Don't want to cry it out, but...

[redneckhippy]

My son screams anytime he is put down. He's 4 1/2 weeks. We're up every night until until 3 or 4 AM, just to get him to sleep in his crib. During the day if I try to set him in his bassinet, he immediately starts screaming. I work from home and have to return to work in 3 weeks and I don't see how it will be possible to get anything done. Last night I sat in a chair by his crib holding him all night. He doesn't ever self-settle, he will just keep crying, even if it's hours. Any suggestions?

 

[sue_88]

I recommend looking up the 4th trimester.

Go a little easy on him, he's brand new. He's not manipulating you in anyway he needs comfort as any newborn mammal would.

Just hold him, and co sleep. Don't let him cry it out, it's unesessarily cruel for such a tiny baby and could damage the brain.

 

[redneckhippy]

I would love to co-sleep with him and I'm sure it would be easier for all of us, but I just don't feel comfortable with the safety of it. We have a memory foam mattress and both my husband and I are toss and turn sleepers so I just wouldn't feel safe bringing him to bed. I considered a cosleeper, but he's just as unhappy in the basinnet even if I'm right there with my hand on him, so I don't think it would make a difference. He's only happy being held. My heart breaks when he's crying, but I can't get anything done when my husband isn't home and neither of us is sleeping at night.

 

[sheldonsmommy]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time

I didn't co-sleep with my first because I was too scared. But more than once I fell asleep feeding him and was pretty surprised to find us in the exact same position when I woke up, then I'd plop him in the crib in our bedroom. Number 2 was a much worse sleeper, and one time I fell asleep feeding him and he rolled off me into the middle of the bed. After that I decided to purposely, rather than accidentally, co-sleep. Nothing crazy, just put him on the edge of the bed rather than between me and dh, mattress right on the floor, and pillows on the floor next to the bed. Anyway, not trying to convince you, just offering my experience

Some other things to try: an article of your clothing that smells like you that you can secure to the crib mattress, or a heating pad to warm the sleeping space before putting baby down. My kids have always settled with a little music player, but white noise works too.

I hope you can find something that works for you!!

 

[noon_child]

I think it is rare to find a baby that young who doesn't act like this! For daytime sleep you could try wearing him in a sling. Once he's better rested in the day his night sleep may improve.
This link is to the best sleep research and advice page. It talks about normal human sleep and can advise on safe co-sleeping (rather than accidental).
https://www.isisonline.org.uk
Don't be put off by the name, this sleep institute chose its name well before the terrorists did!

 

[kosh]

i agree with pp, very normal behaviour for such a tiny baby. i couldn't put my son down either, he slept on me for the first 8 weeks. then one night I put him down in the co-sleeper bed next to me and he was ok.

 

[Monzter79]

Hi. Sorry your LO is having a little trouble. My pediatrician advised me to put towels or blankets under the bassinet mattress to get baby on more of an incline. When we hold them, usually their heads are higher than feet. Some babies prefer that position. I tried it and it works for my LO. We co-sleep too and I folded a thin blanket into a slight wedge and fitted it under the sheet for him to sleep on in my bed- works great.

I also learned that it takes babies about 20 mins. To get in a deep sleep. I swaddle then nurse him to sleep, and then let him linger in my arms or on my lap. Then I tuck him in.

I have the "sleep sheep" and it has a white noise setting that seems to help. I hope you are able to get your LO to settle soon.

I don't really know anything about cry it out. But I really believe If you're uncomfortable with a parenting method- go with your gut! You know your baby better than anybody.

 

[SarahBear]

Have you read the safety guidelines for bed-sharing?

 

[misspriss]

I cosleep with DS, have from very early on. I tossed and turned a lot (and do now he is 2!) but when he was small, I would sleep in the exact same position all night, my body just knew not to move.

 

[justplay91]

I agree with what other mothers have said, that your sleeping body somehow knows not to move, and even to wake up periodically to check on baby. To safely co-sleep, I ended up wearing long-sleeves to bed so I didn't have to use a blanket, and having baby sleep at the "edge" of the bed, rather than between us. That said, if you're uncomfortable with it, there are plenty of other options. During the day to get things done, try a wrap or carrier that allows baby to be safely snuggled up against you at all times. With our son, we basically had to hold him at all times of the night, too. He would sleep for a short time in his swing, but he slept the best and longest curled up next to me, unfortunately. However, when he was about 8 weeks old and started to fall into more of a schedule, we were finally able to get him to sleep in his crib. We would lay him down with his white noise and music player on and walk away. When he started to fuss, we would come back in, rub his head or tummy, and sing/talk to him. Sometimes we'd have to pick him up to get him to settle. Eventually he started to associate his crib with cuddles and sleep and didn't hate it so much. At 7 months, he loves it and takes all his naps and sleeps all night in his crib. If I were you, I would try a pacifier (as long as breastfeeding is established, if you're breastfeeding) and put him down for very short periods on his own.

 

[misspriss]

It's funny because I remember when I first started allowing myself to roll the other direction, when DS was around 10 months old, DH was sleeping in the guest room at that time because of his shifts at work....I had to convince myself it was okay to not sleep on my side, facing DS, "protecting" him, as he was okay...

Now he's 2, and we are both all over the bed. He likes to lie horizontal with his feet on me...

 

[JenX]

Cry it out is for babies over six months old, if you even wanted to go down that path. Your baby is so young, that's not even a possibility. Have you tried white noise? Swaddling? A swing or Mamaroo? All of the them at the same time?

 

[LoveCakes]

I was very scared of go sleeping but I'll admit I often fell asleep and woke up with her on my chest.

I do it now if she won't settle but it's too uncomfortable to to long term.

Try a bed side cot so baby isn't in with you but is close enough to feel your body heat and smell.

I also second a sling. Mine is asleep in mine now, she fell asleep while I was putting the washing out and I've had her in it since 5 weeks. Get to a sling meet though rather than buying a high street one as they'll be much more comfortable.

 

[MindUtopia]

Yes, a sling/wrap for during the day. My daughter had all her naps in one until she was about 8 months old, and was constantly in one or held at only 4 weeks. We managed to put her down in the moses basket once for 20 minutes and that was it. Otherwise, she had to be held or worn or in bed with us.

If you want advice on just getting through the nights until it gets easier, I would recommend doing the nights in shifts. This is what we did up to about 8 weeks. I did a feed around 7pm, then I took a shower and went to sleep. My husband brought our daughter to me when she woke for a feed next, usually around 10 or 11pm, then he took her back until about 1am. He'd let her sleep on his chest or in the wrap while he watched tv. I got a few hours of sleep. Then we switched off and I took her for the rest of the night until morning, sitting in the chair rocking her or holding her in bed (while awake). We planned to co-sleep but she wouldn't even sleep in bed with me at that point. She had to be on me. So that's what we did. Anyone can cope with 5 hours of sleep a night for a short period of time (yes, even dads!). But it's a lot harder when only one of you is getting no sleep at all. It's a really hard phase, but it will pass. At 8 weeks, some nights she started to sleep all night in the co-sleeping cot next to me from her last feed at 10pm until the morning. It was amazing to sleep again! It won't be forever. You won't create bad habits. The point is the first couple months are the hardest thing ever. You need to get sleep and you need to do it any way you can. You can eat crappy frozen dinners for a week so you don't have to cook or do much cleaning up, so you can get yourself to bed early. You can go without seeing your partner much if you need to take yourself to bed. And bonus, your partner gets lots of daddy bonding time, which was wonderful for my daughter and my husband. And it's very short-lived.

 

[noon_child]

Yes, a sling/wrap for during the day. My daughter had all her naps in one until she was about 8 months old, and was constantly in one or held at only 4 weeks. We managed to put her down in the moses basket once for 20 minutes and that was it. Otherwise, she had to be held or worn or in bed with us.

If you want advice on just getting through the nights until it gets easier, I would recommend doing the nights in shifts. This is what we did up to about 8 weeks. I did a feed around 7pm, then I took a shower and went to sleep. My husband brought our daughter to me when she woke for a feed next, usually around 10 or 11pm, then he took her back until about 1am. He'd let her sleep on his chest or in the wrap while he watched tv. I got a few hours of sleep. Then we switched off and I took her for the rest of the night until morning, sitting in the chair rocking her or holding her in bed
(while awake). We planned to co-sleep but she wouldn't even sleep in bed with me at that point. She had to be on me. So that's what we did. Anyone can cope with 5 hours of sleep a night for a short period of time (yes, even dads!). But it's a lot harder when only one of you is getting no sleep at all. It's a really hard phase, but it will pass. At 8 weeks, some nights she started to sleep all night in the co-sleeping cot next to me from her last feed at 10pm until the morning. It was amazing to sleep again! It won't be forever. You won't create bad habits. The point is the first couple months are the hardest thing ever. You need to get sleep and you need to do it any way you can. You can eat crappy frozen dinners for a week so you don't have to cook or do much cleaning up, so you can get yourself to bed early. You can go without seeing your partner much if you need to take yourself to bed. And bonus, your partner gets lots of daddy bonding time, which was wonderful for my daughter and my husband. And it's very short-lived.

We did exactly the same!

 

[RaspberryK]

My dd slept laying across my chest and belly at that age while I was laying down asleep and she moved herself to latch on to feed without really waking me.
I agree with the sling ideas too she's in hers whenever we aren't in the car.
Xx

 

[Feronia]

I have an almost 5 week old, and it's the same way. Perfectly normal for such a brand new baby so I'm glad you're not considering cry it out. Babies (especially ones this young) aren't manipulating you, they have a need to be held and to be with you. I second looking up the fourth trimester and into safe co-sleeping guidelines.

I've bedshared with both of mine since birth, and even though I toss and turn normally, I don't move at all when my babies are in bed. There are definitely times you shouldn't co-sleep (e.g. if either of you smokes, after drinking alcohol, on any sleep meds), but if you do it safely then there's no greater SIDS risk compared to putting baby to sleep in a crib. It's even advised to have a baby in the room with you for at least the first 6 months to help regulate breathing.

As a previous poster has said, a wrap is brilliant for getting things done during the day.

 

[redneckhippy]

My LO is 8 weeks (almost 9!) now. Things have improved a lot since I started using a carrier. I have a buckle one and a nuvoo (shirt like) and that allows me to get some things done and he is generally content as long as he is with me. I have to go back to school with he's 6 months and he will be in daycare so I decided to just enjoy the cuddles now even if it means I'm not so productive. at night my husband rocks him to sleep then puts him in the crib then I get up during the night to nurse him. Once day time hits he won't tolerate being put down to sleep but he does OK now at night.

 

[sheldonsmommy]

Glad you and baby found some common ground

 

[violetta21]

Patience is key in situations like this. That's my opinion