Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[LucyJ]

see that sounds exactly how i want to do things. I feel that if i let Eloise know she's welcome in the grown ups bed when she needs it, that i am always there, then she will grow in confidence to not be clingy and to feel secure when the time is right. I was worried about spoiling, but it doesnt work like that. you actually cant spoil a baby. The more love and security they get, the more confident they get - and let babies be babies..'independent' my arse.

Benjamins been a bit poorly got s cough and snotty so he's slept alot. He was up early but by 10am he was so tired and grumpy I was tired so we both went back to bed he slept till 12am and I dosed next to him then at 4am he was tired again so he fell asleep on me for about an hr or so. He still went to sleep in his bed tonight and has been asleep since half 8.

I agree about growing in confidence and being secure. Benjamin is definitely growing in confidence and becoming more independent, when we go to groups he'll crawl off but will look for me he knows Im there if he needs me. Everytime we go he becomes more confident at bounce & rhyme he'll crawl and get a muscial instrument now when they come out before he'd just watch but now off he goes. If its very busy he'll stay near me. He does seem to have hit a patch of being a bit shy when meeting new people but it doesnt last long.

 

[LucyJ]

Dont you just hate it when you strip the bed, and think 'oh, I'll put the new sheets on later" and completely forget to

Then when you go to bed later, youre confronted with a naked bed and you have to put the new sheets on then

sulk.

Yes I do and I do it quite regularly!

 

[jenny25]

Thank you so much girls for your advise I've been in shock most of the day with how she was with us, I was discussing with Paul would it not be easier to figure out if he had something wrong with him then the courses would be more useful after as it would help us in a better way ? I wasn't kmpreseed with the whole arm grabbing situation and I felt deeply offended with how she treated us today I'm almost 30 not 20 sorry I am tired so probably babbling xx

 

[Allie84]

Jenny, if it were me, I would happily take the course despite the unhelpful woman; I'm an information junkie and am of the mindset that the more you know, the better. I took every single class offered by my hospital for pregnant women and feel like even though some of it was redundant, it was worth it for the nuggets of wisdom I learned and still utilize today. I also like classes for the chance to be around other parents. It might be helpful to be with parents who have children with the same circumstances. Also, I worked with students with emotional and behavioral difficulties (at the high school level, though) and even though I was just an assistant and not a teacher I had to take training to learn how to work with students with issues such as ADHD. I agree it wasn't right to grab your arm...that kind of thing really annoys me. It sounds like she was patronizing to you and that put you on the defensive. Maybe there's someone else you could deal with instead of her?

Re: taking baby into bed in you, I only do it once the sun's up because I'm just not confident otherwise. Our bed isn't huge and I want to be able to see him. THat said, it feels so wonderful waking up to him smiling at me! He loves the cuddles...it's just so nice. Today we both napped with him in my lap in the rocking chair and that was nice (except for my arm which fell asleep). I agree with you all in the value of closness/attachment. However, have you heard of the Time magazine story getting buzz with the breastfeeding 3 year old? I think some people can take things a bit too far...I watched the kid on a morning show this morning and he was kind of bratty. Not that it means BFing until 3 makes a bratty kid.

 

[heart tree]

Jen I responded to you on the PAL thread, but I'll post it here too:

Jen, I don't think she should have touched you, and I think she should have been more understanding to why you were upset. On the other hand, I don't think she was telling you that you were parenting Aaron incorrectly. I'm not sure she did the best job of communicating this to you though, which is why you were feeling so defensive.

I can't speak to your situation, as I don't have experience with children. But let me tell you about something similar. I work with families who are caring for family members with dementia (Alzheimer's, Vascular Dementia, etc.) When someone has dementia, their personalities often change. They also exhibit behavioral issues such as repeating themselves over and over, wandering and getting lost, accusing people of stealing things, leaving the stove on, not bathing, etc. It can be challenging for the family members who are trying to care for them. They'll often call me at their wits end because they try telling the person with dementia over and over not to do something. I have to teach these people that you can't logic and reason with someone who has memory loss. There are other ways to deal with the behavioral issues. I always tell the people that they aren't doing anything wrong, they just have to learn a new way of approaching the situation. It's not something that comes automatically or naturally. I teach classes so people can learn how to communicate more effectively with the person who has dementia. There are certain skills that I teach that can make a huge difference for everyone involved.

I'm guessing this woman was trying to tell you the same thing. There may be ways to approach Aaron that will help curb some of his behaviors. It's not that you are doing anything wrong. But there may be some skills that will help you and Aaron.

Does that make sense?

I really don't think she explained it properly and I really don't like that she grabbed you. That's not right. She was too forceful with you and I would be very upset too.

 

[heart tree]

Also I can say with 100% certainty that my brother has ADHD. His father (my step-father) had it too but there just wasn't a name for it when he was a kid. My brother could never sit still in class. He could never focus. He was a sweet kid, but he was always getting in trouble for not listening and having too much energy. He got evaluated and eventually he started taking ritilin. It helped him tremendously. Now he takes another medication when he needs to focus. He only takes it when he has something major like a deadline at work. But he said he can't really focus without it. He took it to get through exams in college. But otherwise he prefers not to take it. He's a fine man. A little hyper sometimes, but productive and smart. My step-father never took meds to treat his. He was the most energetic man I knew. And he was one of the most brilliant physicians and social activists I ever met. Neither of them had bad parent. It can be a genetic thing. My step-fathers brother also shows signs of it. In my experience, it does tend to mellow out with age.

 

[Allie84]

Dont you just hate it when you strip the bed, and think 'oh, I'll put the new sheets on later" and completely forget to

Then when you go to bed later, youre confronted with a naked bed and you have to put the new sheets on then

sulk.

Yes I do and I do it quite regularly!

LMAO! This is always happens to me. I missed this earlier.


Hearty, I love your insight for Jenny. How are you feeling this evening?

Alistair's alarm went off as usual so I'm wide awake (adrenaline rush). I decided to use the energy to put some photos on Facebook...I went through all of Alistair's photos and put an album up of his first six months if you're interested.

 

[jenny25]

Thank you all so much or your help it does mean a lot and your advise has been great I'm going to approach the school too see what other options I have and I will contact my gp as she is great also but I Defo will not be having contact with that doctor again x

 

[pregoinnorge]

I agree with the others jen...try not to think that she was bashing your parenting skills but rather suggesting ways to learn to handle the situation. I don't blame you if you want to find a doctor that you find tobe a better fit for your family.

We're heading downtown so I don't have a lot if time....after reading all of your comments on SIDS, co-sleeping, sleeping in the same room, I wonder if I am abnormal. I was a nervous wreck when pregnant, but surprisingly I don't really dwell on stuff now or google like crazy. I disagree with the calm mom calm baby theory though simply because I m not that hyper or worried really and Ella is a very high maintenance baby. It's almost like telling someone to just relax and you will get pregnant- telling someone to calm down won't necessarily make the baby less fussy. I really feel that luck plays a major role and the personality is already there. As much as I envy those mothers with calm babies who nap in the stroller and are happy entertaining themselves, I love my little firecracker

I co-slept for the first four months and then moved her into her own room when we got back from the States. I don't have a motion sensor, and I rarely turn on the baby monitor because she's just in the next room. I wasn't particularly worried when co-sleeping either for some reason, but I've stopped now that she's rolling and "crawling" around. I sometimes miss her in the bed, but we all sleep better now. I suppose I'll have to stop bringing her into our bed in the morning one day, but I love it and it's the only time of day she really cuddles.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

My baby can walk, in just a few days she's gone from walking maybe 10 steps, now she's full on walking

Soooooooo proud

 

[pregoinnorge]

Awwww, go poppy! That's exciting!

 

[heart tree]

Wow just read through everything. I love reading how you each approach parenting. I have nothing to add but I'm taking notes!

Sassy that's so amazing that Poppy is walking. I wonder if that will make it easier or more difficult when the baby arrives? Guess it doesn't matter. It's all happening!

My crib arrived yesterday. My step-mother bought it and had it delivered. I also got a package today. It's a warmer to put cloth wipes in to keep them warm. Another gift from my step-mother. And the crib mattress should be here soon. It's starting to feel more real with all of this stuff. I have so much more to get, but this is a good start!

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Lol, suppose it'll make it a bit harder, oh well there's no stopping that lil bubba. Walking video in my journal

 

[Sassy_TTC]

That's lovely of your step mum, bet she's mega excited to meet your lil princess.

Have you decided on a pram yet?xx

 

[vickyd]

Jen im of the same mind as the rest of the girls. However, am I the only one who is super impressed that there are FREE parenting classes in the UK and from what i guess in the US as well??? Where the fuck do I live???

Lucy what is it with these past two weeks? I swear every baby i know is got a cold of some sort...Hero has been snotty and has a slight cough 4 days now. She was ok up until tonight when i ran out of saline drops and cant clear her nose. She was crying (which only made her nose even more stuffy) for a good half hour before passing out.

YAY for poppy walking! This is the toughest phase but it really helps shed the pounds lol! I swear ive lost more weight since hero walked than all the previous months of intense dieting.

 

[heart tree]

This is what we're going to get. There is one strap that you pull and the whole thing folds easily. You can fold it using one hand which will be great when we're in SF and using the busses. https://www.cityministrollers.com/City-Mini-Single-Stroller-Green-2012-p/cm1grn12.htm

Vicky, no free classes here! I'm always amazed to hear about these free things everyone else seems to get!

Going to go see the video of Poppy walking now.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Fab choice hearty, I'm getting the double city mini tomorrow, so easy to use. Are you getting green? I'm going for the mocha colour.x

 

[heart tree]

Yup, I'm getting green. It's my favorite color in general and matches Tim's eyes!

I'm hoping my baby will get his green eyes too. So then it will match hers too!

 

[Megg33k]

I know this is sort of off-topic and probably a little depressing... but I just had to say it anyway...

I started dismantling my nursery today. I'm not sure I was quite as "ready to do it" as I thought I was...

 

[heart tree]

Megg

I was wondering what you had done with that room. I can only imagine how hard it must be, even if you thought you were ready to do it.

What are your plans for the room now?