Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[hoping:)]

Vicky- the guilt will eat you alive. I think we all have something we feel guilty about at one point or another. I’m the queen at giving my self a nice guilt trip. Getting covered in asphalt does sound freaky! Your work always sounds amusing and interesting.

Nato- those are fears that run through my mind about having a 2nd. I just feel like we have such a good balance and I am able to give both Penny and Tim the attention they deserve but at the same time you never know until you try! This baby could make everything more perfect and be the best companion for Eloise. One thing I still think about is that if we only have one Penny will have no immediate family after we are gone. Knowing that I still had my sister helped comfort me after my mother died. We’ve been closer than ever since then.


Sparkly- I totally remember the projectile vomiting phase. Its reassuring but sucks at the same time! Im glad you have some stubborn Los in there!

Lucy- that seems like a good plan. Snacks and TV sound perfect

Sassy- are things getting better now that Zach is older?

My biggest guilt trip is that somehow I won’t do something right and mess up Penny’s life. For example- did you know that 50% of an individual’s happiness is determined between birth and the age of 3 OR 4? That is a huge amount of pressure. I want Penny to be better than us and well rounded but the only way to do that is to set the right examples. I am always trying to improve but it can be overwhelming at times. That’s why my NY resolution is a positive attitude. I mostly obsessive over the future and things that can potentially happen. I’m generally go with the flow when it comes to everyday things… I remind myself to just stop and enjoy the moment and it helps fight off the crazy “what if’s.”

 

[VGibs]

Gibs: sorry to hear that...do you give A the letters or just write them to get it off your chest?

I do it to get it off my chest...I only ever send her little letters like "Mommy thinks your a fancy lass!" In her school lunches. My grandpa used to say "Fancy Lass!" all the time in his wild scots accent.

Oh...sleigh ride you say?


That is my daddy driving "Dixie" on New Year's Day. We have some snow in the background there....lol

 

[Allie84]

Wow, I go on holiday for 3 days and I miss everything!!!! The most active the thread's been in months! Figures!

I read everything back and now I don't have time to post LOL!!

CONGRATS, Lucy!!!! OMG, I'm sooooooo excited and happy for you.

I'm delirous...our train back was delayed so we didn't get in until 6 am this morning! That means we were at the trainstation sitting there from 5-8 pm, then on the train from 8 pm to 6am....Alistair slept the entire time but I barely slept and I'm delirious.

Also, Alistair choked on a cracker at the train station and luckily he worked it out himself but his little cries afterwards and the look of fear on his face can't get out of my head.


Vacation was amazing, though. So much fun!!

Will post thorough responses to everything later.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

It's slightly better, I'm very unhappy but I'm not sure if that's me or us!

I got Poppy's ears pierced yesterday, naughty mummy! She got some clip on ones in a dressing up basket for Xmas and loves wearing them so I took her to the shop and asked her if she wanted to pick some, she did so we got them done, there was a few tears but she's not even noticed them since!

 

[msarkozi]

awe, way to go Poppy...bet they look beautiful!! and Sass! love you girl!

Allie - glad you had a great trip sorry to hear of the choking though...that must have been scary

so I put Kash in a big boy bed tonight, and oh my god....that boy amazes me!! He cried for a minute as I closed the bedroom door, heard him walking and then nothing but quiet!! I was like no way this can be that easy and he went to bed.....Gord was shocked too and said he was going to check it out, and I told him not too because it was only half an hour and he would end up waking him....so he went into Kash's room and he was asleep on his bed, but of course it woke him up. He is back to sleep in his bed though....I am hoping the night goes like this as well. He seems to transition so well, thank god!!!

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi girls, how is everyone? I've had a quiet weekend, but feeling much, much better. Unfortunately I seem to be making up for all the food i didn't eat when ill and have been eating as much as I can get my hands on. Im out of control.

Hoping, one of the reasons I want another is so him/her and Eloise can look after each other as they get older. Eloise can only ever have 3 cousins, she will never have more, so her generation is already very, very sparse. I also need to make sure she has childhood family friends - a big ask because i am so flaky.

"My biggest guilt trip is that somehow I won’t do something right and mess up Penny’s life. For example- did you know that 50% of an individual’s happiness is determined between birth and the age of 3 OR 4? That is a huge amount of pressure. I want Penny to be better than us and well rounded but the only way to do that is to set the right examples. I am always trying to improve but it can be overwhelming at times. That’s why my NY resolution is a positive attitude. I mostly obsessive over the future and things that can potentially happen. I’m generally go with the flow when it comes to everyday things… I remind myself to just stop and enjoy the moment and it helps fight off the crazy “what if’s.”"

The biggest problem with this is that you dont what what is doing what - for eg, i know eloise is unlikely to have low esteem, I am very responsive, we have conversations without talking, she is validated. BUT, i then think that i am too responsive and I am not teaching her to understand that people are both good and bad, ie have empathy, by letting her down sometimes in proportion to what she is able to handle. or that she will feel over entitled because she is always my focus, she's not learning to be the furniture. I think all we can do is our best...but if you were parented well yourself you are more likely to instinctively know when (and by how much) your child needs letting down. I was parented so badly i just don't have the right instincts on things like that, its all compensating for where i missed out. I try and be aware but thinking it isn't feeling it or understanding it. You have such warmth for your mum that something was done right, and you will do what you can right.

Gibs, your situation seems so far away from anything i can imagine that Im struggling to think of anything relevant and constructive to say - not that you asked me to, but it sounds like a rotten situation to be in. I guess that communication is really important, but more so her communicating how she feels rather than you communicating how you feel to her? Is she able to do that? I remember seeing a nanny programme where the daughter was encouraged to keep a journal where she could write to her mum the things that were too hard to say to her, and allow her mum access to it rather than it being a private journal. That would only be a 1st step though i guess as its not a substitute for face to face communication, but a way to get things started

sorry dont have time to write more at the mo but hi to allie, sas & mel and how is my bump buddy Lucy doing?

 

[Allie84]

I love your ticker, Nato!!! OMG, I just came on to write a long reply and now I'm being whisked away from the computer for lunch, I swear I'll have time to write eventually.

I did manage a trip report and photos in my journal for anyone interested!

I'm also struggling maritally a bit and contemplating divorce (this time me, last time it was Alex who was instigating it). Details on that are a few pages back in my journal but those who do read my journal have given me some good advice...

 

[NatoPMT]

will have a read later Allie, really sorry to hear that

 

[VGibs]

Nato - Aurora and I have a funny way of communicating. She writes letters to me and I write letters back to her. Thus, the letters I write that she doesn't see. That was instigated by myself. We have a "Mommy and Loo" journal. She writes me little notes and letters and draws me pictures and I respond. She puts it in our "mailbox" which is on my desk and then I respond. It is something we have done for a long time. We never talk about our secret journal. We just write in it. I know it is not exactly "normal", but I am a writer and always put forth my ideas, more thoughtfully in the written word. And she knows that more now then ever.

 

[NatoPMT]

ps forgot to say, I was approached by a photographer in a coffee shop on Brick Lane yesterday who wanted to photograph Eloise for her portfolio because she thought Eloise was beautiful. Which she is. She's been spotted.

 

[VGibs]

Ohhhh wee! That;s fancy pants! Eloise the Star! And we knew her when she was a mere ticker and NatoNinjaBaby! hahaha She is the cutest little thing ever! I can hardly wait to hear her little accent talking away!

 

[Allie84]

Okay now to respond to the pages of posts I missed!!

Anxiety = my life story. I've tried CBT and it DOES work, when I'm getting it properlly applied. I find most therapists get hung up on talking about problems and not teaching me skills, for some reason. I'm like yes, I know I have problems, but I also have a pyschological condition and I'd like some TOOLS, not just someone to comiserate with...anyways, I've never been able to take SSRIs or any pills other than the occasional Xanax. I agree with one of Nato's points, that if it's a behavior that has been learned, is a pill the only answer? But then again in cases like Round's hubby where it's clearly chemical, meds probably work wonders! I just recently took Zoloft for 3 weeks. I was more anxious than ever. My anxiety is such a deep rooted behavior I've had since childhood that I don't know what to do, so I don't have much advice other than to say both meds AND therapy are good. And relaxation.

Cesca, I saw on FB you are having a spa day tomorrow. Enjoy it, you deserve it!! It seems like most working moms share the feelings you have. At least every working mom I know. I guess I fall somewhere in the middle because I'm only away from Alistair part time/at grad school part time, and I work from home, but it's still a lot and I often feel guilt at how ready I am for Alistair to go to bed at night, now tired I am in the mornings, how I get a bit lazy sometimes and lay on the couch and watch him play alone, guilt, guilt guilt. It's just unrealistic to have the same life as a stay at home mom when you're not one. It's impossible. There are only 24 hours in a day. And one of the best things you can do for Luca is to be happy yourself, and take time for yourself! That's what people always tell me.

Vicky, younger moms are just as neurotic, well, in my case anyways, so you can't blame being over 30 lol!!

I really apprecited reading everyone's fears. It seems like we all have fears of some sort. I keep hearing it from other moms and I guess that's just how it goes. I love Alistair so much that every once in a while I have had the ridiculous thought that maybe it's better not to ever have children because then you don't have the possibility of that loss! Now that I know that love, and have come in contact with so many who have had the loss of a child, on here, my friend's friend, and my mom (who lost my brother Teddy in a gun accident when he was 10, before I was born), I just can't fathom what it must feel like to lose a child. I guess it's a fear we will all have in some way or another.

For those of you who have fears about how you are raising your LOs (Amber, Gibs, Nato, etc), let me tell you that you are all fabulous mothers. The fact that you are even thinking about these things and putting such thought and care into your parenting style puts you miles and miles ahead of the general population. Your LOs are so lucky to have parents who are thinking so much about these things! And they will all turn out great. I feel our Disco babies are a special bunch...from everything I've read and know from the past few years. I mean, I put a lot of thought into the fact that so much is learned in early childhood, and I definitely feel that pressure, so I understand.

Mel, woooo, well done, Kash!! What a big boy!!! Hope tonight is just as good.

Vicky, OMG but LOL at your accident. I'm glad you're okay! Have you put photos on Photobucket yet?

Nato, I'm glad your food poisoning is better, you poor thing. YAY for Eloise being discovered! She really is a beautiful baby, I'm not surprised!

Lucy, it sounds like your parents had a great vacation. Congrats once again on your BFP, omg!!!

Sassy, so you're all moved in then?

Gibs, I think writing is so sweet. It's a neat way to communicate.

Hearty, how heartbreaking about the little girl. When are you back from your vacation?

 

[msarkozi]

Thanks Allie! Kash is doing fantastic in his bed...no issues at all. He slept all night in it last night, slept great for his nap, and went down tonight with no crying at all. I wish potty training was as easy as every other transition he has made!!!

way to go Eloise!!

Gibs, that is actually quite sweet. I like that idea of a journal

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi girls,

I've started spotting pink and have a bit of cramping, nothing too sinister, but certainly alarming.

Hang on bean. Please.

 

[VGibs]

It may be implantation...

 

[Sparkly]

Hope you're okay nato

I've had another big red bleed this afternoon, I am so stressed and have to wait until Wednesday for a scan

 

[NatoPMT]

Its a bit late for that isnt it? I had spotting when af was due with eloise which i think was implantation - Im 5 + 4, there should be a hb soon

 

[NatoPMT]

ahh crap Sparkly. Did they say what the red bleed was caused by last time? Did they check for clots? It might be worth asking for a shot of clexane if you arent on that, and are you taking aspirin? Tinkling bells for your beans.

Need lots of sticky vibes to the preggos girls.

 

[Sparkly]

I'm on fragmin and low dose aspirin, apparently I had a UTI last week and the scan tech did say that implantation bleeding can happen up to 8 weeks..

 

[NatoPMT]

Thats good to hear on both counts. No matter how much reassurance you get, a red bleed is going to be scary. Im sure more must be going on with twins too, and more weird things that ultimately don't affect your babies arriving safely must happen. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Can you go to the EPU tomorrow? I assume not as you say earliest scan would be wednesday...if you do get very stressed, it might be better to go to A&E for reassurance rather than get too upset