Do children make you less happy?

[indy and lara]

I am very happy since I became a Mum. We waited a long time to decide to start a family. We had spent almost 12 years as a couple before we TTC. We went into parenthood with open eyes. We knew that we would have lots of changes in our lives but also that we were ready for something new.

When our son died our world crumbled. Being lucky enough to have Emma has allowed us to experience all the joy and happiness we were looking forward to, as well as experience the sheer and utter wonder of her. I get to watch my husband be the Dad I always knew he would be. That alone brings me so much happiness.

Yes I have some days where the repetition, battles and tantrums are exhausting but that does not change the happiness I feel when I am with her. Life changes. You change priorities. Neither OH or I want to go out as much as we did before. Yes, I can't wander into White Stuff and spend £150 on a whim but I don't work now so I have so many other things that I can do. I don't resent the changes in my life.

 

[DanielleM]

I love my kids to piece!! They can also be little monster and stress me out! The most depressing thing I find about my kids is the pressure of getting it all right and bringing them up to be decent human beings.

One of the best times of my day is 8pm when they both go to bed and I get some rest, mentally and physically. BUT the highlight of my day is seeing my 2 little boys with big wide smiles for me because their love is UNCONDITIONAL and that makes me happy!!!

To answer the question, I had my son when I was 18 so I can't really make the assumption as I have never been an adult without a child, only a teenager!! But as I always wanted children I think as an adult I would of been unhappy because I never had a child!! I suppose it could work both ways depending on what you wanted out of life!!

 

[Sarahkka]

I do wonder if this study is more about people's expectations of parenting not matching the reality?
I was not able to see the questions from the link posted, marley. It wants you to sign up and have them sent to your iphone? Anyway, too bad, as I am really curious about their happiness definition and I think the question set could really help us understand their data and possibly their interpretation.

 

[xemmax]

I think it all depends on your life before your children. I am much happier now than before, but then I never realised until I had Oliver how unhappy I was before. I'm not happy all the time but when I am it is a happiness I never felt before.

 

[nov_mum]

I agree with the previous posters who have stated that happiness is an outlook. I guess there are additional stresses that come with parenting, financial and emotional plus you often have less sleep and less free will. I think it comes down to the perception of what parents have pre baby. It's not all gazing at sleeping wee ones or playing with charismatic little toddlers while they say cute things and pick daisies. There is the reality of wrestling them in supermarkets as they are overtired but you have nothing to cook for dinner. There are sleepless nights and spew bugs and explosive nappies. It's not all magazine fairy tales. I think your stress probably doubles but it does so because you care so much about the outcome. It's a higher risk investment than single life or a childless one.

I also don't think that you should shut up and be just grateful with your lot. Of course it was a choice to have a child but it doesn't mean you don't grieve for a coffee in peace, a day of casual shopping, a holiday laying around reading books etc. You sacrifice a lot to become a parent but you get a lot back too. : )

 

[Andypanda6570]

I think happiness comes for me at least when I had my kids, I never felt the love from my parents that I feel for my kids. I mean I would literally die for my kids and I know I become a furious lion when they are ever hurt or mistreated . I think being happy is appreciating all you have , I am sure people everyday wish they had just that extra bit of money or something to go on a vacation or buy something they deserve or even pay in full for college but sometimes it's not just there to do all these things, but we are still happy and we still appreciate things. I thank God my kids are healthy have not really ever been in trouble and I thank God my husband has a job and we have a roof over us and food to eat and healthcare. I like my life and I know for a fact money does not make you happy . There are so many struggling right now just to keep their homes and I am not so just that for me is happiness.
I just hope my kids will have a bright future and never have to go through the struggle of this economy that we have. I remember in 1983 how bad the US economy was my dad struggled every single day to pay bills and it was hard and it hurt him to tell me NO when I asked why I couldn't have some new cloths or go to a movie, he just didn't have extra, now we are experiencing this not as bad but now I know the feelings my dad had and how hard he worked 80 hour weeks just to get us by . We were still happy but we just didn't have that much , but we had each other they also say smiling keeps you healthy and it takes so many less muscles to smile than to frown. LOL

 

[vaniilla]

I'm more happy now that I've had lo but also more stressed, being a parent is something that takes time you're not an expert that can deal with everything overnight, well at least I'm not, I'm unhappy sometimes but its impossible to only have 1 or 2 emotions, yes when lo is having a bad day its stressful and I sometimes get sad about it but that comes with any type of relationship, I have my stressed moments with dh and relatives too but I wouldn't change it for the world

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Not having given birth yet, I can't comment on what it's like to actually have children, but I can say that when I was so sick during pregnancy, I kept thinking to myself "Why did I want this again?" Then I saw him on the ultrasound and instantly I knew that my life would be complete when he came into the world. It's hard to know that he'll have heart problems, but maybe that's why we were blessed with him. I know days will be hard and there will be medical stuff on top of the normal stuff, but I couldn't see myself being any less happy. I think it's all how you look at it. Yes, DH and I won't be able to sleep in and there will be a person that relies on us fully, but we will be able to raise a good, caring little boy and a smart, strong young man. That thought makes me happy

 

[LeeBee]

I'm much happier now that I have my son. There are definitely frustrating times, but they don't make me unhappy. I don't miss a thing about my life before him. Except for maybe sleeping

 

[JASMAK]

I had children at 27 years of age (my first). I was married for a few years first, had my partying days, got to hang out with friends, hubby etc...whenever we wanted. NO...I am much happier. If not, why the heck would I have three kids?! Nope, I am happy. Whoever wrote that article probably has no kids, or shouldn't have kids. lol (kidding, of course).

 

[smokey]

Having him makes me more tired, stressed, poor, loopy, active but content.
I never realy thought about if he makes me happy all I know is having him in my life to share my days with makes me happy, even if its been a bugger of a day im still happy at the end of it when im holding him in my arms watching him (even more happy once hes asleep some days)