Expecting too much from children

[Ozzieshunni]

I was thinking and I wondered, do parents expect their children to do things before they are actually mentally ready to do so? I wonder if thise expectation to be self sufficient actually leads to worse things, like, we expect children to act mature so they start to think they are capable of doing mature adult things, like sex and drinking alcohol.

I miss the days of letting kids be kids and letting them develop in their own time.

 

[chell5544]

Totally agree however how do we really know when our child is mature enough?
Everyone matures at different ages because of many different factors family life, situations that arouse differently to each child
And do we not risk the invention of doing everything for them and making their decisions of creating adults who can't make decisions and look after themselves

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I agree that we need to go based off our individual children's readiness. That was never in question or what I was implying. I'm saying that I see children that are expected to do things that they are not biologically or psychologically ready for because it makes the lives of the parents much easier.

 

[lhancock90]

OH said last night Ivy needs to start feeling more comfortable sleeping away from me.
I responded with "why does she? shes still a teeny baby and if she needs her mom, fine by me"
I do agree Ozzie, i think kids are expected to grow up so quickly these days and encouraged to do so. Its upsetting. At 10 i was playing with teddies and dolls. My 10 year old sister? Applies her eyemakeup better than i do and has a blackberry.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

That is def what I'm meaning. At ten, I was playing with barbies! Now, I see bras for ten year olds and they aren't just for ones that develop early!

 

[chell5544]

That is def what I'm meaning. At ten, I was playing with barbies! Now, I see bras for ten year olds and they aren't just for ones that develop early!

Oh god yer and the bras that are Lacey and fit like "wonder bra" to be fair I wouldn't even put my girls in bikini it's either full swimsuits or they just run about topless at the beach their chests are no different to boys at before puberty age

 

[omfgski]

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[MrsKyliePaton]

Yeah I totally agree, my daughter is 6 and came home from school last week saying that a girl in her school who was around maybe 8 was calling her a baby for playing with dolls??? I know 7/8 year olds with mobile phones, and 12/13/14+ year olds dolling themselves up for a night of drinking in the park, it's rediculous I never even thought about alcohol at that age I was out on my bike etc with friends, plus the school clothes they wear nowadays super short skits right up to their bums and nude tights it's really disturbing to watch and I often wonder what is it going to be like when my girls get to that age xxx

 

[robinator]

It makes me want to puke when I see undies for little girls that say "sexy" on the butts.

It also makes me sad when parents push their kids too hard academically - I have a friend whose older two kids (4 & 7) have been taking Spanish and Chinese for more than two years. In addition to the classes, you ought to see the study schedules those kids have. When I was that age I just wanted to color and play in the dirt.

I hate to say it, but these two kids are slightly robotic; they are on such a schedule they don't get much play time. And even that is scheduled

 

[MrsKyliePaton]

Yeah that's really bad kids should be out enjoying themselves not bettering themselves to succeed at such a young age, I've been trying to get my daughter to do gymnastics or swimming as an after school activity but for a 6 year old she gets a hell if alot of homework as it she has words to do, reading, talk homework, maths, and then they sometimes have additional homework where they have to draw a scenario of some sort so that's 5 days a week she has to do homework, no wonder kids hate school nowadays lol x

 

[nicki01]

I totally agree children do grow a lot quicker nowadays! I was still playing with prams and dolls at 13 but my niece at this age hasn't played with toys like that for years! She has them as she has a younger sister and hasn't been pushed into anything but outside influences at school etc! She now wears make up and is into all the latest fashion where as I wasn't even thinking about things like that at her age!
I don't think it is always the parents it's just how things seem to be changing!

 

[TennisGal]

I agree that it's not the parents necessarily driving the change - I blame the fact we live in a media obsessed world, where we offer...and, indeed, are told me must...buy this, that and the other if we want to look like the much lauded celebrity du jour. Role models in this day and age are Cheryl Cole and the like, whose job is to look sexy. Sex sells. Young girls magazines then say what you can do to make yourself look like Cheryl...and so the cycle perpetuates.

Parents facilitate by buying their children the stuff to make them a 'tween' when they really are still a child.

I hope that my girls will have different role models and values. I grew up playing with dolls, using my imagination (another, separate, gripe...so much technology now robs imagination) My parents were strict with certain things...films we watched, tv shows etc. Nothing that cheapened women, objectified them etc.

It's a hard balance to strike, because you want your children to 'conform' enough not to be alienated and picked on...but you also want them to be strong, to have childhood, to be unafraid to be themselves in any way they wish.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

To be fair, I don't want my son to conform. I want him to be an individual and give him the tools to defend himself against bullies, if needed. I never went with the current styles.

 

[TennisGal]

I never conformed, either - my house was always the wacky house. But always the one everyone wanted to drop in, and have dinner, chat etc. I was encouraged to be 'me'...I want the same for my girls. What I meant by them 'conforming' was more not blanket banning them from having certain things if they really want them, and are reasonable. If they want a certain school bag because their friends do, and I think it's a pointless gimmick, more for me to let them have it...because there are times in life when you want the 'trends'...it's knowing when to draw the line, I guess.

 

[greats]

I sooooooo agree!!! When I was little I was outside playing with my friends at the park, now my little 8 year old cousin has his own iPad! Seriously???

 

[Dragonfly]

I agree,I also noticed children get so much more harsh treatment over a mistake than an adult would. We all make mistakes thats how we learn, except children will get punished for the most innocent things. Also forcing independence to early is never a good thing that sadly many think they have to do.

Even in schools children are given so much work that an adult would never dream of doing. I think there is so much pressure on children from birth these days they dont have time to be children any more.

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

I deffo agree here. From birth children seem to be pushed

"are they STTN? When are you weaning them? Oh they should be walking/talking/building rockets by ___ months old!"

Then there is the whole media influence on little girls to grow up super fast. It's scary how many children 6/7/8 yr olds are wearing things in public I wouldn't be seen dead in, even now at 21!

I think the media influences boys too, though to a lesser degree. Boys tend to be left alone to "just be boys" i.e. be dirty, muddy, gross little monsters haha. But more & more I see young lads starving themselves cos the media says thin guys are "sexy" It's frightening tbh.

It's usually not the parents either. It's schools, the media, peer groups etc. & it's like where do you draw the line between letting them be young & giving them what makes them happy & protecting their safety & also, teaching them the value of money. An 8 yr old with an iPad has no idea the value of money & is much more likey to grow up into a spoilt little brat who runs off with daddy's credit card (okay, an exaggeration but you know what I mean)

I'm very alternative & I'm bring Josh up to be confident in himself & not follow the trends if he doesn't want too. I want to teach him to question the norm & do what makes him happy, as I have always done.

 

[special_kala]

I think we expect far too much from children pretty much from birth.

We expect them to sttn earlier then is the biological norm, we expect them to go longer between eating the what their built for, expect them too be ok with being away from us, we put far too many adult emotions on very babies (manipulation, anger, tantrums, attention seeking, them having an agenda, the ability to test us).

It carries in into toddlerhood then childhood I'm sure.

I constantly see people telling toddlers off for not sitting still on the bus or asking too many questions, for touching something that looks interesting. It's not fair on them atball.

I don't know if it's a western thing but it seems in our culture kids are.rushed into being mature far too early

 

[robinator]

I think we expect far too much from children pretty much from birth.

We expect them to sttn earlier then is the biological norm, we expect them to go longer between eating the what their built for, expect them too be ok with being away from us, we put far too many adult emotions on very babies (manipulation, anger, tantrums, attention seeking, them having an agenda, the ability to test us).

It carries in into toddlerhood then childhood I'm sure.

I constantly see people telling toddlers off for not sitting still on the bus or asking too many questions, for touching something that looks interesting. It's not fair on them atball.

I don't know if it's a western thing but it seems in our culture kids are.rushed into being mature far too early

It seems like they have to though, these days, to keep up with the Jones's kids.

Heaven forbid your kindergartner is reading at a kindergartner level.

Perhaps we, as adults, are less patient? With all the gadgets/media outlets/advertisements/texting/etc, our attention is always rapidly shifting from one thing to the next, so that when a child requires attention for more than 10-20 seconds, we don't have the patience for it and snap at them? Instead of just letting them be kids and explore/be curious/ask questions.

 

[special_kala]

It's just the bigger better mentality people seem to have.

It's killing our children. Sometimes just their childhoods but far too often now the pressure they are under is literally killing them, pushing them to suicide/drugs/drink just to escape the immense pressure they are under.