Envy and guilt

[readyformore]

Does anyone get envious about another person's pregnancy, and then feel guilty about it?

I already have children. It just seems ridiculous that I could be jealous of someone else's first pregnancy. Or any number pregnancy.

Then I feel bad for feeling that way .

It doesn't even make sense to myself. But, I can't help the way that I feel.

Anyone else?

 

[christina_r]

I totally feel the same way. Every time I see someone pregnant I just think why can't I have a turn. Well, another turn I guess I should say because I already have two. I've never had problems TTC until now. I feel guilty every time I start thinking those things when i see other pregnant people also. Hopefully we'll have our turn again soon.

 

[magicvw]

Yeah me too I just wish nobody had to wait to get pregnant ever Luckily most of the time I am just happy for others, but have to admit that when it's someone I don't know or some stranger I pass in the street, I resent them more! Then I feel really selfish! xxx

 

[Embo78]

You've just described me perfectly. Especially the guilt. I just think why can't I just be grateful for my three and stop being selfish.

I love my three children so much and feel so blessed but that doesn't take away the pain of losing my angels or quench the desire to have a baby with my soul mate. He's not my children's biological father but is in every other sense of the word. Funnily enough he deals with it better than me. He's happy to have his step children and only them. I just feel sometimes that I'm turning into a person I don't like. Selfish, bitter and jealous

 

[dodgercpkl]

I don't have kids yet, but I totally understand how you feel. It's just frustrating to have to wait and watch the world take a turn or 10 without you!

 

[Sondacop]

Everyone around me is back from maternity leave, since I began IVF cycles for #2, Some have delivered their second baby already. My sister gave birth the same week I did, already had a second girl and now is pg with another. She also has 2 boys that were born while I was doing IVF for DD. It is soooo hard. Walking down the street, all I see are pg women, with my twisted mind even the flat belly women must be in their first month, the old women look pg, even some of the men look pg. It never ends. I avoid all babies younger than DD.

 

[mpb1983330]

I completely understand...I get so mad and jealous its crazy...I only have a daughter and my husband and I have been trying to conceive since March of 2009...I can go one step further and feel even worse about myself b/c my daughter was born with heart and kidney issues which we have no explanation for...just a fluke thing...so when I hear and see teenagers or drug addicts having healthy babies I get resentful and spiteful...like why us...we are a normal healthy family...You go through so many emotions when TTC that its a roller coaster...your not alone...

 

[trying hard]

I hear ya ladies. My next door neighbour has just had a baby (she got pregnant 2nd month trying) RAAAAA any way she was telling me about how hard her night had been with cluster-feeding and crying all night and I was so envious I had to go and have a cry after i saw her. But she is a lovely person and a wonderful mum and i think it is more the fact that I'm not getting pregnant while every one around me is so easily that really gets me down some times... I've just been given some clomid for USI (starting in 2 weeks)... so hopefully it is our turn next. good luck ladies...may all of us get our bundles of joy soon

 

[pk2of8]

I can relate to this too girls. It's an awful feeling that we really just don't need considering we already feel bad enough. Since dh and I were ntnp and then ttc, we have had no less than 8 babies born just in my immediate family alone (my sisters and brothers) in the last 3 years. Can't avoid 'em when it's family

 

[foxykins]

Hi.

I think if every TCC lady was honest they would agree with you hundred percent. I have 3 lovely children and wanting one more. Everyone seems to be pregnant around me including school girls even my next door neighbour has just had a baby and every night i hear it cry as her bedroom is right next me mine but it will be our turn soon x

 

[Sommerfugl]

I feel just like this.
I'm mainly jealous of ladies that are pregnant with number two as it's the sibling thing I'm jealous of, but lately I'm finding myself horribly jealous of people that are pregnant with their first baby. Like my neighbour.
I find the jealously is so consuming sometimes, and then I feel really guilty for feeling like that when I already have an amazing daughter and so much to be grateful for.
I can't talk to anyone about it because I know I'd sound like such a horrible mean witch.
It's hard, really hard.

 

[mpb1983330]

I feel just like this.
I'm mainly jealous of ladies that are pregnant with number two as it's the sibling thing I'm jealous of, but lately I'm finding myself horribly jealous of people that are pregnant with their first baby. Like my neighbour.
I find the jealously is so consuming sometimes, and then I feel really guilty for feeling like that when I already have an amazing daughter and so much to be grateful for.
I can't talk to anyone about it because I know I'd sound like such a horrible mean witch.
It's hard, really hard.

I understand you there with the sibling thing...That's what I am struggling with as well...I wanted my children to be close in age and as the months pass and my daughter gets older, the harder it gets...I get jealous of anyone that gets pregnant easy...I hate the struggle of TTC especially since our daughter was born pretty much on the first try. Good luck to you and know you talk to all of us TTC girls on here b/c we are all going through the same thing...

 

[Moorebetter]

HAHAHA Im so bad, people are scared to tell me they are expecting.

its a damn shame..

 

[yoyojojo]

you are not alone, i hate feeling like this, its irrational and over the top, yet the anger & jealousy is there all the time

 

[GG76]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. Several of my coworkers are pregnant...and it's almost like I am trying to live vicariously thru them

 

[sam1991]

yeah i know how you feel too. i dont have any kids yet *fingers crossed for a miracle* but my envy has gotten so bad that i find i am even judging parents on their parenting skills / i sometimes find myself thinking that i deserve to have children more than they do!!! the guilt is terrible....im kind of scared ive gotten myself into a cycle of bad karma :S

 

[berecca]

I feel the same way and hate myself for it! I already have one wonderful daughter and I feel selfish for desperately wanting another child. I have actually had people ask me why my DD is not enough. Of course she is but it would be wonderful to give her a sibling, seeing as she CONSTANTLY asks for one and cries because everyone else has a brother or sister.

I find I am jealous of anyone and everyone who is pregnant, regardless of what pregnancy this is for them.

I also get angry when I hear of people who didn't try that long falling pregnant and I am still waiting and trying and hoping and getting disappointed month after month after month.

I get angry that friends are beginning to try as I know they will fall in before me and then I will get upset at them, even though I don't want to and will feel sick about it. I get angry at them because if they didn't try I wouldn't feel that way, irrational I know.

I get angry at women who are debating if they should go back again as their husbands want it and they don't. The way they speak about it they are assured that if they just desired another child they would have one.

I want my daughter to have a sibling, I have wanted another child for over 2 years. I feel that nobody around me truly understands how I feel. The way some people go on about being pregnant or their babies I want to scream in their faces and smack the back of their head. Don't bitch to me about morning sickness, lack of sleep, pains, or a crying baby, when I would kill to be in your shoes! I am so sensitive to throw away comments.

The worst thing is I have a friend who has no children and has been trying for 5 years, doing IVF and everything that comes before it, and there are times when I have said something to her about how I feel. Then I feel like an insensitive mole as she would kill to be where I am!

So anyone have any suggestions on how to stop feeling so guilty, envious and mad? I would love to live a happier and more accepting life!