Do I have a right to be jealous?

[HopefulMinded]

My SO is older than me, he is 49. His daughter just gave birth (this morning) to a beautiful baby boy. we are going to the hospital and I know I'm going to be jealous. I know this is wrong but I don't understand how a 20 year old who isn't married, and wasn't with this guy long (probably wouldn't be with him now if it wasn't for the baby) can get pregnant but I can't. I feel so bad for being jealous, but I can't help my self. And SO doesn't seem to understand what is going on. He isn't helpful at all. I know he is proud of his daughter but when will it be our turn. We want a baby of our own.

 

[onmymind17]

My SO is older than me, he is 49. His daughter just gave birth (this morning) to a beautiful baby boy. we are going to the hospital and I know I'm going to be jealous. I know this is wrong but I don't understand how a 20 year old who isn't married, and wasn't with this guy long (probably wouldn't be with him now if it wasn't for the baby) can get pregnant but I can't. I feel so bad for being jealous, but I can't help my self. And SO doesn't seem to understand what is going on. He isn't helpful at all. I know he is proud of his daughter but when will it be our turn. We want a baby of our own.

Of course you have a right to feel jealous, i mean its hard to be happy for someone when they pop out babies while not married or even in a real relationship with someone and yet here we sit properly married and in love and we cannot seem to make this happen. I know exactly how you feel, my DH's whole family is like that, i mean they could make a soap opera out of them. One of them told me "It took me two years to get pg, you just have to be patient" ummmmm she was never in a relationship with any one guy, as a matter of fact when she did get pg, she was not even sure who the father was, it was " One of three"!!!!! You have a right to feel bad honey, dont let that make you feel guilty. Its just not fair, for any of us, i am sending you big hugs, so that you can make it through the hospital visit, and all i can suggest is you hold that baby tight, and try to get some baby vibes off and on to yourself.

 

[cebethel]

My SO is older than me, he is 49. His daughter just gave birth (this morning) to a beautiful baby boy. we are going to the hospital and I know I'm going to be jealous. I know this is wrong but I don't understand how a 20 year old who isn't married, and wasn't with this guy long (probably wouldn't be with him now if it wasn't for the baby) can get pregnant but I can't. I feel so bad for being jealous, but I can't help my self. And SO doesn't seem to understand what is going on. He isn't helpful at all. I know he is proud of his daughter but when will it be our turn. We want a baby of our own.

I think its perfectly normal to feel that way when you're ttc & someone seemingly falls pregnant easily. I know I felt that way.....a lot

Im sorry you're feeling that way Try to remember (sorry for the cheesyness), that your turn will come & folks will be coming to visit you & your bundle of joy

 

[HopefulMinded]

It hurts so bad. And SO just doesn't understand. It should be me coming home from the hospital and his daughter should be coming home from school/college. She is still a kid herself. I'm crying. I know I'm over reacting but emotions are running high. When will it be our turn (including all the ladies on here).

 

[Sus09]

Its only natural to feel like that. We want it so much. Dont feel bad about it. Of course you have the right to feel like that.

 

[HopefulMinded]

SO is ignoring the fact that I'm a little upset. He says I should be happy for his daughter, and my step daughter. her and I have never gotten along, because I think he should have put his foot down. That this wouldn't have happened. I'm happy for her, I am.. But its so hard to be really happy when I want this more than anything right now.

 

[Jax41]

Hi Hopeful

Is your SO your 'other half' sorry not sure of the abbv!!

I just want you to know that I so understand where your coming from as the same thing happened to me last year. DH's eldest and his girlfriend had a baby girl last September. I had told him for ages that my worst nightmare was one of his kids beating us to it and there it was BANG!!! I behaved badly, so did he. He said I'd made a beautiful situation unhappy for him and I said tough, what about me, your wife. We fell out for weeks....but his little grand-daughter is gorgeous and if anything it has been a positive for me as he realises how completely selfish he's been to me and 'our baby' and now things are very different.

I'm sure they will be for you to lovely, you're allowed to feel how you are and don't you let him tell you you're being selfish, you're not you just want to be a mum. You'll feel better, honest I do, but right at this moment you just feel wretched, be kind to you

Big hugs and loads of luv xXx

 

[Sus09]

It is very understandable, how you feel, as I said before it is very natural to feel like that!

Men sometimes don´t get it some don´t get the feelings part of all, at least mine doesn´t... Of course you are happy for his daughter, but you also have the right to feel like you do.

I felt like that two weeks ago, when my friend´s sister in law anounced she was 8 weeks pregnant. I felt green with envy. And I thought: "another one? it is my turn now"

I am saying this becuse she is 40, and she had 3 children since she was 35, she only needs to say I want another one and falls PG straigh away. Of course I feel happy for her, and that for her is so easy. However I can´t help feeling jealous.

You will be smiling soon, you will see, when it is you the next one who has the good news!

 

[jwalk16]

Trust me, I understand. My ex-H's 19 year old daughter is due to give birth any day now. Granted I am remarried to a wonderful man but that annoys me to no end that a 19 year old that should be doing school and stuff is going to be a mother. She was never a good kid (always in trouble and sneaking around doing things she shouldn't have) but here she is due to become a mother. I always joked around when I was married to her loser father that she would have a child before me. Well I was right. I don't think she's married to the baby's father.

Not to forget mentioning my cousin was only TTC for 5 months and she's now pregnant. I have a friend that just got married in May that is pregnant. And my best friend who is not married (who knows if she will) has had 2 kids since I became friends with her 4 years ago.

So yea, I understand your feelings. On my 7th cycle TTC and I'm 36. Feel like time is escaping me. (Side note: everyone that is pregnant is younger than me).

 

[readyformore]

It's normal to feel jealous.
It's just really hard to reconcile the emotions of being happy for someone and feeling sorry for yourself all at the same time.

I find that I do much better with pregnancy announcements, births, new babies, etc; as long as they are far removed from me. If it's a close friend or relative, I am going to feel much worse and struggle even more.

It's hard when it's something you want so bad and it doesn't come easily.

Hugs.

 

[Garnet]

It kinda sucks but it is life. Your turn will be coming soon. My friend who is in her 40's uses the instead cup I suggested and bango she frickin 12 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby...

 

[manuiti]

Oh hun, you have every right to feel jealous. Totally natural. I know I would feel exactly the same in your situation. I feel that way just when friends fall preggers, let alone family. Your feelings are your feelings and no one should invalidate them. Big hugs!!!

 

[onmymind17]

It kinda sucks but it is life. Your turn will be coming soon. My friend who is in her 40's uses the instead cup I suggested and bango she frickin 12 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby...

Garnet, can i ask how many cycles it took for your friend to get pg with the instead cups? I tried them this last cycle, no luck, i would love to know that it might just work!!

 

[crystal443]

You've every right to feel how you want, we all feel jealous at times.

 

[HopefulMinded]

SO isn't even talking to me tonight. Laying with his back to me. I can't help it.

 

[googly]

SO isn't even talking to me tonight. Laying with his back to me. I can't help it.

Don't worry hun... I just don't think most guys are wired the same as us! (vast generalisation there, but you know what I mean) My SO is the most caring, intelligent guy, really wants a LO, but he just doesn't get the ttc angst, impatience and yes, sometimes jealousy.... he's soooo laid back about it, it can be so frustrating! But - that's him. And I'm me, with my girly hormones and biological ticking clock... men are from mars, etc etc. Chin up. It'll happen for you some day and this will all be behind you

 

[Hippiechick]

I thin it's fine to be jealous because at least you know that it's jealousy- if that makes sense!

I can see it from both sides as I got pg when I was 17 without tyring only been with the (unsuitable) boyfriend for 3 months- had my son when I was 18 and I had no understanding or thought for people who were trying to conceive who couldn't - unless you've experienced it then you can't.

I'm now 35 in a month - in a relationship where we are getting married and really happy- I haven't had anymore children as I wanted to concentrate on the one I had and have a career. I work in child protection so deal with people everyday who pop out babies left right and centre with no regard for their children and I place children for adoption. We've been trying to conceive for 8 months with no luck and it's beginning to really get to me as I feel life is being out on hold - I'm so happy for the people that deserve their babies and will be great parents but I am jealous as I want that too. I have bee known to go and cry in the toilets at work when someone else in the office makes a pg announcement ( I don't think anyone noticed!!)

 

[Conina]

I completely understand. I caught myself on getting jealous of Jennifer Aniston's character in Friends the other day 'cos she was pregnant!!

 

[Garnet]

It kinda sucks but it is life. Your turn will be coming soon. My friend who is in her 40's uses the instead cup I suggested and bango she frickin 12 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby...

Garnet, can i ask how many cycles it took for your friend to get pg with the instead cups? I tried them this last cycle, no luck, i would love to know that it might just work!!

One just like me when I first used the Instead cup... I don't know the specifics and might be too embarrassed to ask her. What work for me was I BD 4 days before ovulation and stuck them in. In July I used the Instead cup too but my cycle is all messed up and I BD at the wrong time. This time I used an ovulation kit but we started BD early right after AF. Hope this helps...

 

[Jax41]

SO isn't even talking to me tonight. Laying with his back to me. I can't help it.

Hopeful - it was the same for me and DH and it just seemed to cut deeper for me because who had got preg and had a baby it was just too close to home. Know what I mean? I won't lie, you'll feel crap for days, even weeks maybe (I felt dreadful, like my time to be a Mum had passed, I'd married the wrong man all of it!!) and you will have strong words, but it WILL pass and you WILL be okay. Have you got some girlfriends to share this with who can give you proper , rather than our cyber ones (although they are just as strong for you!!). Without them and my Mum around at that time I would have fallen completely apart. Unfortunately I hadn't found BnB then otherwise you would all have known about it!!

Lots of luv xXx