Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[Sugarlove2]

Lucy, sounds like you're having a great time at your parents. It's lovely that you're so close.

Allie, I can't believe your Mum's sisters attitude! Is your Dad being supportive? I can't remember if you said they were still together or not?

 

[Sparkly]

I can totally understand some of you ladies having fears about twin pregnancy as you have little ones already. I honestly don't think that I could have coped with either a toddler or a full time job in the first few months, it was difficult enough just dragging myself out of bed most days and then I was vomiting a lot of the time, or just feeling nauseous which can be worse, it was not easy, and was really, really tiring. As I'm now into 2nd tri I do feel more human....and thankful to see the back of the 1st tri!!!

 

[vickyd]

Sparkly two of my friends just had twins and they are doing much better than I was with just Hero haha!!! In their case though they had the luxury of taking a year maternity leave and when they do go back, they go back to a job in the public sector which isnt very demanding. My basic problem is my full time work, it really drains meand i would not have the energy to spend quality time with twins and Hero.

 

[heart tree]

Sugar I would go for it too. Your chances of having a healthy baby seem to have the best odds with clomid and progesterone. There is definitely a chance of twins, but what is the alternative?

I'll throw out something controversial. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't do this. I have a friend in real life who couldn't get pregnant for over a year. She finally did IUI and got pregnant but had a mc at 10 weeks. She did IUI again and got pregnant with twins. She and her husband knew they couldn't raise two babies at the same time. They chose to terminate one. They did it very early in the pregnancy. The other baby was fine and is a healthy 2 year old boy now. It was shocking to me that they could even do that, but they can.

Allie, I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I'm sorry your mom's siblings aren't more supportive. Have they always been this way? Their denial runs deep. It also sounds like they have a lot of fear about getting involved. How horrible that they can't support you more!

Lucy, this rest is well deserved. Sounds like Benjamin knows that you need to keep your strength and is being a good boy for his mummy. Enjoy the rest of your time there.

Thinking of Dazed too. I wonder if she'll entertain IVF. The problem with IVF in the US is that it is extremely expensive and most insurance companies don't cover it. You can easily spend $15,000 - $30,000 on IVF and I'm not sure she has that kind of money. I'm so devastated that this happened to her. After my ectopic, I was terrified I was going to lose my other tube. And with my adenomyosis, I'm not a candidate for IVF. I got very, very lucky.

Vicky, I think you are a nutter for trying again! Hero sounds like such a handful. I can't imagine doing it again. I'm pretty sure Delilah is going to be my only child. I'm too old for this! I didn't get more than a 2 hour stretch of sleep at a time last night. Super tired today.

 

[vickyd]

Hearty im not sure that i will do it again. Alex is pressuring me and we are discussing it, the thought completely freaks me out...The thing is that my sister will most likely never have a child, shes just not sold on the idea and shes 36 without a relationship. We are not close at all with my sil, so unless i have another, hero will be on her own. If i do decide togo for it it will e for her 100%. im happy with my family the way we are.

healthcare in the US sucks...cant beleive they wont cover at least 1 IVF attempt! Didnt Megg's insurance cover her IVF??

 

[Sugarlove2]

Thanks for the advice girls. I think we are going to try naturally this month, get the tests done on the NHS, then see about an appt to get the clomid. Hearty, I could never do what your friend did, but each to their own I suppose.

I'm so grateful to have Charlotte, I just worry about rocking the boat. Tbh, she is an absolute bugger at the moment. She's so strong willed and starting to throw tantrums all the time if she doesn't get her own way. She won't let me feed her, dress her, change her nappy or brush her teeth. How do you girls cope with this sort of behaviour? Is it best to ignore do you think? I keep losing my temper and then feel guilty and a shit Mother.

I agree re Dazed, it's just so sad. I think it's disgusting that they can get away with charging so much for IVF. My best friend is struggling to have a baby and has been trying for years. Had 1 round of IVF on the NHS and now decided to remain childless, as she doesn't have the money or the will to put herself through it all again. Funnily enough, she's actually the happiest I've seen her for a long time. She says she feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. I hope Dazed can reach a similar sort of peace, or find the money for IVF

 

[LucyJ]

I think its hard to imagine having another one when you have an active toddler I kind of tried not to think about it as think it would of freaked me out to much I did talk to my mum and she said its amazing what you can cope with the thought is scarier than the reality. Im thrilled to be doing it again Ive always wanted a big family but I have found this pregnancy really tough so we may stop at 2 but who knows. I orginally said to Steve I wanted 4 he said no the compromise we came to was if we had one of each we'd stop (Ive always said will see) but if we had 2 boys I could have another. Who knows how I'll feel after this baby I know after Benjamin I just didnt feel that our family was complete.

Im heartbroken for dazed shes been through so much and this just seems so cruel. The fact ivf is so expensive in the usa and you cant get it on insurance is awful. Im thinking of her.

Sugar good luck this month sounds like you have a good plan in place.

Vicky good luck with ttc when you start.

 

[vickyd]

Sugar went through 3 months of fighting me on everything. It took me more than 1 hour each morning to get her ready before i went to work! I figured out the best way to get her to do things was to ignore her until she calmed down. I would sit at the foot of the bed with a show in one hand and just staer at the wall until she sat next to me and let me dress her. Now it only takes 15-20 minutes yay!!! I also find tantrums really funny, when she throws one in public i literally have a fit laughing!! People look at me like im a freak, my sister gets all embarrased but i find it hillarious.

 

[heart tree]

Sugar that sounds like a good plan. I couldn't do what my friend did either. I wouldn't want twins, but I would take them if I got pregnant with them. No advice about Charlotte I'm afraid, but I like Vicky's advice. You aren't a shit mother by the way.

Vicky it's a lovely idea that you'll do it for Hero. Delilah has cousins who are a year older than her that live near by. That's good enough for us. I think Megg did have insurance for IVF. Some insurance companies will cover it, but the majority don't. It's disgusting.

Lucy I just noticed on your ticker that you are 12 weeks! Wow!! I'm sorry it's been so rough. Amazing that you want more than 2 even. My hat goes off to you.

I never thought I would feel complete with just one child, but now I feel so much differently. I would love for her to have a sibling, but at the same time, I don't feel one ounce of desire to add to our family. I'm shocked I feel this way. Maybe if I had a boy I would feel differently as I've always been outspoken about wanting a girl. But who knows? All I know is, she completes me. If I got pregnant again though, I would keep the pregnancy. I told Tim that after all we've been through, I would never have an abortion. Ever.

Vicky, when I was a nanny, I thought the temper tantrums of the little ones were so cute. Sometimes I had to stop myself from laughing. As they get older, I think the tantrums get less cute.

I just took a hike by myself. First time in over a year. I'm going to have Tim care for Delilah one morning a week so I can hike by myself. The weather feels like summer here and I was hiking through redwood trees. It was refreshing!

 

[Round2]

Vicky, I totally laugh when Maddy throws tantrums. Sometimes she says the funniest things, I just can't help it. I have a similar approach - I ignore bad behaviour. I find it does work sometimes.

Sugar, I think I would risk it. In fact, I had similar feelings when we were trying with Bryce and we went ahead with IUI. Twins scared the crap out of me, but I wanted another child so badly that it was worth the risk.

You're just a normal mom Sugar....trust me...my mom was a shit mom...she didn't care to discipline me at all!!

I always thought I would want another child after we had Bryce but I know 100% that I am done. I love my two kids and love that I have just enough time for both of them. I know that I would feel guilty if we had another, there's just barely enough time as it is.

Hearty, so jealous of your weather and going for a hike. We've got at least two feet of snow and it's way too cold to hike. Sounds like a great idea for you. How was your little one last night? Bryce got up at 12 to feed, then he was awake from 2 - 4 am...ughhhh!!!!

 

[VGibs]

I may be a widow by morning....Ian just told me that morning sickness is all in my head.

 

[Sugarlove2]

Lucy, I know what you mean. Even when Charlotte was a young baby, I didn't quite feel like our family was complete. I would love for Charlotte to have a little brother or sister, but just worry about how I'd cope with a new baby, a demanding toddler and a crazy labrador. Mal just says if we end up with twins, we will cope and that other people do.

I also feel under pressure to 'get on with it' because of my age. I haven't forgotten the results of my AMH test, which said my ovarian reserve was low. Wish I'd never had that test done!

Round, your lack of sleep scares the hell out of me. You do so amazingly well to cope with it, whilst looking after Maddy too.

Hearty, your hike sounds lovely. Will be so good for you to have a bit of time to yourself.

Lucy and Sparkly fingers crossed you start feeling better in your second trimesters.

Vicky, it takes me on average an hour or more to get Charlotte ready in a morning. 15-20 mins is amazing. You deserve some kind of medal!

 

[heart tree]

Oh no Round! That sounds like an awful night! The thing about Delilah is that when she wakes, I can nurse her for 10-20 min and put her right back down. She never fusses. But she sometimes wakes up again an hour or 2 later.

Last night she was up at 11:15pm but settled herself. Then up at 1:30 and 4:30 for feeds and up for the day at 7. Not horrible, but not great. I'm still tired. Right now she's taking the longest nap she's ever taken. She's 2 hours and 18 minutes into it. And she had an hour and a half nap earlier today. I hope she's not sleeping too much and will be unsettled tonight! My boobs are so full right now I don't know what to do! I skipped a feeding for my hike and didn't pump when I got home. I wasn't expecting this marathon nap.

Gibs, tell Ian he better quit making a pregnant woman mad. Doesn't he know that murder doesn't count when the murderer is pregnant and the person getting murdered is the significant other?

 

[VGibs]

I'm having some brown spotting

 

[Sparkly]

Ginny - Try not to worry too much. I had loads it went on for weeks and I kept getting told that brown blood is old blood and usually leftover implantation bleeding.

 

[VGibs]

I hope so...I've had two little clumps of it...I wouldn't say it was a clot. I'm really nervous. This morning is the first I've gotten sick from MS so I don't know what's going on.

 

[VGibs]

What's making it worse is Ian is slamming around the house and telling me I am being "silly" and everything will be fine. I want to hit him.

 

[Allie84]

Oh Gibs I would honestly try not to worry. Tell Ian to be more supportive, geez! The MS is a great sign and brown blood is nothing to worry about.

to all of you sleepless Disco mommies.

Hearty, your hike sounds amazing! We are about to get 1 foot of snow here. I can only dream of hiking.

Sugar, you're not a bad mom at all! Toddler years are trying sometimes. Alistair protests with all of those things---diaper changing, me feeding him, dressing him. I wouldn't call them tantrums but he always says no and resists at first. I read that this is all totally normal. They become willful at this age simply because they realize that they now have wills of their own and they are trying them out.

Every once in awhile Alistair gets antsy while we're shopping and whines to be let out so he can run around. It's cute for a little bit but then gets tiring and he screams when I put him back in the cart. Other days he's perfectly fine to shop and just smiles and says 'hi' to everyone we pass. These moody toddlers keep us on our toes lol.

Vicky, I would say only TTC when it feels right to you.

Alex and I have been thinking a lot and I will definitely TTC in the future (not now) and want at least once more. If I have another boy, I will either adopt a girl or TTC again.
Ha. So I will potentially have one of each, or two boys and a girl, or two boys and an adopted girl, or three boys and an adopted girl (If I TTC a third time and got pregnant with a boy). I'm thinking one of those ways will work, probably either one of each or two boys and an adopted girl. I figure I'm young enough to be flexible in my plans.

I really, really feel for Dazed.

I just had a friend who had a failed IUI last week. I feel so bad for her. I also had a good friend who had a miscarriage at 10 weeks in January, and a friend who had an early MC at 5 weeks last month! It hasn't been a good winter for TTC in my social circle.

 

[Allie84]

Okay, girls, so it looks like we are off to the UK on Wednesday. My mom is still alive but she still hasn't seen a doctor so I don't know what's going on with her. She still can't leave the house or walk across the room as her oxygen is only at 80% and she is all swollen. She is either in some of sort of COPD episode, respiratory failure or suffering from heart failure if Dr. Google is right. But she insists on 'dying at home' whenever that may be and not getting treated. It's very tough but I guess our trip is on....she wants us to go...(Hearty, her family have been like this for at least 4 years....we moved up to this shit hole so they could support her and they stay as far away as they can. I agree they are in denial.)

Anyways, so I was on a flyer forum asking about flying with a 15 month old lap baby and I got torn a new one! People were saying I was irresponsible for taking a 15 month old as a lap child! It is unsafe and unfair to everyone, apparently. But I can't afford $1000 for a seat for him, so there you go. Anyways, Alistair has been on 13 flights and has been wonderful on all of them, but now that he's 15 months and we have one really long flight--10 hours--(after our first one hour one), I'm pretty nervous!!

Do you have any suggestions?? We are going out to buy a tablet today to download some kids TV to and take with us on the plane. Our doctor said we could do one tsp Benadryl but I'm on the fence....thoughts? It is an overnight flight so I'm hoping he just sleeps across our laps. I wonder what the essential items are for a toddler? I mean other than food toys and entertainment? Eeek I'm nervous!

But I'm excited for our Disco meet up on Friday. We are meeting at Nato's house. Sassy and I might go see Viva Forever that night since it's been my dream to go to a West End show. Sassy might not be able to go though in which case I think I might still go alone lol.....or is that really lame?

 

[LucyJ]

Allie Im shocked by the other forum how nasty and unhelpful of them Id say ignore them. Im sure Alistair will be fine hes a seasoned flyer now I think you have all the bases covered and you'll be able to walk him around. Try not to worry about it and dont stress hes only little I wouldnt of paid for a seat if I was flying with Benjamin either because of the cost you'll probably find he'd prefer to be on your lap. Make sure you've got his favourite toys, books, snacks etc.

No your not lame going to a west end show on your own I love going to shows I havent been for ages was meant to go in Jan to see singing in the rain but was too ill to travel so my dad went in my place. Steve and I used to treat ourselves to a few nights in London and go get cheap tickets for different shows les miss was amazing. Hope Sassy can join you as its fun to go with someone.

Sorry about your mum I hope she changes her mind and gets some treatment.

V try not to worry although I know thats easier said than done I had spotting with this pregnancy brown and red and all is going well so it doesnt mean thinks are going wrong. Could it be from the scan I used to get spotting aftere scans sometimes it would take a while to work its way through.

Hearty Im jealous of your weather its so cold here and fed up of it would like the nice spring weather to start.