Do you care who knows...

[pixielou]

yeah, it all resonates with me. It's such a hard ones cos on one hand I would really like to talk about it more but just find it so hard. I think, as alot have said, that once bfp is here I will uncover the truth!

 

[genkigemini]

Foe me personally, I tell everyone. I need people to understand that being on fertility drugs can give me extreme mood swings and make me really really emotional. I also want people to realize that they probably should not flaunt their pregnancies and things like that in my face. Most people are INCREDIBLY understanding and you would really be shocked to learn how many people are in or were in the same situation.

For me, talking to every person on God's green earth about my infertility is my therapy. DH is more private but I am glad that he understands why I am as vocal as I am.

 

[Millnsy]

Great thread! Most of my family and close friends know but I've recently changed jobs so noone at work knows apart from one of the other managers in another office. I was quite open about it and on the whole I am glad they all know as it stops the stupid questions. Sometimes I wish I hadn't told everyone because some people think they have the right to cross examine me about "how its all going" and "what are the next steps" when I really don't want to talk about it. I've had quite a few people asking me about this forum as well and being very disapproving. They keep telling me to be careful about these places and really look down on me as if to say that I everyone on here is neurotic and full of shit. I just tell them (especially the pregnant ones) that they can't possibly imagine what I'm going through and you lot really help!

 

[chocci]

I read as part of this postthat someone looked up celebrities andinfertiity as none of them talk abouit it but found nothing. Sooooooooooo the googler i am i just had to do it too and found this interesting list of celbs. I ALWAYS NEW "J. LO" HAD HAD IVF!!! Why dont they talk about it, they all think they are such good role models!!! I think its one of those things tho. I feel it is noone elses business but mine and my hubbys. I have told a couple of lose friends but only cos i trust them implicitly. I feel family and otehr friends must be wondering what is wrong with us not strating a family yet, but like i say they will find out if and when i ever get pregnant. Until then here are some interesting celebs stories
https://www.nobabyonboard.com/moviestv.html

 

[MrsF]

this is a really interesting thread! We didn't tell our family we were trying cos we wanted it to be a surprise - i guess we had this idyllic dream of how it would go and waiting fora special occassion to say ' guess what?...' but as the months rolled by and turned into 2 years, and after DH bro and girlf had their baby, people started to ask us. We shrugged it off saying it wasn't financially viable at present, etc etc. We then went to the docs and started the ball rolling test wise and we then confided in close family. All of the 'relax' 'look at your sister' (uber-fertile lady that she is!), 'it's fate, not the right time' crap came out. Now we're under FS and after 3 years of ttc, some of the comments from family have ceased, but 'mum knows best ' if you know what i mean! Friends-wise, a couple of my close friends know (two of which have babies) and they are supportive - always there testing time to mop the tears and drag me out of the crap! I wonder if i should tell work, more so cos of the clomid and mood swings. A couple of managers know about the m/c, but never bring it up.

Thank you for starting this thread!

 

[lemming]

I'm with Maz... Two of my friends know we were referred to the fertility clinic - one because I'd already told her that if she got pregnant before me I would cry when she told me; ironically, she's now also struggling to conceive so I'm able to pass info on to her.
The other person I've told is a mate who works as an embryologist at our local hospital; told her the night before my other half was taking his first sperm sample in - just in case it was her that he saw! Her reaction was wonderful - she was so excited and pleased for us that we were trying - made me feel much less like a failure.

We haven't told our parents - my mother in law would struggle with the concept and neither of us wants to go there - its just too hard. In the interests of fairness it means that we haven't told my parents either. I've found this hard since there's not been anything I couldn't tell my mum (lots that I chose not to tell her though!). She would just be very sad for us; she's been there. She is infertile; I was adopted at birth. She knows the score and although medical technology has moved on in the last 30 years, human emotion hasn't.

 

[Vestirse]

Like many ladies, I haven't told anyone here just yet. It's not that I'm ashamed of any problems we might have, but I don't want others that might not understand asking me incessantly about this. I already have enough stress with the parents and in-laws strongly hinting that they want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet again and I've told them all we will try in April '09. I also have to respect OH's wishes that not everyone know.

If it is up to me, I think I'd tell them if/when we either start treatment or get our BFP. I'm not going to lie to anyone though at that point!!

 

[Mynxie]

People know that we've MCd a few times, so most people have the sense to realise that we want a family. A handfull of people know that I had appointments about TTC and that's it really. I'm not broadcasting it but not hiding anything either.

 

[Lazy Leo]

I didn't tell family because I knew I would get the 'relax' , it's not been that long, yadda yadda talk! I told one of my close friends who had pcos and managed to fall pregnant in 14 months. It so happens that she betrayed a trust and I really regret telling her things.

I m/c'd and told my mum a few days after. Then I started to tell other people and it makes it a bit easier for me. I don't go into too much detail but it definately help that they know and can be a bit sensitive to stuff.

 

[Schmelly]

I think there are pros and cons to both being open, and keeping quiet. My parents/brother know, and my 2 best friends. DH has told 2 close friends. Recently I wish I could just be more open about it because I'm tired of people presuming that because I'm 31 and married, I obviously don't want children otherwise I'd have them. I'm tired of the questions about whther we will have a family or not. I'm tired of my friends with kids trying to convince me that having kids is the greatest thing in the world and i really should try it.

But I also understand from what a lot of you have said that the questions you get when people do know can be intolerable.

The whole situation is just crap! Thank heaven for BnB...a place to vent and a place where other people understand what it's like.

 

[mwmm]

When i tried to get pregnant with my previous partner and his tests came back fine, i refused to undergo the tests i needed because at that time, i was petrified....so, we tried and tried and tried, nothing happened, and in the end, we went our seperate ways, i was heartbroken and swore i would never let it happen again,nobody knew we had been trying,so, it was a secret best forgotten about as far as i was concerned-Then i met my current partner,.....i never told him about me not being able to get pregnant, instead, i just made out that i didn't want any kids, he already had two and was happy with what ever i wanted.-In those years that i carried my secret, i can honestly say that it was the most awful time-No one ever knew the pain i went through, and having to put on a brave face was exhausting, all the tears i cried were done so on my own without anyone ever knowing,....well......i kept this up for another 3 and a half years, and in the end, i just couldn't take it anymore, i was desperate to have a baby and knew i couldn't keep the act up,so,i had to tell my partner the truth...that i couldn't have kids,he was great, but we tried for the next two years anyway, and i am glad to say that we are now waiting for ivf-We have only came out in the last 6 months to family and friends, and i have to say, we have found this easier-Having kept it secret since i first discovered my ex's SA was normal, which was in 1999, was awful, and for me, a very lonely time, however, it's only close friends and family that we have told, and my mum especially has been great!

 

[Schmelly]

What a lonely burden, mwmm. I'm so glad you've shared now

 

[Charlie19]

I hate people knowing, i feel a bit like it's a sign of weakness, i know i am weird. Saying that I told an extreamly supportive (much older than me) friend from work, who persueded me it was time to go to the doc's !! and also my best mate who was so surprised (as i majorly play the career girl card) thet she nearly chocked. I threw a hissy fit at DH as I suspected that he had told his shift from work he is a firefighter and the guys are like family. I am still not sure if they know but I hate people knowing. Also DH has it in his head that it makes him seem like less of a man so we don't tell. Although we think that his parents know as we seem to get "consolation prizes" when his brother parades there baby around. weird eh??? Now in 11th month of trying starting to get to me now, going back to docs in feb for referal to FS, hoping it doesn't get to that, good luck girls Charlie 19 x