Do you care who knows...

[pixielou]

Just wondered how you ladies respond to other people knowing about ttc for a while. I mean is it something that you are very open about and find that chatting to friends etc makes you feel better, or are you very careful not to disclose the situation.

Me personally, I'm soooo proud and I find it quite difficult to talk to friends. I have friends that I have made recently at old jobs and at the hospital who I'm happy to share feelings with cos they have been or are going through the same. Out of my close friends though only my two bests mates really know anything. I trust them but even then, I do hold back bits and pieces from them like I'm protecting myself.

Just wondered your thoughts on this?

 

[miel]

i told all my friends and family me...and let them know how my tests are going so far...so i least they had stop to tell me the old sentence " but if relax it will happen " ...
i think talking to them about how the tests are performs etc...they realising a little better what is going on and it something very serious for me and my husband...

 

[chefamy1122]

I am pretty open about everything with my family and friends. I guess I got tired of hearing "When are you and Greg going to start a family?'' Once I tell people what is going on, they are very supportive.

Shoot, I even had my own little prayer group (aunts, uncles, and cousins) praying for me the morning of my IUI!!!

 

[Brambletess]

Hiya

I have told everyone, even my boss! they all knew we were trying and after 2 1/2 years its obvious its not happening. I have cut drinking back to a major minimum so a few friends were assuming i was pregnant so at that point I decided to tell them about the tests, as having them think am preggers is far far worse! Most people are really supportive, some think you are going overboard and worrying about nothing, it just takes time! I am trying not to worry though and think that is certainly good advice, one step at a time.

I totally understand your need to be private and protect yourself and it sounds like you have a good network around you. Everyone deals with it there own way.

 

[Stardancer]

I tell everyone, I think these things should be talked about more, so people learn and stop going around asking people when they're having kids, or why they haven't. I have a friend who is pregnant after IVF and it's top secret... nobody ever knew she was trying, having problems, or having IVF... she sees it as something that is nobody's business. I find it a little sad TBH, because it's such a miracle, and nobody will ever know.

 

[Nathyrra]

First thing I did when I found out was google for celebrities with the same thing-and I couldn't find anything anywhere where people were admitting they have problems. Even in the wake of so many older celebs having twins, no one is talking about it.

So.. I kind of made a conscious decision to not hold any of it back. I don't want to feel ashamed about my body through something out of my control. I've told family, I told a friend. I've support groups on my top friends in my myspace music profile. In a way, it's better for me. It's still very early days for me, but I do hope it'll stop my family from saying stupid things that will hurt my feelings. x

 

[ellie]

personally, i keep it all to myself, but that's the way i deal with things generally ... i know it's wrong, but i do feel some kind of shame about it, haven't 'provided' my parents with grandkids, have been seen as a 'career girl', etc, it does make you feel alone with it though.

 

[maz]

I haven't told any family members, but have told one close friend and her hubby. I only told her as she confided that she was having problems and asked me for advice. I still don't know why she came to me in particular - maybe she sensed we were struggling ourselves and decided to starting the conversational ball rolling.

I have always maintained with family that I'm not interested in having a family - mainly because I didn't want any questions as to why we weren't pregnant, was there something wrong, how the tests were going, etc. DH was more than happy with this too, as he didn't want his parents to worry that there was something wrong. Plus we couldn't rely on his mum not to let the cat out of the bag to other family members, after a couple of glasses of wine... To be fair to both of our families, there have only been a couple of occasions when we've been asked when we're having a family, and that was from one of DH's uncles when he was drunk. I think when I told him to mind his own business he realised what he'd said ... Oops - haven't seen him since

 

[CareBear]

Everyone I see on a daily basis knows!! I'm pretty open because I tend to like people to know whatsgoing on so if I'm upset or quiet they can work out why.

Family wise only my mum, dad and brother know we're trying none of my extended family. We live a couple of hours drive from them so I don't see them often. Also one of my cousins who is 6 years younger than me has 3 kids so I wouldn't want to be compared. I think most of my extended family believe I am very career orientated and therefore not interested and I'm quite happy leaving it that way with them. I think once I fall pregnant I will tell them how long we've been trying but not at the moment.

 

[hayz1981]

I've told my mum and sister and two close friends. But to be honest, I sometimes wish I hadnt told the friends. They don't really understand, and when they ask me how things are going, it makes me feel embarrassed and like a failure. I know it shouldn't, but it does. I'm reluctant to tell anyone else because it just doesn't make me feel good speaking to people about it who aren't going through, or havent been through this.

I think if things get as far as assisted conception, I probably will tell more people. But right now I'm just hoping I will ovulate or get AF soon and get going with the Clomid. I can't really see past that right now. I have to believe that will work.

And when I do get my , which I will dammit!!!, then I will tell everyone what we went through to get to it. I wont be pretending it happened more quickly and easily than it did. If nothing else it might give someone else going through a similar thing to have some hope. There's nothing worse when you've been TTC for a long time than hearing people say how it took them 2 months, or they didnt even have a period after coming off the pill.

But for now, I'm happy to share my journey with my OH and you girls who never make me feel like a failure - so thank you all.

xxxx

 

[FJL]

We have told our immediate family, both of our bosses (only told them when we started IVF and had to tell them because we needed so much time off work and I had to constantly slip away from scans and bloods) DH's best mate and 3 of my friends.

I would actually like to tell everyone that asks me when we're going to have a family, and the only reason I don't is because I don't want them asking me every 2 seconds if we're pregnant yet as when we do get PG, we won't tell anyone (apart from those who know) until we're 12 weeks. If that ever happens... Also, I do want to protect myself from peoples advice and stupid comments...some days i'm not strong enough to handle it, other days I will rip their heads off...so i'm kind of protecting them by not telling them LOL

IF we ever get PG, I certainly won't be making it a secret that our baby is a result of IVF because I think education is the key to removing the stigma against infertility and what IVF really involves...most people haven't a clue, which is not their fault, but I think it should be something people are aware of.

 

[bonfloss]

Lots of people around me know as I stupidly was very open when we started trying as I didn't think for a minute we would be in this position and now I wish I had kept my mouth shut!! Although I do think it is important to have support around you and be able to offload to different people.
xx

 

[Puddleduck]

I didnt tell anyone until August this year and we have been trying since Sept 06. I just felt I needed to be able to tell my best friend and my family so they could try to understand how I am feeling. It's so hard every month to deal with the disappointment and I think sharing the burden does help. Now that we have bite the bullet and had the initial tests done and the my GP is on our side I do feel like a bit of the weight has been lifted. My mum is a huge support too. I have given up on keeping it a secret and I think it has helped a bit.

Good luck on your journey

 

[Sinead]

I talk openly about it, and am luckly that one woman at work has been through IVF which worked and another whose IVF didn't, but got pg a week before she saw the doctor to discuss egg donation

 

[JASMAK]

Some people know, some don't. I wish people didn't. I get the "just relax" thing. I got that just the other day when I told someone what we have been through and how we are taking this month off. She said "this is the month it will happen." Which just shows she doesn't get it at all. I am not taking the drugs which make me get pregnant and keep it. Duh! And S-E-X is probably isn't going to happen as we are sick of doing it. But, it's not that you can explain all that. I get the "are you pregnant yet" question all the time and I hate it. I also get the "sympathy" looks and "how are you?" question and I know they are asking about that.

 

[CurlySue]

I am very open about it. I was not quite so sure just how open OH was to it until I saw a text he sent to his mate after our last fertility appointment.

"I've jizzed in a cup and she needs tablets to make her ovulate."

Seemed very, very strange to think that he talks about this stuff with his mates. Does make me feel shit that they know though, in a way.

 

[Farie]

I've told most of my close friends etc, my boss knows as his sister has had TTC issues so it's come up due to that. A couple of work rfiends also know as I'm close to them and they are really supportive and have been through similar.
I don't go telling the world but I will tell people if they ask/are friends

 

[SianMA]

I haven't shared it with anyone but you ladies yet. I can't face the discussions with my family about it, I dont want them asking me or it will feel like pressure to get it sorted. We just make out like it's not an option financially at the moment.

The only person in work I am close enough to share it with went off on maternity leave before I could tell her. I might if the conversation comes around to me and babies next time I see her.

I guess I'll be happier to tell everyone about how hard it was once I get my BFP and we're close to our due date, but I don't want the symapthetic looks and awkward conversations so I'm keeping it quiet until then!

 

[Mrs R]

We haven't told anybody apart from the G.P and fertility specialist. When people ask, I play the 'career girl' card aswell. I've even gone as far as making my granny think she's mad.......

I was at the clinic recently having blood taken for fertility tests and my granny seen me, but i didn't see her. The next day, my granny asked my mum (who doesn't know) what I was doing at the doctors and I couldn't make up a lie quick enough. So I denied I was there and now my granny thinks she has senile dementia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In all seriousness, I would love to tell somebody and have a proper talk about it, but it would just make me feel like a failure. And I think someone else knowing would only add to the pressure

 

[LauriePK]

I'd tell everyone who I connect with (as friends; people who I have chemistry with and like to talk to). But, because our problem involves my hubby, I feel weird about sharing it. He says it's okay - he's getting more open about sharing it all the time - but when it's not just ME, it's hard to talk about it.

But, it does bother me when people ask.....no, I'm STILL not pregnant, and I'll tell you when I am! So stop asking already!