Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[SMFirst]

good point about the thirst versus hunger Hoping - apparently our thirst reflex is really poor so we often think we are hungry when just thirsty..

I actually am better at drinking water now because if I don't I get terrible headaches and my milk supply goes down substantially...

I only ever get about 3 minutes to type here before the baby starts squaking, I don't know how you guys find the time (for the record, Adam does not nap very well at all, and the past few days have been extra rough since he had his vaccination shots he has been cranky..)

he's asleep for the "night" now but that might only be a few hours before he's up again. and I should try to get some sleep too even though it' still daylight out!

 

[NatoPMT]

I smashed a huge extremely expensive floor lamp with my head in front of 20 people.

will reply to everyone tomorrow

hope everyones weekend didnt end up with heads through lamps like mine

 

[roonsma]

Vicky, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Sometimes it slaps you in the face like it just happened hey

Allie, Nato- I'm doing Weight Watchers I've cut alot of sugar out and i've lost 11.5 lbs in 4 weeks(i can't remember how to change my bloody ticker though) OMG the first two days were AWFUL!! I felt like i'd got the flu, it must have been the sugar withdrawal Nato, i often have a bloodshot eye, it'll be interesting to see if it appears again.

I'm sorry about your idiot MIL Nates, you're right.... she shouldn't mess with what you have with your daughter, BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.

 

[LucyJ]

Nato first off big and is your head ok?

What is it with these mil who the fuck do they think they are Im cross for you (and vicky) having to put up with shit like this. Curious to know why you werent allowed to go out I mean your not under house arrest are you so going for a walk should be an ok thing to do!! Im glad you had your mum there and she gave you the support you needed.

You are Elosie mum you have a fantastic relationship with her which your mil wont and cant come between. My brothers fil well exfil tried his best to come between my bro and his daughter but it never worked they have an amazing relationship. I think you did really well to keep your cool but it needs to be addressed could you talk to her and explain you dont appreciate the little comments that Elosie is your daughter and you make the decision about what happens when shes ready to go to people etc the daft thing is if she just let Elosie get accustomed to her surroundings should probably would of been fine I know Benjamin used to take a day to comfortable at my parents he'd be quite clingy now he knows it he's off like a shot he occasionaly checks Im still about You made an effect to inculde her and be kind so she really needs to learn to respect you. What does John say?

Try and get some rest and dont let her get to you here if you want to chat or just have moan.

 

[jenny25]

Vicky massive hugs hun sorry things are hard for you xxx
Nato sorry your having mil issues they can suck is your head ok ?

I used to have issues with mil but since we moved out things have gotten better

Sorry not been around been abit of a emotional wreck xxx

 

[vickyd]

Nato sorry you have similar issues with MIL...I dont understand why these women want to make trouble for their kids, not very mother-like behaviour...
From my experience even if you try and tell her what is bothering you, she will deny everything and make you out to be some blubbering oversensitive mess. You can never win im afraid. In the end it will end up bad. I have no advice to give since i havent a clue what to do about my situation either. Did John pic up on her behaviour and how it affected you?

Thanks all for the kind words, im doing better but still feeling quite emotional these days.
Been spending more quality time with Hero, took her to the beach this weekend and we stayed 3 hours each time. She really loves the sea and is completely fearless! The sea was quite choppy but she still ran into the water like a pro! Even when the wave hit her on the face she was laughing like a maniac!! I was so pre-occupied by applying sun block on her all day that i forgot to do me and now have a really bad burn all over my back. I didnt wear a bra to work today, thats how bad it is lol!

 

[Round2]

Oh Nato, I'm sorry you're going through MIL hell too. It must be international crazy MIL week, mine is driving me batty lately too...but nothing like what you and Vicky are going through.

When Maddy was first born I used to get comments like that as well. Being a new mom, it just shatters your confidence. I'm not sure if talking to her would make a difference. But whatever you decided to do, just try to remind yourself that no matter what, you are right. Eloise is a beautiful, perfect, happy, healthy little baby. You're an excellent mother. You are doing everything that is right for you and Eloise.

AFM... my appointment is today at 1:45. My doc will do an u/s, then check my cervix. If dilated, I'll get an induction appointment within the next 48 hours. Didn't sleep a wink last night. I'm such a wreck, my hubby is even worse...which is making me more nervous!!

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi girls

Thanks for the advice girls.

Rooney that cracked me up. Dont fuck with the disco girls

Jen - whats up poppet? why the emotional wreckage? Talk to your girls.

Vic - glad youre enjoying some quality beach time - emotional can be good, you arent locking it away and its good to get it out, it deserves to be out because Electra deserves to be acknowledged and her birthday remembered and how much you miss her - your emotions are good. Remembering Electra.

S&M - can we see a pic of Adam? Ive never seen him but understand if youd rather not post one

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi Rounders, OOOOoooooOOOOoooo!!! will you be able to post back and let us know how you got on? I know its an anxious situation, i crapped myself when my waters broke, and vomited actually. We will be thinking of you, and cant wait to hear your update!!!

 

[Round2]

Nato, it's hard to say. I think I would first attempt to cater to her feelings of rejection. If there's away you can do something to make her feel more important, then maybe she'll take it easy on you. It's not the best solution as her behaviour is clearly wrong, but it might help keep the peace. If that fails, I would have a talk with her.

If you guys don't hear back from me today - it's because I'm squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of my lady parts!! I don't have a fancy smart phone and won't have internet access for a few days.

I'm trying to keep myself busy, and not think negatively. It's such an anxiety ridden event. I wish that I could be one of those annoying women on TV that is just filled with happy thoughts and excitement.

 

[jenny25]

Nato I understand too some level as I never had this with aarron but I feel it coming on with Kieran's birth approaching I said I wanted my mum in the delivery room with me Paul's like that's not fair on my mum and his mum was like oh we will have this and that person there at the birth I'm like I'm not a fricken freak show she is not impressed the fact my mum will be living with us before and after the birth but my mum is coming from Scotland it's like his mum likes too control those situations even though she shouldn't xxx

I've just been feeling down emotional and worrying that something is gonna happen I keep having those thoughts and it's getting too me he wasn't as active the lastfewdays which worried me but everything has been fine xxx

 

[NatoPMT]

Thats what i did, i almost took myself out of my own head and let the whole thing drift past....distract yourself as much as possible. Im assuming they will send you home to go back for the appointment unless youre already pretty dilated?


im sure whatever your MIL is up to is frustrating anyway, doesnt have to be extreme to piss you right off

 

[NatoPMT]

Nato I understand too some level as I never had this with aarron but I feel it coming on with Kieran's birth approaching I said I wanted my mum in the delivery room with me Paul's like that's not fair on my mum and his mum was like oh we will have this and that person there at the birth I'm like I'm not a fricken freak show she is not impressed the fact my mum will be living with us before and after the birth but my mum is coming from Scotland it's like his mum likes too control those situations even though she shouldn't xxx

I've just been feeling down emotional and worrying that something is gonna happen I keep having those thoughts and it's getting too me he wasn't as active the lastfewdays which worried me but everything has been fine xxx

urgh. Ok, i can understand both grandmothers wanting to be there, but your mum isnt there in the capacity of grandma, shes there in the capacity of YOUR mum, cos you need emotional support not just for her to meet the baby first. i would be SO uncomfortable with someone there that wasnt in the right capacity

i think its natural, rounders is anxious too - we all have been. You have had a late loss and thats going to leave its mark on you. This baby is his own person, he's doing just fine.

 

[jenny25]

Yeah I agree it is a step too far it's not fair though cause she has two sets of grand parents and she is very lucky too get what she gets but when it comes too saying things too upset you is a step too far she needs too realise or know that there is boundaries xxx

 

[vickyd]

Good Luck Rounders!!!!! EeeeK how exciting!!!!! xoxoxoxox

Nato your analysis of her behavior sounds correct. I called my MIL last week to see if i could get her to see how wrong her behavior is. She aknowledged NOTHING! She refused even the obvious of how Hero hides when she see her and FIL. We talked for an hour and seriously she denied everything with a passion to the point that i started doubting myself. In the end i gave up and simply apologised for telling them to fuck off. I did this cause really its not part of who I am, speaking to elders like that. Howver i did tell her that although im sorry for my burst out i stick to everything else. This weekend i went to their beach house again and she was waiting for us by the driveway. She opened the door where Hero was sitting to take her out of the car. Hero started crying and was holding out her arms to me to protect her. I looked at MIL and she was bright red, i said calmly "see how terrified she is of strangers??" Thats what you are to her, a stranger. She could say nothing. My point is that it doesnt matter what you say to her, she will never see eye to eye. I dont know though in your case how she could SEE the result of her actions. I guess only as Eloise grows and her abnoxious attitude makes visiting grandma a chore rather than a happy occasion. Under no circumstances should you let her bad mouth you in front of Eloise. NEVER! I would speak up right then and there the next time it happened. She needs to know that she will be confronted or else she will push it to the limits and then all hell will break loose.
Oh and Hero looks like shes a lefty too!!!

 

[jenny25]

Thanks darling I agree it was for emotional support and for nothing else I know it's gonna be hell when he is born constant calls surprise visits etc I've tried to make
It clear that the first few days are about me
Paul aarron and Kieran settling in as a family more so for aarron as he has been an only child and he is almost 8 so it's going to be a big change for him xxx

 

[NatoPMT]

Rounders how long till your app, ie what time our time so i can worry properly

Vic, thats really brave of you to call her up - i can confront when the issue arises but to call up / sit down to discuss does fill me with terror. I think you have been very accommodating

We respect our elders cos they are wiser - your MIL clearly isnt wiser. Age should bring acceptance, non judgment and embracing those around you who matter.

Have you got lefties in your family already? I dont think youre supposed to be able to tell yet but Eloise defo favours her left hand for waving and picking things up.

Jen - Vicky told me when we met up that its common in Greece not to take a new baby out for a specific time, and i remember saying Id read in hypnobirthing that too many visitors can interrupt the bonding and the baby settling in. I suppose you dont know how you will feel, ie you might need some help, or someone to help while you nap, but there's a reason that you and your husband, son and new baby should have some time to yourself. You are creating a new family with a new member, its your time, not theirs.

 

[hoping:)]

Nato- sorry you had a crap weekend with your MIL. She sounds like a jerk and feels like she knows what’s best… I would be highly annoyed especially because she always seems to belittle you. I have a wonderful MIL but my FIL sometimes makes comments that get under my skin like “Penny likes it best when I do this…” or “I am the only person who can calm Penny when she…” I know he doesn’t mean anything by it & is just head over heels for his one and only grandchild but it’s almost like he is trying to tell me he knows my daughter best and it secretly annoys me. I’m glad you survived the weekend & I hope your head is ok.

Don’t feel self conscious about your parenting style. You ARE a great mother and it is only normal to want to sooth your baby when she is not comfortable with her surroundings. I would have done the same. It sounds like you have tried to do what your MIL wants but it is never enough... you have to draw a line somewhere so I understand you wanting some space.

I love that you cal Eloise “Weezy”… so frick’n cute!

Vicky- your beach weekend sounds wonderful except for the sunburn… Ouch! I can’t believe your MIL denied everything but at least your point was proven when Hero started crying.

Round- I can’t believe how close you are to meeting this little guy! Very exciting to have another Disco boy. Good luck! I hope you are currently squeezing a watermelon sized baby out of your lady bits!

SM- The only way I find time to get on BNB is when I am at work. I hope your little guy is feeling better after his shots.

Jenny- I’m sorry you are having issues with your MIL as well. It is your body and your baby so your MIL needs to understand that it up to you who will be there in the delivery room. You want to feel comfortable and taken care of.

 

[Allie84]

Miserable cow, passive aggressive, only laughs in sarcasm, manipulative,puts her nose in everything? Do we have the same mother in law, Nato? Does she also care more about appearances than substance, talk in a fake posh accent and drink like a fish? Is she completely ungracious about everything? If so, then we definitely have the same mother in law!

In all seriousness, though, I think you're within your rights to not give her Eloise on Wednesday. You don't owe her anything. And it's not necessarily passive aggressive on your part to need some space. She sounds so manipulative, and the fact that you're even questioning yourself shows that she's getting to you. Do what makes you happy. Regarding the weekend, ugh. It sounds like she embarassed herself enough, and I'm sure anyone taking notice was embarassed on her behalf. I just can't believe the stuff she said!

One quick example of my own MIL and weddings....I was 20 when I got married in a foreign land and I was so naive. I let her control everything down to the miniscule guest list. She chose the guest list, the venue, the cake, the food. I just showed up. And then she got drunk and said horrible things to everyone about how Alex will be running back to his mummy and she won't take him back not that he's done this, etc. But she was hahahahaing the whole time to play it off. And the only person there from 'my' side of the fam was my BFF and she was so disgusted.

I have to ask, how did you bang your head and break a lamp?!?!

 

[Allie84]

Oh, Round, I'm so excited!!!!!! Do you think you're dialated??! Inducation within 48 hrs or induction date???? Come on', baby Round!!!

Jenny, I'm so sorry you're in such an emotional place. It's so hard not to worry, but your little one is going to be fine and has nothing to do with your previous loss, though I know it's hard to keep sight of that. Please come to us whenever you're feeing down!

Vicky, I'm so jealous of your trip to the ocean. So cute, I can just picture Hero splashing about! Sorry about the sunburn, and so sorry about your MIL woes as well.

SM, hello! How are you feeling? Hope you're feeling better. I know, it's so hard to get on BnB! Alistair is napping now and there are so many useful things I could be doing but here I am lol.

Hoping and Lucy, you're so lucky with your MILs!

I thought of another thing my MIL does. She gives us small amounts of money off and on...I mean like 40 pounds here or 100 pound there. Then she asks about it constantly and fishes for compliments and praise and pretty much lords it over us and uses it as a way to ask how we're spending out money and if it 'came in handy' and if we're 'doing okay with money' and 'spending it on things you need.' It's like I'd rather not have the 50 pounds and not have the hassle but Alex just takes it and feeds into her. Oh, well.