Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

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Allie sorry you had such a rough week....Anxiety attacks are terrible, i went through a period at Uni where i had multiple panic attacks. I too was conviced i would die before i graduated. I now feel them coming on and "talk" myself out of them...
Ever since i had Hero I have been really stressed about dying. I suppose its natural to worry that something will happen to us now that we have someone who depends on us 100%. Sometimes these thoughts keep me up all night where i almost drive myself into a completely neurotic state. The way i calm down is that eventually i wake Alex up and tell him my exact thoughts. He then starts stroking my hair telling me how we will live to see Hero grow up and have kids of her own and other such stories of the future. Maybe you can try the same thing?

Hearty i love how happy you are!!! Everytime I read one of your posts a smile is plastered all over my face!
 
Allie if it helps, Im exactly the same and worried about dying, espec as i am an 'older mother'- its worrying me even more than i will be at least 41 if i have another and what if something goes wrong and i die in childbirth. Im terrified about eloise growing up and the horrible schools and bullies and scary stuff in London too, i get mad even when she smiles at someone and they dont acknowledge her. My worries are more passing thoughts that i sometimes dwell on more than anxieties though - but i am familiar with the topic

Im really sorry that youre feeling like that. I remember you werent that pleased with your last counselling, but I agree with hearty that CBT really can be a good option. I think the physical symptoms can make it even worse as they are 'real' and can validate your emotional reactions, its all smoke and mirrors of course. I know you said you have been avoiding bnb but does it help to type it out? If it does, don't forget we are here for you, it might help you organise your thoughts and be an outlet.

Hearty, i plan for california and San Francisco to be our first big holiday, prob be in about 5 years though. Hopefully the whole smiling at everyone willy nilly thing will have died down by then. Wow at all your gifts! I have to say, i was so amazed at how many cards and presents eloise got when she was born. people just love babies. I never really realised <durr>

and us british are having a great monday - its bank holiday here. Not that i care. Every day is a holiday for me these days

Vic, there's quite a lot in the uk press about the Greek elections now, landmines along the Turkish border?? great policy. At least the BNP lost a lot of uk votes this time for us, but UKIP which pretends not to be racist but blatantly is, got quite a few votes.

Hoping, i just love Penny Mafia. Gonna have another look for a giggle. I didnt cry, but i nearly did when my legs wouldnt bend and my feet started hurting. I saw a major manager from my work there and he was all sweaty which almost made me cry too, but i held it together.

All this hiking is why you have a nice figure and I still look like the Pilsbury Dough Boy. Haha at being dizzy and sick (if i may be so bold) - that happened to me in the Myanmar Mountains. From a) the sheer drop to my right and the fact i wasnt really physically prepared for mountain walking. I thought i was going to have to be airlifted off
 
I will be expecting a call in 5 years Nato. I'm going to try and get myself to London before then. I will be calling to see your smiling baby and shine my smiling baby right back at you.

It is amazing how much people love babies. I obviously love them too, but the past couple of years have been so anti-baby (other people's babies of course, not anyone here ) that I forgot how much people go nuts for them. I'm getting back into the nutty phase though. I really don't think my step-mother is in the least bit done with shopping for this baby. This is her only chance at having a grandchild as she has no children of her own. I'm my father's only child. So my step-mother is seriously losing her mind with this baby! It's great. Free stuff for me!

Vicky, I need to go read the BBC website. Stupid American news doesn't do the rest of the world any justice. I saw a small article about Greece and France elections, but I can't grasp the severity of it all based on the horrible lack of info they feed us. We are a very narcissistic nation. It drives me crazy. Apparently the most important national news we can talk about is Kate Middleton's fashion and if she's pregnant or not.
 
Hi girls can I come back, I've missed you!
Big congrats to all the new BFP's Hearty, Jen, Rounders and of course Sassy. I'm delighted for you.
Truly sorry for anyone who has had bad news or a loss recently. I have been trying to follow the thread when I can, but have probably missed quite a lot.
Big hello to everyone else. I've seen photos of all your babies, and they are gorgeous!
I've had my little poppet now. Charlotte is 16 weeks already and was born on the 14th Jan weighing 7lb 14. She's my pride and joy and I love her so much.
 
Hey Sugar! So good to see your name pop up here! It's so funny that you are calling us the "new BFP's". It doesn't feel so new to me anymore! LOL!

I look at all your pics on FB. Charlotte is just a doll. You look so happy (and beautiful). I can't wait to join the mommy club with you.

Welcome back!
 
WELCOME BACK SUGAR!!!!​

Great to see you back, have a seat!! So glad things are going well for you.

Hearty, oh please come to london. No running off to edinburgh a la allie. I still havent forgiven her for that. Eloise is a right little smiler, her and BabyGirlHearty can go off to the park and smile at some street drinkers for fun.

I think i kind of forgot the whole everyone loves babies thing. Although i have not ever been that mad on them till i met Eloise, now i love them all. My friend had a baby on 2nd May (Allie, the one i asked PCOS advice for, which thankfully she didnt need and got pregnant straight away) and i have a bag of pressies for him that i keep adding to. I cant stop myself.

Thats great for your step mum! she will not be able to stop i bet you 10p. Buying for babies is addictive. Im glad she has the chance to be a grandma too, sounds like shes going to have a right old baby knees up

Allie, i KNOW. They played my actual favourite and a few others i love but a few bits of total rubbish, but if theyd played none of them...id have stormed the stage doing arm cartwheeling.
 
Pics of just a few of the things they bought me are in my journal at https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnan...-blooming-after-4-losses-68.html#post17800059

Nato, my step-mum is the oldest of 10 kids. She'll be the perfect grandma as she has so much experience with babies (her siblings and their kids).

I promise I wouldn't pull an Allie. I want to come see you and some other B&B ladies in London and then I want to go see the red squirrels. They are on my bucket list.
 
Sugar hun its good see you back we've missed you Charlotte is beautiful!

Allie I've not has the panic attacks you are suffering from but I do understand the feelings I have moments when I get so scared of lossing Steve or Benjamin or both of them or that I will die and leave them its a scary thought and can be so overwhelming I quite often wake up during the night and check on him. Like Vicky I talk through how Im feeling with steve or my mum and they help me try and get it in perspective. It could be hormonal I only just feel like mine are getting back to a normal level although my body is trying to have a period so thay have been all over the place the last few days.

Im sorry you are having such a hard time the physical side of it must be so scary. Here for you if you need to talk.

Amanda thats so lovely I love hearing how happy you are and that your little girl is beinf spoilt rotten already. My mum spoils Benjamin rotten when she went home last week she said she'd see us again when she'd saved up :haha: she bought him a little toy because after walking round the shop with him it was the one thing he made a grab for and was so excited by it bless her this was after already buying him some bit. Enjoy every second.

Nato bless elosie shes such a s&#373;eetie so kind already.

Hoping love the pics of mafia penny and oh my god to the walking very impressed I think my legs would have given out before I got up there.

Vicky sorry about the elections I havent seen the news so will have to catch up.

Afm: Im going to have a look at a school tomorrow theres s part time job coming up there for sept Im really having to get my head around looking for a teaching position as supply teaching isnt regular enough but finding it hard to get my head around applying for jobs and going back to work.
 
Hearty, I was just looking at how many weeks preggers you are, and you're so nearly there. Had a look at your new baby clothes, the little flowery body suit is totally adorable! How exciting to have so much new stuff!:thumbup:

Allie, sorry to hear about the panic attacks. I think I've told you, I've suffered really badly with them previously and was even off work for 6 months. CBT was a huge help. Is there not a safe med you can take whilst BF? I found a combination of meds and CBT was the most helpful at the time.

Lucy, boo to going back to work:growlmad: I'm already dreading going back and that's not till the end of October. I would quite happily be a SAHM if we had the money. How many days are you going back?
 
And Nato, I saw New Order at Glasto a few years back and was really disappointed with them, apart from a few songs. Bernard Sumner came across as a bit of a knob tbh, but I still love their music.
 
Allie- HUGE :hugs:. I’m sorry you are feeling like this. It is a horrible feeling and like I’ve told you before I have episodes like this occasionally. I really hope you can start CBT and find a solution to all of this. Let me know how it all works out… until then I’m here if you need to talk or rant. Hearty is right about the hormone thing. Our hormones don’t balance out for at least a year after birth so I’ve been trying to cut myself some slack.

Vicky- I really like your advice to Allie. I do this too and Tim can always talk me down. At first it is a little hard for me to say the horrible dark thoughts out loud but once I get it out I feel MUCH better and I can even laugh at how crazy I am being.

Nato- I’ve seen your pictures Nato and you lie! You look amazing.

People do really go gaga for babies. Any where we go complete strangers walk up to us and coo over Penny. She is like Eloise and will smile at anyone who walks her way. It take me twice as long to run errands with her because I have to chit chat with strangers.:dohh:

Sugar- it is so great to hear from you! Congrats on your Charlotte… such a beautiful name!!! It is great to have you back. Do we get to see pictures of your pride and joy

Hearty- love the out fits! So colorful. A great site to oogle baby items is zulily.com. They always have at least 10 different vendors up to 90% off.

Lucy- going back to work is no fun. I hate leaving Penny everyday but at the same time it does make me appreciate my time with her more… or at least that is what I tell my self to get through
 
Allie, I'm sorry to read you're feeling so down. I just wanted to share that I had some very similar physical symptoms as you are having. I remember at one point I started having heart palpatations, felt dizzy and nearly fainted. This was 6 months after I gave birth. It turned out that my iron and TSH levels were severly off. I'm sure they probably checked both of these, but I just thought I would mention just in case. It sounds like there's alot more going on than just the physcial stuff. Whatever it is, I hope you find something that helps soon. I hate hearing that you're feelig this way.

Whyme, congrats!

Sugar, I'm so happy to see you back here. Welcome back, Charlotte is gorgeous!

Sassy, I can't believe you're going to have another baby by this time next week. Eekkk!! I'm so jealous.....this humid weather is making me swell like a balloon. I'm so miserable. July can't come soon enough.

Lucy, good luck on the job search. I know it's hard to think about going back, but once you're in a routine, it's not so bad.

Hearty, glad to hear you are getting spoiled rotten! You and your little girl deserve every ounce of attention. The outfits are gorgeous, I'm sure she's going to be a very stylish little newborn.

Hoping, Penny is so adorable. I saw the pics in your journal and they just make me laugh. You're avatar pic is my favourite though, it just warms my heart everytime I see it.

Hmmm....can't remember what else I read. My brain is mush....along with everything else on this body these days!!
 
Awww, thank you so much everyone! :hugs: It's amazing how much better I feel just reading your posts. I think it really DOES help to say what I'm thinking outloud (or in this case, typing it out). You're the only people other than Alex who know how I'm feeling...and I felt better just reading your responses. I'm really grateful for you girls. I guess when I start feeling really anxious like this I just kind of hide away for no reason (on BnB and in real life). Sugar, I kind of wish there was a medication I could take as well. Sometimes when I'm feeling really panicky I consider stopping BFing just so I can take Xanax again but then I change my mind. I'm looking forward to CBT for sure.
Round, they checked both iron and TSH in Feb. and both were normal and I asked to have them checked again but they said no as it's only been a few months....but surely they coud change again? I'm especially suspect about the TSH as I'm on Synthroid. Thanks for letting me know your experience...I think I will push to have it tested again.

BTW, Welcome back, Sugar!!!!!! :hugs: So happy to have you back.

Well, that's Alistair crying, best go. He's not sleeping well, all stuffy and I think he's caught the Disco baby cold that's going around.
 
Allie I know I'm pregnant, but they are monitoring my thyroid every 3 months. I didn't have a thyroid problem. It was 2.6 at the highest, but my iui clinic wants it to be under 2.5 as anything higher has been linked to miscarriage. Anything up to 5 is considered normal. Anyway, they put me on synthroid and it's consistently at 1.6 now. I remember you had higher levels when TTC. It seems to me that thyroid levels can change every few months. Same with iron. It would be helpful if they could run these tests again.

I'm glad you feel a little better. We're here to support each other.
 
Welcome back SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really looking forward to hearing how little Charlotte is doing, and how Henry is dealing with the new member in the family lol! You know i need to exchange tips on dealing with an envious pooch!

Allie Thyroid disfunction can produce symptoms very similar to depression. I remeber my levels being off slightly when i was having the anxiety attacks back in the 90's.
 
Morning girls xxx

Allie I'm sorry your having a hard time just now hun but if you need to talk I'm here for you xxx

How are things going vicky with the property hunt?

Paul's at a interview at the moment fingers crossed I know it's only for the duration of the Olympics but he gains a sia badge out of it and my uncle works for a security company which i can get him a job more perminant im waiting on my friend to come over then we are going to the job centre too sort out this mess they have done xx
 
Allie my thyroid is really messed up. Last summer when we were TTC my TSH was at 1.5 and 3 months later it had jumped to 5.0. Your levels can definatley change quickly. Also, I remember reading after 6 months of BFing, your iron levels can start to drop dramatically as milk production starts taping into your iron stores. Definately push to get them both restested.

Glad talking has helped you!

Good luck Jenny, hope Paul gets the job!
 
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