Do I have The Right

[Andypanda6570]

I want to try again in October and just when i get happy about it I wonder what if I loose another baby will I feel like I did it, it was my fault? I mean my life was fine I was 40 three boys 20,17 and 11 working out going out with my husband finally a little alone time cause the kids are big now and then BAM I get pregnant was not planned but oh boy i was over the moon Now all I think about is being pregnant again, but I am 41 and what if something goes wrong it will be another life I lost and i feel it would be my fault . I know loosing Ava was not my fault, I just am so confused. At 41 what if something goes wrong ? I have thyroid problem also well it is controlled , i am on synthroid and I take lebatalol my pressure is not that high , but I just don't know if I should risk it. i am so confused, I mean I will try but what if this happens again.

 

[bernerdbutt]

I cannot imagine the pain of what you went through. I miscarried early in my pregnancy and the pain is unbearable. I know you gave birth to your baby girl when you lost her.

I have read a lot of your posts and I feel like I know you. You are always one of the first ones to express your sympathy and share your hugs. You seem like such an amazing, strong, loving person.

You also seem like you are going to regret not trying again. Only you can know for sure whether you can go through another pregnancy. Will you be able to relax and enjoy those months, or will the stress be too much? What if, god forbid, you go through another tragedy; will you be able to handle it? But, I think the most important question is this: If you don't try now, will you hate yourself for being too afraid? In a few years, will you look back and think, what if?

Take care of your own health, the feelings of your partner, and talk to your doctor about your chances of a healthy baby. If everyone is on board, and you feel ready then follow your heart.


Remember a couple things:

Getting pregnant will not erase your grief over your beautiful Ava. This has to be because you really want it, not because you want not to hurt.

We all love you and will be here for you through anything...but hopefully from your BFP to your birth announcement.

You have to take care of yourself either way. It was in no way your fault that you lost your Ava. Blaming yourself is not fair. You are a great mommy and you will continue to be a great mommy if you end up with one more little one or not.

Good luck

 

[zanDark]

all I have to offer is some and a prayer that your beautiful little angel Ava will lend a helping hand so you can have a healthy and happy pregnancy

 

[bernerdbutt]

I would also like to point out that your "Hopeful" under how you are feeling speaks volumes to whether you are ready....

 

[mhazzab]

I have read a lot of your posts and I feel like I know you. You are always one of the first ones to express your sympathy and share your hugs. You seem like such an amazing, strong, loving person.

You also seem like you are going to regret not trying again. Only you can know for sure whether you can go through another pregnancy. Will you be able to relax and enjoy those months, or will the stress be too much? What if, god forbid, you go through another tragedy; will you be able to handle it? But, I think the most important question is this: If you don't try now, will you hate yourself for being too afraid? In a few years, will you look back and think, what if?

I totally agree with all of this! couldn't have put it better myself, so I won't even try. Andypanda, you are amazing woman full of so much love and warmth and I wish you every happiness. I can tell by your posts that you are desperate to try again but are afraid of what will happen - I completely understand that and I'm sure everyone else on here does too. We will all be here for you if you decide to try again - for me, I'm hoping to this month and I know you ladies will support me when I need it. Please understand that losing Ava wasn't your fault - if you could have done something to prevent it, you would have, same as for me and everyone else on here. It was just beyond our control. big hugs to you and I hope you find the strength to make your decision xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I have read a lot of your posts and I feel like I know you. You are always one of the first ones to express your sympathy and share your hugs. You seem like such an amazing, strong, loving person.

You also seem like you are going to regret not trying again. Only you can know for sure whether you can go through another pregnancy. Will you be able to relax and enjoy those months, or will the stress be too much? What if, god forbid, you go through another tragedy; will you be able to handle it? But, I think the most important question is this: If you don't try now, will you hate yourself for being too afraid? In a few years, will you look back and think, what if?

I totally agree with all of this! couldn't have put it better myself, so I won't even try. Andypanda, you are amazing woman full of so much love and warmth and I wish you every happiness. I can tell by your posts that you are desperate to try again but are afraid of what will happen - I completely understand that and I'm sure everyone else on here does too. We will all be here for you if you decide to try again - for me, I'm hoping to this month and I know you ladies will support me when I need it. Please understand that losing Ava wasn't your fault - if you could have done something to prevent it, you would have, same as for me and everyone else on here. It was just beyond our control. big hugs to you and I hope you find the strength to make your decision xxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you, I just wanted you to know I wish you all the best I am so excited for you I feel so close to all of you, its this journey we are all taking trying to make sense out of the senseless loss. I just want some peace is all, I want to know everything will be ok, but I know i wont ever know that if I don't try, i have never been so torn in my life and it all has to do with my age, if I was even 3 yrs younger i would be trying again already. I want you all to know even if I do get pregnant this part of the forum will always be my home and I will always come here first no matter what.
XOXOXOOXO

 

[amipregnant]

im afraid i cannot offer any other advise but wanted to send you big hugs and hope you decide what it right for you. x x x

 

[JaydensMommy1]

The fact that you are doing your best to prevent anything from going wrong proves so much about your character and reiterates the fact that you deserve to have a beautiful baby. You are right, there was nothing you did wrong with your beautiful Ava. Sometimes, unfortunately, things just happen. As a nurse I unfortunately see the bad but cannot tell you how many times I see miracles and rainbow babies. I have had two angel babies, one from a M/C, and one from an ethical loss as my BP was sky rocketing at an extremely early gestation. I do not know why my body would do this, and I may never understand but I can tell you that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

You are doing what you can to prevent abnormalities for your next pregnancy and that in itself is an honorable thing to do. The fact is there is always going to be a risk. No matter how old you are, or how young you are. The fact is with pregnancy we more or less let go of the reigns. We are no longer in control. We go to our prenatal appointments, eat and live healthy but that is where our control stops. Where I nurse we are also a "high" risk clinic and I see women with complications from advanced maternal age, to extreme obesity. Each and every day I see women with numerous conditions deliver beautiful babies. Yes, when you have a higher risk there comes with that a higher possibility of complications like downs syndrome. While I do not see this quite common I can say that the women who have a downs baby will not trade them for the world. Yes, there are more complications but there are always the risks.
Just a few days ago I met a 49 year old mother who just gave birth to twins that were beautiful and completely healthy. A week before I met a 16 year old who was awaiting the birth of her baby with downs. There is always a risk. Pregnancy in itself is a risk.
I can only tell you that you are doing the right thing so far, taking care of yourself. A positive attitude can go along way. The risk of you having another baby with abnormalities is very very slim. You will know when the time is right sweetie. I cannot gurantee you anything but one thing I can gurantee you is that you will have a countless amount of support from here on out.

I know I am here whenever you need me.

 

[emk10]

Hi, i could have written your post myself as we are in very similar situations. I feel I 'MAY' be pregnant this month and it scares the crap outta me, however there is also a tinge of excitment and hope. We didn't exactly plan this and so I feel that if I am, it was meant to be!!

I just hope and pray for both of us, and anyone else in a similar situation, that if we do fall pregnant, there is no repeat of what we had to suffer

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi, i could have written your post myself as we are in very similar situations. I feel I 'MAY' be pregnant this month and it scares the crap outta me, however there is also a tinge of excitment and hope. We didn't exactly plan this and so I feel that if I am, it was meant to be!!

I just hope and pray for both of us, and anyone else in a similar situation, that if we do fall pregnant, there is no repeat of what we had to suffer

Thank you, are you my age also? I know it is personal you don't have to answer I am being nosey. I wish so much love and luck on your journey, I know in my heart i am taking a chance but I think maybe the odds are in my, your favor. I am so very sorry for your loss it is nice to know someone else feels what I feel. XOXOOX

 

[emk10]

Thank you!

I am actually a little younger than you at 35 and no, I don't mind you asking. So age is slightly more on my side, but hey its just a number!! I meant more about our angels as Emilia had a chromosomal abnormality too and we lost them at around the same time . Also I feel the same way you do about having the right to do it again!! However, I believe that decision may have been taken out my hands, so only time will tell

Hope everything works out well for you too, whichever path you decide to take x x x x

 

[collie_crazy]

Oh hunny of course you have the right to try again - you are 41 you are by no means ancient!! Lots and lots of women have babies at your age and later and do just fine. OK the odds may be slightly riskier but you are healthy - you are looking after yourself and more than all that you deserve to have another baby to love. Honestly you have so much love to give it just oozes out of you any LO will be lucky to have you as a mom (look I even said 'mom' for you )

I was speaking to my friend yesterday and mentioned you, I hope you dont mind. I was telling her about all the lovely people I had met - other angel mums - who were helping me and told her that there were a few of us hoping for our rainbows but how scared that makes us. I mentioned you and told her a bit about your story she told me to tell you to stop worrying and go with what your heart wants - her mum had her when she was 44, her youngest child was 23 at the time my friend was born so it had been 21 years between babies! Hayley is 23 now and she and her mum have such a strong bond.

And remember you now have an angel looking out for you - I'm sure Ava would delight over a little sister or brother

 

[Nikki_d72]

Everything i was going to say has been said so very eloquently by the ladies above! I cant put it any better. You are obviously full of love to give and understandably scared but you absolutely have the right to try!

Best fo luck, big hugs to you and I hope to be here supporting you through your pregnancy soon xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Everything i was going to say has been said so very eloquently by the ladies above! I cant put it any better. You are obviously full of love to give and understandably scared but you absolutely have the right to try!

Best fo luck, big hugs to you and I hope to be here supporting you through your pregnancy soon xxx

You are so sweet, thank you so much..XOXOOX

 

[kiki04]

I have read a lot of your posts and I feel like I know you. You are always one of the first ones to express your sympathy and share your hugs. You seem like such an amazing, strong, loving person.

You also seem like you are going to regret not trying again. Only you can know for sure whether you can go through another pregnancy. Will you be able to relax and enjoy those months, or will the stress be too much? What if, god forbid, you go through another tragedy; will you be able to handle it? But, I think the most important question is this: If you don't try now, will you hate yourself for being too afraid? In a few years, will you look back and think, what if?

I too agree with this. You are such a loving and supportive woman and my heart aches for you cuz I can feel your pain through your posts. Yet even through your pain, you are still such a ray of sunshine and support to everyone else. I really hope you do try again because I know you want to but it is fear holding you back... you deserve another chance to revel in the joy and the beauty of your own newborn. It will never replace Ava but might help fill that empty void left in your heart