Hi All, this is my first post here and it's going to be a sad one right away. Yes it's another gender dissapointment post, but I really think I cannot deal with a baby boy. This is my first pregnancy and like many women I have always felt it is a girl ( I am 19 weeks pregnant ). Me and my husband were doing the nub theorie and I was so convinced it was a girl, then he found out that according to the nub theory it should be a boy. Even if I know that it's just a theory and we are no experts, I suddenly became soooo upset. I shouted at him saying that it's not a boy and I don't understand why he's so obsessed with having a boy, while I am actually the one obsessed with having a girl. All day I was so happy thinking it's a girl and all of a sudden someone tells me it may not be.. Ofcourse I know that it could be a boy, but I guess deep inside thats not what I want. The reason for this is quiete complicated. I know I have an issue with men. Im even surprised I'm living peacefully with one ( my husband ). My brother has abused me in the past. I am not going to bother you with this but it has left a big scar on me and because of that I am not even able to see my mom and sister anymore bcs I'm hiding for his sick brain and if anyone knows where I am he will find out and God knows what he will do. My dad also used to beat my mom up even when she was pregnant of me he threathened her with a knife. I also am convinced that most men will turn out to be perverts, pedophiles, rapers or any other kind women haters. I am also smart enough to know that this image of men is created because of my past. I just don't have enough positive experience with men to believe that my son will be a good man later in his life. I don't even think baby boys look cute because Im a person that always looks to the futur and when I look at a baby boy I see the futur and I see a man that will cheat on his wife or something like that. My husband never cheated on me but I just feel very lucky to be with a man like him. It's up to me to raise the boy well ( if its a boy I'm having ) but I'm also convinced that sometimes no matter how you raise a child a man is and stays a man.......... Am I crazy??? I also wanted to say that I was very depressed and was having counselling. As I said, my past left a big scar behind. I never felt happy in my life and always cried myself a sleep. Since I found out I was pregnant I never felt depressed anymore....untill now....Realising that the baby MIGHT be a boy.............and eventually a man... I have the 2nd scan in 5 days... How can I accept the fact that there is 50% chance of a boy? Is it sick that I don't even think baby boys look cute? Am I a racist?