doing this alone...

[0TNIC]

Hi girls (and guys if there are any here lol)

I had a miscarriage today and am not too sure where to turn.
My ex took me to the hospital after not being able to get into my doctors straight away. They told me there i was having a miscarriage and i stayed in the hosp for about 5 hours to see how i was. They did internal examination and bloods and swabs and stuff. I was sent home saying that it would pass in a few days ad that if i had any ongoing problems to go back.

I was fine with that until me and the ex were sitting there and i told him boxing day that i thought i was preg. Ends up he had gone off to meet this girl he had been txting for awhile for the very first time. I flipped out. I ended up telling him it was over because i was so hurt and angry etc. Anyways he didnt believe me and i went to the doctors on monday who said to wait a few days and to go back if nothing had happened in a week... i asked for a blood test as i had done 3 tests 2 were positive one was negative.

Anyways i wasnt feeling well yesterday and we were seeing how i was feeling, spent a really good day with the ex just relaxing and chatting. He told me that if anything goes wrong its not my fault etc as i had been told there was a possibility i couldnt have kids years ago without having my cyst removed and also having pills to help.
Anyways so this morning i woke to a huge rush of blood. he came over and took me to the hosp. Then we had an argument at the hosp where he was saying this was all my fault and that i should have been more careful and that he would never go near me again.
I felt like crap and burst into tears as he stormed off. The whole time we were sitting waiting he didnt say anything to me at all and was txting god knows who all the time cos his ph was always going off.
I got home anyways and he wouldnt stay he went home and was really angry at me and wouldnt talk. I was keeping him updated on the progress and what was happening.

About an hour ago the main bit came out. Im not too sure what to call it. wether i say the baby or the fetous (spelling) or whatever anyways... I txt him to tell him cos i was freaking out. He went nuts at me saying i would be lucky if he ever saw me again and that he wasnt comming around cos i was accuising him of all sorts... (which i wasnt i just was pissy that he was txting people while i was sitting there loosing our baby)

I told him that i needed support cos i was loosing our baby and that i needed him more than i needed anyone else cos he was the father of this baby. he bascially told me to piss off.

This has left me feeling so many things.
hes always been abusing me and blamng me for everything.

I have kept in contact with his mum and sister through all of this and they have given me more support than he has.
I just dont know what to do. I want him to be there so we can go through this together but hes being an ass about it. Do i just leave it and forget about him or what?

Sorry for such a long post im just so lost and dont know what to do!

Ive just worked it out and i was about 9-10 weeks preg

 

[Orange lady]

I'm so sorry for your loss
What a terrible situation to be in. Miscarrying is hard enough, without all your other issues.
My advice would be to take advantage of the people who are there for you and are being supportive. The negative response you are getting from your ex isn't healthy for you.
Take care of yourself, and put your feet up at home.

 

[0TNIC]

Thanks. I forgot to add that i have bipolar and also PTSD which doesnt help with the whole grieving process

My mum and sister are back from holiday on saturday and i cant wait for them to come home. Talking to mum on the phone tonight was really hard.

 

[becky77]

oh hun poor you going throught his , i suspect he is feeling as guilty as hell and thats why he is blaming you, it is not your fault these things happen all to frequently unfortunately. I would say that your probably better of without him if thats how he is but you probably dont want to hear that.You should do whatever you need to cope right now .
on a physical level try readong wobbles thread on miscarriage it was very helpful to me when i had mine.

hun we are here if you need us post any time does not matter if it seems silly or if its just to vent we will always listen.

pm any time you need to chat, you were not alone the minute you joined bnb cos the girls on here are wonderful and very supportive

 

[_Jo_]

What a sad and awful situation to be in.

I maybe overstepping the mark here and saying you deserve a lot better than your ex. What a horrible person he is.

Big hugs to you lovely.

xx

 

[wantababybump]

In no way shape or form was this your fault. Sometimes these things happen and he needs to realize this. He had no right talking to and treating you like that especially at this time that you needed him most. I would say you are better off without him but thats just my opinion...it's really up to your heart to decide. So sorry for your loss hun we are all here for you. xx

 

[jen1604]

I'm so sorry you are going through this,especially alone.We are always here for you if you need to talk/vent on here xx

 

[born2Bmama]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Losing a child is hard enough without having the one person who is supposed to understand your pain the most turn on you. Not to make excuses for you ex because it certainly is not one but some people have a very hard time with death and maybe the shock of it really happening (He seemed supportive in the begining before it actually set in) was too much for him and maybe took him by suprise. Men are supposed to be strong or at least not emotional and maybe he took these overwhelming feelings out on you because he didn't know how to express them. It certainly is not your fault and you should not take his words to heart. I would bet his coments really had nothing to do with you. Easier said than done I know. But you also do not need his crule behavior right now and I wouldn't feel obligated to include him. His mom and sister can keep him updated if he asks. I bet someday he will be very ashamed of how he treated you and regret how he handled the loss of his baby. I hope you have lots of support in your mom and sister and you can find more support here. Take care. My heart goes out to you.

 

[0TNIC]

Thanks everyone for the words. Hes still not talking to me and it really hurts but it shows me i am better off without him.

Ive had lots of friends keep ringing and texting me asking how i am and its nice to know they care but at the ssame time i kinda want to be left alone.

I really need the ex sometimes but at times its good he doesnt want to know.

 

[vickielm]

I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone deals with situations differently and i am sure he will grow up one day.

You think of yourself and only yourself. The miscarriage process will take time and i am sure genuine support will be offered elsewhere.

Sending lots of hugs.

Vik

 

[Meli]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Try to lean on people who are there for you and forget those who are not... i know you'd want your ex to be around, but it seems he is making you suffer even more than you have to. Lots of hugs.

 

[Drazic<3]

Oh my god, thats terrible.
Im so sorry for your loss, and so sorry you dont have any support. I think what you are seeing is guilt coming out as anger, but its still terrible and hurtful.

I know i cant be there for you, but if you need a friend im only a PM away. Thinking of you

 

[0TNIC]

me and the ex have had a huge talk and he did some stupid things in the last week and he really regrets not being there for me but he was so shocked at it all and angry and upset and didnt know how to react. Hes not a very loving kinda guy and its been hard for him.

He went off and slept with that girl on saturday night and he doesnt know why he did it it was a stupid thing he knows and he wishes it hadnt happened.
Hes asked for forgivness and has been to see me the last 2 days. Didnt come over tonight as he doesnt have the petrol and finished work late. He turned up at 1am this morning as he wanted to make sure i was ok and missed me. Was weird waking up to him in my bed but it was nice as he must have got in and snuggled up to me. It made a huge difference on how i felt this morning.

We have had a huge talk about alot of things and are thinking about getting back together. This time actually doing it right. Him moving in and taking everything seriously as before he was just staying nights here but lived elsewhere and it didnt feel right to him.

He said he doesnt want to rush into getting back together as he wants to make sure its the right thing to do....

Do i take this as a good sign?

Again thanks all for the kind words. Its good to log in and see the support!