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or eating disorders, whatever camp you choose, or refuse, to put yourself in. Anyone?
I've never been diagnosed with anything but I have 5 years of psychology under my belt so I'm not naive enough to think there's nothing wrong!
I went through phases of starving myself and then binge/purge over many years but I never got skinny or anything. I'm starting to realise now that I also probably had serious distorted body image too!
Anyway, I've managed it pretty much for 2 years by calorie counting (obsessively, mind but it worked at making sure I got the daily minimum) and then just before I fell pregnant I was following Slimming World which was great for me as it didn't give me the urge to slip into starvation or bingeing as I could eat often without feeling guilty.
At the beginning of my pregnancy I really struggled as I got a lot of food aversions and nausea so Slimming World just didn't work anymore as a way of keeping me balanced. We eventually developed meal plans for the days of the week so we had structure to our shopping and I knew what I was eating every day and aside from losing 2lbs, I stayed the same weight, even over Christmas and our wedding. However, when we got back from our honeymoon at 17weeks pregnant I'd gained 5lbs. This freaked me out but I read it was normal. I'm now 14lbs heavier than I was before I was pregnant and I'm aware that I'm eating far too much crap. I was just eating biscuits and cakes and pringles all day, just giving in to all my cravings basically.
This weekend just gone I let it get me really stressed out and started picking out all the fat on my body and trying to work out where the 14lbs had gone. I decided that after Monday when we had a meal out planned, I would try and stay at 2000 calories every day instead of yo-yoing between 1500 and 2500 like I have been depending on cravings and nausea.
SO on Tuesday I allowed myself a hot cross bun and fruit juice for breakfast at 8am (hot cross buns keep my bakery item cravings at bay!), a cereal bar or biscuit at 11am, a cup-a-soup with croutons for lunch at 1pm, another cereal bar or biscuit at 3pm, and then whatever our tea was that day at 6pm, and then a mid-evening snack of whatever (within reason!) and that should work out. I also decided I could have unlimited fruit and that when the shopping comes this week, I'd add a yoghurt to breakfast (I normally do but I found out the hard way that the ones I bought this week trigger my IBS!). Also, we had no fruit in until the shopping came in either so I made all these wonderful plans, without having any of the resources
So of course come Tuesday night I am absoloutely famished but I had that old familiar high that comes with starving yourself so rode it out and kind of enjoyed it. Then yesterday (Wednesday) the heartburn kicked in at around midday and did not leave. I was in agony, chucking water down my throat to try and get rid of it. It just felt like a pool of acid was sitting between my throat and my stomach. On the walk home all I could think about was a curry, I NEEDED a veg korma with rice and a garlic naan bread even though I haven't been able to face Indian food since I got pregnant. So I got home and started cooking tea straight away (jacket potatoes) whilst bursting into tears and stressing out. Eventually hubby convinced me just to order the sodding food and he'd eat the potatoes so knowing I had no choice I just went a curled up with a tube of Pringles to quell the pain until the food came.
When it did come I managed to eat about half of it before I felt full and then I just sat on the couch feeling SO sick. I kept leaning over the bin just in case. Eventually, I ran off and made myself sick, not to a purge extent, but just to get rid of the excess that was making me feel ill and then I had some ice cream to make my throat better.
So you can probably imagine I went to bed feeling pretty god-damn awful having been starving for 2 days and then making myself sick, and whilst pregnant, how irresponsible! I've now been looking at my bump pics and I looked in the mirror and I just thought "Jesus, you've not gained any excess fat anywhere but your bump and your boobs". I took my measurements to check and compared them against my pre-pregnancy ones. I've actually lost half an inch from each of my arms and thighs (presumably muscle loss from not exercising), gained half an inch round my neck, and gained nothing under my chest, and only 2 inches to my chest despite going from a 34DD to a 36G! Obviously I didn't measure my waist or stomach and I forgot to measure my hips, but now I'm just thinking where the hell has the 14lbs gone?
I dunno, I feel really guilty stressing about my weight when I'm pregnant but equally I don't want to be struggling in labour because I'm so obese, or getting PND because I feel so hideous and I can't shed the weight. Am I insane? I just don't know what to do!
Luckily our shopping order is arriving tonight so I will have my evening meals for the next week sorted, as well as the yoghurts to help fill me up at breakfast, and all the fruit for snacking, and I also bought a massive bag of raisins to replace my chocolate biscuit snacks at work.
Am I mad? I didn't know whether to post this here or in pregnancy club, I just wondered if this is normal when you're pregnant, or if it is bad habits creeping back or a combination of the 2? I speak to other women on other forums and they've gained 10lbs throughout their WHOLE pregnancy and I've already racked up 14lbs by 22 weeks and I just feel so greedy and irresponsible. ARGH!
I've never been diagnosed with anything but I have 5 years of psychology under my belt so I'm not naive enough to think there's nothing wrong!
I went through phases of starving myself and then binge/purge over many years but I never got skinny or anything. I'm starting to realise now that I also probably had serious distorted body image too!
Anyway, I've managed it pretty much for 2 years by calorie counting (obsessively, mind but it worked at making sure I got the daily minimum) and then just before I fell pregnant I was following Slimming World which was great for me as it didn't give me the urge to slip into starvation or bingeing as I could eat often without feeling guilty.
At the beginning of my pregnancy I really struggled as I got a lot of food aversions and nausea so Slimming World just didn't work anymore as a way of keeping me balanced. We eventually developed meal plans for the days of the week so we had structure to our shopping and I knew what I was eating every day and aside from losing 2lbs, I stayed the same weight, even over Christmas and our wedding. However, when we got back from our honeymoon at 17weeks pregnant I'd gained 5lbs. This freaked me out but I read it was normal. I'm now 14lbs heavier than I was before I was pregnant and I'm aware that I'm eating far too much crap. I was just eating biscuits and cakes and pringles all day, just giving in to all my cravings basically.
This weekend just gone I let it get me really stressed out and started picking out all the fat on my body and trying to work out where the 14lbs had gone. I decided that after Monday when we had a meal out planned, I would try and stay at 2000 calories every day instead of yo-yoing between 1500 and 2500 like I have been depending on cravings and nausea.
SO on Tuesday I allowed myself a hot cross bun and fruit juice for breakfast at 8am (hot cross buns keep my bakery item cravings at bay!), a cereal bar or biscuit at 11am, a cup-a-soup with croutons for lunch at 1pm, another cereal bar or biscuit at 3pm, and then whatever our tea was that day at 6pm, and then a mid-evening snack of whatever (within reason!) and that should work out. I also decided I could have unlimited fruit and that when the shopping comes this week, I'd add a yoghurt to breakfast (I normally do but I found out the hard way that the ones I bought this week trigger my IBS!). Also, we had no fruit in until the shopping came in either so I made all these wonderful plans, without having any of the resources
So of course come Tuesday night I am absoloutely famished but I had that old familiar high that comes with starving yourself so rode it out and kind of enjoyed it. Then yesterday (Wednesday) the heartburn kicked in at around midday and did not leave. I was in agony, chucking water down my throat to try and get rid of it. It just felt like a pool of acid was sitting between my throat and my stomach. On the walk home all I could think about was a curry, I NEEDED a veg korma with rice and a garlic naan bread even though I haven't been able to face Indian food since I got pregnant. So I got home and started cooking tea straight away (jacket potatoes) whilst bursting into tears and stressing out. Eventually hubby convinced me just to order the sodding food and he'd eat the potatoes so knowing I had no choice I just went a curled up with a tube of Pringles to quell the pain until the food came.
When it did come I managed to eat about half of it before I felt full and then I just sat on the couch feeling SO sick. I kept leaning over the bin just in case. Eventually, I ran off and made myself sick, not to a purge extent, but just to get rid of the excess that was making me feel ill and then I had some ice cream to make my throat better.
So you can probably imagine I went to bed feeling pretty god-damn awful having been starving for 2 days and then making myself sick, and whilst pregnant, how irresponsible! I've now been looking at my bump pics and I looked in the mirror and I just thought "Jesus, you've not gained any excess fat anywhere but your bump and your boobs". I took my measurements to check and compared them against my pre-pregnancy ones. I've actually lost half an inch from each of my arms and thighs (presumably muscle loss from not exercising), gained half an inch round my neck, and gained nothing under my chest, and only 2 inches to my chest despite going from a 34DD to a 36G! Obviously I didn't measure my waist or stomach and I forgot to measure my hips, but now I'm just thinking where the hell has the 14lbs gone?
I dunno, I feel really guilty stressing about my weight when I'm pregnant but equally I don't want to be struggling in labour because I'm so obese, or getting PND because I feel so hideous and I can't shed the weight. Am I insane? I just don't know what to do!
Luckily our shopping order is arriving tonight so I will have my evening meals for the next week sorted, as well as the yoghurts to help fill me up at breakfast, and all the fruit for snacking, and I also bought a massive bag of raisins to replace my chocolate biscuit snacks at work.
Am I mad? I didn't know whether to post this here or in pregnancy club, I just wondered if this is normal when you're pregnant, or if it is bad habits creeping back or a combination of the 2? I speak to other women on other forums and they've gained 10lbs throughout their WHOLE pregnancy and I've already racked up 14lbs by 22 weeks and I just feel so greedy and irresponsible. ARGH!
