Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[heart tree]

Damn the ho bag. Sorry babe. Lucky 7 it is!

 

[Heulyn]

I was a bit busy... Ya know... Off cheating the system and getting my results early!

I'M PREGNANT!!!

Beta = 95!!!

Its so much darker now that its dry. That was after less than 1 minute!!!

Only just caught up wih this [I don't BnB a lot!] but OMG MEG!!

How pleased are you!!!
Wishing you a happy healthy nine loooong months missus!!!

 

[cazza22]

Allie so sorry the bitchface witch showed!! Chin up sweets n on to lucky
number 7 lov u hun xxx

 

[Megg33k]

I was a bit busy... Ya know... Off cheating the system and getting my results early!

I'M PREGNANT!!!

Beta = 95!!!

Its so much darker now that its dry. That was after less than 1 minute!!!

Only just caught up wih this [I don't BnB a lot!] but OMG MEG!!

How pleased are you!!!
Wishing you a happy healthy nine loooong months missus!!!

Thanks, honey! I'm pretty excited!

 

[Allie84]

Thank you for all of the PMA girlies. I can't say I'm feeling very good tonight, though. AF is making me miserable and my mind is on my due date. Actually, a friend (well, more of an aquaintance) who announced she was 4 weeks pregnant the same day I found out I was pregnant last April is giving birth right now! So that's kind of exciting. It does remind me I should be giving birth, too, though. FUCK DUE DATES!!! I can't wait for it to be passed. That is all.

ETA she just gave birth, a 9lb baby named Andrew.

 

[heart tree]

Allie sending you hugs my friend. I know it must be bittersweet to hear about your friend. If I were Tim I would say "we hate her!"' But I know you don't hate her. It simply isn't fair that this is happening for her and you are dealing with the bitch. Damn it. It just sucks.

I had my office holiday party today. The last two I have been pregnant and loved my little secret. This year I could drink along with everyone else. I couldn't help but feel sad about it. My pregnant boss was asked about baby names at the party. I tried to block the conversation out but it was hard. I heard one name. It is one of the names I've always wanted. Sophia. I nearly gagged. So not only am I not pregnant. My boss will have a baby a day before my due date and take my baby name. Really? Fuck.

I was feeling a little guilty for drinking tonight. I started thinking it isn't good for ttc. Then I thought, there is no guarantee I will ever have a baby. Am I supposed to put my life on hold forever? Am I supposed to refrain from having fun? What kind of life is that?

I read a quote today: "Happiness isn't the destination. It is the means of transportation." I need to follow that or else I am going to waste my life away.

I'm rambling. Obvioisly I've had a few drinks. I gave Tim a pass for the night. He wants to work on his music with an engineer he hired. No bd'ing for me. Lucky I didn't get my peak today.

I'm around tonight Allie if you want to chat. xoxo

 

[Allie84]

Thanks, Hearty.

I really like your quote, and your senitment. I was thinking a long those lines earlier today. I keep saying I'm going to apply for grad schools programs, and I need to just do it! Those which I turned down attending last summer because I thought I'd be pregnant soon and unable to complete the residencies. I need to tell myself I may not be pregnant by next school year and I really need to stop putting my life on hold for it. I've totally wasted a year at a dead end job when I could have been furthering my education. Oh, well, at least I've learned a lesson and gained some work experience. Either way, some deadlines are approaching in January and I'm just going to go for it. I need to remember my life needs to go on outside of the realm of TTC and having a baby.

Thanks for the reminder. And enjoy those drinks!!!! I don't drink, but maybe I should start. I DID however have the longest, hottest bath tonight. I actually used all of our hot water. I had been taking tepid baths during the 2ww. It felt sooo good. And I'm going to go to yoga and not worry about twisting around, and then soak in the gym's hot tub, and get a massage!

I am happy for my friend but I remember when she posted her pregnancy at 5 weeks-like one day after I had my mc- I was thinking how brave she was, since so much could still go wrong! I still think it was naive of her to post her news so soon, but I'm glad that she delivered a healthy baby boy in the end.

I have another friend due the 28th. She's being induced. This one is a pretty close friend of mine and one of the few people who know about my mc. I'm nothing but happy for her but their due dates just fall sooo close to what mine would have been, so they are constant reminders I should be giving birth RIGHT NOW.

By the way, I do love the name Sophia, but it's one of the most popular names these days so you are probably lucky you aren't going to use it! It's like the name 'Jennifer' when I was growing up. It's a nice name but each class of mine had like 4 Jennifers. I had two friends named Jennifer in our group and one was 'Big Jen' (normal sized) and the other 'Little Jen' (quite short). You don't want your daughter to be 'Little Sophia' or 'Big Sophia' lol.

I'm really rambling this evening. Someone has to talk, though. Where is everybody nowadays? The thread has gone very quiet. I have to go to journals to stalk you all. I want to reiterate that I don't mind hearing from pregnant Discoers even though I'm not. I swear!

 

[heart tree]

Seriously, where is everyone? We're the lone soldiers.

Go grab life Allie. You are young, smart, articulate and beautiful inside and out. The world needs you. A baby will come, but please don't put your life on hold for it. I lived my life to the fullest before ttc. I wish I had started ttc a little earlier, but I really don't regret my decisions. I moved to SF, I danced, I went to music festivals, I dated great men, I went to grad school. I lived. I have to keep living, I know. So do you. I'm proud of you for trying to meet some deadlines in January. What's the worst that could happen? You get accepted to a program. You start your new life. You get pregnant. You have to juggle homework and pregnancy. I can think of worse things. You can do it, I know you can. What programs are you applying for?

The bath sounds wonderful. And a little healthier than my drinking! I'm a bit of a party girl, I have to admit. I don't drink a lot anymore, but man, it is fun when I do. Like you, I need to find happiness and live life. I need to find some avenues that bring me joy. TTC doesn't really bring me joy. It brings me anxiety and depression, mixed in with an ounce of hope. I can't keep living like this. I'm going to the gym regularly, but I think I'm going to find some yoga classes. I'm actually excited to make some cards for you all. It will help me express myself creatively which I love.

Tim's brother named his last kid Sophia five years ago. I was mad at the time because I knew I couldn't use the name. I've gotten over it, but to hear my boss say that name in particular was like a knife to the heart. I am a fan of unique names. When I was born, my name was very rare, believe it or not. I don't know anyone in my age group with my name. It became popular a few years later. My mom liked it for it's originality. My siblings names are: Axa, Noah and Eamon. Noah is pretty common now, but not when he was born. The name Sophia is dead to me. My boss can have it.

I'm so sorry about your constant reminders. We are at that age where we are going to have friends all around us having babies. It is so freaking hard. I go back to my theory about PTSD. We keep getting exposed to triggers. I don't think the general public realizes how much trauma we're exposed to. This makes me more resolved to enjoy and experience life right now. No more waiting for happiness.

 

[msarkozi]

I'm here!! I was at my neighbour's baby shower....stayed longer then I wanted to, but it was nice to socialize for a little bit too. I think I am off to find a snack (as I only had a small bowl of cereal for supper - was too cranky too eat), and then head to bed. I am feeling so exhausted today for some reason, and I actually slept somewhat better last night.

 

[heart tree]

Glad you had a good sleep for once Mel! What time is your appointment tomorrow?

 

[msarkozi]

It's at 9:30. Curious to know the blood results, to hear the heartbeat, and especially know my blood pressure!!!

Did Luce say she would have her blood results in the morning?? Hoping to log in to great news tomorrow when I wake up.

Well, the most I found to snack on were jube jubes!! And apparently I have already eaten all the red ones, so now I'm not really impressed, lol! Going to head up to bed soon....

 

[Allie84]

Hearty, I can identify with everything you said. And reading those things really reiterated the importance of moving forward. It's important to hear, and repeat and repeat until it sticks. It made me feel great to read it. Thank you. There is a lot of joy to be had in the world. We need to make the most of life.

I found some joy in charting at first, learning my body and it's signals. But now that I know the basics I don't think obsessing is helping! I remember when Disco Derail started I hadn't even used an OPK. The best thing I've gotten out of Bnb is friendship, and I really enjoy the comradery of this group especially. So, keep posting darn it, everyone.

Glad you fun this evening at the shower, Mel. It must have worn you out! Good night, sleep tight. I'm off to sleep as well. Best of luck tomorrow!!! To you and Lucy.

 

[heart tree]

It's true Allie, posting here offers great friendships and gems of advice. Just when I think I have it all figured out, I post here with a complaint, and you all give me a different perspective to ponder and integrate. It is so helpful!

I hope that I can stop obsessing, but I'm not sure that is possible. Not now anyway. Hopefully soon! LOL!

Mel, Lucy does get her blood results tomorrow morning and then goes in for her appointment in the afternoon. By the time we wake up she should have a lot of info for us. I'm hoping and praying it is great news.

Same for you. I have faith that Kash is doing great and so are you. Hopefully your practice in relaxation has helped. I can't wait to hear how it goes. Are you getting another picture of him tomorrow? Everything will be great. Looking forward to your update.

Well my girls, sounds like you both are settling in for a snuggly night. I just finished wrapping Tim's presents and I'm going to go to bed soon too.

Sweet dreams sweet women.

 

[msarkozi]

Can't wait to check out the news in the morning! I am curled up in bed right now, but wanted to say goodnight first

No picture tomorrow, but hopefully next week when I see the consult doctor, as he apparently has his own ultrasound machine. I will have to repractice my relaxation skills. I have a lot to do before my parents get here on friday

Goodnight ladies! Hope you sleep well and have sweet dreams

 

[Megg33k]

No time to catch up at the moment. Just wanted to say goodnight. I did skim and see it wasn't great! all around!

Betas at 8am. I should have results by 10am... I would hope. If the clinic hasn't called by then, I suppose I'll go get them myself! I don't care which way I get them, as long as I get them. Hoping for good, strong, rising numbers!

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Morning you two chatterboxes!!! Allie i'm so sorry this AF has hit you hard, I think its a combination of doing everything right this month, your due date, and also it being Christmas time that I think it hits hard. Hearty, I can totally understand why your boss's name choice was like a knife.

Good luck to Megg and Lucy for their bloods today.

I feel a bit poorly today, I'm meant to have the flu jab too as there are loads of warnings on the news about pregnant women needing it. Hopefully i'm well enough to have it later.

 

[LucyJ]

Good morning all

Allie I want to send you a big AF sucks and due dates are so hard the only advice I can give is to do something special in memory of your little one steve and I lit a candle for our little one on our due date we went to this beautiful cathedral lit a candle and we sat there took some timeout or maybe you could go for a walk or scatter rose petals (we did that after my first d&c as away of starting the griveing process). You are a wonderful women and I know one day you will have you baby and will make an amazing mum but mybe focusing on something else like further education will take the pressure of TTC. Loads of love coming your way.

Amanda you are a wise and wonderful women I understand why hearing your boss say a name you had consider must of hurt but as I said to Allie I do believe you will have your own little one who will have the perfect name and you will make an fantastic mum. Sending lots of love and to you and always here for you if you need anything. I think your theory of ptsd is spot on I try and keep that in mind if something tiggers me off I say to myself think about what amanda said breathe through it and you will be alright.

Mel good luck for your appointment can't wait to hear how little kash is doing I am sure he is doing just great.

Megg good luck today

Cesca sorry your feeling poorly hope flu jab goes well. My mum wants me to get the flu jab done as well its al over the news at the moment.

AFM: well I phoned up and got my results back and they were 97 on saturday the blood I had taken on Monday has come back as 399!! I'm so happy was hoping they'd be at least 200 but never thought they'd come back that high thats good yeah?

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Wow those numbers are great! Lucy I saw one GP on the news saying don't get it done before 12 weeks, but another place saying it's fine whatever stage of pregnancy you're at. But defo ask the drs advice on this one.

 

[vickyd]

Lucy thats an excellent set of numbers!!!!!!!

 

[Megg33k]

LUCY!!! Congrats! That's AMAZING!