Do you think BF can hinder the bond baby has with the father?

[Twister]

My "friend" (and I use that term lightly) seems to think so. She says that she FF from the start and that her oh has a fantastic bond with their son because he could get involved with feedings. She basically implied that if you breastfeed you are hindering that relationship.

I disagree strongly with this, everyone's entitled to their opinions but i'd even go as far as to say she's wrong. There's more to child rearing than feeding a baby. My oh has a great bond with Jessica, she loves him. And whilst during the early weeks when she was feeding more frequently it seemed like he wasn't getting a look in, he could still change nappies, bathe her, hold her in between feeds, get her dressed etc. It kind of upset me that someone would imply as such. I guess in my mind its possible for the father to bond with baby as long as they're willing, regardless of feeding method iykwim.

Thoughts?

 

[Elisianna]

I disagree with your friend as well. My husband has a wonderful bond with our baby and he did just as your oh did, he changes her, holds her, dresses her, and he always bathes her. She would smile more frequently and freely at him before she would at me. My baby breastfed a LOT in the first 6 weeks and I have been breastfeeding her for nearly 4 months. Has not done anything bad for their relationship.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I disagree also. Just because the father can't feed the breastfed baby, it doesn't mean that he can't get involved in all other parts of the baby care such as nappy changes, baths, playing, reading etc. You don't just bond through feeding. I don't think that breastfeeding has affected Holly's bond with her dad at all. It was hard for him at first as he didn't really know what to do with her as she was so young, but I think ff baby fathers would be the same also.

Holly has a great bond with her dad and much prefers playing with him than me. She is still breastfed, but her face lights up everytime she sees him, and he is the only person she will let herself be held by apart from me.

Maybe your friend is insecure in some way and is trying to make herself feel better by making these comments to you. I would just ignore her!

 

[susannah14]

While I mostly agree, I also know that when my husband was feeding our son expressed milk in a bottle during those first few weeks, he positively glowed. He told me that he felt connected to our new son when he fed him.

I'm not saying that fathers CAN'T bond if they don't feed, but think about how much of a bond it is for us mothers. It feels the same for fathers if given the opportunity. Just my two cents.

 

[schmetterling]

My husband bonded with our daughter from the minute she was born, and it had nothing to do with feeding. Feeding is just one aspect of caring for a baby. He did all the diaper changes, got up with us at night, and held her while she slept. I think in a way breastfeeding helps their relationship because he knows she's getting the best nutrition possible and that makes him eternally grateful and happy.

 

[Dragonfly]

I disagree and myself and partner have spoken of this before to as it was said. And my kids have such a strong bond with their dad, They love him and cried when he had to go away for a few days asking for him every day. We bed share, he did skin to skin also. Baths etc

To say they dont have much of a bond means every dad before formula didnt have a bond with their child, thats ridiculous.

 

[staralfur]

I used to nurse LO to sleep and then transfer her over to my OH and they would cuddle together. He loved it and never once expressed that he felt he was missing out by not doing feeds (and he's the type of person who let me know if he did!).

I think it's just an excuse, to be honest.

 

[Jendra]

Breastfeeding, in my opinion, is simply a way to feed the baby. It can be a bonding experience, but is not the case for all women. It's also not the only way a person can bond with a baby. Feedings in general are not the only way one bonds.

We mostly FF, but I still nurse a little and pretty much do all FF because he eats better for me. My husband really bonds with our son at bath time. Jack adores his bath and his dad loves providing that experience for him at the end of each day. I don't think he gives a hoot about the feedings. Bath time for him is where it's at.

 

[summer rain]

I disagree with your friend and I think breast pump and bottle manufacturers have a lot to answer for really because I think a lot of this 'daddy can only bond through feeding' rubbish came from their marketing. My OH gave a couple of EBM bottles to my eldest but he found it made him quite anxious and he always felt he was doing it wrong; didn't know when to wind him etc. He feels so much better these days now he knows that pressure is no longer on him, all my boys are real daddy's boys including my toddler who is still BF.All he ever talks about is going out with daddy and every morning when he wakes up he gets his shoes, socks and jacket on to go out with daddy and gets very upset when he realises daddy has to go and do errands or go to work instead xx

 

[confused87com]

i think i will go against the grain and say 'yes' i my relationship it does. My husband doesnt really bond until they are a bit bigger, sitting up and he can take a more active part. it could just be that he isnt into 'babies' as such but i think if i formula fed and he 'had' to help out it may have increased their bonding. But longterm no, my son adores him and i love the first few months of baby just needing me

 

[optimistic1]

I don't think it has nothing to do with feeding as much as holding your baby close to you and staring into each others eyes. A lot of people just lay there baby down and prop the bottle in there mouth..that's not bonding..as long as the dads get quality cuddle time then I completely disagree that breast feeding steals away there bonding opportunity. Yes breast feeding brings a stronger bond with mom and baby because of the skin to skin contact and the hormones released while nursing..but honestly my daughters only 4 weeks old and I see her eyes light up everytime OH even sits next to me and rubs her head and talks to her while I'm feeding her..she loves him!!

 

[LegoHouse]

No way!! The only person who hindered my daughters relationship with her dad was him. He was so uninvolved. She had the odd bottle at first and he did them with no love at all.

Oliver has never had a bottle, and he is a proper daddies boy, has been from the start. My OH does all his nappies when he is at home, gets him to sleep sometimes, he sleeps much better with daddy.

If all the dad can be bothered to do is feed them, then sure breastfeeding will ruin the relationship, but there are other ways they can bond! So I guess it depends on the parents not the way the baby is fed!!

 

[Lauki]

Our daughter is a HUGE Daddy's girl!
It is the cuddling that makes them bond, not sticking a plastic teat in the babies mouth!

 

[MommyJogger]

I've watched my OH cuddle our son and I've watched him give him a bottle. Do I think bf hinders a father-baby bond? Absolutely not. Am I glad *I* got to see my OH tenderly feeding our son and glad my OH got to experience it? Yeah, I am. But I don't see that as a reason to formula feed. Some women can't pump very much, but hand expressing the odd oz or two for an occasional daddy meal shouldn't be beyond the abilities of a majority of women. If what other moms complain about is true at all, it ends up being that mom gives all the bottles anyway if the father isn't involved enough to bond any other way, so it's a moot point.

 

[CupcakeBaby]

Not at all. Our DD adores my DH and she's never taken a bottle.

When he's home he does 90% of her changes. He's never missed a bath time, we take it in turns to have her in with one of us.

Most feeds when he's home I'll pass her to him to wind as she's either all snugly or she's nice and alert.

She loves her daddy so much. I can't see it'd be any different at all with a bottle. Last night she was BFing and talking to him while she did it as he was next to us.

 

[Here_we_go]

I think my hubby has a good bond with our daughter BECAUSE I bf. I think sometimes she's just tired of looking at me and wants to see a different face so when my husband walks in, she's all big happy grins.

Alot of people think their way is the best and will downplay any other person's way. Just how the world works. Opinions are like buttholes, everybody has one

After reading other people's posts I also have to say hubby would rather battle wildfires with urine than change a dirty diaper but both of my kids eyes light up when he enters a room. He plays, talks with them.etc. They love us both but for different things, I'd say. For fun, my son will run to dad and I'm sure my daughter will too

I also agree with a prior poster, that "feed to bond" thing is blown up by the bottle and pump companies.

 

[LegoHouse]

^ This too. When my son is poorly he wants daddy because he doesn't want to feed and he associates me with milk comfort and daddy with cuddles and protection! x

 

[Rachel_C]

Honestly, I think BF would only hinder the relationship between baby and father if the father is a complete and utter muppet, or looking for an excuse to pass the baby back to the mum.

 

[Abz1982]

Honestly, I think BF would only hinder the relationship between baby and father if the father is a complete and utter muppet, or looking for an excuse to pass the baby back to the mum.

HA, doesnt matter if either way if the father is a Muppet!

I combination fed with DD and have only recently been combination feeding DS due to medications and OH has the same relationship with both I would say. Its down to how he talks to them, handles them etc............not just from feeding them.

 

[vintagecat]

Your friend sounds a bit jealous, perhaps? Either way, she's outright wrong.

My husband goes on walks with her, cradles her, takes baths, feeds her some solids, play together, sing, dance, etc. Breastfeeding is my job and it's only a small part in raising a baby with everything else. I feel that if a father couldn't bond with their baby simply because they couldn't feed them, they might have some slight breast envy. Now and then I wish my OH's nipples were less useless.