do you trust your manager?

[BabyForMe83]

Hi all,

So I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant and I've been off work for the past week because of morning sickness. I'm struggling to keep anything down and nothing seems to work. I struggle to even get out of bed some days as I'm so weak and I've already started to lose weight it's that bad. I had hoped a week off would give me time to adjust and find something that works for me to manage it. I never had morning sickness with DD so this has knocked me for six!
It's come to the end of the week and I've realised this sickness is actually not getting better and I'm not going to manage being at work. I plan on trying to get to the doctors this morning to get signed off for another week and hopefully things will get better. I have a 9 week scan to check baby is still growing fine and a booking appointment the week after. With all this time off for appointments and sickness I feel like I can't hide it from my manager any longer and will need to tell her today- especially if the sick note states pregnancy related. The thing is my office is full of gossipers and whisperers (mangers included) and I'm not ready for the whole office to know about this... If I sent her an email clearly asking her to keep my medical information to herself, would she have to honour it?

 

[rose.]

Definitely! She has an obligation to keep your medical information confidential. I would clearly set out in writing that you do not wish this news to be shared with anyone else (except for higher management etc which might need to know) so that she understands this is what you are expecting. Hope you feel better soon!

 

[xQuinnx]

I was in a similar position to you, ended up telling my manager at 8 weeks because I felt so awful. I think they have to honour it and it would be great to have it in writing. Think they could get into trouble for telling anyone

 

[BabyForMe83]

Thanks to you both! I've sent her an email clearly expressing my wish for her to keep it confidential but her out of office is on - she's not back till Monday. I have the faint fear that some of the other managers may have access to her inbox whilst she's away... I guess it's out of my hands now really anyway. I should stop stressing and focus on seeing the light at the end of this all-day-sickness tunnel!

 

[greenarcher]

In the US, you can actually sue someone for public disclosure of private facts. I don't know how things are in UK, but putting it in writing is definitely a good idea.

 

[psychochick]

It kind of depends on your relationship with your manager. I told my manager in person and I didn't even ask him to keep it to himself, he explicitly told me he wasn't going to tell anyone, not even his boss who I also occasionally work with. I was in the exact same boat as you. I took a week off in week 7 cuz I could not do anything. Even afterwards I'd be sitting on a couch half the day and I could not get up in time for our daily morning informal meeting. So I had to tell him. Then when the time came for quarterly planning, he asked me to tell his boss so that he could take that into account when planning, and I also told him privately in person. My office is not gossipy at all though but I definitely expect the confidentiality. It's a professional courtesy for me to tell my boss to explain the changes I need at work, and it would be the same courtesy for them to keep it confidential. I feel like that should be people management 101.

 

[bbbbbbb811]

My manager, yes but my last pregnancy he did say to me 'are you wanting to keep the pregnancy a secret cause if so I'll tell no one otherwise everyone will know in this place'. But I did have a supervisor (below my manager) that used to say to me 'don't tell anyone cause no one is supposed to know........' then tell me everyones personal business!! so it really depends on your manager!

 

[_dreamer_]

I was going to suggest copying on your human resources manager too as then they also see that you've asked for it to be kept confidential just to cover yourself if you do have concerns. A good manager should always be professional and respect private matters especially when you've asked for their confidence - how can they earn your trust and respect otherwise? But managers are only people and some people aren't good managers...

I'm a manager and I would probably want to inform my manager but would ask the individual if they are happy with this. I always try to respect and treat others as I would like to be treated but I know other managers who I work with who do not have the same ethical values.