Do you ever find it hard to be happy?

[Coffee]

Was talking to my DH this weekend about TTC and how i'm finding it hard to be happy. Does anyone else ever get like this? It's not him, i love him to bits, it's just.... life i guess! The last year has just flown by in a big cloud of cycles. I don't even remember what i did in the last year! I keep trying to find hobbies and stuff to keep me occupied but it just feels i'm masking a problem. Deep down its because i know - i don't want a hobby, i want a baby! It's only been 16 months TTC now... i say only because i am well aware that this journey could take a lot longer. I know that one day we will have a child, i know for a fact we will - if you want something badly, you can always get it in the end. All i don't know is how long that will take? It could be years and years. If that is the case, how do i stay happy between now and then?! I'm beginning to think it's impossible and all you can do is pretend everything's ok, when deep down, really, you know its not.
Just wondering if you guys feel like this? or am i just going through a 'phase' that hopefully i'll come out?! Sometimes i miss being 'me' if that makes sense? I feel like i'm ruled by my hormones these days!

 

[Bexy]

Hi Coffee!

I'm a newbie to this site but can certainly concur with the way you are feeling at the moment! We've been TTC since April 2007 and my months are just made up completed of the two weeks leading up to ovulation followed by the two week wait!! I am constantly symptom spotting and fooling myself that the early signs of the witch arriving is in fact implantation bleeding!!!

I also feel like my body isn't my own and I've been prodded and tested so much in the last 6 months with no end in sight!

Just wanted to say that you're certainly not alone in your feelings and I wish someone could just tell me the date that I will get my BFP so that I can get on with living the rest of my life in the meantime...that sort of sounds selfish but hopefully you know what I mean!

Anyway lots of babydust to you and all us girlies in the same position!!

xx

 

[HAYS]

yep ditto all that hun, its like im wrapped up in this ttc world & it takes up all my emotions,time etc... and altho i try to find things to take my mind off of it,it always wins!!
x

 

[Sinead]

I agree coffee, it is so hard sometimes. Its all I think about. Me and dh have learnt to laugh about things that shouldn't be funny in our situation, such as the race to hospital with his sperm and the fact that they put the infertility unit next to maternity (hospital must have been designed by a man!!!!!). I think if we didn't laugh we would cry. Just take one day at a time hun and big hugs to you xxx

 

[HAYS]

I agree coffee, it is so hard sometimes. Its all I think about. Me and dh have learnt to laugh about things that shouldn't be funny in our situation, such as the race to hospital with his sperm and the fact that they put the infertility unit next to maternity (hospital must have been designed by a man!!!!!). I think if we didn't laugh we would cry. Just take one day at a time hun and big hugs to you xxx

good attitude chickaroo!!!

at the infertility unit next to maternity!!!! DOH!

x

 

[Beckic]

I feel exactly the same as you hun - and I think the worst thign is that I feel so guilty about it. Whenever I get upset when AF arrives my DH or my mum or my mother in law always says that I need to stay positive and that I need to enjoy life and relax and that I have so much to be happy about - but I just dont know how. There is a bit of me that is broken and scarred by this whole experience and only a baby is going to mend it - no matter how much love I have from my friends and family.

Lots of to you hun, - and to us all on LTTTC - cos goodness knows we deserve it.

b x x x x

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey Coffee

You aren't alone in feeling like this, trust me

When we started out TTC we (prob like everyone else) thought that we'd be pregnant after a few months, then we charged our targets to milestones, birthdays, christmases etc.

You are 100% right though - we could ALL have children one way or another, it's just sometimes it feels a bit foggy and cloudy and then there is that element of doubt. I'm so upbeat it makes my head hurt I'm worried if have a wobble and get down about the problems we have - DH will think i blame him and that's never good.

I buy CB Digi OPKs - having that smiley face once a month makes me so happy even though it's not a !! We are going to book up a weekend away after our next FS appt and then we will have something exciting to look forward to.

All good things come to them who wait - we must be REALLY BLOOMING GOOD is all i'm saying!!!!

 

[Coffee]

Awww, bless you girls. It's great sometimes to come on here and know people understand you! My DH acts like he isn't too bothered by it all, but i know thats for my benefit. Sometimes i wish he'd just admit he felt the same way- it would actually make me feel better!
I keep thinking to this time last year when i was working out how i would explain not drinking at the christmas parties and stuff if i was to get preggo. Imagining telling my parents on christmas day and stuff... jeez, a whole year has gone by since then and all i've done is lived a year of cycles! feels strange - feels like it's not really me!
Said to my DH yesterday - how bonkers is it that the only wish i have at the moment is that i'll wake up tomorrow morning and throw my guts up!!!!

 

[rachelle1975]

I know look at us - all desperately for vomitting, thrush, piles, veiny boobs and legs and then after it... jelly belly and sleepless nights!! We must all be mad

 

[HAYS]

I WANT TO BE SICK!!!! DAM IT!!!

 

[rachelle1975]

I WANT TO BE SICK!!!! DAM IT!!!

you are sick.. just not in the way you want

 

[CareBear]

I feel the same, I've got no interest in going to work because I want to be at home with a baby!! For me I've been pretty career focused and enjoyed the structure of work but now its all I can do to drag myself in each day!!

Sinead - I know what you mean about the infertility clinic being next to the maternity ward, every month when I went for my scans to see how the clomid had worked I had to walk past the antenatal clinic as the infertility unit is in the maternity block and I'd always ask my DH if we will ever make it into that scanning place insteead of the one upstairs. And the really annoying thing is sometimes people who were coming for their 12 week scan would come upstairs to the Fertility Unit and I would look at them in complete jealousy.

 

[Coffee]

I WANT TO BE SICK!!!! DAM IT!!!

I want to be sick too! It's the only damned thing that's going to make me happy
I'd settle for a veiny boob i suppose, but i really want to wake up tomorrow and just throw up so badly, i literally throw my guts up!!!

 

[Coffee]

I feel the same, I've got no interest in going to work because I want to be at home with a baby!! For me I've been pretty career focused and enjoyed the structure of work but now its all I can do to drag myself in each day!!
.

OMG - that's me! I've been concentrating on my career for a while now and all i've come to realise at the end of it is.... it just doesn't matter! I used to love my job and now i just resent it. My friends keep advising me to look for another job / have a change, blah, blah, blah. I just think, what's the point - i don't want to change flipping jobs, i want a flipping baby!

 

[HAYS]

I WANT TO BE SICK!!!! DAM IT!!!

you are sick.. just not in the way you want

me and u missy are going to fall out!!!!!!!

 

[bird24]

I know the feeling!!!

i want to have a baby so much

Really hope the doc gives me clomid on wednesday!!

xx

 

[rachelle1975]

Hopefully in 12 months time we will be able to start IVF - waiting times are a pain! But in the meantime we shall see if we can manage it naturally!! I know the odds are well stacked against us but we only need one!

HAYS you love me really x

 

[Kitty23]

I know how you feel hobbies don't make the pain go away. I'm finding myself distancing myself from my lovely neices and nephew its too hard seeing all of my sisters being pregnant ( by accident I might add) and their beautiful children that I wish I could have. ahhh I'm crying lol stupid woman that I am lol!

Lol I try to fill my home with furry animals to keep away the heart break.

But I've said to DH if I'm not pregnant next xmas we will start adopting something to focus on, either here or abroad. I personally wont be doing IVF, I will find it too hard I think.
xxxxx

 

[CareBear]

I feel the same, I've got no interest in going to work because I want to be at home with a baby!! For me I've been pretty career focused and enjoyed the structure of work but now its all I can do to drag myself in each day!!
.

OMG - that's me! I've been concentrating on my career for a while now and all i've come to realise at the end of it is.... it just doesn't matter! I used to love my job and now i just resent it. My friends keep advising me to look for another job / have a change, blah, blah, blah. I just think, what's the point - i don't want to change flipping jobs, i want a flipping baby!

I am sooo glad this isn't just me, I feel really guilty about it too! I did change jobs in the hope that a new challenge might give me a least a little more motivation but it didn't at all!!! Especially as the people in my new place haven't always been very nice and resented me before I even started - makes me want to come in even less!!!

Have some and I hope you feel a little better soon!!

 

[Coffee]

I feel the same, I've got no interest in going to work because I want to be at home with a baby!! For me I've been pretty career focused and enjoyed the structure of work but now its all I can do to drag myself in each day!!
.

OMG - that's me! I've been concentrating on my career for a while now and all i've come to realise at the end of it is.... it just doesn't matter! I used to love my job and now i just resent it. My friends keep advising me to look for another job / have a change, blah, blah, blah. I just think, what's the point - i don't want to change flipping jobs, i want a flipping baby!

I am sooo glad this isn't just me, I feel really guilty about it too! I did change jobs in the hope that a new challenge might give me a least a little more motivation but it didn't at all!!! Especially as the people in my new place haven't always been very nice and resented me before I even started - makes me want to come in even less!!!

Have some and I hope you feel a little better soon!!

Ah, thanks chick. Sorry to hear about the job. That's what has been stopping me from moving jobs- if you go to any new job at the best of times its always a risk isn't it? I keep thinking if i'm going to be miserable, i may as well be miserable in a job i know and i get paid fairly decently for, rather than miserable in a new job, that i might not like.
We'll get there in the end though, we all will, i know we will. After all, how many people do you meet who say "i never had kids, i wanted them but i couldn't". These days there's nearly always a way to get there in the end. When we do, nasty evil work will just be a distant memory that we laugh about and wonder why we ever got so wound up about it!