Distraught by mums response...

[jem_5500]

To telling her I was preg with number 3.

Her words were...
You can't keep it, you have to get rid of it
I will be diassapointed if you don't....


Now I have been married 6years, same guy for 15 years and I have a boy and a girl with a good job, house etc etc.......

My hubby is appalled at her response to....

I have had two difficult pregs and she this was a surprise but I couldn't terminate. Mum was concerned about my mental health (bi polar and coping fine) and I asked what a termination would do?

So so upset, picked the kids up from mil and she was not impressed with my mums reaction. And my aunt (her sister ) is struggling not to pick up the phone and tell her how cruel she is.

I have just come off my meds as it's first rti to give baby best chance and this isn't exactly going to help!

Sorry

Just needed to get it off my chest....

 

[mara16jade]

That is rude, cruel and honestly...weird.

Why would she even suggest that? Do you have any idea?

 

[LorraineMM]

Aww i'm sorry you got this reaction from your mum, thats so unkind. Wishing you lots of good wishes for your pregnancy, congratulations xxxxx

 

[daddiesgift]

Um that's bizzare! I'd be pissed and frankly not talking to her again till she figures out how to keep her opinions to herself!

My mother is bi polar and it was not an ideal childhood by any means and it took me many years to recover mentally from the damage she caused but I'm glad to be here and that she didn't abort me!

I suffer from depression, once told I have bi polar symptoms though I only have moments of low.. Never really "high" moments. I normally take lamactil (sp?) a mood stabilizer. I also don't take it during pregnancy. With my first two pregnancies I did great! Most normal I ever felt. This time is much different and I've had a time feeling negative, depressed ect.

I'm sorry you mom was so thoughtless. Just because you have a mental illness does not make you a candidate for a bad mother. I have a lot of the same problems mom did but I'm a different mother 100%.

 

[HearMyPrayers]

does your mom have fears of something happening to you during pregnancy/labour/delivery? You mentioned you've had 2 difficult pregnancy and have bi polar disorder, is she perhaps really scared for your healthy and her reaction, all be it very cruel and hurtful, was just coming from a scared place within her? I'm sure she never meant any of it, at all. Sometimes emotions can make us say and do things that normally we wouldn't do or say.

congrats on your baby #3 you sound like a great mom and a great person, I hope your mom understands what she said and how much it has hurt you and you both can work it out.

 

[jem_5500]

Thank you xx I know she is worried

'She can't cope with the stress of me having another'

I just got a text from her saying 'I won't tell your dad at the moment but you both need to think long and grad about what you aired going to do, but you know how I feel. I would really worry about how all of you would cope with another one'
It's not even an option'

HO hum still making me cry

 

[emicakess]

Wow. Doesnt she know not everything is rainbows and butterflies? But people get through it, make the best of it, and are so happy they did it! Sounds like a bunch of negativity that you dont need right now! I am sorry she is saying these things to you you are obviously making the right choice (your choice).

 

[daddiesgift]

Seriously I don't care the situation EVER, abortion is not an option, especially when you are married, stable with two children! You are stronger than me I'd not talk to her till she kept ideas like that to herself. How will you forgive her? When she holds new baby I'd just think about how she wanted me to abort it!

 

[Amalee]

And my aunt (her sister ) is struggling not to pick up the phone and tell her how cruel she is.

I would let her make the call. It's not often that I support letting someone else hop in the middle, but your mother's reaction is so over the line, I want to cry for you. She needs to be told how upset she is making you, how completely inappropriate her comments were, and how cruel it was to say that without you coming to her for that kind of advice. You shouldn't have to have that conversation though, it would be way too emotional.

I am so, so sorry that your mother isn't supportive. Please at the very least tell her that you need space and to not bring up anything about the pregnancy until she's ready to support your decision. Maybe that can buy you a week or so for her to come around.

 

[jem_5500]

Thank you all,

Yes I will always know she never wanted the baby and that will hurt. I am distancing myself as can't let this affect me, baby or kids it's not fair, I'm going from crying to now being angry. It's her choice now, why she won't tell dad I don't know and if she gets over herself then maybe she will accept this,

Another quote was, 'but u gave a perfect family, why spoil it with another'

Yes now I'm just angry!

 

[babers]

some people are just ignorant. You don't have to put up with that. Just tell her to mind her own business. I had a similar reaction telling my husbands side of the family. I was so pissed. We didn't even want to tell any of them because they get mad every time I am pregnant. We have been married 8 years. My husband has a great job, we own our own home, and I am a stay at home mom. Our kids are very well taken care of and we never ask them for anything and hardly ever have asked them to babysit as they are raging alcoholics and we don't drink at all.
We told them on thanksgiving and mother in law was just pissed we didn't tell her first. then she made a snyde comment and said we should just have a baby every year. Father in law said " Oh, populating the earth, huh"? Then he wouldn't even talk to me the rest of the day. His wife said to me I am a baby making machine, like a cow. I really dislike them right now. I am having problems and the baby isn't growing correctly and the heart rate is super low and I told my mother in law yesterday and she just said that's weird. Not once did she say she was sorry this was happening to me or anything comforting. None of them said congratulations. I have easy pregnancy's. We have good insurance. There is no reason they should be acting this way. Yes it is our 5th but that is our decision, nobody elses. I hope your mom quits acting this way for your sake because her negativety isn't going to do anyone any good, especially the baby.

 

[jem_5500]

Sounds like your having a tough time to. I hope baby is ok and your in laws come round x I don't understand how how ppl can be so rule, especially family babies are blessings and that shouldn't be forgotten x

Mil and fil e have been amazing and are even allowing themselves to get excited which is lovely and such a contrast x

 

[babers]

I told my husband they should be thanking me for bringing another little best friend into their lives. Grand babies are little gifts to them. They get all the good parts without having to do any of the hard work. Grand kids love their grand parents no matter how awful of people they are. My parents are super happy. This will be their 20th grand child and most likely their last and they are happy to have another one.

 

[bettybee1]

Am sorry she acted this way but you have too look at all the reasons why !

My mum always says nasty stuff but then is nice as pie and says sorry they just want the best

If you have / had bi poler she was probley just worried that the pregnancy may put you into state of depression or manic ? And she will be left coping and watching her daughter like that which wil hurt her


Am sure she didn't mean it literally and it was just one of those nasty things parents say when they really care for you!!

Lots off hugs xxxxx

 

[deafgal]

My mil once told my husband not to get me pregnant because of possibility of having deaf kids. Truth is, when you have special needs of some sort, people do feel they have the rightsto discuss baby plannings to you.

I had a few comments from my family in the past too.

 

[HearMyPrayers]

wow I'm truly shocked that she keeps going with the comments. I think the best think you can do for your health and your baby's health is just take a step back, and don't respond to her comments, don't talk to her about it at all. If she tries just change the subject till she gets the point! After all, this is your body, your choice. She might not agree and that's ok, but she should just zip it and leave her thoughts and opinions to herself!

I know all about unsupportive, judgemental families. The best thing I did for myself was just walk away, left it behind and shut the door to all the BS.

 

[jem_5500]

If I hadn't had the bi polar under control since before I fell pregnant with my daughter two years ago I could understand part of her being worried but I'm fine!

I know deep down its because she cares, but it doesn't stop it hurting!

 

[HearMyPrayers]

She can care, that's what we expect from our parents, but she needs to see the fine line between caring and hurting. Because she crossed it. She can voice her opinion (not so harshly) but after she does, she needs to just sit back and be supportive and trust that she has a great daughter that knows exactly what she is doing!

Just keep thinking positive and positive will come to you! Don't let it get you down just focus on this new little baby and all the joys that come with the! Cute little face, tiny little feet, their first cry, all the joy and happiness that comes with a new baby!

 

[bettybee1]

Off course it will hurt hunnie

My mum gets so stressed she takes it out on my also she's a head teacher !

Have you told her it really upset you xxx

 

[twokiddos]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am your mother had such a terrible, horrific response. It's not fair to you at all and I would definitely distance myself from someone like that. I am so sorry!!!