Do you believe a religious parent should have more say than an atheist/agnostic one..

[HappiestMom]

in the way the child is raised?

I am from a very religious family...as is my OH..however...I am no longer religious..I consider myself to be agnostic and hubby is religious but as of now does not go to church..just reads Bible at home..prays every now and then..etc..

for those that dont know..agnostic is believing that religion/God/gods can be neither proved nor disproved..as opposed to atheists who will say no way does God/gods exist

He wants our children to go to church..of course as of now I dont see this happening as even he doesnt go to church lol...I honestly dont mind them going to church..but I dont want religion forced on them..as in I dont want them to think they have to be saved or baptized to fit in with the family..and I definitely want it to be their decision if they choose to do so..not something they do when they are 7 because they think it will make daddy and the rest of the family happy...I want them to do it because they personally have had an experience and believe it is the right thing do to..I will not be against my child being religious and I will be supportive of them whichever religion..or non religion..they choose as long as it is based on sound belief...

So..my question is..does a religious parent have more of a right to want/make their children go to church..or does an atheist/agnostic parent have just as much right to say no...

 

[ShanandBoc]

Oooo thats a hard one, i dont think either parent has more 'right' than the other tbh, no matter what they believe. I think they would have to come to some kind of compromise and in the end let their child decide for themselves ( which they should be allowed to do as they grow up anyway) But if the non religious parent was happy for their child to go to church or whatever then i guess their wouldnt be any disagreements but in the case of both parents opposing the others beliefs completely then you would have to meet in the middle.

Interesting question! Im glad we wont have this issue as both DH and i are christian

 

[BlackBerry25]

No I don't think so.

My OH is an atheist. I believe in God, spiritual sides to the world, etc, but not one set of common views. He is ADAMANT that I do not pray with Helena or teach her anything about what I believe in. He thinks that people often just believe what they are taught, and he would like her to learn about science and come to her own conclusions.

For me, its not worth the arguement. When she is older, she can study and learn about different things and make up her own mind. So I guess we kinda agree, but disagree.

 

[BlackBerry25]

Oh, and my baby daddy (haha) will not let our kids have anything to do with church, period. Like he won't let me sign her up for things if they have any religious element. Like he asked if the Girl Guides pray. *sigh*

 

[HappiestMom]

thanks ladies..hubby and I are taking an internet break tonight but I'll be on tomorrow and will comment more and explain our situation more..thanks !!!

 

[Laura2919]

I am Catholic and OH is Atheist.
I had the twins Christened and he didnt mind, I rarely go to church but I do believe and I do think its important for a child to know a faith but thats just because thats how I was raised, knowing there was a God and going to church.
I want them to know about their faith and OH is happy with that.

 

[lynnikins]

thankfully we dont have this debate in our house as my husband and I share the same beliefs.

i think like everything in parenting then it has to be discussed and a suitable compromise found that works for everybody including the child

 

[KittyVentura]

No, absolutely not. AN athiest belief is just as important as a religious one and deserves the same respect and considerations. Parents would need to find a way to strike a compromise or one must agree to bend.

Ian and I are both athiest, however once the children are older we will teach them about religions and different beliefs. We will however teach that we do not believe religious books to have any more relevance or truth than any other book. If the children chose to believe then we'd support this as best we could xx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

No, absolutely not. AN athiest belief is just as important as a religious one and deserves the same respect and considerations. Parents would need to find a way to strike a compromise or one must agree to bend.

Ian and I are both athiest, however once the children are older we will teach them about religions and different beliefs. We will however teach that we do not believe religious books to have any more relevance or truth than any other book. If the children chose to believe then we'd support this as best we could xx

Agree with this, Should be equal. Neither me or OH go to church but the kids go to a christian school x

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I agree with Kitty too, we're both atheists.
When I was growing up my Dad believed and my mum didn't - my Dad took us to sunday school when we were kids, but it was more about singing songs, reading bible stories and learning about life might have been like in biblical times etc. I'm fairly sure my mum would have objected to him taking us to some other styles of churches though.

 

[TennisGal]

It's got to be about respecting each others beliefs - no matter what they are.

I came from a dual religion household, with a highly scientific element also! My parents were absolutely fantstic at discussing religion with us, our thoughts, ideas - we had many philosophical and theological discussions!

Luckily, both DH and I are christian, so it has always been easy for us. I will, however, be keen for the littlies to decide whether or not they wish to be confirmed when they are old enough to really think about religion in the way we do...should they wish to. We choose to have them christened, they choose to be confirmed. Hopefully they do.

What I find most odd, however, is total non believers choosing to get married in church and have their children christened...very bizarre!

 

[tallybee]

KittyVentura has got it right in my opinion.

Likewise, we are both atheists; we regard religious books to be no more true or relevant to life than any other fiction. We have many books in the house and answer the childrens' questions as fully as we can.

I do however believe that it is very important that children learn about religions, as phenomena, since they hold so much driving force behind the motivations of people's actions in the world. To omit teaching children about the phenomenon of religion would be to fail to show them this angle on the way the world works.

But to answer the OP - absolutely NO - the two parents' views are equally important.

It seems that many religious people simply assume at the time when they get married/have kids that their religion will override. I don't see why it should, in fact in general there seems to be a tendency to afford religious views higher respect than others, and immunity from any question - and that bothers me.

 

[ShanandBoc]

we regard religious books to be no more true or relevant to life than any other fiction.

Is this comment really necessary or relevant? Its disrespectful to many faiths to call any religious text fiction, you say it like its fact not just ur opinion.

 

[tallybee]

Hey.... I am sorry you are offended by that - it was not intended. My opinion is that it's fiction, and the belief that non-religious opinion is worth less than religious opinion is exactly the point I was making in my post.

The words 'we regard' at the beginning of my statement surely show that it was stated as opinion - not fact.

 

[BlackBerry25]

To atheists, it is not an opinion, it is a fact. That is why they are atheists.

Trust me, I have been offended by my OH many times, and finally I realized that. His beliefs are not a set of "beliefs." He only believes in scientifically proven facts, and not faith.

 

[ShanandBoc]

the belief that non-religious opinion is worth less than religious opinion is exactly the point I was making in my post.

Believe me, that works both ways, so i know how that feels Thanks for the apology tho, dont mind me its that time of the month and im just a little on edge

 

[KittyVentura]

What I find most odd, however, is total non believers choosing to get married in church and have their children christened...very bizarre!

YES!!!!

This gets me every time. I think we have a new debate topic

*wanders off to start a new thread*

xx

 

[HappiestMom]

well I grew up in a church...for the first 18 years of my life and I guess it was just understood in my family you go to church..I never got saved though because I never had a moment where I felt I was called to do so..I am a very scientific practical person...but also very spiritual I guess...I wouldnt say there is no God just because I cant see one but also wont say there is just because there is a book that says so...

but anyway...my family is religious but not annoyingly so I guess I would say..and by that I mean...my MIL..is all about God...Jesus..anytime something good happens...anything happens..its thank you jesus..thank you god..oh lets pray..and its just..over the top...and she pushes religion on me constantly..always "secretly" telling hubby on the phone (I'll be right beside him so I can hear everything she says) to pray for me and try to change me..all the time...

on the other hand..my great grandmother..who is the most religious..caring..would do anything for anyone person...will talk about God..or stuff like that..but she never pushes it..not annoyingly..she will say her part and thats it..she knows that you have to make your own decisions...clearly..my MIL does not understand that concept...

so my biggest thing is that I am the only agnostic in our families..so I feel like its a losing battle on my part...because I dont mind my child growing up knowing a religion..or knowing about many religions (this is where I will come in because I want them to know more than just one thing and be able to make their own decisions) but our families will be pushing for them to go to church..get saved..especially ...especially..his mom....and his mom will push him to take them and force it on them..which isnt what I want...so I guess I will have to run interference on the sidelines and let our kids know that either way they will be loved...and that they dont HAVE to do something because others want them to..but if they choose to go to church and get saved then that is their decision...but one they need to make based on their feelings..not the guilt-ed feelings from other family members...

 

[ahcigar1]

I grew up in a very strong faithed family. My husband I guess you would say he is Agnostic, he never went to church or anything and is not religious, but at same time he can't disprove it either. Throughout my childhood up until I was in about high school or so I went to church every sunday and in my younger years went to sunday school. Stopped going for several years but still held my strong faith with me then started going again a few years back. My parents never baptised me or my brothers because they wanted us to make th decision of when we thought the time was right, and if we never chose to that would have been fine too. I do believe it is important to introduce your children to faith, and for them to go to sunday school at least because you trying to explain to them, they just can't fathom it. And I will not have her baptised until she makes that decision on her own, but I will introduce her to God and faith. Growing up I can remember having a picture of Jesus above my bed and every night my mom would tell em to say your prayers and goodnight to Jesus. And I don't see anything wrong with this. It was her way of helping us understand at such a young age. And today yes my faith is stronger than it ever was before. I have had 2 seperate personal experiences when I needed God the most and I hold it very close to my heart. My husband does understand this and my reasonings and so for us he has no problem of taking our Daughter to Sunday school every week and introducing her to faith, because he knows how important it is to me to give this gift to her. My Mom has always told us the two most important things you can give your child are family and faith and that is what she did for us, and I intend to do the same for my daughter. These are my thoughts, and realize that others may think differently and that is their choice to do so.

 

[HappiestMom]

Ok so here is another question...that goes with the first...if she starts going to sunday school or to church..say when shes 3-4....at what age should we let her make the decision as to whether or not she wants to go?...

my biggest thing about how I was raised is that I resented going to church after a certain point because I felt I was old enough to be able to make the decision but was forced to go anyway..mainly to make my family look good..because of course people would talk if I just stopped going and it would make my grandmother look bad...

I feel like maybe if it wasnt so forced I would have been more open and might still be going today... I also feel like if you are forced to go it doesnt make you any more religious than someone that doesnt go to church..because the faith and belief has to be there..you can make someone go sit through anything..but that doesnt mean they believe in it...