my beauty sleep because it would constantly run through my mind over and over how my mum was disappointed in me. And now that I’m older, I truly appreciate her method of parenting. It however does not take away from the fantastic job my dad did raising us either.

Your mothers method is exactly what I intend to do, I just need to perfect my 'disappointed' face!

 

[Marzipan_girl]

i want to teach them to think about what they have done wrong & appoligise after, not feel pain & fear me (even if its only briefly). I got smacked & it didnt make me respect my parents, quite the opposite infact.

My thoughts EXACTLY!
I was only smacked occasionally (definitely wasn't abuse!) by my mum when I had done wrong, but it scared me senseless anyway and I think I don't want my LO only doing right because he's scared...thats just my opinion though. I don't think anyone here is a child abuser, or a bully for using smacking as discipline. Afterall, I LOVE my mum so there you go! And I turned out fine. But I just remember being terrified of being smacked, hence it's just not what I want to do ideally

 

[ttc_lolly]

My mum used to smack us when we were really naughty, and I'm fine with it - compared to what some of you had done to you, it was nothing like that to my sisters and I

I don't want to have to smack my kids - I'm hoping I'll be more like my dad! He never once laid a single finger on us but for some reason he was just a lot scarier than my mum - it was just the look he gave & his big booming voice! I remember that if when we were naughty we would hope mum dealt with us, not dad! Strange! x

 

[bky]

I was, but it was more out of my parent's inability to control themselves. I recall being spanked once when I was 3 and had vomited on the stairs. I assume I was spanked out of frustration. It wasn't a common thing though. As to whether I'll do it, I have to take a wait and see position on that. I feel it may work for some situations and children, but it's not a one-size-fits-all type of thing. I also feel there is a small window where I would use it. When they are old enough to understand the concept of naughtiness, but not old enough to reason with in other ways. IMO, not all children will have time at that stage.

 

[pigginteacher]

I was smacked as a child but not often and I felt it was deserved and it hasn't caused me any emotional damage. I have a nine year old and I did smack her bottom when she was younger but this was only for defiant behaviour. Tried the naughty step, didnt work for me. As someone else said, its not one rule fits all. I have an 11 week old and I can't imagine ever smacking her and I will always try other methods but I would never rule out smacking. Mmy sister in law has never smacked her boys as she said she didnt want them to be violent or think that hitting is ok and I have to say there behaviour is awful and they do hit, infact they have been know to hit their Mum and hit their Grandad so it doesn't always follow suit. In the end parents should be allowed to choose how they discipline their children but I'm not in anyway condoning some of the methods I have read on here, such as punching or using implements, this is abuse and much different from a smack on the bottom.

 

[redpoppy]

Ahh I give in with this thread. If smacking my child every so often makes me some kind of violent monster who is teaching her nothing but aggression and disrespect then so be it. I'm sure you'll all have perfectly behaved children that will automatically take to the naughty step and you will never have to shout at them or, god forbid, smack them.

I don't think anyone is saying that. Or at least I hope they're not. But if your personal experience of physical discipline is a horrible memory then it's understandable how people get very emotional about it. I doubt any B&Ber would be thoughtless enough to beat their children, to not think about discipline, to get overly emotional and lash out or to unfairly try and subdue their children into submission or actively try and cause their child pain. but I think many parents do and have done more so in the past. SO there's a bitterness and anger there for the injustice people felt in their childhood which ideally should be a fun, protected and loving time in anyone's life.

In these threads people need to remember there is a difference between smacking and abuse and other people need to remember it's not personal when people get emotional because it's almost always because of their personal experiences.

 

[leelee]

I think there is a huge difference between the light tap AppleBlossom is talking about and the type of physical abuse that some people on this thread have been subjected to.

I was smacked as a child, but definitely not physically abused.

 

[AppleBlossom]

I think there is a huge difference between the light tap AppleBlossom is talking about and the type of physical abuse that some people on this thread have been subjected to.

I was smacked as a child, but definitely not physically abused.

Exactly. I would never dream of doing any of the things people have mentioned in here

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I don't intend to smack. But I don't have toddler yet x

 

[Susie28]

We have decided that we won't ever smack Poppy, or even tap her hand etc etc.....I just can't bear the thought of physically hurting her. Even if it was a light tap, how would I know if it hurt her or how it made her feel? I also think that, ok, so if I decided that I was going to use a small tap on the hand to "tell Poppy off", how can I be sure that in a moment of anger/annoyance I don't tap her hand harder than I want/mean too? For me/us it's better just to have a no smacking (in any circumstances/on any body part) rule.

However, I don't judge parents who do choose to lightly tap their LO's hands as a form of discipline... I don't think that a light tap on the hand is going to have any long lasting negative impact on a child if otherwise they have a happy, positive and loving childhood. For some babies/children a little tap on the hand does work. And I by no means mean a full on smack. I would never condone or do that. To "smack" a child on ANY body part.....I really don't agree with.

I think that when people reply to this thread they should bare in mind (as stated by other people) that there is a huge difference between a little tap on the hand as a form of discipline and a "smack" or abuse....

ETA: I got a smacked bum once when I was about 10 (or so), because I sweared at my mum. I never did it again

 

[Eve]

Here in NB it isn't abuse by Child and Family Services to spank your child on the bum with your bare, open hand between the ages of 2-12. You can't in an embarassing manner, or out of anger though or it's concidered abuse.

I don't plan to spank Kayleigh but I do understand why some people spank their children.

 

[Kimmer]

No, I wouldn't hit my child. Of course, I'm not entitled to an opinion because I only have a baby.

I was hit a few times as a child. I was an awful brat. Hitting me didn't stop me, it just made me run away after I did it.

I would never teach my child fear. I'd always teach her respect. I don't believe in shouting at children either.

A lot of people have said that hitting is their last resort.. but what if that doesn't work? What then? Just hit them a bit harder?

 

[Susie28]

I also think it's worth mentioning that some parents have tried all the other options... saying "no", time out, positive discipline etc and a little tap on the hand is their final attempt at trying to get their LO to behave. I don't think that many people would use a smack on the hand/bum as their first action towards naughty behaviour.

I think of the old saying "don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in their shoes"

 

[babyfromgod]

No i wont be smacking my child, i think it is actually illegal in New Zealand anyway

 

[Bartness]

I think I was only ever spanked once, as being shouted at always made me feel bad and I'd start crying. I however, do believe that spanking or taping of the hand is ok, but first you have to give them warnings.

when my oldest nephew was a toddler he was a biter and a hitter. If he bit me, I bit him back, if he hit me, I slapped his hand. Took care of those problems, then he started licking everyone's face like a dog. It may sound weird, but to get him to stop I'd lick him right back! it worked, he didnt like it being done to him, so he stopped doing it to others!

 

[TattiesMum]

Remember, to those of you who said you or someone you know was beaten as a child and it still affects them, we're talking about the odd smack here. Not a daily ritual of beatings with slippers and the like. Whole different story and I don't think anyone on here would dream of doing that to their LO. I have smacked Grace on occassion and she isn't deathly afraid of me

You're right Hon - there is a HUGE difference

I was beaten by my mother - never with a hand, just with what came to hand .... wooden spoons, belts, riding crops, shoes, slippers, magazines - just about anything really She also had a nice line in other punishments - cooking food we hated and force feeding us, making us clean the oven, making us clean the carpets or change beds if we were sick and didn't make it to the bathroom, plus vast amounts of negative comments and criticisms

I did smack my children, but it was rare and only ever on the bottom/legs with an open hand. I primarily used smacking where all else had failed - it was always as a last resort and really only when they were toddlers ... once they are past that age they are more open to reason and smacking becomes counter productive.

I don't know what Tattie will do with Kaylum - he's far too young at the moment for it to have become a issue - but he's a headstrong little boy who's already into everything, so it may be that she feels the odd smack is called for later down the line. One thing is for sure I won't be smacking him - he's not my baby to discipline!