did your "motherly love" come straight away?

[seoj]

I do feel like mine started the moment I got that pos+ HPT! BUT... it changed and grew as my LO grew... and when she arrived I was so in love, but so surreal all at once! But I went into auto mode with her and felt I needed to do anything I could to keep her safe and happy... but I swear that love and bond just grows more each day (if that's even possible)- LOL. I guess there is no amount your heart can't hold.

I know it's very common for that "bond" to form a bit later on though-- as we are not only dealing with a new baby but trying to recover and cope with healing from the deliver etc... not to mention the hormones! I would guess the love any Mother feels for their child at first would only get stronger and more powerful with time... but maybe I just see it that way And no matter how long you are a parent, they can certainly do things at times to frustrate us or drive us mad! LOL. I know my 14yrs old still does at times... but that never changes the unconditional love we feel

 

[bumpbear]

She cast a spell over DH and I the moment she was born. Nothing else has mattered ever since. I just love her madly and the only thing I want to do now in is to make sure she is happy and healthy.

 

[tristansmum]

totally normal. i had EMCS so not sure if this contributed. I think it took me maybe 2 months to be completely in love with him. To start with i felt i wanted him safe and healthy but no over powering love. i also felt i wasn't sure i wanted him for the first 2 weeks. Sounds awful but speaking to a close friend she said she felt the same way. Now i love him more than anything and my heart bursts when think about him. For some of us it just takes time

 

[cisforcaro]

I have been wondering about this and mostly i have felt anxious but I have noticed that things came to me naturally. Like my OH is afraid to touch her...like really worries about supporting her head when passing her off, but me? I dont get anxious, frustrated or feel helpless when she cries, I am not scared to hold her, and after the first few nights I feel comfortable enough to let her sleep in the bassinet by our bed without obsessively checking every few minutes.

I do feel a connection but not a super strong one yet...and I really think it has to do with drama filled home life we came home to 2 days after she was born. OH just got a new job and is gone most of the day AND We live with my 87 year old grandmother and my mother and aunt were supposed to come help out. a bunch of relatives came over all in one day and I didnt want them to all hold her. She's not a toy! They all got their feelings hurt and went home.

There are also 4 cats here. They have all been sequestered to the back area of the house, but I feel guilty because I feel like i brought my baby to a dirty home. I keep her in our room and the living room, but the house smells like cat urine even though we mop and sweep and empty the litter pans every day. She is no where near the cats or the pans, but i felt so worried and guilty about the nastiness that we decided to move back in with OH's family.

We moved out of OH's family's house shortly after i found out i was pregnant because there is a ton of people living there. His parents, his brothers (who are 15, 12, and 9) and sister (who is 8) and their family friend who we shared the basement with. There is plenty of room in the house but I thought it would be better for the baby to live somewhere with less people. I was wrong. I cant take care of an 87 year old woman and my newborn. I told my family their mother was their responsibility and they needed to fix this gross living situation. My newborn is my responsibility and I cant have her living in this filth

I think once we move and get more of a routine we can develop our bond better.

 

[Miss_Quirky]

This makes me feel SO much better. I have just began feeling that way towards LO. I mean, I know I love him but this last week it's begun to strengthen and does every day. I had a traumatic delivery, LO was in NICU and I didn't get to see him for hours, I saw him for ten minutes and then they took me away and I didn't get to see him for eight more hours (total of 12 hours away from him then), and when I saw him I didn't feel connected at all.

I felt like such a bad mother! I almost wanted to hand him back and say there is no way this came from me. I cried and cried because I didn't feel that motherly love immediately.

 

[victoriav]

Honestly it took months. She was hospitalised when she was 5 months with Bronchiolitis and seeing her all vulnerable just broke my heart. It was only then that I realised how much I loved her. Now I can look at her at any given moment and well up because I just think she's amazing.

ETA - I had emcs and she had a spell in
NICU so I can understand why our bond wasnt all it could have been at first.

 

[XJessicaX]

Nope. Took at least a month, maybe even 6 weeks. Wont be embarrassed to say that my labour wasn't the greatest and by the time she was out after hours of agony I wanted it all to end. I just needed sleep and to be left alone and then this completely dependent baby was plonked on me and all I could think was "what have I done" and this feeling took a long time to disperse.

 

[random 300]

I'll admit to anyone that I did have to grow to love my daughter, and she was planned. Friends ect all talk about this instant bond that they felt as soon as they held their liitle angels. It wasn't like for me though I didn't feel anything and she was planned! I was told it may have been because I had a c section and didn't see my little angel properly till she was about a day hold. O.M.G she sun shines out of her backside now and she is the centre of my universe. xx

 

[ferens06]

No, and I had a lot of issues with it in the first week of her life. I felt relief that she was alive and I wanted to care for/protect her but I didn't feel that rush of love everyone talks about. I spent a lot of time crying and wondering what was wrong with me as a result.

All I could think when she was first born was that she had a big head and that she was ugly, and I thought that people were saying she was cute but they were lying. I don't know why I had such a strange reaction to her considering she was planned and I was really excited to meet her, but it's gone now and I love her a lot and it gets stronger every day.

xx

 

[gk1701]

I'm still waiting for the rush everyone describes. I hate to admit that. I love my baby and I'm dreading putting her in day care but I haven't had that rush yet. She is 12 weeks old now and my delivery wasn't that bad and we were left alone for almost 2 hours after the birth to bond.

 

[Allyson11]

My LO is six weeks tomorrow and I'm not completely there yet. And there are definitely still times I sit and wonder what the heck I've done in choosing to have this baby. It is getting better though.
I had a long drug filled back to back labour and pushed for 2 hours before an attempted venthouse and ending in a emcs. I didn't gave skin to skin straight away but did within the first hour I think. All I remember feeling was relief that he was ok and that it was all over. Plus oh had to leave straight away as he was a zombie so I was completely onlytraumatised with only strangers to talk to.
So now I don't beat myself up about giving up breastfeeding or not bonding with him straight away. I just take things a day at a time.

 

[lyricsop03]

I had an unplanned pregnancy and was in college. I considered adoption for a long time because I wasn't financially stable and I didn't consider myself the motherly type. I was positive I'd be a bad mom. But I changed my mind and once LO was born I completely fell in love with him. So it is different for everyone. But now I can't imagine a life without my baby.

 

[Bevziibubble]

My LO was planned and although I knew I loved her, I didn't bond with her for quite a while. I just didn't feel 'with it', everything was so new and nothing like I had expected. It felt a bit like an anticlimax to be honest and I feel so guilty saying that but I think a lot of people experience this too. The bond happened in time though x

 

[Jennbear]

I feel like I haven't bonded at all with my son. I had a very long labour, 40+ hours, that ended in an EMCS. I feel filled with anxiety every day because I haven't got a clue what I'm doing and worry that I've made a mistake because I don't feel a bond with him at all. This makes me feel terribly guilty. I expected to have that rush of motherly love immediately but it hasn't happened.

I'm comforted by reading that others have experienced the same but I do worry it will never come

 

[Samiam03]

I had it with both my kids...I will admit it took a few hours with my son though. My son was a traumatic birth whereas my daughter was an unmediated perfect birth.

I will admit I never bonded with either kids while pregnant though. And one was planned but I still didn't care for him. My daughter, sadly, I will admit I pretty much hated her while pregnant but the moment she was born all the love and affection hit me. She is 5 days now and I am just so in love with her...I don't even care when she cries inconsolably.

 

[AngelofTroy]

I don't feel that overwhelming love yet. I love him, but I am so sleep deprived I can barely function and I resent him for that. :'(

I can't wait to feel that rush of love, but at 3am after 3 hrs sleep in the last 24hrs, it's difficult!

 

[mommytobe11]

i'm so happy i found this thread!!!!! i've been feeling so guilty and confused that i don't have this overwhelming feeling of love.
i've been dying to just be alone with OH and have a date night with him. i never thought i'd want to leave my baby once he was born and i feel so sad that i want to be away from him sometimes

 

[Arisa]

well for me my motherly love came quickly but its fading now, as with alot of post natally depressive women, the detachment and feeling of obligation to your baby can come on as late as four months into motherhood and by month three it hit me bad, some days i do not want to be around my little girl even though she is the most amazing and precious thing on earth, i still feel detached from her and resentful because of my body and how it looks, how i am unable to excercise because i am exhausted and depressed everyday and when she grizzles it just rips into my ear drums and i cannot take it. Guess it takes all sorts of women different amounts of time to attach. I really want to love her the way i did when she was a newborn but now its so hard even though she is gorgeous and overall a happy kid, she is also teething and that sux and i am too tired to think straight let alone try to be a 24/7 mother, i miss my husband but will be in england with him in two weeks thank god for grandparents
to all of you going through this its hard, its the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, boy do i know that now

 

[eulmh82]

I must admit I do still sometimes have that feeling of obligation towards him. He has been trhough the 6 mth separation anxiety phase - along with a stomach bug sleep regression and we had our kitchen done so i can honeslty say the last 6 wks have been the hardest of all. I was all ready to go to HV saying I had postnatal depression but i realised it was the situation I was in and not me. I find it very hard as my husband works away and I must admit sometimes I still dont feel completely in love with him -but others I do. I get jealous when I see my friends so completely in love with their LOs.

 

[CarliCareBear]

I feel like I'm crazy as I initially had love for my baby even after a pregnancy from the depths of hell and an emergency c-section. But for some reason I have begun to feel so dissconected from her lately? How come I am just now starting to feel this way?? Every time I am caring for her I am just waiting till I can pass her off to OH and he has honestly been taking care of her more than I have- which is hard to admit. She has finally just started smiling but I just feel so detached... What is wrong with me?