Do they really think i would hurt him??

[Aidan's Mummy]

Ever since Aidan has been born my family have constanlty been critising what i do. All i get is "oh, no you don't do it like that" "Watch his head" (i'm aware of his head), "What are you doing to that poor baby"

And the thing that really upsets me " Don't pick him up, he needs to learn to settle on his own" When people say that i just want to cry. He is layed in his moses basket wimpering because he likes cuddles when he falls asleep and i get told to leave him. It's like i'm not the parent and they have taken over. I just feel so pushed out and i havn't got any confidence with him at all

And when he is crying and i've tryed everything and he still won't settle i just don't know what to do. And i just get told well something must be wrong. Someone actually said to me "What have you done to him. Why is he crying that that" I mean they were bascially accusing me of harming my own baby. I would never hurt him how could they think that

 

[Miss Duke]

Thats bloody awful. I can't believe they are saying these things to you. And you only gave birth a few weeks ago! I am sooooo angry for you!!!!

Please please please don't be offended by my question, but are you young? Is that why they keep questioning you? Only I was 23 when I had my first and I found everyone have treated me differently this time, now I am a little older.

Somehow you need to gain confidence - you need to try and be firm with them explaining that you know what you are doing. I think its lovely you want to cuddle him like that, and you really and truly can't spoil a newborn - don't listen to them chick.

You are bound to be still hormonal, I still am now! Hopefully as things settle down you will be able to ignore it, otherwise you need to tell them how you feel xxxxx

 

[orange-sox]

Oh sweetheart

They know you'd never hurt him, it's often very difficult for parents to see their baby grow up and have their own children. They won't realise how they're making you feel, and I think it's probably a good idea for you to sit down with them (when you're not too tired) and tell them how they're making you feel, and that YOU are Aidans mummy, and while you appreciate their help, this is all very new to you, and you need to learn all about your baby and what his needs and wants are.

Crying is pure communication, it doesn't always mean something is wrong, he's so young he is learning all about himself, these strange noises he makes, and how to get what he wants when he wants it.

What worked when you were a baby etc, won't always work for Aidan, he's his own little soul, who nobody understands better than you.

You are a fantastic mother Heather, don't every forget that

 

[FEDup1981]

what a bunch of idiots.

If ur baby cries and u want to pick him up then u do. Ur his mum and u know best. Just because ur young it doesnt mean ur any less capable than any other first time mum.

 

[vicky]

aww hun big hun, are u living at home still????

it is right when they say to leave him to try and settle him himself it will help you out when he is older, but he is only a newborn don't listen to them its all a learning curve for both of u.

all the thing i can say is maybe sit your parents down and say how they are making u feel.

 

[brownhairedmom]

The same thing happened in my family. They all think they know better. My mom is constantly on my case about picking her up when she's crying. Babies shouldn't be left to cry when they're that young! They need something, even if its cuddles! I tell my mom that its my child and if I want to pick her up, I'm damn well going to pick her up! I'm the one who has to deal with it if she won't settle later on without being up, not them. Babies don't even realize they're seperate at that/this point, they need their mother.

You need to put your foot down and establish that you are in fact his mother and you know best, despite what they think.

I hope it starts to go better for you soon

 

[isil]

I've been treated a bit like you have and like Miss Duke feel it's something to do with my age. Like my SIL (31) has had a baby and she got none of the comments I got. I was 22 (nowhere near as young as some Mums) when I had Ally but my family and family friends were very critical of practically everything I did with him!

It's so awful that people have been making these comments to you. Just do what you think and feel is best for Aidan. It took me ages to stop listening to people's comments about Alasdair but the moment I did things got better

 

[redberry3]

Not that I know anything yet as I have yet to have my LO....but in my god honest opinion, people need to let you learn things on your own or you will end up resenting them and potentially your motherhood experience!

I say tell them to shove it!! You are doing an amazing job and deserve to be congratulated on a job well done!

Sorry you are going through this!

 

[sparkswillfly]

It must be an age thing. I havent had my baby yet but my in laws are telling me everything we want to do with our baby is wrong. Its really hard. They told me that the baby needs a strict routine from the beginning and I shouldnt demand feed or pick her up all the time. But thats what we want to do. I dont want a routine from the beginning. They all think they know best. It must be hard not having your own space.

 

[v2007]

I used to get this when i had Mollie, my Mam used to take over to the point where i once caught her diluting Mollies feeds and adding sugar. I went fooking crazy.

To this day she still thinks im incapable of bathing a baby, all because when i had Mollie i had stitches i cudnt bend over properly to hold her head.

Tell them to butt out, if u have to have a go, then so be it. They will then say its hormones or summat, just say yip it is so piss off and if i need your help i will mayb ask for it.

You know your son better than anyone and they need to find some1 there own age to dictate to

Good luck.

BTW he is gorgeous.

V x x

 

[candeur]

I know how you feel, whenever we go up my partners parents I feel completely pushed out, they snatch her off me, take over feeding/changing/burping everything. When she cries they quiz me on when she was last fed, or she must have some left over wind blah blah... As if I'd starve my own baby, and I know perfectly well how to burp her. Whenever I do hold her when they are there, and seren starts crying, she comes over and takes her off me to try and stop her... It can make you feel completely inadequate. Don't listen to them at all, you know best.
And BTW, in the little red health record book you get, read in there and it says don't feel guilty about picking up your baby when she's crying, as you can't spoil her that way... Shove that in their face next time they say somethign!

 

[nikky0907]

I think they're overstepping the line! Put your foot down and tell them you are his mother and you make the decisions,if you need advice you'll ask for it but nobody should push you aside because you're his mommy and he needs you.

 

[1st_baby]

I always get comments like that from both sides of the family at first it really hurt me but now I just ignore there stupidity , hes your child you know whats best for him hun !

 

[ricschick]

your the mummy and just tell them to but out!! its upto you weather you pick him up or leave him and babies that small only cry for a reason so you are right to pick him up at this age. you need to figure out your routine by yourself so just tell them your his mummy and you know best. oh and dont forget your a great mummy!!!!!!!!!

 

[sam's mum]

Ever since Aidan has been born my family have constanlty been critising what i do. All i get is "oh, no you don't do it like that" "Watch his head" (i'm aware of his head), "What are you doing to that poor baby"

And the thing that really upsets me " Don't pick him up, he needs to learn to settle on his own" When people say that i just want to cry. He is layed in his moses basket wimpering because he likes cuddles when he falls asleep and i get told to leave him. It's like i'm not the parent and they have taken over. I just feel so pushed out and i havn't got any confidence with him at all

And when he is crying and i've tryed everything and he still won't settle i just don't know what to do. And i just get told well something must be wrong. Someone actually said to me "What have you done to him. Why is he crying that that" I mean they were bascially accusing me of harming my own baby. I would never hurt him how could they think that

That would make me so mad I don't think there's a single mother in the world who hasn't had to deal with a babby crying for no obvious reason, and not because anything is wrong. Surely they can see that you're a great mum - and they need to just leave you to it. He's your son, not theirs. I hope you can ignore them until they realise that they are completely wrong and you are doing a fantastic job.

x

 

[oOKayOo]

I will only echo what others have said Huge hugs for you sweetie

head up high chick im sure your doing a perfect job

 

[MoonMuffin]

Aw don't worry, they just think they know better because your new at this. I still get the "she must be freezing" comment a lot even though I know that my LO gets hot easily. You just have to ignore things that people say that hurt you and just say to yourself that they are just trying to help; you know your baby best but people seem to forget that. And also babies don't form habits or anything until after month 3 (at least), so you can cuddle your LO all you want! Also if you pick them up and take care of them when they first start whimpering it builds up their trust in you, so they learn to whimper a bit first before full on crying, and are more confident. So don't let anyone tell you to just leave them. Good luck and have fun with your LO!

 

[luckyme225]

Sorry they are being so ridiculous I'm sure your doing great!

 

[Tiff]

You can't spoil a newborn infant with too much cuddleing. IMO, this is the time that they need to know that when they cry, you will come. The awareness of it doesn't come in for another couple of months or so.

I know how you feel. My mother is doing the same thing to me with Claire. It's frustrating! We had it out the other morning because I am not doing what SHE thinks is right. Regardless of how old her knowledge is. Medical sciences have progressed since my brother was a baby, no?

It's totally up to you how to deal with it, but I would definitely tell them to back off. It's easier said than done though.

 

[mommyof3co]

I'm sorry I would tell them they need to back off, it sounds like they have no idea what they are talking about. At 2wks old no baby needs to be left to cry and learn to settle themself, even if you do believe in CIO, I don't, but all experts that do say it's ok even say never with a baby that young. Your the mom and you should listen to their instincts, don't let them get to you