Does anyone else find they're explaining themselves as to why they are FF??

[brownlieB]

Hi girls,

I don't normally have an issue over the whole BF/FF divide, but i'm getting fed up with explaining myself to people as to why I chose to FF, I cried when I told my Midwife i've swapped over as I thought she'd think bad of me, and when I saw GP he asked if I breastfeed, I said no he said why not??!! Who is he to ask why? Because I chose to!! And last week was the tip of the iceberg!!

So I was at the sure start center and I was being registered, the lady asked if I breastfed (she was very nice and said she's not bothered either way, but they have BF support classes if I need one)

I said No.... And then came the explanation (which for some reason I feel compelled to give), that I did for a week, but got a blocked duct, very painful breast and one breast at least 2 sizes bigger than the other, LO wasn't latching on to it and when she did the milk poured out and choked her.

To which a worker in the background said I've got one breast bigger than the other and I still breastfeed!!

Well whopdie doo, what do you want a banana or fucking even sized chest to pin it on??? Grrrr Is it in my head was I being over sensitive?? Does anyone else feel that when they say they FF they have to explain why after??

I have friends that BF and I see them getting congratulated on their hard work and it really boils my blood, it's hard work sterilising bottles knowing when to up the feed, we still wake up in the night to feed, we still wind, whats the big deal??

I understand yes it is hard to BF and alot of mums find for one reason or another they FF, and some mums choose to from the start but where has this taboo come from that mums that FF are made to feel like they're doing something wrong??

At the end of the day aren't we all in the same boat, just trying to be loving caring parents and doing the best we can??

Rant over, just needed to get that off my chest xx

 

[GossipGirly]

yeh I feel the need to explain that I did it for 3 weeks but I had flat nipple and she couldnt latch and was starving and I used nipple shields but they creased her with wind and they hindered my supplier which made her even more hungry .. there u go there is my explination, I get looks when I get my bottle out too like its child abuse or something!

 

[RiverSong]

Yeah I always find myself having to explain myself. It's even got to the point where I get defensive and explain without being asked so they don't ask. My reason is my bby grew so quickly in his first three months he was physically draining me every day when i bf him. Ad honestly i wasn't producing enough

Don't worry about ff. Whatever your reasons they're between you and your baby and as long as baby is happy and healthy who cares whether you ff or bf you're a great mum keep it up.

River
Xxx

 

[brownlieB]

Lol gossip girl you don't have to explain to me!! I see theres a post very similar to this already going (didn't see it through my blind ranting rage) I see it's a common problem!!

I wonder how those holier than thou feeders feel when they eventually switch to formula?? My friend who does BF gives her LO follow on and she actually started explaining herself to me. I thought I already FF love it's not me thats gonna be judgemental it's your peers!!

 

[OmarsMum]

Yes, & it's annoying. Thank God Omar is already 1 year & I dont have to explain myself anymore.

I was chatting with mom today & told her that our steam steriliser is not working properly & we'll need a new one for the next baby. She gave me a surprised look & went on talking about BFing feeding my next. I told her that I love FFing & I dont have a problem with it, & if BFing works next time, I would go for combi feeding.

I feel so bad for new moms who come for advise here & their first line is always "I couldnt BF due to this & that"

 

[snapex]

I did at first.
I tried for the first 2 weeks to breat feed but because Caitlyn's face was pressed up against my pelvic area her both was sore when she was born so she couldn't drink well for a while and she was given FM at the hospital and when she got home I tried, even got a BP but she was never getting enough, I just didn't produce enough to keep her happy and was having to top her up anyway so there wasn't much point in stressing her out more that she already was.

I told people this everytime they asked me but after a while i just got fed up with explaining myself and just told them it was because I was and thats all there is to it.

 

[polo_princess]

I did in the early days, but as time goes on, things mellow and tbh, no one really cares or bothers to ask/make comments

Ride it out, i swear the first year of your childs life is quite similar to a game of "mummy top trumps"

 

[funny_face]

If it helps, even if you are successful and enjoy BF, it turns into top trumps within the BFers

"I had thrush"

"well, I had bleeding nipples"

"I had thrush, bleeding nipples and mastitis"

"I had thrush, bleeding nipples, mastitis and then had a reaction to the antibiotics they put me on which hospitalised me where I got food poisoning.......blah blah blah"

I think it's got more to do with women's attitude towards each other at times, rather than FF or BF.

 

[babyfromgod]

I feel like i have to explain myself too especially to my MIL, she was quite disappointed i couldn't keep breastfeeding her grandson. My reasons were he was a constant snacker and was always wanting to be fed and i couldn't get anything done but the main reason was because of his reflux

 

[lolababes]

Im with you girls, though I got fed up of having to explain myself so now I just say 'coz my boobs are my own' shuts people up straight away... well if they can be rude in asking Im gonna be rude in my reply!!!!

 

[a_c]

I exclusively bf for 2 weeks and then have combi fed for the last 3, the guilt I've gone through is horrendous. Luckily my husband and mum and several friends have been v supportive but I still get very worried about peoples opinions.

 

[pinkandfluffy]

I hope you don't mind me posting in here...

I BF at the moment, and one of the PPs that said its more about mum / mum rather than bf / ff well I agree with that.

Where I live it seems to be a bit the opposite you see - I feel judged for BFing. One lady at a soft play seemed surprised when it came up in conversation and said "Oh it's just not natural".

Now I don't mind how any baby is fed - a) its not my business and b) as long as they are fed at all but I think its a bit sad that we all feel judged by our peers for whatever choice we make.......

Just wanted to say it can work both ways a bit - as long as you are giving your baby food and love you don't need to justify your choices

 

[Odd Socks]

i did, for ages. not breastfeeding really upset me & i felt like sch a failure, i wanted other people to understand that i'd tried.

i still feel sad about it, but not the overwhelming sadness & pang of "why was it so easy for her & it didn't work for us" when i saw another mum breastfeeding.

now i just say bella's formula fed & leave it at that.

it does become less of an issue as time goes on. i've now met a lot of mums who couldn't, or chose not to, & i know it wasn't just me.

& i know that, in time, people aren't going to care. i mean, when bella goes to school, people aren't going to ask me if she was breastfed or formula fed. & i was talking to another mummy friend the other day about it, & she said, "but just look at Bella, she's perfect". & it's true.

no matter what anyone else thinks about the fact that bella's formula fed, i did it because i love her, because it was the best thing for both of us. she's a happy, healthy, loved little girl, that's what matters

xx

 

[GossipGirly]

i felt the same when i saw other woman bfing, i was so looking forward to it and got really depressed over it

 

[bubbles123]

I explained in the beginning because I wanted people to know that I tried for some reason... probably guilt! But now LO is 9 months and on solids nobody asks any more and they just assume he's FF'ed now anyway. So it becomes much less of an issue as LO gets older. Don't let it get you down. I spent far too long feeling bad about it which I actually regret now

 

[brownlieB]

I hope you don't mind me posting in here...

I BF at the moment, and one of the PPs that said its more about mum / mum rather than bf / ff well I agree with that.

Where I live it seems to be a bit the opposite you see - I feel judged for BFing. One lady at a soft play seemed surprised when it came up in conversation and said "Oh it's just not natural".

Now I don't mind how any baby is fed - a) its not my business and b) as long as they are fed at all but I think its a bit sad that we all feel judged by our peers for whatever choice we make.......

Just wanted to say it can work both ways a bit - as long as you are giving your baby food and love you don't need to justify your choices

No don't mind you posting at all xx

I'm not surprised you got judged as well, i'm sure it does happen both ways, as I suppose up untill a few years ago it was all about FF and BF was even looked down on in public.

I think it's since this breast is best campaign has come about, it was drummed into me from conception are you gonna breast feed? are you gonna breast feed? Formula isn't for babies it's for cows, your child will be more intelligent if you breast feed, it's the only natural way etc etc etc it puts alot of pressure on you as a new mum, that alot of women even label themselves as a "failure" (My boobs failed me, my body let me down etc) if for some reason they can't carry on. Thus feeling like we have to explain ourselves

I just think it's sad that we're made to feel this way x x x

 

[_laura]

yeah i feel like i had to explain myself to everyone. they all thought that because i was 20 and a 'young mum' i was too embarassed to whack my boob out in public (to be honest the amount of times i did embarassing things while drunk im not bothered with a bit of boob on show!)
when i turned around and said well i cant BF because i have a hereditary condition that means i can't produce breast milk properly it shut everyone up good and proper

now i just dont care. FF means that me and the OH can share responsibilities!

 

[sunshine114]

Yes, I felt this all the time and still do to a certain extent. Although I'm trying hard not to as LO is growing well and is healthy, so I'm not going to justify it now! Practice for the real world!

 

[bky]

I do, but only because I didn't want to. It never even occured to me I would need to FF.
I'm jealous of anyone, BF or FF, who never had to make that 'choice' (let's be realistic, it's no kind of choice most of the time) to do something they didn't plan to do.

I feel like it's this awful slippery slope, first people say, oh, just try BF, then they say, stick it out, it gets better, then when it still doesn't work you get the people who apparently crawled 2 miles over broken glass etc, and if they did it, why can't you.
How much suffering is enough? Walk a mile in someone else's shoes I say.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I feel like it's this awful slippery slope, first people say, oh, just try BF, then they say, stick it out, it gets better, then when it still doesn't work you get the people who apparently crawled 2 miles over broken glass etc, and if they did it, why can't you.
How much suffering is enough? Walk a mile in someone else's shoes I say.

So true and i am still BF. Hasn't been easy tho but i dont judge those that FF at all. I will be one of u at some stage anyway.