Doing it alone

[Jennifurball]

I regret to have to say that I think me and OH are coming to the end of the road.

He is not improving whatsoever with his weekend boozing, that is the only time I see him really, now I am stuck upstairs at his mums after yet another row while he is downstairs no doubt slagging me off to his mum and dad and they believe every little word he says.

He has said himself we should split. I can't trust him, all we do is bicker over his drinking, he does nothing to help me. I am a guest at his mums house and he has a go at me for not going round doing the housework. This is the second night he hasn't cooked me tea, because he can't be bothered then says I should do it and I am lazy. I am an effing guest!

All last week he was texting me to stay over, I don't like being here. When I am here, he causes an argument then tells me to go back home, how can I go home after I have been crying? I don't want my family involved in our stupid problems.

If we do split and I bring baby up alone, I won't be able to stomach the thought of him being with others. It was hard enough the last time we split, he used to text me to get me jealous telling me he had been with others (most were lies) but it still hurts.

He will need contact with this child and I do not want him being with other women in front of me and going near my child.

When I said this to him, he said he wants no one else but me, but then he carries on upsetting me to the point where I kick off then he says it's over.

I don't know what to do. How can I stop being so negative for one? That starts the arguments the most, I know I am doing it but can't stop nagging.

Will the gender scan change his attitude or not? I noticed him getting closer once my bump started showing but he is still drinking.

 

[Jennifurball]

Just heard him screaming to his mum he doesn't want to be with me anymore then he came up, he said he doesn't even fancy me anymore.

He wasn't like this earlier, he was all over me.

Now he has fallen asleep pissed. I hate him. I just want to stop caring. I want to feel numb, but in a good way, just over him. I am so much better than him and I am attractive, it is just a pity I am now stuck to him this way, carrying his child. My future is looking pretty lonely and bleak, who will want me now when I have someone else's baby?

 

[floofymad]

Gosh hun really feel for you. Hate to say it but you deserve better and I think you should go home. It won't be doing you any good hearing him saying things like that. He could just be struggling with the prospect of everything changing but he shouldn't be treating you like this. Hugs x x

 

[libbylou]

aw hunny

You deserve so much better than this!
He really needs to grow up and stop being such a petulant little child.
Maybe you guys should go somewhere other than his house or your house and have a serious talk. If he starts to get upset, calmly tell him you need him to calm down and talk this out with you. If he cannot control himself then try putting down your feelings in a letter so he can read and absorb it in his own time. Make a point of telling him you're not trying to prevent him from doing anything ever, but that he can't keep binging every weekend when he's got a baby on the way.

I know he just got a new job...can you hold thing together until he's started and you guys have your own place? Things will likely be a lot calmer and happier for you both when you are in your own place rather than in your families homes

If he can't change his behavior and can't understand where you're coming from then he doesn't deserve you or the baby.

Don't stay with him because you're afraid of doing this alone. You're obviously a strong woman and you can do it without his help. Don't worry about not being able to find someone...just because you have a child with another man does not take away your appeal!

Hope things start looking up for you

 

[Jennifurball]

This is the thing that upsets me, things were starting to look up. It was me who did his CV and applied for that job, and he says all I did was send a quick email.

I am crying now, hate this so much. He doesn't want me, it should be me walking. Even when I go, his mum will take his side and probably talk him even more into ending things. I can't go home tonight, I am in bits, really don't want to involve my family in this.

His mum can be just as spiteful. He was telling her I have sat around all day, and she said well why can't she do that in her own house? How rude is she? What can I do? I have no money, all my friends are out enjoying themselves already, as if they will want me hanging over them like a black cloud.

 

[YoshiPikachu]

He doesn't sound like a very nice man. I think you should take time away from him.

 

[Jennifurball]

He isn't, well when he is drinking, he is horrible.

He was so nice earlier, kissing my bump and telling me how much he loves me. I feel so messed up, and embarrassed at having to tell people once again I am single, with a baby this time.

 

[YoshiPikachu]

He isn't, well when he is drinking, he is horrible.

He was so nice earlier, kissing my bump and telling me how much he loves me. I feel so messed up, and embarrassed at having to tell people once again I am single, with a baby this time.

Aww Sorry you have to deal with that.

 

[kat2504]

No the gender scan will not change his attitude.

No, the problems are not caused by you being negative. It is clearly not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. You are not "nagging" you are repeatedly asking him to behave like a normal responsible respectful adult.

Seriously, he expects you to go round his house, well his mums house, and do the housework and cooking for him?? I'm not sure I would want to be making arrangements to live with a man who has no respect for me and thinks I am his domestic slave.

Many women go it alone. Yes, eventually he will be with someone else. But it is better to be alone than in bad company. The other women are welcome to him if he is behaving like a knobber and disrespecting you so much.

 

[Jennifurball]

Thing is, we spent 8 months apart, his mates said he was a mess without me, despite his 'I am so much better without you' texts.

He was the one who originally left me, he regretted it, I was stupid enough to give him another chance and now look what has happened.

I am lucky in that I will be at home once baby is here and I won't have to explain to people at work that we are over again, they already make snidey comments that I should be on Jeremy Kyle.

Yes he has no respect whatsoever. I said to him what does he want me to do in his mum's house? He invited me round to cook a nice meal, 2 nights on the run we haven't had anything. He is a loser. I am always made to look the bad one, even by his family and they surely are not that stupid.

 

[Jennifurball]

The thing that upsets me the most is him picking on my looks. Honestly if you saw us together you really would wonder how he got me, everyone says it, so as you can imagine, he loves to turn the tables, and in my fragile state, I believe him that I am not attractive.

 

[AngelUK]

I am so sorry this is happening to you! As for them not being so stupid... well they probably aren't but where did he learn this disrespect from after all? From his family. I know it is a terrible thing to have to hold your head up high in the face of snidey comments and have to say it is over again but please do not let the fear of that keep you with him. Also, I know the thought of him being with someone else really hurts now cause of course you still have feelings for him. But on the other hand who says you won't find someone nice first? And it is just not true that no one will want you now! Just look around the forum here and see how many of the other lovely ladies now have a really lovely OH who treats them right and loves their children too. This is what you deserve too and nothing less should do, especially not since you have a baby coming. I tell you what would be much more Jeremy Kyle, you staying with his family and having to listen to this crap from him and the MIL!

Edit: Of course he will home in on your weakness and tell you you are unattractive. Look how effective it is proving to be! It hurts you and that is what that was for. It is BS and very mean of him!

 

[libbylou]

He sounds like an insecure, immature *insert bad word here*

You certainly don't need him in your life, especially if he's going to continue to treat you like this. Can you imagine what he's going to teach your child by example if he keeps on treating you like this? "Hey kids it's ok to disrespect your mother and women in general"

 

[YoshiPikachu]

The thing that upsets me the most is him picking on my looks. Honestly if you saw us together you really would wonder how he got me, everyone says it, so as you can imagine, he loves to turn the tables, and in my fragile state, I believe him that I am not attractive.

That is not right at all!

 

[pixydust]

No the gender scan will not change his attitude.

No, the problems are not caused by you being negative. It is clearly not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. You are not "nagging" you are repeatedly asking him to behave like a normal responsible respectful adult.

Seriously, he expects you to go round his house, well his mums house, and do the housework and cooking for him?? I'm not sure I would want to be making arrangements to live with a man who has no respect for me and thinks I am his domestic slave.

Many women go it alone. Yes, eventually he will be with someone else. But it is better to be alone than in bad company. The other women are welcome to him if he is behaving like a knobber and disrespecting you so much.

I agree with this, i'm really sorry hun xx

 

[Jennifurball]

Thanks ladies, I love you all so much for your brilliant advice, I really don't know who I would turn to otherwise.

It hurts so much to have to listen to his crap from him and his mum, fair enough it is her house and if she doesn't want me here fine, but to say to him behind my back I should sit doing nothing at all in my own house, that is so effing rude. I am not a lazy chav, I work 40 hours a week in a pretty stressful job, while he's been on his arse the past 4 weeks drinking whilst I have been looking for work for him.

This is how he repays me.

I may just tell people I left him because he wasn't sorting his drink out, I am not playing the victim again, I REFUSE.

 

[AngelUK]

That actually would be the truth cause that is how this argument started, him drinking and not being a responsible adult and dad to be and you rightfully being upset about it. And you should definitely not lie down for him and his family to walk all over you!

 

[Jennifurball]

His family are a joke if they take his side, they know what he is like and are encouraging it because he thinks all he needs to do is go down telling stupid lies to them to make me look bad.

I am so sad. The worst thing is, I don't want him sleeping about and being a vile man with a load of little slappers, because I am still attached to him and it hurts. He would sleep about with anyone just to spite me, I know that.

I know I deserve more and I would be celebrating at us being over if I wasn't pregnant.

 

[Ellbee78]

Ah love, big hugs from me ((hug))

Get yourself out of there and home to your Mum, he deserves no more of your time or energy and you need to think of yourself and little one.

Go home, ignore him and above all, keep yourself positive as you have done nothing wrong xxx

 

[Jennifurball]

It is hard trying not to contact him, I got over him last time, I didn't have his baby to consider, breaking contact was easy. Now it is horrible. I am praying to god the baby looks like me and not him, for more reasons than one lol, but mainly cos I don't want to see him every time I look into my baby's eyes.

I will find it hard not texting, and he is horrible and stubborn and would never 'break' and contact me first. I will just have images of him enjoying his life without me.