Doing my head in...

[Sakura-chan]

I am 11DPO ( possibly 12DPO) today and have been testing every day for a couple of days with no in sight....so far no in sight yet either but the whole thing is doing my head in.

I have spent so much on pregnancy tests even though I knew a this early is unlikely (or a BFP this month even). Also it is my first month of actively trying and first month off the pill so things are bound to be a little haywire right? If this is only my first month I can not comprehend what I will be like as our TTC journey continues...

I know my fiance is trying to prepare me for disapointment because he knows I will be crushed when AF arrives (He says things like " if it isn`t this month it might be next month" or " we are young, we have time"...I just can`t get rid of the hope. It is there along with a lot of symptoms that I am probably misreading including cramping, backache, tender bbs on there sides, creamy cm and a bit of nausea on two occasions.

One of my best friends lost her baby earlier this week- she was about 5 or 6 weeks along. This has been playing on my mind a lot and I am almost scared to get pregnant because I am afraid I will lose it and I am afraid of how I will tell her if I am. She knows we are trying and keeps saying she will want to know but how do I tell her something like that.
I am stressing about something that hasn`t even happened.

I am just so confused and antsy- I just want to know if I am or not. I want a BFP or AF to show- I just want to know either way. The waiting is killing me and I just can`t seem to get a grip on everything....It has just been an emotional week. This time last week my friend that miscarried was cheering me on, wanting me to get pregnant so we could share the journey together and now I just don`t know where I am at.

I desperately want a ....I want a bean that sticks yet I can`t help feeling like I shouldn`t want this because of the pain she is going through (and we are so far away from each other- she is back in Japan but I am in my home country Australia for another couple of months).

I am not sure why I am writing this- just to get it off my chest I suppose. I have all these thoughts and emotions happening inside me and I just need to get it all out.....

 

[Daisydo]

sakura chan...im sorry about the way your feeling it sounds on the one side your afraid of hurting your friend but want a so bad but are considering her feelins too...thats a good friend!! Im sure she would want this to happen for you as im sure if she is as good friend as you are and things were reverse she would want the same for you....hang in and i hope you both get a

if you would like to come join team pink princess we could help you ....we are around the same DPO as you and some are not...but come on over !!! were listed in the TTC section

 

[Sakura-chan]

Thanks Daisydo! I mean to post the above post in the TTC section and not the cycle buddies section to begin with but in my haste must have made a mistake!

Thank you for your reply- I am really worried about my friend. I am sure this month is not my month anyway but I am afraid if I get my BFP soon because I am not wanting to upset her in anyway.

I think I will join the pink princess`! How did I get the logo in my signature?

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I feel exactly the same and have just written so in my journal. CD26 - I haven't tested yet as although af is in theory due on Friday because it is the first month im not sure. I have said that I will not test until next week but in my weekness I may by Sunday if not arrived. I have been a moody cow this week as I am scared and excited and can't cope with this waiting. As you said if we are like this now - its going to be a long and hard journey