discovery or masturbation

[saramomof1]

I am a single parent and have a son who is 12. Last night , I was cooking dinner and my son was watching TV in the den. Dinner was ready so I called down to Chase but he didn't respond. I then went downstairs and noticed he was sleeping on the couch. I went to wake him up but noticed tissues on the coffee table and I know he didn't have a cold. I didn't go digging through the tissues as I assumed it was his ejaculate but I am grossed out and very embarrassed and I really don't know how to handle this situation and I am looking for help.

sara

 

[seoj]

Nothing to be embarrassed about hun... it's perfectly normal (and natural) part of puberty. A close friend (also a single Mom) recently found out her son was doing this- he's also 12. So she just had a very open and honest talk with him about it- and made sure he knew is was natural and nothing to be ashamed of, but that there is a time and a place...

Maybe bring it up during a calm evening at home. Ask if he's learning about sex ed in school? Our oldest did in middle school (and a bit in grade school)- so it was a great way to open up that line of communication around it all. I was always and will continue to be very open and honest- as I want her to know she can come to me with questions. She's now 15- and I know some of her friends are sexually active (ugh), so I want to make sure she has someone to talk to that will not judge and will be honest. I think that is so important. As my Mom was always that way with me- and I was one of the last of my friends to have sex. Most were active well before I ever was- and they were NOT honest with their parents... I'm not saying that was the only factor, but I really do think it helped me make smarter and more responsible choices than some of my friends.

 

[m4nc3r]

If he's using tissues, he knows what he's doing.
He's a boy, it's perfectly natural I would just leave it unless you think he is the kind of character likely to be "worried"
The internet is a wonderful place I'm sure he's looked into it already

My best friend stole a porn mag out my dads room when we was 11... My dad laughed and said he could have asked lol We never told his mum - he knew what he was doing and was embarrassed enough for one day without adding in "that" conversation.

 

[saramomof1]

I am more upset that I actually found his ejaculate. I am grossed out by this and very embarrassed and quite frankly think it's very rude. I also on the other hand don't want to upset him eiter.

 

[m4nc3r]

I am more upset that I actually found his ejaculate. I am grossed out by this and very embarrassed and quite frankly think it's very rude. I also on the other hand don't want to upset him eiter.

Consider that he probably would have cleaned up had he not fallen asleep... I know you said that you're a single mum, but c'mon we all know what men are like once the deed is done, asleep before their head hits the pillow

If you are upset about the act or the mess, then maybe you should talk to him about him using the bathroom or only in his room or something?
It IS natural, and not much you can do about it really - but it is important for him to learn boundaries of when is okay, what is acceptable etc when/how he learns those will be down to you in the end.

 

[saramomof1]

Thank you all for your advice. I see and know it's normal. I just have a hard time knowing my 12 year old son is masturbating. Is this more about touching his penis because it feels good or is it possible he is actually having sexual thoughts and is this happening now at age 12.

So I saw my son, just touching his penis ( dressed of course ) while watching TV in the living room. I said, why dont you go to your bedroom for a bit... Now I was very impressed on how I handled the situation but at the same time,,, seeing him go to his room, I now know why he is going to his room, which is to touch his penis. That is very awkward to me.

You tell your son, please go to your room but then he goes but now you know why he is going to his room. Just a bit uncomfortable to me to know he is actually masturbating .

 

[Rachel_C]

If you don't want to talk about it, why not just tell him that it's not okay to leave used tissues lying around... because even if he was blowing his nose or wiping up a spill, it's still not okay so just cover all possibilities. I imagine if he realised you'd found those tissues, he'd probably be mortified anyway!

I would just try not to think about what he's doing or not doing. It's natural, it's normal and it's healthy but you seem to have some difficulty accepting that your son might do it, so just don't think about it! Even if you're not talking directly about it, your feelings may be obvious to your son and that would be awful - you really don't want him feeling ashamed of something that is totally normal.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Just another spin on thins. Is his dad in the picture?.... If the conversation was to be had do you think he'd rather have it with his dad? Could you ask him to have a chat with your son maybe? Apologies if I'm overstepping the line x

 

[magicwhisper]

if it was me

i would explain to him that what he is doing is completely natural but it is something he has to do in his bedroom and not were everyone else goes, and maybe explain that the erm tissues have to go in the bin xx

 

[suzib76]

Firstly you have made an assumption that it was ejaculate, just because he didnt have a cold doesn't mean he didnt cough or sneeze into a tissue at any point!

Secondly it's a fact of life and I think you need to really get over your own embarrassment in order not to make him feel ashamed.

In that scenario, not knowing what it even was in the tissue I would have simply said wake up lazy, dinners ready, oh and chuck the tissue in the bin when you are finished with them please

That's it, it's not a big deal unless you make it one

 

[suzib76]

Thank you all for your advice. I see and know it's normal. I just have a hard time knowing my 12 year old son is masturbating. Is this more about touching his penis because it feels good or is it possible he is actually having sexual thoughts and is this happening now at age 12.

So I saw my son, just touching his penis ( dressed of course ) while watching TV in the living room. I said, why dont you go to your bedroom for a bit... Now I was very impressed on how I handled the situation but at the same time,,, seeing him go to his room, I now know why he is going to his room, which is to touch his penis. That is very awkward to me.

You tell your son, please go to your room but then he goes but now you know why he is going to his room. Just a bit uncomfortable to me to know he is actually masturbating .

Sorry I replied without actually seeing this bit as well

Why on earth are you bothered? It's a totally normal thing for him to be doing

You are lucky you got to 12 before you noticed him touching his penis tbh, my son has had his hands in his pants since he was still in nappies!

 

[Thermo Man]

I agree with SuziB76, it's only a big deal if you make it into one, and it's your call. An open and honest, but quick conversation, should sort it out. Even if it was not what you think it was, chatting about it may be useful anyway.

 

[April76]

I know you feel uncomfortable about this but it is normal. Whatever you do don't make him feel like he is dirty or that its bad. My younger brother got told by my mum that it was wrong to touch his penis and he believed this and now at 30 years old he has never had a girl friend, never had sex and still believes that it is wrong.

 

[Jenn2722]

I am a single parent and have a son who is 12. Last night , I was cooking dinner and my son was watching TV in the den. Dinner was ready so I called down to Chase but he didn't respond. I then went downstairs and noticed he was sleeping on the couch. I went to wake him up but noticed tissues on the coffee table and I know he didn't have a cold. I didn't go digging through the tissues as I assumed it was his ejaculate but I am grossed out and very embarrassed and I really don't know how to handle this situation and I am looking for help.

sara

That is nothing.. Just a phase!! When I was younger my older brother would jack off in the shower.. We found out because there was baby oil all in the tub.. It was slick.. Me being a young girl, I was grossed out.. But they are just discovering there body!! Part of life!! Just ask him to do it in his room or something.. Cause there would be no way in hell I would clean up the tissues.. I have a boy and I hope I don't go through this..

 

[nataliecn]

My boyfriend's son is 11, and he just got a new iPod Touch and when we were setting up the wi-fi at our place (he lives with his mother full time) we noticed an insane amount of porn sites in the history.
I think it's just normal at that age, especially since kids hit puberty so much earlier these days.

 

[suzib76]

My boyfriend's son is 11, and he just got a new iPod Touch and when we were setting up the wi-fi at our place (he lives with his mother full time) we noticed an insane amount of porn sites in the history.
I think it's just normal at that age, especially since kids hit puberty so much earlier these days.

surely his mother should be supervising him

 

[nataliecn]

My boyfriend's son is 11, and he just got a new iPod Touch and when we were setting up the wi-fi at our place (he lives with his mother full time) we noticed an insane amount of porn sites in the history.
I think it's just normal at that age, especially since kids hit puberty so much earlier these days.

surely his mother should be supervising him

Boy do I agree. Unfortunately for us, even though we have him every other weekend, my bf is not his biological father, so his ex likes to remind him frequently enough that certain things "aren't his business".. And it's not my place at all to get involved.

 

[suzib76]

My boyfriend's son is 11, and he just got a new iPod Touch and when we were setting up the wi-fi at our place (he lives with his mother full time) we noticed an insane amount of porn sites in the history.
I think it's just normal at that age, especially since kids hit puberty so much earlier these days.

surely his mother should be supervising him

Boy do I agree. Unfortunately for us, even though we have him every other weekend, my bf is not his biological father, so his ex likes to remind him frequently enough that certain things "aren't his business".. And it's not my place at all to get involved.

i think kids having free access to the internet is EVERYBODYS business.

what kind of mother puts their 11 year old at risk like that