Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[msarkozi]

Cesca - I completely agree with you. And seriously, I am totally craving a beer right now.....but it's going to be a long while yet before I even allow myself one....It just sucks to be around a bunch of drunks and you are sitting there sober and having to put up with them.

Cazz - 93 presents?! WOW!!

 

[Allie84]

Like Megg, I also don't drink. I went through a phase where I did in college, but not anymore. It gives me heart palpitations, makes me dehydrated, and I generally hate feeling hung over. I also can't stank drunken stupid people. It's just not worth it to me, and I'm Mormon so we're not supposed to drink anyways!

So this Christmas you preggos wil know what it's like to be me getting annoyed at all of the drunk people lol! OMG, it's especially bad at my mum-in-laws in Scotland, they start with mimosas in the Morning and are hammered by Christmas dinner, alseep on the couch by the time the Dr. Who special starts!!

I should add I can make my way through half of tin of Quality Street during the day to make up for it.

 

[heart tree]

Jenny I'm with you hon. I've either been pregnant or have had morning sickness (even though I already had my mc) and haven't been able to drink over the festive timed the past two years. I'm not happy that I can drink this time around. I would much rather be pregnant. And I actually enjoyed being pregnant around people who were drinking. I felt special because I couldn't and was in a really good mood. They were in a good mood just because they were drinking. I'd take that over not being pregnant any day of the year.

Sugar glad to see you back. Woo hoo for the high on cd 13! I hope you get your peak soon. I'm kind of glad you can't do that diet also. It scares me. Oddly my cousin did a diet where she got hcg injections. It is a controversial diet, but she lost 60 pounds. She didn't have morning sickness at all.

Amber, I think you made the right decision. There is no harm in waiting a little longer.

Yogi those are amazing numbers! Can't wait for your scan tomorrow!

I'm sure more was written. I'm trying to remember it all but it is early in the morning for me. Got another high on cbfm today. Now I'm getting annoyed. Its been 5 days. At least I made it to the holiday. I'm feeling a little down though. My uterus is so achey I had to take ibuprofen last night. I wish it was ov pain but I know it isn't. It's my damn adenomyosis. It feeds off of estrogen. My highs on the cbfm indicate my estrogen is rising. It makes sense that the adeno tissue would be inflamed. It is a constant reminder that I'm defective. We bd'd last night but I couldn't enjoy it because my uterus hurt and it distracted me. I've lost any pma I had that I'm actually going to be able to carry a baby.

For the first time in my life I've contemplated giving up. I'm not ready to give up yet, but I'm trying to imagine what that would be like.

 

[msarkozi]

Hearty - please don't give up!! Have you heard back from that doctor in Florida?

 

[Allie84]

Oh, Hearty. This just SUCKS. I wish I had something constructive to say but my PMA is awol at the moment as well. I do want to say that it sounds like you'll be getting your 'Peak' right when you wanted it-over the holidays. Both cycles with the CBFM I've gotten around 7 days of highs first!

And please don't give up!! It's going to happen! You have the connection with the awesome Dr. in Florida, you have your diagnosis, and you have the drugs. Now it's just a matter of time.

Oh, and I like the point you made, Hearty. I'd rather be pregnant and have that 'special' feeling than be able to drink!

 

[Razcox]

Another one here a little low on the old PMA. The last MC was so painful and scarey its made me a little nervous about trying again in case i have to go through that again. Also I was thinking today about my angel babies as a work mate was talking about his daughter she was born in sept last year and the 1st one i lost was due in Oct. 2008 should have been our last christmas on our own, then 2009 then this year - now i have no idea when we will be a family at christmas or if we will ever be.

But please Hearty dont give up we will all get our forever babies and we will cherish them all the more for everything we have had to go through x

 

[heart tree]

Thanks girls. I'm not giving up yet. I'm just trying to integrate the possibility of not having a baby into my psyche. This is how I process things. I have to take a lot of time to ponder the possibility so that at some point, if it does become reality, I won't completely fall to pieces. It's like I'm beginning to build my wall of protection.

I have to be realistic. The reality is that I'm 36 and Tim is 41. The reality is that I have diseased tissue in my uterine wall in a place where embryos like to implant. The reality is that there is a distinct possibility that this is what caused my last 3 losses. If I was 10 years younger, I might feel more hopeful, but I really don't have a lot of time on my side. I can't hinge all of my hope on this doctor in Florida. I have a sliver of hope with him, but even if he can help, that means I put my uterus through surgery. Not exactly something that excites me. I imagine that would keep me out of the ttc game for a while so I could heal.

You see what I'm saying? There is a lot for me to process and if I don't do it soon, I may not be able to prevent a clinical depression down the road.

The fact that my uterus is aching from this tissue is just a shitty reminder. Not to mention the fact that this is only supposed to get worse as I age. I dread the prospect of having my uterus hurt all the time to the point where a hysterectomy will be a joyful thought. But that's another reality I face regardless of whether I have a baby or not.

I think the anniversaries of my babies deaths are hitting me really hard. This time of year is harder for me than I even imagined. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my first loss. I'm sitting at work crying right now. I need to snap out of it.

 

[heart tree]

Well hugs all around to my girls that aren't having much in the way of PMA. Allie and Raz, I'm so sorry you are feeling low too. Obviously I can relate. Raz, your loss was so recent and so traumatic, it is totally understandable you would be terrified to try again. I hope you get some tests that can lend some insight into what might be causing them. I imagine with time, you'll feel less scared and more optimistic about trying again.

Allie, I know this is a hard time of year for you too with your EDD and AF at the same time. As I have no PMA, all I can do is send hugs.

Oh and ladies, please don't feel like you have to muster PMA for me, or to try to come up with solutions. Hugs are all I need. xoxo

 

[msarkozi]

I know it's not something most people are willing to think about, but is adoption an option? I know it's not the same as having your own, but there are so many babies out there that need a good home, and someone to love them. I always told myself that I would go that route, but I know it's not for everyone. Or what about a surrogate?

 

[Razcox]

Thanks for the hugs Hearty and have some back

I really hope we get more support and help with the next pregnacy as the more reading i do the more i think it may be my body thats stopping the pregnacy. One thing for sure i will be armed to the teeth with info when i do see him!!

On a positive note we are getting my dog Ela scanned tomorrow to see if she has puppies inside her. If its good news will try and get a piccy to share

msarkozi - If we cant have our own baby then i am really thinking about fostering to help children when they need it most. A friend of mine on FB does it.

 

[heart tree]

Mel, two of my siblings are adopted and I adore them. I don't have a problem with adoption, but I'm just not ready to think about it yet. It feels like giving up to me. I've seen a lot of heartache in adoption too, which terrifies me.

Surrogacy is something I really can't think about without crying. It makes me sick to think about some other woman carrying my baby. I'm not sure I could get over the jealousy. Obviously if I'm thinking like that, I'm really not ready to entertain that as an option. Maybe some day, but clearly not now.

 

[heart tree]

Ooh, Raz, that would be awesome if there were puppies!

 

[msarkozi]

That is a good idea Raz. If I lived somewhere else, I think I would be doing that too. It brings me joy to be able to help someone out.

That is exciting about Ela!

 

[vickyd]

Hearty i wont dump any PMA on you, everything you says makes total sence to me to a point that its exactly what id be thinking in your situation. Just know that im here for you if you need me. Allie and Raz this goes for you guys too.

With regards to drinking, here in greece we are more relaxed. My doctor says a couple of glasses of red a week are A-ok.

Alex has his monthly poker game tonight at our place. I will be hiding in the bedroom reading and enjoying some alone time.

 

[LucyJ]

Massive to you Amanda I know there are no words that will help but I am sending you and you are in my thoughts xx

Allie and Raz massive coming your way too with lots of love.

Raz I understand how hard it must be I felt like that after my third loss I found getting the testing done although I dont have any results back apart from the tests my dr did gave me some strength it helped me feel like I had a little bit control I cant say the fear will go away. I'm pregnant again and so so scared each day I tell myself to focus on the positive to have faith and believe but sometimes it is hard and I feel terrifed. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you.

Afm: My blood results weren't back but should be tomorrow morning but I have managed to speak to my dr and she has got me an early scan at the epu on the 30th Dec at 8am.

 

[yogi77]

yogi those numbers are absolutely amazing!!! Remind me when ur first scan is chick I've forgot

Thanks Cazza, first scan is tomorrow morning!

 

[msarkozi]

That's great Luce. I am sure the numbers will be great today, and your scan is going to go well too

only half an hour left of work for me, and then done until January 4th!!! can't wait!!!

 

[vickyd]

Mel today was my last day till Jan. 4th as well!!!

 

[msarkozi]

woohoo for Christmas holidays!!! Time to start relaxing! So, do we ever get to see a bump picture of you?????

 

[vickyd]

I posted one back at week 22 i think... you have to go back and find it lol!