Do i be civil or just ignore him (sorry long rant!)

[hypnorm]

My band starts back at rehersals tomorrow, and there is a couple at band (Chris and Ann )who have been together for 10yrs, they got engaged last year and bought a house.
Well just 3 days before christmas, one of my friends phones me to say that Chris had dumped her and had been having an affair for approx 6 months.
Then on christmas eve i spoke to Ann and found out that Chris had had her arrested for ABH, Ann had gone round to collect things to keep her going over christmas, and Chris was 'in her face' telling her how crap in bed she was and how good his new girl was and how beatiful she was, better than she could ever be, Ann has bruises on her arms where he was holding her so tight, so she kicked him in the balls to get him off her, and the git called the police and had her arrested, so she now has a criminal record.
I mean what a tosser, for a bloke to call the police when its him. He turned up at our christmas eve gig, and even had the nerve to ask Ann if she was going to midnight mass with him, as his hew girl was coming too!

I'm surprised he had the nerve to turn up! but i also feel bad for another member of the band (john), as its hitting on raw nerves with him as he got married and his wife left him after 3 months she had been having an affair starting well before they got married, so its all hit on us.

Ann has indicated that Chris has been violent before, this guy is so up him self, and i could never understand what she saw in him but hey everyone has someone.

I'm not looking forward to going back to band, because john and his parents now think nothing of Chris coz of what he has done to Ann but also because they know how she feels becuase of what happened to John!!

Ann tried to explain to the police that Chris had been abusiove but they werent interested becuase he had called the police first.

The question is am i civil to him or just ignore him and get on with it.
Personally i think he should be chucked out of the band.

Sorry about the long post - but i really feel for every one involved and for those whose feelings have been stirred up again.

 

[Wobbles]

I hate men like that! Something similar happened to me although no affair involved. One of my ex's fathers was erm *insert you own word* with a 14 year old girl! WELL HELLO ... I wasn't sitting back like it was normal even if his kids, family & friends did! A massive fight broke out an my exs friends rang the police on ME - WTF I got out & said bail was that I couldn't stay in the village - Not true but got out an rang the child unit as soon as I got there as I already knew the police womans name who was dealing wit the case. They had no evidence - Good job I did :wink: However that muppet knew about them getting 'me' out of the road apparantly & yes I did twat him tbh but who wouldn't - Sick gits!

I'm rambling but that man is clearly a cheeky **** I'd not have slapped him I'd have hammered him But to top it off he bruised her which is outragous - Men who do that really aren't worth anything. Couples do fight but theres a line an I think the fact he rang the police proves nothing more than a low life - I'd not have to do with him & I wouldn't want him beside me either in a band or the pub!

 

[hypnorm]

Yeh i know what you mean, that two people who i regard as friends who have been hurt. fortunatley they hadn't got married, unlike John, they married in the april full church wedding, and she had left him by the august of the same year, she had been seeing another bloke for about 3 months before she got married, it was horrible because me and her best mate knew that she was having a bit on the side and we said don't get married, but she said it was probably just nerves. John had his divorce finalised last year.

Obviously i've changed the names of all involved.

Chris was trying to talk to me on christmas evem but i just gave short yes no answers, i just dont think i'll be able to talk to him to be honest, yeh if you have an affair ok but not to force it in to the hurt partys face and then claim that she abused you, I saw the hurt in her eyes when she told me what had happened, and the pain she was in. I advised her to take pictures of the bruises just incase.

He is a low life, i though of things i'd like to do to his car, or report him to his boss (he is a vet who has gone off with a client) but i'd end up getting in trouble.

Ann said she feels like a weight has been lifted as now she said she can be 'Ann' again, and do what she wants to do, so obviously he had been dictating what they do.

 

[Wobbles]

Must be hard

Your friends looking forward because its now got to a point where theres no going back & she can have her life back. Sad that it got that far but I think you should rasie a glass with her for her new start. Good luck to your friend.

 

[Iwantone!!!]

omg it must be hard but what is ann doing ingoring him or not and can u rplace him if he leaves teh band?

 

[hypnorm]

Ann is still going - she says she'll be damned if shes giving up something she enjoys. i think she will be civil.

At least Ann still has decency and self respect where as Chris has lost all self respect, respect from band members, and any morals that he had.
Everyone knows at band.

We could live without him but, every member is valued